Forum Unlocked (2)
Evrande lay on a bed of fresh flowers and checked her messages. Dohoyo, a goddess of a prestigious divine family, had furnished the place for an elf, and it felt more comfortable than her home back in her homeland.
The Minion-Only Community.
Evrande came from a distinguished house that had produced many minions across the generations. Naturally, she had been taught how to use the community.
Verifying personal information.
Minion. Race: Elf. Evrande. Please create a nickname.
Evrande recalled the teachings of her house. Never use your real name. This was a space where you leaned on anonymity to say whatever you wanted — putting your real name on it defeated the entire point.
What would be good…
As she fretted over it, her sleeping daughter caught her eye. A little girl so adorable it hurt, the spitting image of herself. Running her fingers over those half-elf ears — not quite as pointed as a full-blooded elf's — a nickname came to her.
Nickname: EvrilMom
This nickname is available. Confirm as EvrilMom?
Yes.
The community was a minion's sanctuary that even gods could not peek into. For smooth navigation, everything could be operated by thought alone.
First she entered the elf-only board. She'd heard that, since other races couldn't access it, the posts were full of tips and topics only elves would understand.
A few posts from elves who'd gotten there ahead of her were already up.
Ah — a post from an elf stuck in some outdated superiority complex. She didn't even need to open it to know what it said.
Probably crowing about how superior elves were just because an elf had been on the roster of the first god to take a championship.
What absolute nonsense. I'm embarrassed to be the same race.
The entry roster was six slots to begin with. The inaugural champion had used an elf, sure — but the other five seats had gone to five different races.
By their own logic, those other races should have been just as superior. They conveniently left that part out and only sang the elves' praises. Losing interest, Evrande checked the other posts.
This one she was actually curious about. Evrande was no pushover of a minion, and her sister — who'd joined late — was strong enough that finding a real rival was hard.
Before her sister arrived, they'd lost matches to numbers or skill gaps now and then. After she joined, it had been a winning streak.
But if you asked whether they were the best among elves, a question mark floated up. With only two of them, they were at a disadvantage in the preseason, where ranking climbed on win count alone.
Just in case, she opened the thread — and every single commenter was insisting their own god was the best. Scanning down the replies, Evrande felt a strange swell of pride.
There's only one above us.
Second place among gods who fielded elf minions. A satisfying result.
Done lurking on the elf board, Evrande moved to the newbie board — no race or region filters. True to a board everyone could use, it was a flood of posts.
She frowned at the weird ones and giggled at the funny ones.
Then a title snagged her eye.
Johannes Graham's minion, supposedly?
Having only ever learned about the community from books, Evrande clicked in with pure curiosity.
The first sentence alone had Evrande gasping for breath. It was so absurd she was furious.
"Is this guy insane?"
The feeling she couldn't swallow spilled out. Seriously — how bored did you have to be to post something like this?
The more she turned it over, the more her temper boiled. Her mother had said there would be things that made you angry while using the community.
So this is what she meant!
Unable to hold it in, Evrande wrote a comment. Her reply slipped in among the posts of seniors who'd already taken the bait.
"Grrraaahhh!!!"
Evrande couldn't contain her rage and tore her pillow apart. Densely woven leaves ripped open, and the stuffing scattered in every direction.
"Mmh…"
The noise was enough to wake Evril. Looking at her adorable daughter, Evrande forced the anger down.
"Mommy…?"
"I'm sorry. Did Mommy wake you?"
"Mmh…"
Rubbing her sleepy eyes and looking around, Evril broke into a bright smile.
"There are flowers everywhere! I'm so happy!"
"Oh, my Evril…"
Maternal warmth flooded through Evrande.
Right. Who cares about the community. Just raise my Evril well.
"Want a hug?"
"Yeah!"
Holding the little girl tight, Evrande thought of the child's father. What was that heartless Yohan up to right now?
Had he posted anything on the community? If she found him, she wanted to talk in the comments.
Why he'd brought other women in when she was right there. Whether he'd had children with those women too.
If she'd taken Dohoyo's offer and become a minion under the same banner, she wouldn't have had these worries. If they'd met before ascending to the Divine Realm, she could at least have gone looking for him.
The longer they went without meeting, the deeper Evrande's affection grew. Her sister regularly drilled into her that you must not trust humans — but every time she looked at a daughter who resembled not only herself but her father as well, she thought of Yohan.
…Bastard.
What was he doing right now? He could at least leave a post so she could find him.
No. I'll write one first.
Evrande composed a post no other minion would be able to make sense of.
Please, let Yohan see it and leave a comment.
"Heheheheheh!"
Being back on the community after so long was pure gold.
If these had been Earth's jaded little brats, they'd have called it trolling and refused to feed the troll. But with nothing but innocent kids around, the bait landed perfectly.
"Yohan, why are you laughing like that?"
"Because it's funny."
"Let me see too."
Sophia tried to look, so he hid the screen in a hurry. Showing her meant a guaranteed scolding — why would he do that?
"This is intolerable!"
Cheonsol suddenly rose from the sofa. She was so angry the veins stood out on her fists.
"How can such a rude creature even exist! To dare mock this lady! This— this… who in the world…"
Oh, crap.
"…Mad Demon."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Explain yourself."
No half-baked excuses. Just bare his heart.
"I'm sorry."
"Haa… This lady even granted you a reward, and yet you possess a remarkable talent for stoking her temper. Had you not shown such a splendid performance earlier, this lady would have thrashed you."
"Why? What's going on? Don't just keep it between you two — tell me too!"
Sophia teared up with pure grievance. Now both of them were losing it.
In the end he showed them the post and got thoroughly chewed out. Cheonsol's anger was fair enough that he deserved it — but Sophia's lecture was a bit much.
"Who do you think I learned from? All I did was try to follow StrongestNewbie and SexyNewbie's example."
"Eep."
"I believed Lady Sophia of all people would understand…"
The beaten husband's ultimate move: act sulky. It was so pathetic he didn't want to use it — but it was the only way to shut Sophia down.
"Hmm. Well. I mean, that could happen."
"My Lady?"
"Honestly, what someone posts is personal freedom, right? I don't think freedom should be infringed on."
"You get it!"
"Haa…"
Cheonsol let out a deeper sigh than ever before.
"This lady had momentarily forgotten what sort of posts her master usually makes. May Lan-lan-i please not inherit that particular hobby."
"She won't."
Probably. She'd inherited his blood, so he couldn't swear to it.
"Anyway, shall we keep enjoying the community?"
He was looking forward to how many comments had piled up while he was getting scolded. The moment he turned the screen back on, an unbelievable message filled his vision.
This user has been temporarily banned.
Reason:Trolling
Duration:10 minutes
Since this is your first offense, the ban is only 10 minutes. Post the same kind of content again and it will be one week.
"Hahaha! You've been punished! Yes! Of course you should be punished! The board administrator is truly doing excellent work!"
"Still, it's a relief."
"Why?"
He hadn't expected a professional temp-ban veteran like Sophia to ask that. Even a goddess was a newbie in this particular field.
As a seasoned veteran, he would kindly explain.
"See here, where it says 'the same kind of content'?"
"So what?"
"It means if you pull aggro a different way, they won't ban you."
"Huh?"
Sophia looked flustered.
"Is… is that how one reads it?"
"If you approach it different ways and learn where the temp-ban line is, you can ride right up against the edge. That's when it's the most fun."
"Haa… You… truly… ought to speak less."
Cheonsol pressed a hand to her forehead.
"Fatigue has suddenly overtaken this lady. She must take a proper rest."
"Sleep well. Dream of me."
"This lady cannot tell whether that is a curse or a blessing. May you at least be normal in her dreams."
"So you do want me to show up in them."
"…Be silent!"
She got snippy because he'd hit a nerve. Adorable as always. Once Cheonsol headed for the bedroom beside the workshop, only he and Sophia remained.
"Lady Sophia. I have something important to say."
"Huh? Uh, yeah. Go ahead."
She still hadn't recovered. Now was the chance!
"You need to take your punishment."
"Huh?"
"The punishment for running away mid-kiss!"
"Ah!"
Sophia looked even more flustered than before.
"What are you going to make me…?"
"A lot's happened so far. Hugging. Touching your chest. Kissing. What comes next?"
"…Kissing?"
"In a way, you're not wrong."
The only difference was that it wasn't mouth-to-mouth.
"Fellatio."