Acceptance
One month.
That was how long it took to accept the reality that I had returned to the past.
The reason I needed an entire month was simple: I hadn’t wanted to believe it. Reuniting with my family brought undeniable joy, but if I had truly regressed, then the inevitable tragedy would merely repeat itself. Once again, our lives would be utterly trampled underfoot. If I had to witness that slaughter a second time, I felt certain I would lose my mind even in death. And so, I had desperately denied reality.
For a brief time, I entertained the pointless hypothetical of what might have happened if someone else had returned instead of me. Yet, as someone who had witnessed the very end of the world, I found it impossible to imagine anyone overturning a war whose defeat had been preordained from the start. If anyone were foolish enough to rejoice over returning to the past, spouting hopeful nonsense about changing the future, they either died before witnessing the true apocalypse, or they were colossal fools who did not know their own place.
While I remained steeped in defeatism, gazing grimly toward the future, my parents’ worry grew deeper with each passing day. A month ago, after examining my injuries at the hospital, they were horrified to learn that I had been attacked by a monster in the valley. Even if I had miraculously survived, what parent wouldn't be frightened out of their wits to hear their child had nearly died?
Worse still, my behavior only aggravated their distress. Throughout my stay at the hospital, I barely touched my food, spending day after day buried beneath the blankets in stony silence. It reached the point where my parents seriously considered psychiatric counseling. Realizing that brooding would change nothing, I gathered my wits after being discharged and did my best to come to terms with the reality before me. At my age, causing my parents this much grief was simply disgraceful.
“Sihyeok-ah! The kindergarten bus is here! Are you all dressed?” My mother’s cheerful voice drifted in from the entryway.
“Yes, Mother, I’m coming.”
Right now, the only thing I was capable of doing was going to kindergarten.
Sunlight filtered through the windows of the classroom, illuminating a miniature battlefield of scattered toys and drawing supplies on the floor. Children chased one another, drew pictures, and built towering block castles only to knock them down with peals of shrill laughter.
“…Not bad.”
I couldn’t remember how long it had been since I last stood in a place so peaceful and full of life. Though it felt like somewhere I didn't belong, in this single fleeting moment, I found myself gently absorbing the warm air and innocent laughter.
Sitting quietly in the corner of the classroom, Sihyeok watched the children run and play. Quite a bit of time passed, yet not a single soul came over to speak to him. He considered it a blessing not to be bothered, but a sudden thought struck him: had he actually had any friends during his childhood? Naturally, nothing came to mind.
Unbeknownst to Sihyeok, there was a reason the children kept their distance. Children were pure and clear, often seeing straight into a person’s true essence far more intuitively than adults ever could. Perhaps sensing that the aura surrounding Sihyeok was fundamentally different from before, they instinctively avoided approaching him.
He couldn't sit there undisturbed forever, of course. Noticing him sitting by himself, the teacher attempted to herd him into a group of playing children, and Sihyeok had to struggle considerably to slip away under the excuse of wanting to read a picture book in the corner. Left alone once more, he idled away the time, flipping aimlessly through the pages.
Out of nowhere, a young girl marched over and called out to him. “Sihyeok-aaah! What are you doing sitting over here all by yourself?”
Her short hair was bobbed as round as an apple, framing sharp, feisty eyes that radiated stubborn confidence and boundless energy. Whether blessed with an early growth spurt or naturally tall, she stood a full head taller than Sihyeok.
“If you’re lonely, you should say so! You’ve got your noona right here!” Before he could respond, she grabbed him by the wrist and began hauling him across the room.
Startled by her sudden aggression, Sihyeok blanked out for an instant before coming to his senses and trying to shake her off. To his surprise, the girl’s grip was shockingly firm. Even accounting for his body still recovering from the brutal life-and-death struggle against the Griebrak, being dragged along without putting up any meaningful resistance felt downright absurd.
Whether she had an early growth spurt or was just born a monster, I honestly can't tell. Unable to take it any longer, Sihyeok spoke up in a low voice.
“Cut it out.”
The moment the words left his mouth, the bustling classroom plunged into dead silence. His tone had been chillingly frigid, cold enough to freeze blood. The girl, who had been pulling him with triumphant zeal just a second ago, blinked her wide eyes, completely overwhelmed by the crushing atmosphere.
“U-Uh… I was just… trying to play together…” Her words tangled helplessly on her tongue. The bold swagger from moments before vanished entirely, her voice shrinking into a squeak.
Sihyeok pressed on. “Do you know me? Are we close?”
Truthfully, he had only asked out of genuine curiosity because his memories were blank. Yet the words that slipped past his lips carried far more venom than intended. It was a familiar inflection—the unconscious reflex of a man used to pushing people away.
The girl stared blankly at him. Her eyes began to redden, and she clamped her lips tight, glaring directly into his gaze.
“…Why are you being like this?” Her small voice trembled, quickly giving way to uncontainable outrage. “If you keep saying weird things, noona’s gonna punish you…!”
Her high-pitched voice quivered with raw emotion.
“What noona? Aren’t we the exact same age?” The kindergarten separated children into classes based on their birth year, leaving Sihyeok utterly baffled as to why this shrimp was acting like an older sister just because she was taller.
“Urrgh…! My birthday’s earlier! By six whole months!!”
Hearing that, Sihyeok deduced that they must have been quite close if they knew each other's birthdays so precisely. But as the topic of age came up, an identity crisis suddenly gripped his mind. Was his real age the one trapped in the past, or was it the age of his current physical vessel? Perhaps his true self existed somewhere in the sum of the two.
After a moment of philosophical contemplation, Sihyeok arrived at his verdict. “Oh, yeah? Then I’m older than your dad.”
In the end, wasn’t age more than a mere number? It encompassed physical time, mental depth, and all the lingering fragments of past experience—the grand sum of everything a person had lived through. Since his mind and consciousness had endured thirty-seven years plus another month, he figured he was almost certainly older than the brat’s father.
Naturally, possessing zero context regarding Sihyeok's bizarre circumstances, the girl assumed he was blatantly mocking her and snapped. “I told you noona was gonna teach you a lesson…!”
She reared back and slugged him right in the head.
Whack!
The strike snapped Sihyeok out of his daze. Had his intelligence degenerated to preschool levels just from sitting in this classroom? To engage in a dead-serious argument with a toddler—he had gained the utterly useless realization that environment truly did influence a person.
“Good grief…”
Getting hit bruised his pride, but it didn't actually hurt, and an adult couldn't very well strike a child. He figured taking a couple of half-hearted swings would settle the matter. Unfortunately, the girl’s assault showed no signs of stopping.
What Sihyeok failed to grasp was that the girl felt genuinely hurt and betrayed. The cute, docile boy who used to follow her around had suddenly defied her, spoken cruel words, and openly ridiculed her. Swept up in a tempest of sorrow and indignation, her tiny fists kept swinging uncontrollably.
Whack! Thump! Smack!
Taking blow after blow began to genuinely sting,