Free Season Ends (4)
Demoing the games had eaten up so much time that the kids were starving. I decided to show them one of Korea's proudest cultural treasures: delivery culture.
—Beep-beep. Delivery. Beep-beep.
A pro-human delivery model something-or-other MK — shortened to a Ddalbae robot — rolled up with our food. The very same delivery cuisine that made America gasp, China try to steal it, and Japan sweat bullets.
"Korean chicken!"
"So this is the dish called chicken. I shall eat well."
Cheonsol bit into a piece of crispy fried chicken and let out a little hum of pure bliss.
"It's so good!"
"So goooood...!"
Lan-lan-i and Evni inhaled the chicken with fire in their eyes. Now that was chicken.
I dug into some garlic chicken myself for the first time in ages. Garlic steeped in the Korean soul, chicken steeped in every Korean joy and sorrow — eating both at once sent a wave of pure national pride surging through me.
"Khhh. I'm getting high off this!"
"Coming home has you in high spirits, I see. You spout more nonsense here than you ever did in the Divine Realm."
"I never knew food this good existed! Why didn't I know? Once my followers increase, I'm making chicken a mandatory offering."
Sophia was acting like someone tasting chicken for the first time. For a goddess of Earth, she sure kept revealing how little she knew about Earth culture. Then again, other times she knew the tiniest details — she must have been so busy learning about the whole world that the things she didn't care about simply never stuck.
I tore into a chicken breast for the first time in forever. Personally, the best part of any chicken. More accurately, the only good part. That slimy texture of drumsticks and wings? No amount of batter can cover that up. That was why I never ordered chicken when I lived alone — I'd eat only the breast and throw the rest away.
Once everyone was reasonably full, Evni's eyes started blinking shut. Cheonsol laid her down on my bed and patted her gently.
"Sleep, sleep. Our little Evni. Sleep, sleep. Sleep so well."
"Evni's already sleepy?"
"Mm..."
"Unnie's a grown-up, so she's not sleepy at all!"
Lan-lan-i said that, but she looked pretty wiped herself. How long had she even been an adult, and she was already putting on airs? That kind of thing was adorable.
"Unnie..."
"You want to sleep together? Well, I guess I have no choice. Unnie will specially sleep with you!"
Lan-lan-i pulled Evni into a hug and lay down on the bed. Those two sisters really got along well. I hoped I'd get a chance to put Evril to bed with them someday too.
"By the way, Mad Demon. You live alone."
"Yep. I'm a model single Korean man."
"Have you no parents?"
I flinched for a second, but Cheonsol would never go for a parental insult. It was pure curiosity, nothing more.
"I have them. But they're not the kind of parents you're thinking of."
"Did you perhaps cut ties?"
—With that personality, cutting ties would make sense.
I smacked the insolent Lirota.
—Krista was the one who insulted you, so why hit me...?
"Was it? You two look so alike I mixed you up."
—Iiiik!
Krista trembled with rage. I pressed down on her head the way you'd smack an analog alarm clock to shut it off, and she went quiet.
"Watch your mouth. I don't go easy just because someone's a girl."
If anything, I was harder on women. Get on my nerves and you'd get fucked and pregnant.
"It's not that. You need background knowledge about our planet and country to understand. How do I even explain this..."
"Take as long as you need. Tell me."
I explained until the kids were snoring softly in their sleep.
"I see. So through the technology called science, you solved the decline in birth rates. Is that what you mean?"
"Exactly. Artificial incubation creates newborns, and they assign one nanny for every few kids to raise them. I was a first-generation artificial-incubation baby, so I got some benefits."
The nanny who raised me was a warm, soft-hearted person. Not beautiful, but kind to the core. Thanks to her, I grew into an adult who didn't care what the world thought of me.
"I should like to meet her once. Whatever the case, is she not Mad Demon's parent?"
"She is my mother."
I really did call her Mom.
"But to meet her we'd have to go outside, right? How are you planning to manage that?"
"Ah."
Cheonsol turned a pleading look on Sophia.
"Master. Is there no way?"
"Your appearance is close enough to the humans here. If we just hide the ears somehow... and you're only meeting that one nanny anyway, right?"
"That is correct."
"Hmm..."
"Just wear a hat."
A wide-brimmed hat would hide the ears and look stylish at the same time.
"While we're at it, let's buy clothes too. I know the sizes, so I'll order them through home shopping."
"Is home shopping similar to this delivery?"
"Yep."
Thanks to distribution innovations, orders arrived within an hour. While I was at it, I ordered clothes for Sophia and the kids too. Underwear excluded, of course. Sophia and Cheonsol were only allowed to wear the bras I made.
"Waaah! There are so many people!"
"So many..."
Having spent their whole lives in a Divine Realm with barely any residents, Lan-lan-i and Evni looked around eagerly. Evni was scared, while Lan-lan-i was excited and pointing every which way.
The bleak, twenty-second-century Koreans each gave our group a once-over. I could already guess what they were saying.
Guy 1: (sneering) Heh heh heh, look at that one. Those milk tanks are no joke.
Guy 2: (pushing up his glasses) The children are super kawaii.
Woman 1: Oh my. That man is so hot. I want him to impregnate me.
Definitely conversations like that. My hearing had sharpened since becoming a minion, so I caught the chatter around us — but it was less entertaining than expected, so I filtered it out.
"Yohan. How far must we go?"
Cheonsol asked, wearing a wide-brimmed hat and a one-piece floral dress. She looked so beautiful I took a moment just to appreciate her.
"I heard humans ride around in automobiles. Yohan, you don't even have a car?"
Sophia stabbed a poor man's heart. The government had subsidized housing, but they hadn't thrown in a car.
If a spirit had said that, I'd have torn them a new one — but it was Sophia, so I forgave her.
Instead of her usual bland see-through dress, Sophia had on a white cotton tee with a cardigan over it... and she was absolutely devastating. Unlike a loose dress, women's fitted clothes showed every curve of the body. Sophia's catastrophic chest was out there for the world to see. Half the stares aimed our way were definitely for her. The kids, who claimed the other half, muttered to themselves.
"Walking with Daddy... so fun..."
"Lan-lan-i loves it too!"
The only people you could trust were your own kids. I squeezed Lan-lan-i and Evni's hands tight.
"My daughters really are the best."
"Hehe..."
"Hmph!"
Lan-lan-i made a little tsundere noise.
"This lady is also glad to tour Mad Demon's homeland. Iron lumps that run without horses to pull them, precious glass used so freely — truly a well-developed civilization."
"Wait till you ride the maglev subway. You'll pass out."
Twenty-second-century subways ran through the sky. They'd left the underground ages ago, so why anyone still called them subways was beyond me. There'd been a few attempts to rename them, but the old folks always blocked it.
I was about to pay the fare when Sophia's Holy Magic covered it instead.
"I can handle most things on Earth myself! This is my territory, so I can do whatever I want!"
"Then couldn't you just block people's gazes with divinity too?"
"If too many people are affected, the cost gets huge. Even with a little breathing room lately, I still have to conserve divinity."
Fair point. Suddenly getting rich and spending like crazy was a great way to stay poor forever.
We rode the maglev subway to my nanny's place. She'd been trusted enough to join the government's first birth-rate expansion plan, so she owned a prime building right by the station.
"Woooow! Stuff is whooshing past!"
Lan-lan-i shouted, staring out the subway window. Cheonsol didn't show it, but she looked a little excited too.
"So fun..."
Evni pressed her face flat against the glass.
"Pffft!"
Who the hell just laughed? I glared, and a young guy scrambled into the next car.
"Sophia."
"No."
"I'll hit him somewhere no one can see."
"Still no."
She was way too firm about it. I put on a dejected act and stroked my daughters' heads.
"My good, pretty Lan-lan-i and Evni. Want to go check out the next car with Daddy?"
"Yohan, you little—!"
"Is the next car different?"
"Of course."
"Yeah! Let's go!"
"Me too..."
"Ahem. This lady is not particularly curious, but since the children are going, I suppose I must follow."
We moved to the next car.
"Whoa! There's a pretty unnie on the floor and the walls!"
"Looks like... Mommy..."
"Is this lady truly so scantily clad?"
Cheonsol's eyes went round with shock. While I took in the adorable mother-daughter scene, I tracked that young punk from earlier.
There he was.
"Heh heh. You ran all this way just to hit a dead-end car. Tough luck."
"Y-you crazy bastard. You followed me just because I laughed a little? What, you gonna hit me?"
"You got it."
Thud.
I punched him in the solar plexus.
"I don't let people insult my daughters and my wives."
"Daughters...? Wives...?"
The guy groaned in pain but still looked confused. Fair enough this time — Lan-lan-i was way too big to call a daughter at a glance.
"I'm reporting you..."
"Go ahead."
I'd just run back to the Divine Realm. Earth's law enforcement meant nothing.
Conveniently, it was our stop, so I herded the group outside.
"That was so fun! I want to ride it again next time!"
"Next time we come to Earth, let's try something called an airplane. It's a vehicle that flies through the sky."
"Flying in the sky! I definitely want to ride that!"
"Me too..."
"Ahem. The sky is dangerous, so this lady shall accompany you as well."
Sophia sidled up and jabbed her elbow into my side.
"Yohan. I told you not to."
"But I just couldn't let it slide. Even if it had been you who got insulted instead of Cheonsol or the kids, I would've done the same thing."
"Mmm..."
Sophia's ears went red. I'd buttered her up to get out of a scolding, and it worked perfectly. So that was why they said a silver tongue can settle a thousand-nyang debt. From now on, whenever I messed up, I'd make sure to talk my way out of it.