Chapter 26
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Translator: Ebonarch
Chapter: 26
Chapter Title: Lucia is Smiling (9)
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"..."
Shaking the bottle vigorously, but nothing came out.
Already one bottle of booze was gone.
"...Tch."
The bottle I tossed carelessly clashed against the others, creating a racket.
With staggering steps, I made my way to the liquor cabinet, uncorked a fresh bottle, and poured it straight down my throat.
Money was damn convenient no matter the world.
Even booze that was banned inside the academy could be had in heaps if you slipped enough coin to the right people.
They were all expensive swill that tasted like shit, but who cared.
As long as it got me drunk.
...How many days had passed since I confirmed Eloise's body?
A day? Three? A week?
...I couldn't remember.
Most of that time, I'd been wasted on alcohol, and even the brief moments sober were spent chasing the next blackout.
Empty bottles piled up around the room.
Wake up, drink, puke, pass out cold—rinse and repeat.
I tried grabbing a bottle and climbing into bed, but my legs buckled, my body refusing to obey.
In the end, I gave up and slumped to the floor, leaning my back against the bedframe.
"...Hahahahahahaha."
Staring blankly at the ceiling, a dry laugh escaped me.
Where the hell had it all gone wrong?
In the game...
Back in the first playthrough...
You pathetic bastard.
My nails dug into my clenched fist, drawing blood.
...I'd known from the start this wasn't just a game.
But had I truly accepted this world as reality?
Or had I been treating it like a game, averting my eyes the whole time?
And because I'd looked away, the world turned to stare back at me.
It showed me they weren't just lines of data—they were people made of flesh and blood, just like me.
And those people died for a damn title added to my status window.
What if I'd warned the professors ahead of time?
What if I hadn't gotten distracted by some hidden piece?
The outcome surely would've been different...
...It was all my fault. I'd killed them.
Knock knock—
As I drowned the unbearable disgust in another swig, a knock came at the door.
"...Master."
"Get lost."
I knew Lucia was waiting out there, but I hadn't let her in.
I didn't want anyone seeing me like this.
"...You haven't eaten today either."
Lucia's voice came through the door.
How many times had she come by now?
Since that day, she'd visited repeatedly, leaving food outside, but I'd never once opened the door.
"I said get lost!"
—Clank.
The moment I yelled, the door swung open.
I ground my teeth so hard they squeaked. Rage boiled up in my head.
"You insolent bitch! My orders don't mean shit to you anymore?!"
"...Master. You haven't eaten in days. You have to at least try something, or it'll be bad."
Food was in both of Lucia's hands.
I knew it.
I knew she was worried about me.
But...
Right now, I didn't want to see her.
"I don't even want to look at you—get the hell out!"
"Anything greasy out of nowhere would upset your stomach, so I prepared something light today..."
I gave the order, but Lucia pretended not to hear, smiling softly as she stepped inside.
"Damn it! Don't ignore me!"
I couldn't hold back. I hurled the bottle from my hand.
Thwack—!
The wildly thrown bottle smacked into Lucia's hand.
Crash—
It shattered on the floor, the carefully packed food scattering like trash across the room.
"...Master."
"Ah..."
...Blood trickled from Lucia's fingers.
"I... I didn't mean to hit you. I swear."
...I'd hurt someone again.
I'd only meant to scare her off, but this booze-soaked body couldn't even manage that.
"S-sorry... Sorry..."
"It's fine."
I clutched my face, on the verge of tears, mumbling apologies over and over.
"No matter what you do to me, it's okay."
Lucia, now beside me, smiled gently.
I feared my ugliness would taint her radiant smile.
As I tried to pull away, she grabbed my hand.
"...It's not just your fault."
I knew she didn't mean the hand.
"...What do you know about it...?"
"I know."
"No, you don't... It's all my fault! Nothing's innocent—it's all because of me they died!"
I was the only one in this world who could've stopped it.
So it was solely my sin.
"No."
Lucia gazed at my outburst with steady eyes.
"I knew too. And I could've stopped it."
"...Ha... hahaha..."
I let out a laugh.
For a moment, her words had almost shaken me.
...Hadn't I said it myself?
'A soldier's merits become the commander's. So Lucia's merits become mine as her master.'
Back then, I'd treated her like a tool.
Now I was trying to drag her down as an accomplice?
I loathed myself for twisting things self-servingly to escape this mess.
"...You just followed my orders. That's why you couldn't stop it. So it's still my sin."
"No, following your orders was my choice. Just like opening this door now—I could've disobeyed."
"...You didn't know what was going to happen."
Lucia slowly shook her head.
"Master. Before the exam started, I told you, remember? No matter what happened, it wouldn't be your fault. I'd suspected something like this might occur from the beginning."
"Even if that's true..."
"So this is the result of my choice."
Lucia cut me off for the first time.
I bit my lip.
"...What changes if you rationalize it like that?"
No excuse would alter reality.
"Am I supposed to just go back to normal like nothing happened? I killed them! No justification changes that! Emery Sylvester! Winifred! Eloise! None of them had to die!"
—Lucia knew the plan.
—It never happened in the first playthrough.
—No one was supposed to get hurt.
No matter how I dressed it up...
I could've saved them, and I didn't. That was unchangeable.
"And you want me to act like it's nothing? Lucia, do you know what I can't stand most? Professor Loreos thinks I protected the other students! He sees me as a hero! ...And disgustingly, I believed it too!"
I'd seen myself as the hero.
Grinning at the title in my status window.
...Without a thought for what I'd wrought.
"So tell me... Lucia... how am I supposed to forgive myself...?"
Lucia quietly shook her head at my words.
"No, Master. I'm not telling you to forgive yourself."
"...Then what do you want from me...? It's too heavy, Lucia... The weight is crushing me."
Human lives were this heavy.
I felt like I'd collapse under it any second.
Closed eyes, open eyes—their faces haunted me still.
"...Master must never look away from his choices. Because in the future, many lives will live or die by them."
"...No, I'll look away. They'll die anyway. I'll rationalize it and fool myself eventually."
Even now, with their faces before me, I made excuses.
I had no choice. I didn't know. Rinse and repeat.
In the end, I'd forget the ones I killed without a care.
"...So I'll stay by your side, Master. So we... so neither of us can turn from our choices. I'll walk with you to the end."
Lucia's hand overlaid mine.
I looked up to see her blue eyes.
"...So please, Master. Don't despair. Save this world."
A tremble she couldn't hide carried in her voice.
"...Me, save the world? Me, who couldn't even save a student's life?"
"...Yes, Master. To not let their lives be in vain—please save the world."
Her slowly extended hand touched my cheek.
"In the last world, we only delayed the end. We couldn't stop it."
In the first playthrough, Lucia and I had merely postponed the apocalypse—we hadn't saved the world.
"But this time, there's still a chance. We can save it... So please, Master. Acknowledge your sins, agonize over your choices, but don't run. Keep walking forward."
"..."
Tears streamed from Lucia's eyes.
"Save this world that way."
Lucia drew close and softly kissed me.
"...And if even after we save it, you still can't forgive your sins..."
She was so lovely, so heartbreaking...
"...I'll die with you, Master."
Under the moonlight spilling through the window, Lucia smiled radiantly, yet achingly sad.