Futility (5)
The waterfall continued to roar, Shaaaaaaa—! Its torrents crashed down as fiercely as ever. Yet the shallow valley lay completely stained with crimson blood, rendering even the rushing water colorless.
In the middle of that bloody pool.
“Keuk… kheuk…”
I pressed my knee down hard on his skull and crushed it without mercy, grinding the bones caught on my blade’s tip. The knight commander’s hand, submerged in the water, thrashed wildly. It was nothing but meaningless resistance.
“……”
Thud. The neck tore completely free. It had taken a long time. The stump wasn’t clean like a guillotine cut; it was ragged, as if ripped apart by hand.
If this counted as revenge, then it was revenge. But it didn’t feel as refreshing as I had expected. How should I describe it? The meaning of revenge itself seemed to have faded.
I staggered to my feet. Clear blood streamed from the severed head in my hand, spilling into the valley and spreading outward.
“Huu…”
Wiping the blood from around my mouth with the same hand that held the head, I scanned the surroundings. Roughly fifty soldiers’ remains lay scattered across the not-very-wide space. Fortunately, none of them seemed to be breathing anymore.
The problem was that my own breath would soon stop as well. I too had been pierced and torn in countless places. On top of that, my entire body was soaked, so the blood flowed out even faster.
“Urk!”
My vision spun, and my body toppled backward. The waterfall’s current slammed into me as it rushed past.
Did I win? Or could this even be called a victory? This was only possible because I inhabited Serion’s body. If my original body had undergone the same training, I would have died without killing a single one of them.
Splash—! I hurled the knight’s severed head away. It bobbed along the current, looking utterly hollow and futile.
I watched it for a moment, steadying my breath, then forced myself upright once more.
The place my feet carried me to after leaving the valley was where Chloe lay. My sword remained buried in her heart, pinning her to the ground. I nudged the hilt, but it didn’t budge at all.
A pool of blood had formed beneath her. Had her magic power run dry, preventing any further healing?
“……”
Schlick—! I yanked the sword free from her body. Her corpse twitched slightly as the blade withdrew.
Then I moved on.
“Haa… haa…”
I had to hurry. She was waiting desperately for me alone. I had promised to return within a week. If I was late again, she would scold me.
But why wouldn’t my body listen? Why did it keep losing its balance?
I stabbed the sword into the ground and leaned my weight against the hilt.
My head drooped on its own. The gaping wound in my side revealed bright red intestines spilling out in plain sight.
“Keuu…”
The breath escaping my lips scraped like metal. My lips had gone dry, and my body felt ice-cold. Even the arm gripping the sword to hold myself up trembled violently.
With my body like this, could I even reach Vivian? Truth or lies, none of it mattered anymore. Why she had killed Saren, why she had lied to me—it was all irrelevant now.
I just wanted one more time. Just once more, to be held in her arms.
When I returned, I would tell her we should make a baby. A child with blue eyes like Vivian’s. How beautiful that would be. The mere thought brought a smile to my lips.
“……”
I clenched my teeth.
Step… step… Using the sword as a cane, I somehow dragged my heavy feet forward.
Clink— A glass bottle bumped against my toe. When I shifted my gaze, I saw a long-necked green bottle.
“……?”
It was a wine bottle. The dark liquid inside suggested it was some kind of vintage.
Lucky me. Finding alcohol in a place like this.
I snatched it up at once, popped the cork, and drank deeply. The sweet, fragrant scent of grapes filled my mouth, accompanied by the bitter, metallic tang of blood.
“Puh…”
Still, it was better than nothing.
I glanced around, hoping for more, but that was all there was.
Regretfully, I drained the entire bottle, then hurled it into the distance and resumed my staggering steps.
Perhaps thanks to the alcohol, though it gave me no real strength, the pain felt slightly dulled. Just a little. Like removing a single spoonful of sand from the desert.
I had barely managed to drag myself to the edge of the forest when I suddenly halted.
“Haa, fuck.”
The stench was so foul and sickeningly familiar that it felt like my nose would rot. Slowly, I lifted my head and stared straight ahead.
The low, guttural growls echoed from the dense line of trees.
Several undead were slowly emerging from the thick forest.
Of course. With the air reeking of blood like this, it would have been strange if they hadn’t come.
Thanks to Chloe’s blessing, I wouldn’t be killed by the undead. But did I have any strength left to break through that horde?
I was tired of everything now. Maybe it would be better to simply move on to the next life.
“……”
What the hell was I thinking?
Even if I had nothing left, I had to create a way. Even if I had nothing left, I had to push through. Hadn’t I promised Vivian I would return within a week? Hadn’t I abandoned a crying child who begged me not to leave?
I had to go back, kneel, and beg for forgiveness. I had to swear I would never seek revenge again. I had to promise I would devote the rest of my life to her.
…That was what I needed to do.
But my body had broken down. I no longer had the strength to take even a single step. No—I didn’t even have the strength to stand on my own two feet.
In the end, my body collapsed onto the ground like a soaked sheet of paper.
[Grrrrr!!]
[Kyaaaak!!]
The human undead tried to tear into me. The werewolf undead mindlessly struck down at me.
Of course, their bites never landed, and I felt no pain.
“Haa… haa…”
My eyelids slowly closed. To think the last thing I would see before they shut was these rotting bastards. Not exactly pleasant.
Anyway, I would meet Vivian again in the next life.
But would that Vivian be the one I loved? Would she be the one who loved me? Would her embrace be the one I had longed for so desperately?
“Haa……”
Who knows.
Who knows……
It’s nearly been a full week now. I wonder if my young master is returning safely?
As always, he’ll probably be a day or two late again. And I’ll place my hand on my hip and scold him.
Each time, he’ll awkwardly smile while gently waving the bread I like.
It’s all right. As long as he isn’t hurt. As long as he isn’t in pain, he can be as late as he wants.
Still, I worry whether he met Chloe. I truly hope he didn’t.
Every time he leaves, I pray to the gods every single day. Though I am a heretic, I hope they will listen to me, just once.
Yes. I was afraid of him learning the truth.
Because Young Master Serion cherishes the lady so deeply. Because he values the lady—who has been frail since birth—more than his own life. But I had no choice. Because I love him. I have loved him since before I became a maid. Since our days at the Academy.
So whether he rebukes me later or takes my life, I had to save him. He is my everything.
On the day he finally woke after so long, even though I had resolved countless times to tell him the truth, my mouth somehow only spoke lies.
Because I wanted to remain by his side a little longer. Because I couldn’t bear to see those eyes filled with hatred for me.
Perhaps that’s why every breath I drew was painful.
I wonder if he met Chloe this time. If he learned the truth.
Each time, I swore that this time I would finally be honest with him.
But his embrace was too warm. The words “I love you” were too sweet. So my mouth closed tightly once again.
They say the lady’s fiancé has gone missing. He is probably dead.
And it was my young master who killed him.
Everyone who became that fiancé’s partner has either vanished or lost their life. There was never any evidence, yet everyone believed it was his doing.
My young master had no choice but to make that decision.
To him, the lady was that kind of person.
The kind of person who could make him commit murder without hesitation. The kind of person who could turn my young master—who always embraced those beneath him and loved to give—into someone who would not flinch at killing.
If he learns the truth… will he kill me too?
I am not afraid of death. I am only afraid of being hated.
So this time as well, it seems I will lie. Despite all my resolutions, my mouth will speak falsehoods of its own accord.
I will once again be held in his arms. He will whisper that he loves me.
And within this torment, I will continue this dreamlike existence.
When I die, I will surely go to hell. For killing my sibling. For killing the master I served. For living a life of lies.
But that’s all right. Because I too would not hesitate to kill for my young master.
Oh, that’s right! I must visit the market tomorrow. My young master loves the tomato stew I make.
And the days are growing colder, so I should buy him a few more clothes. Of course, according to my taste.
I don’t know how adorable he looks when he grumbles that they aren’t to his liking.
Aah. I miss him so much, my young master. When he returns, I must apologize for throwing a tantrum and telling him not to leave. I must apologize for raising my voice as well. While I’m at it, perhaps I should suggest we make a baby? A child with red eyes like his. How beautiful that would be. Just imagining it brings a smile to my lips.
So, hoping he returns as soon as possible…
Today as well, I fall asleep alone.