Marian is Broken
"Saintess! Over here!"
As Marian Delarossi entered, Hazel de Butler called out to her in a desperate voice. The little brat who had been frantically searching for his mother while bleeding out had now completely lost consciousness. I had no intention of stopping it, so I just watched quietly as Hazel pleaded for Marian's help.
"…What in the world happened?"
Even at Hazel's call, Marian directed her question at me. I merely shrugged in response.
"I'll treat him first."
Realizing I had no plans to stop her from healing Lloyd, Marian said that to me before heading straight to the kid. For wounds inflicted by a goblin, they were surprisingly severe, so the saintess closed her eyes and focused intently, gently caressing Lloyd's injuries.
Hazel watched Marian with a look of desperate hope, but the saintess, in the midst of healing Lloyd, suddenly failed to hide her panicked expression, as if something had gone wrong.
"Wh-what's this?"
"What are you doing? Hurry and heal him…."
"I am! I am, but…."
Glancing at Hazel who was urging her on, Marian let out a bewildered voice. She shook her head vigorously and tried focusing again, placing her hand on the kid's wound, but nothing changed. A faint light emanated from her hand, yet Lloyd's injuries showed no signs of real recovery.
"Wh-what in the world…."
Thanks to that meager light, at least the bleeding had stopped, and Lloyd's breathing was gradually evening out. But that was far from the level of the saintess's supposed miraculous healing magic.
'No way….'
I watched Marian and recalled memories from my previous life.
The Immortal Body isn't omnipotent.
If my wounds regenerated instantly, I never would have taken the goddess's gift so lightly. Though called the Immortal Body, the recovery speed varied with the wound's size and severity, and accumulated injuries slowed it even further. True to its name, it wouldn't let me die, but to keep fighting properly, I still needed the saintess's healing.
'Heal me.'
'N-no. It'll regenerate soon anyway, right?'
'This kind of wound takes time. And the pain is real.'
'Shouldn't a man know how to endure a little? Do you have any idea how much mental energy a single healing spell drains?'
By the time the war against the demon army reached its endgame, Marian had been particularly reluctant to heal me for some reason. Naturally, battles grew fiercer toward the end, piling up wounds that even strained my immortal body, yet I went without her treatment. Back then, I just thought it was because things had soured between us—I never imagined her healing powers had weakened. After all, she had no issues healing anyone else but me. It wasn't quite like when we first met, but I'd never once doubted Marian's abilities.
'So that's what it was?'
"What the hell? What's wrong?"
While I pieced together the situation from past memories, Marian muttered to herself in a frustrated voice, furious that she couldn't heal Lloyd as she wished. Or at least, to me, she looked more anxious than angry. If a saintess already on shaky ground lost her healing powers too, how the church folks would treat her was obvious as day.
"Marian."
"Y-yes? Wait, just a moment. I'm really trying my best here. Th-this is just… I must be feeling under the weather…."
I approached Marian as she spouted unnecessary excuses at me. Then I picked up the goblin's sword from the floor and carved a deep gash into my arm.
"Kyaa-!"
"Wh-what are you doing? Suddenly!"
Hazel screamed at my actions, while Marian looked even more confused as she asked me why. Thanks to my immortal body, regeneration had already begun in that brief moment, but it was a sizable wound, so full healing would take some time. I held out my injured arm right in front of Marian and told her,
"Try healing it."
"P-pardon? Ah, okay."
Marian closed her eyes at my words and placed her hand on my wound. Unlike before, a dazzling white light now poured from her hand. Staring at me in bewilderment at her powers working flawlessly on me, Marian had no idea what was going on.
"Just as I thought."
"As you thought? What do you mean?"
Marian looked at me with utter confusion, and Hazel—for whom Lloyd's life hung in the balance—waited desperately for my explanation too. Facing the two women staring holes through me, I slowly opened my mouth.
"Marian, be honest. You don't wanna heal that kid, do you?"
"Pardon?"
Marian responded with a dazed expression. I smirked darkly, finally catching her averting her eyes from me.
The reason she disliked Lloyd was obvious. Marian had been the woman closest to me, more than anyone. I was in a state of dangerous human hatred and distrust—even by my own judgment—and it was natural that it rubbed off on her. The key was that those negative feelings toward humans affected her healing magic too. I recalled once hearing that holy magic stemmed from the user's earnest desire. It seemed odd that mere dislike for someone could block her spells, but as a swordsman, I got it. Your blade dulls against an opponent you don't want to kill.
'Still, how much did she hate me in my previous life?'
Remembering how she'd especially avoided healing me sent a chill through my chest. By the time she started dodging my treatments, our relationship had indeed plummeted to rock bottom. But I couldn't exactly hold the memory-less Marian of this timeline accountable now. Anyway, unlike with Lloyd, she healed my arm perfectly, and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"D-do you have any idea what's going on?"
Marian asked me anxiously, and I nodded lightly. Her eyes demanded an explanation, so I told her my theory. Both women gawked at me in disbelief at the idea that her mere annoyance at Lloyd's bratty behavior might be blocking the healing.
"Well, that's all I can think of for now."
"Hmm… He's not that dislikeable…."
Marian replied and tried her healing magic again, but as expected, no effect. Lloyd's breathing had normalized thanks to her efforts, but his condition was still critical.
'If emotions washed away that easily, why do grudges lead to murder?'
I left Marian struggling to compose herself and turned to Hazel. She was trembling, face pale as a ghost, watching over Lloyd. I had no idea why she cared so much about a kid who wasn't even her own blood, but I asked her something else.
"No other priests around here? Potions?"
"Ah, potions!"
A border territory meant the front lines in another sense, so they should have war preparations ready. No dispatched priests was unfortunate, but at least they had potions stocked. Hazel snapped to attention belatedly and ordered the soldiers to fetch some. Soldiers dashed out of the hall, and Marian now wore a deeply dejected look at her powers failing her.
"Don't sweat it, Marian."
"How can I not? A saintess who can't even cast proper healing! There's no such thing in the world…."
"As long as it works on me, that's fine."
I told her that, and I meant it. After all, she was the saintess who found the hero through an oracle, my comrade until I defeated the Demon King. So for me, as long as she could heal me cleanly, who cared about others? Like my personal recovery potion. Whatever my intent, the voyeuristic saintess blushed at my words, lost in who-knows-what thoughts.
"Potions?"
As Marian and I chatted, the soldier who'd gone out returned. Hazel, unable to wait any longer, snapped at him, turning the soldier's face ashen.
"Th-they… The monsters that invaded the castle smashed them all."
'Haha, gotcha.'
Hazel collapsed to the floor, legs giving out at the soldier's words, but I couldn't help laughing. Lilite must have deliberately destroyed the potions, anticipating future fights with humans. It didn't violate our contract, so nothing to call her out on—in fact, it felt like a nice gotcha moment.
"Wh-what do we do… I promised… to protect Lloyd…."
But Hazel muttered that, clutching her long hair and tearing at it, her mentality shattered. At that moment, the saintess whispered cautiously to me.
"A Talrion horn could heal wounds like that in no time."
Hazel's piercing gaze turned to me at the saintess's words.