Chapter 100. Hold Me.
Chapter 100. Hold Me.
Heira remembered.
The intense pleasure she had felt with him remained, even now, etched deep inside her as a lingering echo.
That first act, begun so abruptly.
It had been painful and frightening, something she had never experienced in her life, and yet he had held her with such tender care.
Beginning with that first kiss, his hands had caressed her body, and that very tenderness had gradually surrendered to rising momentum until their coupling became a beastlike instinct.
Yes, there truly must have been love there. Unlike the way her father used to stroke her head, it was obscene, and because it was obscene, it felt all the more passionate...
"Don't come any closer."
The man who had made her feel such things was reaching his hand into her very core right now.
Manifesting himself in this world of her heart, gesturing to her.
"......I don't want this."
That reaching hand felt terrifying.
Even though she had clearly taken a step toward him.
As if to teach her that it had been nothing more than a reaction driven by instinct.
"Heira, listen to me..."
"Stay away!!!"
A voice spread through the pouring torrent of water.
Along with that resonance, a storm surged, sealing the space between them.
Yes—this was her will, stripped of mere instinct.
Because going to his side would obviously lead only to the future she had already foreseen.
"Why..."
That path would surely be miserable.
Unable to forget that intensity, she would chase more meetings, endure more partings, accumulate more pain, and live on in agony—that much was clear.
"Why did you come here?"
"...Heira."
"You wanted me to leave."
So, as a means to let him go, the girl chose to weaponize her resentment toward him.
The sadistic desires he had shown her.
She belatedly brought up that cruel treatment—the one that had gone so far as to kill her heart.
"Didn't you do all that because you wanted me gone? You even mocked me after I endured all of it..."
She knew.
She knew his touch was warm, and that the emotions visible in his eyes from time to time were tinged with guilt.
He must not have wanted it either. He must have had his own circumstances.
"Then why..."
Even knowing that, the girl could not stop herself from crying out.
"Why are you trying to hold onto me now?"
Because she could not bear it.
There was no way the woman who had foreseen her own future could withstand what lay ahead.
"Just leave me alone. Not anymore—not now..."
So she pleaded, saying she no longer wished to bask in a happiness fated to end in tragedy.
Even as she voiced that sincere truth aloud.
"......Heira."
He still spoke.
Very resolutely.
"...You think you have a choice?"
Unfazed by the bitter, cold rainstorm raging through this space.
The man began to close the hand he had stretched toward her, little by little.
"What..."
"This is an order."
—Snap!
The sound of his fingers clicking rang out.
At once, she felt a convulsion run through her body, and then her thoughts began to numb.
"Right now..."
Something she had always felt.
But had never refused...
"Come to me. Right now."
Even as she told herself she had to ignore it immediately,
Her feet, set upon a path toward the abyss, took a single step toward where he stood.
Just one step—but undeniable.
"Why."
Realizing it, a choked sob spilled from the girl's lips.
"Why do you go this far for me..."
Yet she did not stop.
She simply could not.
"Because I won't listen to reason, you'll force me? You want to torment me even like this?"
Because the lingering traces he had carved into her body still sought to pull her toward him, even now.
Even if what awaited at the end was utter catastrophe.
"Even force is fine."
Even as blood poured from every wound on his body.
How could she, who was drawn to him, tear her gaze away from the man who could not withdraw the hand reaching for her and was exerting his power?
"......Come back. There's something I need to tell you."
Witnessing that utterly desperate sight, Heira felt a corner of her heart twist.
What on earth.
What was the reason that he, who had tried so hard to drive her out, now wished to keep her by his side?
"So please..."
So intensely curious about what words she would hear once she stood before him, Heira began to erase the hesitation from each step she took toward him.
Even knowing she must not go forward.
"Heira... Where are you going?"
Even that voice from the bottom of the pit bored into her back.
Her ragged steps advanced slowly, one pace at a time. But the moment she undeniably followed that pull forward—
"Come back at once! Heira!!!"
A roar erupted from deep underground, and the darkness that surged from it split the rain clouds and began swallowing the world.
The materialization of hesitation.
This moment's decision would be one that overturned the very sky and earth existing within her.
"Have you forgotten what that bastard did to you!?"
Yes, that voice was an entity prying into that gap to coax her.
Heira knew that as well.
"......Father."
Still, his voice was something that existed in her memory.
To that despicable demon that had worn the face of her most precious person to tempt her, Heira showed respect, feeling a fragment of her father in him.
"How could you choose him, and not me?"
To that voice, which still displayed such love for her, Heira indeed felt a powerful pull.
"Heira, do you not miss our time together?"
A black form writhed beneath the split sky.
The moment it solidified and turned itself into an image reaching toward her, she felt a pang, very briefly, in one corner of her heart.
"I miss you."
How could she not want to see him?
He was the one who had looked after her. The one who had taught her how to carry on living, taught her what love is, what a person's warmth is.
"But why have you chosen that fellow over me? Nothing awaits you that way but a miserable future. Nothing that exists in reality can ever satisfy you. It will only cause you more pain!"
Yet still, Heira did not take a single step toward him.
Even as the hand reaching down from the sky gradually left its domain, dwindling until it seemed at risk of vanishing altogether.
"But if you choose me now, it will be all right. I shall accept all the sorrow you feel. If you entrust everything to me, you need never suffer again!"
The moment that small hand finally reached her and touched her cheek, Heira carefully grasped its back, savoring the sensation.
The grip of a hand with the exact same shape and feel as her father's.
"But it's cold."
The moment it touched her.
Heira understood why she could not bring herself to approach the being before her.
"What..."
"Father's hand feels far too cold to me now."
A single instant is enough for hesitation to be erased.
Because hers is a race that lives for thousands of years.
For a race that passes down everything it feels throughout those long years to its descendants, the sensation felt in one's body must be more sensitive than anything else.
Living in the world is to learn, and to learn is the method of living.
For the long-lived species, who lead a life guided by such learning, a fantasy with no warmth is nothing more than self-satisfaction.
Even if what awaits afterward is a miserable future.
Though they are beings who live an eternity, they are also beings who live in the present, and so an existence without substance can never fill the void they feel.
"I hate being alone."
That is the fate of the long-lived species whose emotions were not purged.
"But I hate the cold even more."
Longing, longing for a person's warmth.
Foolish beings who ultimately foresee the future yet repeat the same mistakes.
A long-lived species that comes to know love is, in the end, fated to live out its entire life madly in love.
"......You damned creature."
Such foolishness infuriated the nightmare demon that sought to tempt her.
If only she had submerged herself in the dream and entrusted everything to him, everything would have been perfect.
He would have purged the ego of a being with potential worthy of a pillar of the hero party and used her as his limbs forever.
"It was only a single step—how could this..."
The nightmare demon's rage, realizing his plan had ultimately failed, then withdrew from the target.
His gaze turned to the man standing before her.
Though his body and mind had been reduced to tatters breaking through countless layers of memory, he stood noble amidst the calamity born from the upheaval of her heart, facing him.
"You—nothing but a short-lived worm!"
A single moment was enough to erase the thought that he was merely a fleeting existence.
—Snap!
Along with the small sound of fingers snapping, the darkness that had been on the verge of overturning the space began to recede in an instant.
There was no way it could withstand that power.
This place is the world of the inner self.
The peace that visits here prioritizes the exclusion of any being that seeks to shake the heart.
"It's precisely because it's limited that we can be more desperate. You damn worn-out whore."
As the darkness was swept away, aided by that peace, light gradually began to settle down from the clouds where the demon had been consumed.
The thinning rain soon ceased altogether, and at the moment sunset-like light began to descend upon where they stood—
The ground remained wet, and the coldness from it still lingered between them.
Just as a scar remains where a knife pierced, everything felt in this moment would remain in the girl's heart from now on.
"......Dave."
Enduring that pain, the girl spoke.
"You said you had something you wanted to tell me, didn't you?"
Calling his name.
Meeting his eyes intently.
"I have something I want to say to you too, Dave."
Drip. Drip.
Water droplets falling from her wet hair.
They gathered at her tear ducts, moistening her lashes before trickling down, but on the lips below them, a smile had formed.
Watching that smile engrave itself into my eyes, I felt a corner of my heart sting.
The fact that despite the sadistic way I had treated her, this girl still expressed her feelings for me without reservation.
"You first."
I felt unease over whether I truly had the right to grant this girl's request.
"Hold me."
Let me feel your warmth, she said.
"...Hold me."
A request that felt almost desperate. And yet he ultimately chose to grant it.
Because no matter how unworthy he might be, if this girl wished for it, he had to.
Reflecting that he had come this far for this very purpose, steeling himself.
"...Is this enough?"
"Yes."
When he soothed the back of the girl in his arms and whispered softly into her ear, she began to nod, her face buried in his chest.
"This is enough."
That alone was sufficient.
What the girl had always needed was simply the warmth to soothe her own coldness.
True warmth—not a false illusion, even if only for a moment.
To soothe the present self that realizes it is alive, however briefly.
Even if her future was miserable, to gather the courage to take just one more step toward it.
"......I'm sorry."
And yet I had tried to push away a girl who had needed only that.
"I'm sorry."
Because a girl who would devote so much of her heart to this unintended, unforeseen meeting felt far too dangerous to a man who believed she must never give her heart to anyone.
The time with them must ultimately be brief, must it not?
To me, destined to leave someday, this girl who kept approaching no matter how hard I pushed her away felt unbearably terrifying.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be a little braver."
But that had only been fear born from circumstance.
In my true heart, I wanted to grant this girl's wish more than anyone.
That my true nature was, in fact, far removed from the gentleness of our first experience.
Even after teaching her such ugliness, I could not help yearning in a corner of my heart for more time with this girl who kept coming back to me.
"I was a coward, trying to push you away because of my own fear, so..."
I did not know what would become of me—the man who, unable to cast aside such feelings, had come running here. But I found that such concerns no longer mattered in this moment.
He, too, is a being who lives in the present.
Precisely because he foresees his own future, he is a being who craves to live his remaining time more passionately.
"......It's okay."
Yes—whether short-lived or long-lived.
Even if the span of their lives differs, they are beings who live in the same time.
Whether living an eternity or a fleeting moment, you need a place to stay.
"We met like this, and I have already remembered you."
And a meeting that has already begun will be remembered every moment you are alive and will fuel the passion needed for new meetings.
Just as one cannot forget half a century ago, treasuring this meeting all the more, clinging to it blindly.
She considered this also a necessary part of her journey toward eternity.
"So I will go on remembering that you exist, from now on."
And so the girl used this moment to make an oath.
To leave a marker announcing her existence at the starting point of a long journey.
"I will be your eternity."
Declaring she will become the nest where a man who thought he belonged nowhere can rest for a lifetime, she steps forward to guard his side forever.
"So just a little..."
There is only one price required.
"Just a little longer—will you let me feel you from now on?"
So that even while looking back on the journey ahead, she might recall her time with him...
The lips that whispered that wish tenderly then began to lean toward him.
Loyal to a heart brighter than the sunset sky, sharper than the light reflected on the water's surface.
To drive a wedge into the memory of this moment she would someday look back upon, with even greater fervor.