Balls
J couldn't believe his ears. He stared blankly at the finger Han Mir had leveled with surgical precision at a very particular, very precious part of his anatomy.
"W-what did you just say...?"
"You heard me just fine. Cut off one of your two balls right here in front of me, and I'll believe you."
J's mouth twisted into a half-smile of sheer disbelief. A brat this young, mocking him with a condition this absurd — it was written all over the boy's face. But this wasn't something he could just laugh off.
If they brought the Anomaly Management Bureau's full forces and Objects to bear, they could subdue him. They'd just have to pay the price. And that was the problem. Nobody knew how strong this kid actually was. The fallout could range from irreversible casualties all the way down to something as "minor" as a C-rank Anomaly breaking loose.
The Bureau always planned for the worst. Which meant that if J made a unilateral call to force the issue here, the higher-ups might well repay him by turning him into a test subject — the kind Anomalies tore apart in the most gruesome ways imaginable. Maximum peace, minimum sacrifice. That was the Bureau's most sacred principle. So of course the higher-ups would want him to take the deal and sacrifice one of his precious balls. Hell, even without orders, that was what he had to do.
J knew it intellectually. One ball was a bargain. He might even get a promotion out of this.
But.
But this was still completely insane! Of all the demands in the world, why did it have to be his balls?!
He forced the seething down and spoke with a calm he did not feel.
"I think there's been a misunderstanding. We have no intention of deceiving you. We simply want to ensure your power isn't misused — that it doesn't throw society into chaos."
Han Mir dug in his ear with his pinky, looking thoroughly bored.
"You know what? There's a spell on my eyes that sees through lies. I ripped out a Fallen Sage's eyeballs myself and swapped them with my own. Those sugarcoated lies of yours? I can see them crystal clear. And I'm still giving you a chance."
Truth or lie? While J hesitated, Han Mir added,
"For the record, I could walk out of here right now if I felt like it."
"Even you couldn't just leave the Bureau. This facility contains monsters beyond anything you can imagine."
"And yet you didn't detect my intrusion, and you couldn't stop it either. I can demonstrate, if you'd like."
Han Mir's casual composure sent J spiraling into doubt. There was a sly, seasoned cunning in the boy that didn't belong on someone his age. What if he really was a Hero who'd saved the Other World? What if he could slip out of the Bureau the same way he'd slipped in — without anyone noticing?
J would take the fall for this, no question. And depending on what kind of havoc the kid wreaked once he was out, the punishment would only get worse. His head throbbed like someone was driving a needle into his brain. His heart hammered against his ribs. His mouth had gone bone-dry.
"U-um. I mean, even so, asking for that... Honestly, that's a completely ridiculous demand. Isn't there some other condition?"
Shin Mi-na stepped in at just the right moment. Han Mir stared at her, then smiled.
"Another condition, huh. How about this? You and J get gender reassignment surgery. On each other. Oh, and of course — you take off what needs taking off, and attach what needs attaching."
"What!? Th-that's even more extreme! That's worse!"
"You have to take responsibility for lying. If you weren't prepared to go that far, why bother?"
"Th-that's..."
As Shin Mi-na stammered, Han Mir leaned forward.
"Or — if you cut out your own tongue and gouge out both your eyes right here, I'll take your word for it."
The brutality of it drained the color from Shin Mi-na's face. She couldn't speak. The Bureau's technology could restore her even if she went through with it — but the pain? That they'd have no way to erase. She'd feel every second of it.
"...If I cut mine off, you'll really believe us?"
J's question cut in, sharp with resolve. Han Mir grinned and nodded.
"Absolutely. Anesthesia is allowed, by the way."
"J! A-are you seriously going to do this!? Even so, this is...!"
J shook his head, firm.
"No. This has to be done. You know what this place is, Mi-na. And you can't exactly gouge out your own eyes and cut off your own tongue."
"B-but still..."
"Everyone out. I'll handle this myself."
Shin Mi-na opened her mouth to stop him, then pressed her lips shut and walked out. The combat agents stationed for security hesitated, then filed out after her.
Han Mir smiled, satisfied.
"Excellent decision."
It felt like someone had poured boiling oil into J's gut. Without a word, he slowly unbuckled his pants. Even now, the surveillance cameras in the room were still rolling — meaning the moment his ball hit the floor would be recorded in vivid, glorious detail for the entire Bureau.
He pulled a long, slender pen from his jacket pocket. A few clicks, and a laser blade sprang from the tip. This would do it in one clean cut.
"Haaah... hooo."
He took a deep breath, then yanked his underwear down. He was just about to bring the laser blade in when—
"Ugh, that's disgusting. I think I'm gonna be sick."
Hopeful words, snatching him back from the brink of despair. J's face lit up with a massive grin.
"Th-then does that mean you'll accept our offer to stay here!?"
"Huh? No. I'm going home."
A sharp click. Han Mir snapped the restraints and stood up. Combat agents burst through the door in a rush — guns pointed at Han Mir, eyes pointed, unfortunately, at J's exposed pride.
"W-what the hell are you talking about!? Why did I just drop my pants and show you my junk, then!?"
"I genuinely intended to stay if you cut off one ball in front of me. But you know what? I said I'd stay if you cut it off in front of me. Meaning if you don't cut it off in front of me, the offer is void."
"You crazy son of a bitch—!!! Restrain him, now!!"
The instant J's desperate shout rang out, a violent stream of light erupted from Han Mir's body. Blinding white flooded the room.
Teleport
The light faded.
"Th-this can't be..."
The boy who had walked into the Bureau uninvited was gone without a trace.
Han Mir slowly looked around. A familiar, longed-for scent brushed his nose, and a soft smile spread across his face.
The sofa, its leather peeling from years of use. The television his father barely ever turned on. He never thought he'd be this happy to see them. He walked slowly, taking in every detail with affectionate eyes.
A sight he'd only seen in dreams for five years, unfolding before him now. The feeling defied words. Tears welled at the corners of his eyes. The orchid, sitting wherever someone had last dumped it. The ancient computer that still ran games somehow. A refrigerator — something that simply didn't exist in the Other World. And the bed. God, he'd missed that bed.
Han Mir wiped his damp eyes and launched himself onto the mattress. The soft give of it sent him bouncing, his body lifting slightly before settling back down.
"Haaaaah."
This softness. A bed — a concentrated masterpiece of science and technology that no medieval fantasy world could ever produce, a surface you never wanted to leave. How long had it been?
He rolled around to his heart's content, laughing with pure happiness.
"Haaah. Thank god."
Unlike the Other World, using magic in reality came with the nagging fear of inconvenient accidents — getting stuck in a wall, dropping onto some random deserted island. But he'd made it. He'd come home, exactly as he'd wanted.
Something occurred to him. He sat bolt upright and headed for the fridge, his hand snatching the fried-chicken flyer stuck to the door. Then his fingers hammered the home phone like lightning.
Click. The line went dead. Perfect. In just a little while, he wouldn't be choking down that tough, flavorless embarrassment they had the nerve to call meat. He'd be devouring chicken — crispy batter, juicy flesh, the real thing.
"Hooo."
He sank back into the mattress and gazed up at the yellowed wallpaper on the ceiling — something he'd missed more than he'd ever admit. But he couldn't just lie here grinning about being home.
Coming back to Korea from the Other World was great. Accidentally revealing his powers was not. And he'd revealed them to what was almost certainly a secret government organization. In his experience, that meant one of two things: they'd try to use his power however they wanted, or they'd lock him up so he couldn't use it at all. Either way, they were going to make his life hell.
The Other World had people like that too. One lord had tried to make him a knight to fuel his own ambitions. One king had thrown him in prison, claiming Han Mir was as dangerous as a Demon King. All of it had been resolved smoothly. Under the name of violence, of course.
Han Mir's brow furrowed. He clicked his tongue.
"Tsk. What a pain."
He'd wanted to live comfortably with a Hero's power. Instead, a bunch of annoying flies had latched on. If he'd known, he would've learned mind-control magic. But spilled water was spilled water. All he could do now was hope they couldn't find him.
Ding-dong!
The doorbell.
"What? No way it's here already!? Hell yeah! Now that's delivery!"
Han Mir's mouth watered. He shot to the front door and opened it with a bright, sunny smile.
"Huh?"
A short-haired girl with a fierce expression stood there. Young face, business suit. Something about her reminded him of Eris.
"What the hell? That's not chicken."
"Excuse me for a moment."
"H-hey—?"
The girl walked straight into his house like she owned it. Han Mir let her in out of sheer bewilderment, then snapped to his senses and blocked her path.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing? You know barging into someone's house without permission is a crime, right?"
Instead of answering, she rummaged in her jacket and pulled out an ID card stamped with a strange serpent emblem.
"I am Lee Si-a of the Anomaly Management Bureau, Special Surveillance Division, 7th Unit. Han Mir, you are under arrest for unauthorized intrusion into Bureau facilities and unauthorized escape while designated a Special Management Subject. Please cooperate quietly and—"
Lee Si-a blinked. The Han Mir who'd been standing right in front of her a second ago had vanished into thin air.
"Guess the chicken really isn't here. Damn."
His voice came from behind her. She whipped around.
Lee Si-a had been raised from childhood under the Bureau's rigorous training into an elite agent. Her eyes were like a boxer's — the kind that never missed even the twitch of a civilian's finger. And yet this boy had slipped behind her without a sound, completely evading those eyes. She could barely believe it. He was peering out the front door, smacking his lips in disappointment.
"H-how did you...?"
"If you're asking how I moved, I'd love to inform you that humans are bipedal animals who walk on two legs."
Han Mir answered like it was a chore, walked into the living room, flopped onto the sofa, and shut his eyes. Then he waved a dismissive hand at her.
"Stop being a pain and get out. I've got chicken coming."
Lee Si-a stared at him in disbelief, then slammed her hand down on the sofa and shoved her face in close.
"Excuse me, Han Mir! This is not the time for you to be lying around! Did you not hear a word I said!?"
"Oh, I heard you just fine."
"Hah. You still don't grasp the situation, do you..."
"You came alone?"
"What?"
Han Mir propped himself up slightly and cracked one eye open at her. For some reason, that single eye sent a chill down her spine. The boy's words were a provocation — asking if she'd really come to take him on by herself. But an agent's duty was to never give up, no matter how dangerous the situation. She couldn't let him look down on her. She answered evenly.
"Yes. I came alone. I'm a significantly more capable agent than the others, which is why I was deployed solo."
"Hmmm."
Even if she was an outstanding agent — what did it mean that they'd sent her alone to capture someone with a confirmed Anomaly kill?
"A meat shield, then."
"What? What is that supposed to mean?"
"If I, a fugitive, hurt you, the Bureau will accept the casualties to take me down. If I don't, they won't want civilians finding out, so they'll try to resolve it peacefully."
Lee Si-a frowned. He wasn't wrong. She bit her lower lip slightly.
"I'll get to the point. As you well know, you can't stay here. You have to come with me. Unfortunately, you are no longer Han Mir, ordinary high school student. You've been designated an Anomaly — a Special Management Subject. If you don't cooperate, I will have no choice but to use force."
"Don't wanna. If someone's leaving, it oughta be you."
"Haaah. I suppose I have no choice."
In an instant, Lee Si-a's expression shifted — the cold eyes of a predator locking onto prey — and she lunged at him. She didn't attack. With a motion as fluid as a snake, she simply wrapped something around his neck.
A mysterious black choker now sat against Han Mir's throat, a red light blinking at its center. Lee Si-a pulled out a remote.
"The choker on your neck is a specially manufactured bomb. One press of this button, and your head comes clean off."
"That so?"
Han Mir sat up, looking thoroughly unimpressed.
"Wha—!?"
At a speed her eyes couldn't follow, he snatched the remote. And without a moment's hesitation, he pressed the button.
"W-wait—!"
BOOM—!
The entire apartment shook with the blast. But there was no damage around Han Mir at all. Only a plume of black smoke rising from his neck.
He'd chosen to kill himself? That easily?
She stared at him, mouth slightly open. Then something struck her as wrong. That bomb was designed to reduce the head to ash on detonation. But there was no trace of an incinerated head anywhere.
"Ugh, that's gonna set off the smoke alarm if I'm not careful."
Han Mir casually waved the smoke away, completely unharmed. The bomb had definitely gone off. So how? He approached, frowning like this whole thing was an annoyance. Lee Si-a stumbled backward, then steeled herself and dropped into a stance, mentally cycling through which equipment to use.
Ding-dong!
The doorbell rang again.
"Kyaa!"
A sudden gust of wind knocked Lee Si-a onto her rear. She scrambled to find Han Mir — he was already out the front door.
"The chicken's he...?"
Han Mir frowned. He'd smelled the chicken. The doorbell had rung. But there was nobody outside.
"Okay, who's pranking me? Wait. That's weird."
He stroked his chin, staring down the hallway.
"Was the hallway always this long?"
The apartment hallway stretching out in Han Mir's eyes went on farther than he could measure. Though it was midday, a darkness thick as night had settled over it, pierced only by faint, scattered lights. Door after door lined the impossibly long corridor — but this didn't feel right. Not even close.
Because this apartment building only had two units per floor.