#096 Doubt
#096 Doubt
After talking with the fellow I didn't know whether to call Arthur or Lucius.
I gathered the party in one place and made a declaration.
"Sage, where is Lucius?"
"He's still outside. He seems to find it a bit awkward to talk just yet."
"Pardon?"
"I thought it would be best for Lucius to speak directly about this matter—about the names Lucius and Arthur. But since he's too embarrassed to say it himself, I'll speak for him."
"You will, Sage...?"
"Why? Got a problem with that?"
Are you the Hero's spokesperson?!
If you asked me that, I'd have no choice but to say that, at present, that's exactly what I am.
"Since Lucius is embarrassed to say it himself, I'm going to speak for him. Lucius agreed to it too."
"Lucius...."
Rosemas, Droniel, and Yan all looked back and forth between Lucius and me.
Just what did Lucius think about the name 'Lucius' that made him worry this much about his own name?
"Lucius, you see, is currently feeling an identity conflict between himself from his days as the young hunter Arthur and himself as the Hero Lucius."
"An identity... conflict?"
"Yes. Uncertainty about himself. That's what's making things complicated for Lucius right now. Regarding this matter... I bear some responsibility as well."
I bowed at the waist to the party.
"I'm sorry. I may have pressured Lucius too much to fulfill his duties as a Hero."
"Ah, no. Witch...!"
"I wanted Lucius to be a Hero. But although some time has already passed since we began traveling together, the traces of his past still remain in Lucius."
"By traces of his past, you mean...?"
"The time when Lucius was Arthur."
For reference.
Everything I'm saying right now is a lie.
-Master, I still don't really understand. I need to get used to being called Lucius all the same, but it isn't easy.
-For now, you're fine with being called Lucius consistently, right?
-...For now, yes.
Lucius agreed to be called Lucius.
More precisely, he agreed to let the other party members call him 'Lucius.'
-So, can you not tell me why you dislike other people calling you Lucius?
-That's correct.
-And you can't tell other people either?
-...Even more so, that's correct.
-Sigh. Fine. If you insist that much, I have no choice.
I still couldn't understand why he felt awkward about hearing the name Lucius.
-Anyway, you said that me calling you Lucius doesn't bother you, and it's fine for the others to call you Lucius too?
-Yes.
-And you can't say why, but you want me to understand it that way?
-...I'm sorry. This is all I can tell you.
-It's fine. It's fine. It's not like I've only dealt with Heroes pulling something like this once or twice.
But situations where Heroes say 'I can't explain, but this is how things are, so please understand' were something I had experienced far too many times, and I wasn't particularly surprised by this.
Because Heroes are the type to sometimes say unreasonable things.
And cleaning that up is exactly my role as the Hero Party's specialist in damage control and destruction.
"Lucius, you see, is confused in many ways right now."
"Confused...?"
"Yes. Between himself as Arthur and himself as Lucius."
Identity confusion over a name.
'It's a lie.'
It's nothing more than an excuse I made up to get Lucius out of an awkward situation.
"Lucius is still a fledgling Hero. But since he decided to step forward as a Hero, he tried to act like Lucius, steeling himself over and over as the Hero Lucius. But it seems that was a bit of a burden."
"...What about telling us to call him Arthur?"
It started with Rosemas.
She pressed me with gloomy eyes.
"Why did you make only me call him Arthur?"
"That's because of your purity."
"......Pardon?"
The shadow that had fallen over Rosemas's eyes slowly faded.
"Rosemas. When we arrived in Normance, at that time the party was just you and me, right?"
"Y-yes."
"Back then, I was pushing him hard to be the Hero Lucius. He kept forcing a bright smile because of his duties as a Hero, but even I didn't know what was going on inside him. That's when he met you."
I patted Rosemas on the shoulder.
"The first woman he saved with his own hands. He saved you with a Hero's power, yet you were purer than anyone. Saving you gave Lucius a chance to look back on the person he had been as Arthur—to remember that more innocent time."
"That's...."
"......."
Droniel pouted her lips and showed her displeasure, and Yan muttered quietly, 'But I met him too....' Still, the person I needed to manage first right now was Rosemas.
"Lucius said it, right? To call him Arthur. That was because he wanted you to remember him as Arthur."
"Lucius... as Arthur?"
"Every time you called him Arthur, he could recall himself back in the village. That was probably a great source of strength for him. It was truly regrettable that all the villagers died, but the memories of the village still remain in the name Arthur."
"Ah...."
Rosemas covered her face with her hands.
"Just by me... calling his name, Arthur was...."
"Right. He could recall the comfortable, happy version of himself rather than the Hero Lucius. That was the point 'before' he made a name for himself in Normance."
I moved my hand from Rosemas and pointed toward Droniel.
"But after distinguishing himself in Normance and meeting other Heroes, he grew. He changed. The village youth Arthur receded into memory, and he wanted to be reborn as the proper Hero Lucius. Then the person who appeared was...."
"...Me."
Droniel.
The woman who knew the past when Lucius was Arthur.
"He'd finally steeled himself to live as the Hero Lucius, but when you appeared, Droniel, it seems his resolve wavered a little. You understand, right? You hid the fact that you were Droniel too."
"...I know. I know, but."
"As long as you know, that's enough. I don't think there's any need to say more."
The current source of unease wasn't Droniel.
My conversation with Droniel wasn't finished yet, and I'd need to soothe her separately later.
"I'm not particularly blaming you. If I were to blame anyone, it'd be Lucius, who got confused after learning you were alive—"
"Lucius did nothing wrong! Ah, no, Arthur is...."
"It's fine. I understand. And... everyone, call him Lucius from now on."
I gave the three of them a thumbs-up.
"Lucius will continue to be Lucius from now on. And one day, on the day he defeats the Demon King and restores peace, he'll make a choice."
A choice.
At that word, laden with meaning in many ways, the three of them gulped simultaneously.
"What kind of existence he'll live as. So remember this well. What you really need to care about isn't whether he's Arthur or Lucius...."
I raised my index finger and pointed at each of the three in turn.
"Tervation. Odron. Diere."
The three of them were clever women.
"You know what I'm saying, right?"
"What?"
"Witch, do you not have a family name?"
"Me?"
Ah.
I get it now.
'So that's what they're worried about.'
The possibility of me ending up with Lucius.
The idea was so ridiculous I couldn't help but laugh, but I suppose to them, even a possibility of less than one percent couldn't be overlooked.
"Sorry, but I don't have a family name. Not now, not ever. And you all, think about it carefully. I'm a person from five hundred years ago. A 'human,' not even another species."
I pointed back and forth between Rosemas and myself, then shook my head.
"Would you want to live with a hag who's been alive for five hundred years?"
Not unless you were insane.
"Right?"
The three of them nodded heavily.
* * *
A little later.
While the Sage went to fetch Lucius again, the three of them looked at one another and let out a sigh.
"...What do we do?"
"What do you mean, what do we do? We can't just back off like this."
Droniel clenched her fist and glared.
"Lucius is going through an identity crisis? Did Lucius seem like the kind of person who'd agonize over something like that to you?"
"...Absolutely not."
"Then what is it?"
Yan stared blankly and pointed in the direction the Sage had disappeared.
"That Lucius is going through an identity crisis is a lie?"
"It seems like an excuse the Sage made up."
"An excuse...?"
"That isn't why Lucius is uncomfortable being called Lucius. Didn't you notice?"
"Notice or not... I'm a newcomer who just joined."
At Yan's words, Droniel raised her head and looked up at the sky.
"...Hah. Right. You might not know this subtle difference. Yeah, I understand. But our position is different. What she said isn't about identity confusion or anything like that... hah."
"It isn't?"
"Lucius has something he can't say. The Sage just glossed it over with an excuse she made up."
"Is that so? And here I was."
Yan clasped her hands over her chest and smiled.
"I was worried the Hero Lucius was paying attention to me for no reason, so that's a relief."
"Why would Lucius be worried because of you...."
"He wasn't? I thought he was worried because of me."
"Hah...."
The two of them pressed their hands to their heads.
"There's a limit to being that self-conscious, Saintess. No matter how much of a Saintess you are, don't assume Lucius thinks about you that much. That's a delusion."
"Hmm.... I see."
Yan.
"Then are Lucius and the Sage in a relationship?"
"......."
"......."
Quietly, she dropped a bomb.
"If the Sage said that to protect Lucius, then no matter how I think about it, that seems to be the case."
"That case?"
"The case where the Sage is keeping us, fellow women, in check."
The two fell silent.
"Isn't that right? In that case, it's quite possible."
"There's no way. The Sage just said that, but she doesn't see Lucius as a romantic interest."
"She could be deceiving us like that. A seal from five hundred years ago? Her appearance is similar to ours, no, doesn't she look even a year younger than us? What if Lucius is the type to care about outward appearance rather than what's inside?"
"There's no way."
Droniel proudly thumped her own chest with her hand.
"Because Lucius didn't fall for me even when I seduced him!"
"...Is that your way of saying you're pretty?"
"Hmph, obviously. It was like that in the village, and even in the territory it was hard to find a woman prettier than me. Among the women I've met so far, the ones similar to me or better are...."
Droniel looked left and right and clicked her tongue lightly.
"No, never mind."
"Hmm.... As for me, I can picture such a future."
"What future?"
"A future where the Sage and Lucius become lovers."
Yan's eyes sparkled as she fiddled with her chin.
"Shall we think about it? What it would be like if they became lovers."