Please Don't Touch Me, Yohan-san! (1)
Sophia was flabbergasted.
That vixen of a goddess is trying to take Yohan away from me!
She already couldn't stand Ellis, the Arachne goddess who was constantly eyeing Yohan—and now Icehigh, who ran a universe-spanning ice cream empire, was doing the same?
Even if Yohan was a tempting minion, snatching a newbie's minion was crossing a major line.
"Ah…"
"Sophia. Calm down."
Dohoyo stopped her friend just as she was about to shout. Since she wasn't Yohan's master, she could analyze the situation coolly.
"She's not asking for Yohan. She's asking to buy the item."
"Oh, is that so?"
If it wasn't Yohan, then fine. She could sell it all she wanted.
"I can sell the item, but since Yohan and Evni made it, you should ask them."
"Yes. So you were a child who cherished her minions? With that kind of mindset, no wonder you obtained such an excellent minion."
"Ah…"
Even if Sophia was a young goddess, being treated like a child… Icehigh had lived thousands of years longer than her, but it was still mortifying.
"Anyway, please ask the kids."
"Alright. Yohan. Evni. Won't you sell this Tentacle Spirit Armor to me?"
Icehigh offered a reward that would tempt any minion.
"The championship prize is a given, and I'll throw in plenty of divinity on top. Hero-grade items usually trade for around fifty million divinity…"
"Fifty million…!"
Evni cried out in surprise. Icehigh had meant to gauge Yohan's reaction as well, but the half-elf was so adorable she couldn't take her eyes off her.
"On top of that, I'll throw in a toy Evni will love. You've contracted with an earth spirit, right? How about an Earth House Playset?"
"I already have an Earth House Playset."
"Oh my."
Icehigh hadn't expected a mere Newbie League minion to already own a spirit playset.
They were so expensive that newbie trainers just starting to build their entries couldn't even dream of buying one—only regular-league trainers raising dozens of minions typically acquired them. And yet she already had one.
"Sophia really does dote on her minions!"
"W-well. Yes, that's right."
Yohan was about to explain he'd received it as a reward for not impregnating a tentacle spider, then decided against it.
It wasn't for Sophia's sake. He just couldn't be bothered.
I need to grab the prize and get back home to rest.
He'd been working hard in the workshop, then making things at the festival too, so he was a bit worn out. Thanks to Diamond Body he wasn't physically tired, but fatigue still piled up in the mind.
"Then what should I give you? A World Tree for Evni?"
"I already have that too."
"You even have a World Tree?"
A murmur rose through the crowd.
It wasn't just Icehigh who was shocked. The gods who'd come to watch started buzzing.
"She bought a World Tree and a spirit playset in the Newbie League? Is she insane?"
"They said her master is Sophia. Sophia—the trainer who went undefeated through the preseason!"
"So you need to go that far to achieve an undefeated preseason? Should I start buying toys for my minions too?"
Everyone sent admiring looks Sophia's way. Online she was a tyrant, but in real life the goddess was a shrinking violet, and the attention was overwhelming.
"Then how about an annual membership?"
"I'd love that!"
"Sophia likes it. What about you two?"
"We're fine with it."
"Me too…"
Yohan didn't particularly care. He had no idea what an annual membership was, but if Sophia liked it, it was probably a good item.
Evni cared even less. If her master and her dad liked it, then Evni liked it too.
"Then I'll give you the annual membership. Sophia will know how to use it, so no need to explain…"
Icehigh checked the gods crowding around Sophia. If she ended the contest like this, the young goddess would clearly be tormented.
"But I should at least let you try it out. I'm busy, so go enjoy yourselves with your friend."
Snap.
When Icehigh flicked her fingers, a portal appeared that only Sophia, Dohoyo, and their minions could use.
"Thank you!"
Once Sophia and Dohoyo's party vanished, the Artisan Contest ended. Icehigh returned home, put on the Tentacle Spirit Armor, and stood before a mirror.
I like it.
Especially the volume she'd never been able to have. To think she could hide the flat chest even divinity couldn't overcome—this way.
It transformed to fit her body perfectly, with no sense of dissonance. Icehigh spent hours alone in front of the mirror, enjoying a private fashion show.
Absolu was a god who'd been doing reasonably well. Like any god in the universe, he was a huge fan of the Game of the Gods, and he'd converted his personal planet into a high-quality minion harvesting ground.
The meta of the Game of the Gods was always changing, but many constants remained. First, you couldn't fall into the skill trap.
Minions entering battle could equip only five skills. The official league expanded it to eight, but there was still a limit.
So trainers worked hard to fill those five slots with broken skills. That was why minions with good skills traded for high prices.
But any god worth their salt knew: no matter what skill you had, it was ultimately the minion who used it. In the early days when the Game of the Gods had poor balancing, a minion with an instant-death skill had appeared.
That minion, who possessed a skill that instantly killed any minion it touched, grew arrogant and neglected training.
In the end, that bastard couldn't even graze a martial artist's hair, died before even approaching a mage, and so on—suffering total defeat after total defeat until he collapsed.
From that one minion's downfall, Absolu decided on the type he would pursue.
The main race of Absolu's planet was Vampir. Vampir dominated blood and thus held advantages against biological races, but got countered by everything else.
He could just earn lots of divinity and buy other minions, but Absolu didn't want to put minions with weaknesses into his mere six entry slots.
So he taught martial arts. He exploited the loophole that martial arts or magic a minion learned didn't count toward skill slots.
This was also the current meta of the Game of the Gods. Monsters with strong physical abilities could breeze through the early game.
But minions who filled their skill slots with things like martial arts, magic, or spirits only struggled a little early on—and in the late game, they pulled their weight and then some!
But I still need to grab the victory rewards only given in the early game.
The growth set that greatly helped minion development—commonly called the gold-silver-bronze accessories—could only be obtained from the consecutive-win reward boxes in the Newbie League.
Absolu only learned this after cracking open dozens of bronze boxes sold in the shop.
Suddenly Absolu thought of a minion named Cheonsol whom he'd raised as a means to get through the early game. She'd been decent at martial arts, but never overcome the racial limitations of being a Vampir—that very minion.
To make matters worse, she'd even lost to a human, the early-game universe's weakest race. Absolu sold Cheonsol right then and there.
The sale process hadn't been smooth either. A friendly god had stepped up to buy her and listed her on the market, but she'd ended up going to that human who'd beaten him.
He'd been cursed out plenty by that friendly god. Fresh anger surged toward the goddess who'd bought Cheonsol and that bitch's minion.
Sexy Newbie. And that Mad Human. If it hadn't been for those two, I could have completed the accessory set…
He'd diligently run battles but only obtained the ring and necklace. As he sipped bamboo-leaf wine to cool his rage, a message arrived.
Today was the day of the Artisan Contest. Absolu had spent the proceeds from selling Cheonsol on battle minions and never acquired a crafting specialist.
So he hadn't entered—but a good minion might hit the market, so he still needed to check.
After sending the reply, Absolu pulled up the stream. The moment the screen loaded, his face twisted hard.
"Why the hell is that woman there…"
On screen were Cheonsol, Sexy Newbie, and that detestable elf who'd met him in battle and handed him a loss.
His so-called friend was needling him on purpose.
The screen switched to Icehigh reviewing the armor. The moment Absolu checked the armor's info through the stream window, he shot up from his seat.
The light pouring off that armor made Absolu leap to his feet.
"That's impossible! That Mad Human made a Hero-grade item?"
His friend's messages didn't even register. Only the fifty million divinity Icehigh had mentioned kept circling through his mind.
Fifty million. Five times what he'd earned selling Cheonsol. And he'd made that off a single item.
The jealousy was almost unbearable. He'd thought rebuilding with the divinity from selling Cheonsol had been the right call—but now doubt crept in.
Was that really the best move?
Wouldn't it have been better to keep Cheonsol and demand items on the grounds that she was the half-elf's mother? No. It still wasn't too late.
Absolu ignored his friend and started composing a message. The recipient: Sophia.
"It's so good! So good!"
"Happy…"
"This is even better than the ice cream we had on Sky-Leon. I could fall in love with it."
I've never had ice cream this delicious in my entire life!
"Th-that's—! Lulu. You said the ice cream Uncle bought you was the best…"
I'm sorry, but the special ice cream from Icehigh's shop is even better than the ice cream Uncle bought us.
"Khhhnngh…"
"Uncle. Are you crying?"
"Evril. Don't look at Uncle. No. No looking."
"Oppa is so dramatic. If we weren't here, I really would have hit him."
I watched the group happily eating ice cream, then looked over at Sophia. The goddess who'd been excitedly working her spoon just a moment ago was now furiously tapping at something.
"Lady Sophia. What are you doing?"
"Hiek!"
Why jump like that? You're making it awkward for everyone.
"It's nothing. The Artisan Contest is a broadcasted competition, so the flies are swarming. I blocked them, so it's fine now."
"I see."
"Mm-hm. So let's finish our ice cream!"
I leaned in and whispered to Sophia as she lifted her spoon.
"You know what happens when we get back to the Divine Realm, right?"
"…Yeah."
I loosened my hands as I watched Sophia answer carefully. If I was going to give a massage, I needed to prepare in advance.