Lunaros Vanderbilt (2)
Hold up. There's something I need to address before we go any further. Some of you are probably wondering about my actions. Why the hell did I come all the way to the North? When did I start giving a damn about the original plot, only to pull stunts like this? If you're gonna screw up the story this badly, just bang all the heroines, crank out a hundred heirs for Toypus, and let them duke it out in a succession war.
I honestly didn't expect to go this far myself. I just wanted to sort out my own mess, snag a few noble ladies to play with, and call it a day. But then my sense of responsibility as a lord ballooned out of control. My body's freakishly tough and healthy, sure, but the territory folks? Not so much. Watching them suffer day after day started eating at me. That's the kind of guilt and duty that made me run away from enrolling in the academy—and now I've even graduated from that escape plan.
That's reason number one. Number two: the big bad from the original story, the Demon King, isn't actually that overwhelmingly strong. Sure, to me, he's a gulf wider than heaven and earth. But the hero party—y'know, Arthur and his heroines pooling their power—huff and puff their way to victory and wrap it up. No tragic sacrifices or tearjerker endings. It's just an immature country boy named Arthur becoming the hero, growing up, bonding with his heroines, and in the final showdown with the Demon King, they trust each other, sync up perfectly, and take him down.
And Demon Kings aren't even that rare. They're a periodic event on the continent. Of course, the difficulty's sky-high for normal folks—that's why they pick a hero every time, with the gods' blessing or whatever. 'Why the fuck is a punk like Arthur the hero?' If I ever get to chat with Pel, that's the first thing I'd ask. Anyway, bottom line: my resolve to take care of my people grew, and I figured as long as I don't mess too much with the hero party—who'll shine in the finale—the Demon King gets handled. That's why I came north.
Oh, and there's one more nagging thing, but I'll think on that later.
"Hoo..."
Right now, I'm buck naked, soaking in a bath. It's been ages since I indulged like this in warm water, and it's giving me the luxury to sort through my thoughts and situation.
Someone might ask if we don't bathe back at Toypus Manor. We do—just not with water. Sand's our medium. Ever heard of chinchillas? Rodents, but cuter than rats, popular as pets. Plenty get farmed for fur, too... Anyway, they bathe in sand. Us Toypus folk do the same, chinchilla-style. Specifically, there's this "white sand" that sucks out odors and dead skin when you roll in it. We've got monsters, fast-growing cacti, and that red sand monsters avoid—but hey, nothing says we can't have white sand too.
If we didn't... "The whole territory would've reeked of rot."
Smell wouldn't even be the issue; it'd be infections and survival. Toypus Earldom might've vanished long ago.
"Aigoo, my poor bones..."
I hadn't gotten a proper break in ten days, so I took the chance to stretch. The tub was huge enough to extend my legs fully.
How'd I end up bathing out of nowhere? Blame Lunaros Vanderbilt. 'You stink—go wash up, then we'll talk.' The moment she showed up, Kyu-ing vanished in a flash. The sudden chill hit me hard; I barely suppressed the shivers and was about to explain why I'd come when she beat me to it.
So here I was, in the bathroom on autopilot, sniffing myself. No real odor. Sweat at worst? Maybe from the scorpion stew. But one possibility clicked in my head.
In my mind, Lunaros was a woman—confirmed. A top-tier mage. Peeking into a bathroom? Piece of cake for her.
'Son... no, my boy...! Already prepped on your own...?'
-Gulp.
If she was peeking, I'd give her the full Geumtaeyang show—confidently, without tipping her off. Move like it's just a casual bath, but position so my goods stand out. For dramatic flair, I tried swelling it a bit... but it was already half-hard without me trying.
My little buddy's plenty proud as-is; any virgin seeing it would gasp, 'Th-that thing... it's supposed to go in...? It'll ruin me...' But if Lunaros was a ripe, man-starved woman... a little shock value wouldn't hurt. Let it linger in her mind later—while researching magic, fighting monsters, teaching disciples. Unconsciously obsessing until she soaks through, aching for me. Then she calls, and... 'Urp! Minimum three heirs!'
Damn good plan. I was proud of myself, for real.
"Kuhuhu."
A grin crept up as I scrubbed every inch with fragrant soap. Limbs first, then thorough on the groin. Now I smelled great.
Toweled off and stepped out—clothes waited by the door. No underwear.
"Hm..."
Baggy men's garb, obviously. A bit snug on me, but whose? Crystal clear: Lunaros Vanderbilt.
I knew she was a woman, but this probably touched that old man's disguised body...
"Ha..."
Hated to wear it. Really did. But no choice—couldn't strut out naked and panty-free.
Small mercy: Reminding myself she was a woman dulled the revulsion. 'If she's old or ugly despite that...'
Nightmare scenario, but possible. I'd rip the clothes, bolt out, sear my skin on ice, hole up in sand like a chinchilla for a month back home. Please, no.
Lunaros.
-Swoosh.
Slipped it on and opened the door. The hinges were smooth, unlike my manor's creaky ones—no grating on the nerves.
"All clean?"
Her voice drifted from an open room down the hall. I entered to find her at a desk, nose in a book.
"...Much cleaner now."
She spoke without looking up.
Confirmed. She'd peeped my bath.
"What about my hair? Still damp."
"...Ahem. It's warm inside; let it air-dry."
Confirmed. Wet hair's her thing. Got it—drop the old man act and show me the pretty lady already. I don't chat with geezers for fun...!
"Now, business. What brings the desert lord all the way to this remote North?"
She'd already dug into my background, huh. No clue how, but whatever.
"This is why I came to see you, Lady Vanderbilt."
I fetched my pouch from the bathroom, pulled out the prime topaz. Not pale yellow, but deep amber verging on autumn leaves.
Placed it on her desk.
"Oh ho... A mineral infused with lightning mana... Right, topaz. Most are junk, so I gave up on them, but this quality... Yeah, this could work."
Her awkward stiffness vanished, replaced by a mage's gleam—curiosity, pursuit of higher realms. Eyes sparkling, she examined the raw topaz from every angle.
This was why I'd busted my ass reclaiming the mine. Toypus topaz had a quirk: the good stuff held lightning mana. Even regular topaz had a trace, but negligible. And this premium grade? Catnip for Lunaros Vanderbilt, the moon mage.
"The moon harbors harmony, and harmony harbors all things."
Hard for non-mages like me to grasp, but roughly: Moon magic needs broad knowledge, including lightning mana. Rare in this world, so she could only study it during storms. My topaz? Irresistible.
"Toypus, eh... Yeah, I heard there's a topaz mine there. Collapsed a few years back, but you've restored it?"
"Yes."
"Then tell me: how'd you know I need lightning mana?"
"Ah... Well."
Can't say I read the original! Gotta spin something else.
"Heard it from your disciple, Hera. She said moon magic benefits from all knowledge, but lightning mana's one of the gaps."
"Hm... That girl..."
"......"
She knew Hera and I were academy classmates—no need to probe my background.
"Close with my disciple, are you?"
Easy one.
"Yeah, pretty close."
Not groping her ass and hips otherwise. Skinship probably warmed her up subconsciously. 'If not... we'll fix that later.'
Hera on my mind—wanted to squeeze those cheeks again.
"I see. Next question."
"Ask away."
"Mind if I ask about that divine power of yours—with its odd affinity?"
"......"
"Guess not. Intriguing, but divine stuff doesn't grab me. Won't pry. Last question."
She knew about Kyu-ing already. Should've hidden it en route north. At least she wasn't digging into my divine power.
"Gems this pure fetch top dollar from the imperial court or big merchants. Probably sold like this before the collapse."
"Yes."
"So why me?"
Couldn't spill my guts: Save your death flag, and if you live, bear my heirs. Need lightning mana, so you'll pay fair without ripping me off. Deal's dead; my head too.
Best answer? Butter her up.
"Heard you're at the forefront of the monster-human war, volunteering no less. Can't fight myself, but thought Toypus topaz could help. That's the mindset an imperial noble should have."
Some scum might beg for freebies in wartime—like the Empire. The court. The Emperor. But Lunaros was straight-up. Mage trait, maybe.
"Hm... Fair enough. Price... won't match court or merchants. That okay?"
"Fine by me."
"I'll send servants to Toypus regularly."
"Thank you."
Score—she'd handle transport. Was gonna whine and flop if they expected me to. Either thoughtful or just eager for quick bulk topaz. Win-win for me.
"Let's draft the contract."
"Yup."
"...Yup...?"
"Slip-up. Contract, right away."
"......"
Excitement made me slip casual. Hoped it didn't tank her goodwill.
Worry faded quick. Haggling and signing, it hit me: Toypus Earldom was finally getting its oxygen tank.
I brimmed with joy.
'Territory folks, hang on...! I'll hire proper and work you good...!'
Kuhuhu.