I Couldn't Call Him by His Name
I couldn't call Roen by his name… Even as we walked back, Ilena kept stealing glances at Dipe. Of course, Dipe paid no mind to those looks. She just giggled and clung to me even tighter.
“Ilena. Why have you been staring at Dipe like that?”
“I don’t know. She’s cute, sure… but for some reason, she really gets on my nerves.”
“Gets on your nerves? This adorable little thing?”
At the word “nerves,” Dipe blinked her large, clear eyes and turned her gaze toward Ilena. Ilena couldn’t meet those eyes and quickly looked away.
“Ugh, she’s so cute! But I can’t help feeling annoyed. I don’t even know why I’m like this. Anyway, she really seems attached to you.”
“What’s wrong with that? She’s cute and lovable. I’m just grateful that such a sweet child likes an old guy like me and follows me around.”
“Old guy? You’re not even thirty yet, are you?”
“I don’t know how demons handle marriage, but by human standards, I’m definitely a bachelor past his prime.”
“Oh my god…”
Dipe blinked her big eyes and asked, “What’s an old guy?”
“It’s what we call a human man who’s gotten on in years.”
“So that’s an old guy?”
Dipe shook her head. “Then nice human isn’t an old guy.”
“Thanks. Now that we’re going to be together, how about you call me by my name from now on? Roen.”
“Okay! Roen!”
The moment Dipe called my name without hesitation, Ilena’s expression stiffened slightly.
“Spirits really are something. No hesitation at all, just calls you by name right away…”
“You called me by my name the second we met again. Don’t you remember?”
“Y-yeah, I did.”
“But ever since then, you’ve only called me ‘you.’ What’s the difference?”
When I asked, Ilena narrowed her eyes in thought.
“Hmm… I don’t know either.”
“I find it comfortable to call you by your name. You don’t?”
“It’s not about comfort. For some reason, I just can’t call you by your name.”
“If you don’t know why, why not just try it while we’re on the subject?”
“Call you by your name?”
“Yeah. When you’re not sure about something, the best thing is to face it head-on. Try calling me ‘you’ and then try ‘Roen.’”
“Alright…!”
Ilena swallowed hard. Was this really such a big deal that she had to be that nervous?
“First, I’ll call you the way I usually do!”
“Whenever you want. Wait, didn’t you already call me ‘you’?”
“Y-yeah. I guess I did.”
“Then there’s only one thing left.”
I couldn’t understand why Ilena was getting so tense over something so simple. But strangely, just thinking about her calling me “Roen” gave me a subtle, indescribable feeling. Come to think of it, when I knocked on the door of my childhood home, Ilena had opened it and greeted me warmly. What had it felt like when she called my name back then…?
“I’m going to try now. Ro… Ro…”
Ilena couldn’t say my name smoothly and kept stuttering for a long time.
“Ugh… Ro…!”
“Roen!”
Apparently fed up with Ilena’s struggle, Dipe jumped in. She looked at Ilena with an expression that clearly said she couldn’t comprehend why calling my name was so difficult.
“You can just say it. Why can’t you?”
“Exactly. It’s not like my name is some forbidden incantation of dark magic.”
“I-I can do it! Just give me a second!”
Ilena turned her head the other way and began muttering under her breath.
“Roen. Roen. Roen…”
It seemed she was practicing by herself before trying to say it while looking at my face.
“Okay, I’m ready!”
Finally, Ilena turned back to me.
“Pfft…”
“Y-you! Why are you laughing?”
“Kyahaha, the Demon King’s face is bright red!”
Ilena’s face had flushed crimson, as if she’d just finished some incredibly strenuous training.
“Sorry. I know you’re being serious, but I couldn’t help it.”
“Just you wait. I’m going to say it properly this time!”
Since she’d practiced, she should be able to do it now, right? Finally… Hm? Why am I getting excited about this?
“Haaah…!”
Ilena clenched her fists and suddenly let out a loud battle cry before finally moving her lips.
……But only her mouth moved. No sound came out.
“What are you doing?”
“Th-this is weird. It worked fine when I was alone. But the moment I look at your face, I can’t do it.”
Apparently ashamed that she couldn’t even say my name properly, Ilena hung her head in defeat.
“Good grief. What is this? It’s easy. Like this.”
I left my left arm, which was holding Dipe, alone. Instead, I reached out with my right arm, took Ilena’s hand, and gently pulled her toward me.
“Ah…?”
The moment the startled Ilena lifted her head, I looked straight into her eyes and spoke.
“Ilena.”
“Hiiik…!”
Thud.
Ilena let out a small shriek and collapsed right where she stood.
“Wh-what? What’s wrong with you?”
“Huuu…”
I’d only done it to show her how easy it was. Instead, it seemed to have the opposite effect.
I quickly set Dipe down beside me and checked on Ilena. She had her eyes closed, head bowed again, and was trembling.
“Are you okay?”
“……Roen.”
“Huh?”
What did she just say?
Ilena slowly raised her head. With eyes glistening with barely held-back tears, she looked up at me and spoke again.
“Roen.”
For a moment, my mind went completely blank.
This was the third time I’d seen Ilena cry. The first was when we met as enemies. The second was when I told her what happened to me in Crownland. And now.
Strangely, every time I saw Ilena’s tears, my head emptied out.
Having finally succeeded in saying my name, Ilena smiled softly.
“Ehehe, I did it.”
“……Yeah. You can do it after all.”
I took her hand and helped her up, but then Ilena said,
“But for a while, I think I’ll keep calling you ‘you.’”
“You finally managed to say it. Why?”
“It just feels better that way. For my own sake.”
After that, the atmosphere became a little awkward for some reason. To break the tension, I brought up the immediate problem.
“By the way, what should we tell Mother about Dipe?”
“Oh no. You brought her home without any plan at all?”
“But she was crying and begging me not to leave her. What was I supposed to do?”
“You idiot…”
It was true that bringing her without any plan was my mistake. But I wasn’t the kind of person who would just stay quiet after being called an idiot.
“You’re the one who can’t even say my name.”
“What? That’s not the same thing!”
Ilena’s face, which had finally calmed down, flushed red again. Pouting from being teased, she turned her head away and grumbled,
“Figure it out yourself. I’m a demon, so you know more about human relationships than I do.”
“Then how about we say I’m the dad and you’re the mom?”
“Th-think of a better idea!”
But at the moment, I couldn’t come up with anything better. I’d never heard anything about my father or mother’s extended family, so claiming she was a relative wouldn’t work.
“Let’s say we found a lost child near the mountain and brought her home to take care of her.”
“Is that the best you can do?”
“From a human’s perspective, yeah. Got a better story?”
“Hmm…”
Even though she’d told me to figure it out myself, Ilena actually thought about it with me for a long time. Eventually, she shook her head.
“I think you’re right. That seems like the best option.”
“Bringing home a child out of nowhere is already an unbelievable situation. At least we have a decent excuse.”
Ilena nodded in agreement. Then she gave Dipe some instructions.
“Dipe, that means you can’t call me Demon King in front of her either. Call me Ilena, okay?”
“Yes, I understand!”
Then she hesitated, as if she wanted to say something, before finally asking me in a slightly cautious tone.
“While we’re on the subject, there’s something I want to ask. Can I?”
“Ask me anything.”
“You… why haven’t you gotten married yet? You said it’s late for a human.”
“Marriage, huh…”
Several moments flashed before my eyes.
“I did dream of getting married once.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“I learned the harsh truth. In just two tries.”
Two times. That was how many times I had truly held someone in my heart throughout my life.
“I’m curious. Can you tell me what those two times were like?”
“The guild receptionist.”
“Ugh…?”
At the words “guild receptionist,” Ilena flinched. When we’d made up a story for Mother about how we worked at the same guild, Ilena had said she was a guild receptionist. But the one I was talking about wasn’t her.
“Her name was Anna. She was the first person I ever had feelings for.”
“The first person you had feelings for… What was she like?”
“She greeted everyone with a bright smile and handled the crude jokes from rough mercenaries with perfect wit. She was someone who gave people laughter and strength just by being there.”
“Handled jokes with wit, bright smile, laughter and strength…”
Ilena quietly muttered some of my words to herself, but it didn’t seem like she was talking to me.
“Even to a low-ranking mercenary like me, she smiled generously and treated me kindly. So I officially registered at that guild just to see her more often. I worked hard and did my best to catch her eye. But then…”
What came next was a bitter ending, even now.
When I paused, Ilena urged me on.
“But then?”
“Not long after, I heard the news. She’d fallen for a high-ranking mercenary and gotten engaged.”
“Oh no…”
“That’s when I realized it. The way she looked at that high-ranking mercenary was completely different from how she looked at me. That was the first time I felt the painful reality. That marriage requires ability.”
Ilena looked at me with pity. Even so, she didn’t stop and asked again.
“And the second?”
“You know this person too.”
“What…?”
Her eyes widened at the words “someone you know.”
“Who? Who is it?”
“That’s a secret.”
“Ah, why! Tell me!”
“Why are you so desperate to find out who I used to have feelings for?”
“W-well, that’s because…”
When I refused to tell her who it was, Ilena had been throwing a fit. But the moment I asked why she was being so aggressive, she suddenly became meek.
“I’m just curious. About what you went through.”
“Then I’ll give you one hint, and you can try to guess.”
“What is it?”
“The second time, I loved her with all my heart.”
At my words that I had loved her sincerely, Ilena swallowed hard.
“But thanks to that second time, I also realized that ability alone isn’t enough for marriage either.”
“What? Then it’s completely different from when you liked that woman named Anna.”
“That’s what marriage means to me. That’s all the clues you get.”
After dropping that meaningful line and ending the conversation, Ilena started throwing another fit.
“That’s it? What kind of ending is that!”
“I gave you clues about the secret. Isn’t that enough? Figure out the rest yourself. Besides, there aren’t that many humans you know.”
“Ugh… Fine. In that case, I’ll just look inside your head!”
“Whoa, the Demon King is mad. Dipe, should we run home?”
“Yeah!”
“Hold on tight. We’re going full speed!”
I scooped up Dipe, who had been holding my hand, and started running toward the house.
“You! Stop right there! Come here right now! I command you in the name of the Demon King!”
“In the name of the Hero, I’m running away!”
I was running, but I deliberately kept just enough distance so that Ilena, who was falling behind, wouldn’t feel left out. Still, the reason I started running wasn’t just to escape from her. It was also to shake off the bitter memories.
The second person I had held in my heart. The one I had truly loved.
That person… was the Saintess Eris.