Chapter 15. Delusion
Chapter 15. Delusion
'Good, preparations are complete.'
Seated on the bed, Berdia steadied herself as she faced Dave, who was staring at her with bewildered eyes.
The man seemed to want to look away—his neck twitched—yet he couldn't bring himself to avert his gaze, standing there with his face flushed.
This was exactly the reaction Berdia had anticipated.
Because she knew how she appeared to others.
Whenever she took off her armor to train on the drill grounds, or attended a party in a dress for official reasons, the men around her always wore that same expression.
The difference being that while they simply observed her from afar, this man had been personally summoned to her bedroom, perhaps?
'I'm not used to acting, but judging by this, it seems to be working well.'
To begin with, given her position, she had attended many drinking parties. But even after drinking all night, she had never once been drunk.
In other words, the true purpose of this situation was not to get him drunk and draw out his true intentions, but to pretend to be drunk and show him a defenseless side of herself.
'I'll be able to confirm his true nature with this.'
If a drunken woman stripped herself bare, leaving herself completely vulnerable, any man would surely be unable to look away.
If he laid a hand on her here, then it was very likely he might do the same to Serika.
"...It's hot."
Having already firmly resolved herself, she had no hesitation in removing the last piece of cloth covering her body.
Although she had no experience, she had lived as a believer and a warrior. Moreover, with her mission to support the Hero, Berdia had never placed much importance on preserving her chastity.
She didn't particularly want to do it, but if necessary, she wouldn't refuse...
-Ssshhk.
With slow, deliberate movements, she removed even her undergarments and revealed herself before Dave completely naked, not a single thread on her.
The moment her pale skin flushed crimson in the lantern light that illuminated the room.
"B-Berdia, this is..."
"You may do as you wish."
Switching topics so abruptly without any preamble might seem strange, but to him, it probably wouldn't seem entirely inexplicable.
After all, since she was supposedly drunk, he would think it only natural for her to act strangely.
Even if something felt off, when the chance to touch her body presented itself, what did logic matter?
"I won't resist. I'll stay quietly."
If anything, if she wanted to figure out his true intentions, cornering him like this might be even better. So thinking, Berdia turned her back to him and lay down.
After that, in the silence, she simply waited for the moment his hand would reach out to touch her.
She had confidence. After all, countless men had imagined her bared body and pictured themselves sating their lust upon it.
How long they had spent together was irrelevant. In fact, because they had only just met and had no formal relationship to consider, seeing her so defenseless might make him even bolder in touching her.
Thus, there was nothing to hold him back.
If this man couldn't resist his lust and touched her, then afterward...
'...Afterward?'
Just then, Berdia realized she hadn't considered what would come after that.
Suppose she succeeded: she undressed, seduced him, and drew out his wicked intentions.
Then, should she immediately turn cold and say she knew this would happen?
Or perhaps not immediately, but tolerate his acts up to a certain point?
Just how far was she supposed to let it go?
'No, wait.'
Aspects she hadn't considered when she first made her plan.
Only after lying on the bed did they surface, and Berdia realized she had overlooked a number of things.
'If a drunken woman stands naked before a man, is it not a perfectly normal reaction for the man to reach out?
Yes, because it's only natural for a man to want to hold a woman.
Even having abandoned her life as a woman, Berdia had been an object of desire before and knew that fact all too well.
So if he touched her now, it might not be strange at all. In fact, not touching her would be stranger.'
'Wait... So is what I'm doing now not a proper test, but merely inducing a reaction that's natural for any man?'
Of course, that might still not be a problem when considering what to do afterward.
After all, either way, it meant he might touch Serika, who had no resistance to such things. If she kept that possibility in mind, she would have to seriously consider expelling him from the party when the chance arose.
But if the method of verification was too extreme...
Would it not amount to making an innocent man out to be a criminal and casting him out?
'No, what I want isn't to make Dave a criminal.'
Just to determine whether he would reach out to Serika, who had only just awakened to sexuality...
But there might have been a better way to do that.
'Oh dear, how careless of me.'
To think that her lack of experience with men would turn into a hidden snag at a time like this.
Realizing this, Berdia still couldn't bring herself to make any decisive movement.
In truth, she had shown herself defenseless before a man in a misguided way. No matter what happened now, she couldn't hold him responsible.
Even more so because she hadn't even been drunk—she had revealed herself with a clear mind.
She could hide her true feelings and act indignant, but Berdia just couldn't bring herself to behave that way toward this man.
His first impression hadn't been bad, and above all, he was a man whom Serika liked.
She was simply worried that he might notice that side of Serika and cross a line—that was all. It wasn't anything personal against him.
'If that happens, what should I do?'
If she admitted her mistake, should she pretend nothing happened now? Or apologize?
Or else...
Just continue as is?
-Rustle.
At that moment, the sound of cloth sliding reached her ears.
She didn't know exactly what sound it was, but undoubtedly Dave had made it.
Even realizing that, Berdia couldn't bring herself to speak or act. She simply froze and waited for whatever he would do next.
'I, truly...'
A moment where her thoughts froze over a misstep in an unfamiliar situation. In the end, she concluded that all she could do was go along with the mood from here on out.
"...You seem tired."
Instead of touching Berdia, Dave actually carefully covered her body with the blanket.
"Huh?"
A gasp escaped at the unexpected behavior. But through the blanket, she felt the careful press of his hands, and Berdia couldn't bring herself to turn around.
She couldn't shake off his hands—yet she could feel that he wanted nothing from her.
"Tired... he says..."
"Yes, you must be tired. If you were in your right mind, Berdia, you'd never do something like this..."
"..."
"Yes, yes, so I think it'd be best if you got some sleep now."
Dave said this as if to drive the point home against her flustered response. Then, stepping backward, he hurriedly moved his feet toward the inn room's exit.
As if fleeing.
"Well then, I'll take my leave. See you tomorrow!"
After hurriedly saying his goodbye, Dave left. Only then did Berdia sit up and gaze at the spot where Dave had been.
With the door firmly locked and silence filling the space he had vacated, Berdia stared at the empty scene, then grasped the situation and let out a bitter smile.
"Ah, I see. He was... flustered, wasn't he."
Well, of course he would be. The person who had intimidated him at their first meeting was suddenly undressing and trying to seduce him—anyone would be flustered.
And on some level, he must have felt fear too. So more than touching her or anything else, he'd have felt a stronger urge to leave the room.
'But even so, he could have touched her.'
Even if he had touched her, she was in no position to respond in any meaningful way. Could it be that she simply lacked feminine charm?
No, the look in his eyes when she first bared herself was no different from all the men she'd ever faced.
Undoubtedly, he had felt that kind of desire toward her.
The fact that he didn't touch her meant he had simply restrained himself and let it pass.
Unlike the men she had always encountered—the ones who inevitably gave in to their urges—this was a man who could control his desires.
"...I misunderstood."
That must be why he had fled the room as if escaping.
Because he was worried that he might not be able to control his desire and cross the line here.
"I did something I'm sorry for."
The moment she realized that, she felt a twinge of guilt squirming inside her.
No, it was something she had to do, but still...
-Thump, thump.
For some reason, even though the situation was over, the pounding in her chest didn't subside; instead it grew.
Wasn't it strange? She hadn't even done anything, and he had actually withdrawn from the room.
'Was he not that kind of person after all?'
-Ssshhk.
Berdia pulled the blanket over herself to calm her racing heart.
As Dave had said, her mind was tired, but the thoughts surfacing in her head still tried to hinder her sleep.
'...What if.'
Just maybe, a one-in-a-million chance.
What would have happened if he had been like all those ordinary men?
'What if, afterward, Dave hadn't pulled away?'
It would certainly have happened. Because this whole thing was her own blunder. She wouldn't have been able to stop him midway, and might have let him lead all the way to the end.
Something she had always kept...
No, it wasn't exactly something she'd kept.
Still, she would have carelessly lost something important as a woman.
'They say the first time hurts.'
As she imagined that moment, Berdia's hand gradually began to move toward her own intimate area.
They said the flesh tears at first and blood comes out, didn't they?
Some said the pain was like being stabbed in the stomach with a sword, and that to lessen the pain, you had to be wet first.
When you stimulate your senses and experience light foreplay, the body naturally changes to a state that makes receiving him easier...
'So for that, he would touch me all over.'
On the battlefield, she had always led the situation, but in bed, knowing nothing, she would have no choice but to let him do as he pleased.
This body she had trained relentlessly, he would ruthlessly...
'Even her breasts.'
When that time came, even these breasts, which she had always considered an obstacle to swinging her sword, would be used like playthings for his amusement.
'I've heard from prostitutes that there's an act where you put it between them.'
To sandwich a man's member between those two lumps of fat and slide them up and down to heighten the feeling of climax...
Sometimes, while the protruding buds at their centers were played with, she might have taken that thing into her mouth, wrapped her lips around it, or licked it.
And the fluid that spurted out in the end would mercilessly dirty her body.
After her soiled body was laid on the bed, he would prepare for the act to follow.
'How would that first act be done, I wonder?'
Would we silently crash our desires against each other, or face one another and whisper words of love...
No, maybe he would do it from behind.
With her upper body lying on the bed, she would helplessly watch his member penetrate her.
What would he feel, looking at her back like that?
Not her face or chest, but her back and buttocks...
What he'd feel gazing upon that might be closer to a sense of superiority from attaining psychological dominance, rather than pure lust.
A feeling of conquest, knowing he had this woman beneath him, able to do with her as he pleased.
Buoyed by that, his thrusting would accelerate, and she, swept along by the situation, would simply accept his sadistic desires, panting like an animal.
In the end, the liquid he released might soil her flesh so thoroughly that even the proof of her chastity would become indistinct.
Vulgar and base...
After being so thoroughly violated, could she truly still remain herself?
"...Nngh."
A faint spasm rippled through her body as she touched her intimate area while imagining that.
Even her masturbation was clumsy, merely stroking near the entrance, but her body had long since heated up from the fantasy alone.
The moment she felt even a slight stimulus amplify into pleasure—along with the realization that she had crossed a line—the strength drained from her body.
A heavy afterglow lingered, but Berdia bit her lip and withdrew her fingers, which had been about to move toward her intimate area again.
Yes, this was merely a physiological response—doing this once to satisfy her heated body was enough. Thinking that, she simply prepared to cover her sweat-dampened body with the blanket.
But even if she kept her reason, she couldn't completely erase the lingering unease in a corner of her heart.
'Men......'
'Do men truly want to do such things with me...?'
A pure woman who didn't yet know men.
But the emotion that had blossomed in her heart could surely be called longing.