Light, Violet, and Brimstone (1)

"One, two, three."

Counting the beats aloud, she stepped forward, light on her feet. Both arms swept straight out ahead of her; she spun in a full turn and snapped to a stop, the motion crisp and exact.

She held there. A few seconds.

"Haaah……."

With a long exhale, Ninomae Hitomi let the pose go. Between strands of brown hair, a bead of sweat trickled down the bared nape of her neck.

"Hitomi-chan, you can really dance."

The woman crouched in a corner of the room, watching her — Senjoji Chiyo — muttered it, slapping her hands together in a rough, artless applause for the steps she had just seen.

Ninomae had been rehearsing for a live that was coming up soon. Chiyo, who had stopped by the company, happened to run into her and stayed to watch for a little while. That was the shape of things so far.

"No. I'm only just barely keeping up with what I was taught……."

"Still, the difficulty's on a whole different level from the choreography I danced at my live. I'll be honest. Back then the moves were basically a group-exercise routine, and I papered over them however I could with the staging."

Chiyo said it with a wry smile. Not that her own live had been easy, of course. Singing while you dance is harder than anyone expects, and given how thoroughly indoor Chiyo's hobbies ran, she must have pushed herself hard for that last show.

Even so, the choreography Ninomae had just performed was, on the whole, far more intense than hers. Intense enough that anyone trying to follow it would flail, burn through their strength, and keel over.

"Mmm. Honestly, in my case, it's because I sort of used a cheat."

Nakabashi Gyokichi, president of Anathema Production, understood the hidden world remarkably well, and thanks to that Ninomae had been able to file a rough report on the magic available to her. The routine she was dancing now had been built for a Ninomae whose body was reinforced by demonic power, so of course it came off looking like the work of a trained professional.

Press the point, and her lack of experience still left her short of a real pro. Chiyo, for her part, simply didn't have the eye for this sort of thing, so it looked convincing enough — and once the actual performance arrived, the CG and the rest of the staging would shore it up. It would turn out decent.

"I'm seriously glad I went first. Just thinking about having to dance that routine after this makes my head spin. The other two are good at moving too, and Marine-chan was an actual former idol, even if it was a few years back. ...Oh. Water."

"Ah. Thank you, Chiyo-san."

Ninomae gratefully took the bottle Chiyo held out. Condensation beaded on the chilled plastic. She tipped it back, drank in long gulps, and crouched down beside her.

"Think you'll be able to pull the live off?"

"Honestly, I'm not confident... but I'm going to give it everything I have. I want to show the viewers the best I'm capable of, at least."

The room had been set up as a practice studio, and a mirror ran along one wall. Ninomae glanced at the two of them reflected there and smiled, soft and a little shy.

"And those viewers include Shion-chan, of course."

"...Yeah. I mean."

The words that followed brought a shy ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠flush to her cheeks. Wanting to show her best self was not only about ordinary viewers. It applied to Shion — to Han Seoyeon — as well, and if anything that reason might weigh more. Wanting to look wonderful in front of the person you like is true of anyone.

"Since it came up, I'll ask. How are things with Shion-chan?"

Nearly two weeks had passed since Ninomae came to Chiyo for advice. If what she had said then was right, realizing her feelings for Han Seoyeon had taken several days more on top of that. By now, some kind of progress would not have been strange. That was the thought behind the question.

"Progress... yes, well……."

At that, Ninomae lifted her head and stared up at the ceiling.

"There isn't any...!"

She spilled the present state of things in a trembling voice. There was even, faintly, something plaintive in it.

"Eh... for real?"

"But, you see... unless I confess, there's just no way to go any further than this……."

"Ahh. So that's the sticking point."

Watching Ninomae crush the bottle in her grip, Chiyo let out a hollow little laugh. Thinking about it, this was not a situation where progress even entered into it. Measured purely by affection for Ninomae, Han Seoyeon had already pinned the meter at its maximum.

"She's already biting and sucking on you like that. To get any further from here, you'd pretty much have to be lovers. Otherwise it's impossible."

"Biting and sucking— no, there was no sucking!"

"So there was biting...?"

"Uuugh, if you just mean nibbling an ear……."

She had objected first and thought later, only to realize too late that this was not something she could say with any dignity, and she looked away.

No, wait. Now that I think about it, I think she sucked on my ear, too…….

Once her thoughts arrived even there, she forced the subject elsewhere.

"A-anyway, enough of this! It doesn't matter how much progress there was, does it? ...It's not like I can confess."

A hint of gloom flickered through those last words. Chiyo had been considering teasing her a little further, but hearing that voice, she shut her mouth.

Confessing, and becoming lovers, is not an easy thing. The person you like may not like you back. And yet it cannot be called absolutely impossible, either. Even if they felt nothing at first, effort can sometimes make them begin, little by little, to look back at themselves.

...So long as the other person's orientation already points the same way, that is.

"This part, at least, isn't something effort can change."

Ninomae said it with a bitter smile. You can cultivate your looks. You can change your tastes. You can fix your personality. You can even try, somehow, to do something about your work or your money. But whether the person you love is straight or gay — that was not something you could do anything about. No amount of effort could change it.

It belonged, in the end, wholly to luck. Set against the ratio of straight people to gay people as the world generally reckons it, the odds were vicious. And so she could not move forward. There was no way she ever could.

All she could do was draw a little relief from how free Han Seoyeon was with physical affection, crush her own feelings down as far as they would go, and fight to keep things between them exactly as they had always been.

"You're worried that if your feelings get found out, you won't be able to be around each other like normal?"

Chiyo said it while looking her way. Ninomae happened to turn her head just then, and their eyes met.

"Have you worried about that too, Chiyo-san?"

"...Well. Yeah."

The smile that touched the corner of her agreeing mouth was somehow distant. Wistful, almost.

"It doesn't even have to be that I like the person. Just finding out I'm gay is enough to change the way someone looks at me. And that isn't a pleasant thing."

"Um... then the reason you go around flirting so exaggeratedly on purpose, all the time, is that maybe……."

"What's this. Trying to dig up a woman's secrets? The only one allowed to do that freely is the fiancé I'll have someday, you know?"

Perhaps that was why she laid her orientation bare the moment she met someone. At least then, their eyes would not change partway through a relationship. The thought occurred to Ninomae, but she had the sense that Chiyo was steering her off the subject, and she decided not to dig any further.

An emotion that felt, somehow, as if it had been left to fester. Perhaps an old wound that had never stopped being a wound. It was not something to poke at out of idle curiosity. Reading the air, Ninomae turned the conversation aside.

"Um, how do I put it. In my case it's a different worry from that... If it were Shion-san, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠even if she turned me down, I feel like she'd still treat me the same as always..."

"Yeah, Shion-chan does have that side to her. So what are you worried about?"

A brief silence followed. It was so far from anything she had expected that Chiyo's eyes simply rolled, slow and bewildered.

"Uh... is it just that I'm not getting it, or has everything you've said up till now been a lie...?"

"No, no! That's not what I mean...!"

Ninomae's lips worked soundlessly for a moment before she went on, careful.

"Even if Shion-san doesn't feel that way about me, I think she'd accept a confession for my sake……."

"Ahh……."

As if something had clicked, Chiyo pressed a hand to her forehead. Han Seoyeon would drop dead for Ninomae. Even if there was not a scrap of romantic feeling in her, Chiyo could see it plain as day — she would become her lover anyway.

"And that wouldn't be enough to satisfy you, Hitomi-chan."

"I don't know if it's that I wouldn't be satisfied... it's just that then I'd only be a burden on Shion-san."

"Weeell. Think about it, and it goes the other way too. You'd drop dead for Shion-chan yourself."

"No. I wouldn't drop dead for her... I-I wouldn't...!"

"Why does your confidence up and die right there?"

Because I would drop dead for her…….

Ninomae looked away.

Dropping dead for her. That one was simply too hard to deny. She really did carry romantic feelings for her, so it was true in the figurative sense — and in the incident before, it had been true in the most literal sense as well.

"Anyway. So even confessing and seeing what happens is out. This is a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠quietly awkward spot."

If she could at least learn whether Shion-chan was straight or gay, things would get a great deal easier... Chiyo sighed, and muttered.

"Still, the way I see it, someone this forward about physical affection doesn't look completely hopeless."

"But she might just be straight, with a low bar for affection between friends……."

"Hmm... maybe the fastest thing really is just to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠ask her herself?"

"H-huh? Isn't that far too blunt...?"

Hearing the mutter, Ninomae startled and waved her hands. It seemed no different from confessing outright.

"I can ask, can't I? Shion-chan already knows I'm gay. And me confessing to Shion-chan isn't exactly a once-in-a-while thing."

"Oh. You're right. If it's that, then it really would...!"

The words that followed left her no choice but to nod, impressed. Ask a question like that the wrong way and you were as good as announcing that you were gay — but if Chiyo did it, someone whose being gay was news to no one, there was practically no risk at all.

"Good. Then I'm charging in right now. I'll call her and sound her out, nice and subtle."

"P-please, Chiyo-san!"

Ninomae smiled, radiant. Chiyo drew out her phone and called Han Seoyeon at once, and with it pressed to her ear she went on, beaming.

A moment later, her expression had gone thoroughly flustered.