The Number of Deaths
Raksha's blood splattered across my face. It wasn't hot or cold—just a familiar temperature. I blinked once, and a drop of blood trickled down between my eyelashes. The acrid stench of iron. Crumbled stone dust. The ragged breaths of demons backed to the edge of a cliff. And— the sound of Raksha breaking his own body.
It smelled just like the battlefield.
......But today wasn't a battlefield.
This was the training ground on the outskirts of Nova, set aside just for this purpose. Ground that never had a chance to dry from the blood. Rock pillars shattered and rebuilt. Fresh craters dug over traces of soil turned countless times. Since the day it had been named 'Nova,' for nearly twenty years, Raksha had come down here whenever he had a moment.
And today was the day to confirm the end of those twenty years—with a number.
Raksha stood in front, steadying his breath. His bare upper body. Scars. Burn marks. Flesh torn and stitched back together countless times. What I did was layer over them, so I knew that body better than anyone.
That's why I hated it even more.
"Ready, Raksha?"
Bell spoke from the edge of the red crater. Today, it wasn't his true body—just a clone he'd shaped from his power as he pleased. Even so, it contained the real Bell's Gluttony and battlefield instincts.
"Yeah."
Raksha answered. His voice was calm, but I could see the muscles in his back tense and release. I stood just behind his right side, close enough to touch if I reached out, my hands clenched so tight the nails dug into my palms.
"El."
Raksha glanced back slightly. His black eyes met mine for just a moment.
"If I collapse midway, patch me up then."
"...How far."
My voice came out calmer than I expected.
"The heart."
Raksha said curtly.
"Today's the day we see how many times it can stop and start again."
I bit my lip. I didn't want to know. The place Raksha was going wasn't 'where I stand beside him,' but 'where I can't stop him.'
"...Got it."
That was my eventual reply. A lie. I didn't want to know.
"Then, the first one."
Bell said. Even as a clone, his voice carried that familiar lazy smirk. Black light gathered on Bell's hand—an imitation of the invisible spears the higher angels used. I'd heard the explanation, but I didn't want to listen to the end.
"Raksha."
I called his name once more.
"Yeah."
"If it hurts, let's stop."
Raksha chuckled briefly. His eyes didn't waver at all.
"No pain, no point."
With those words, Raksha turned to face forward. At that instant, Bell moved. The black spear sliced through the air. Too fast for the eye to track to the end. I already knew its path.
Straight to the heart.
───Thud.
A short, dull sound. Blood sprayed vertically from the center of Raksha's chest. More blood hit my face. This time, it was a little warm.
Raksha's body staggered back half a step. His chest heaved once— then stopped.
I could feel it.
"...One."
Bell said. Counting the moment the heart stopped. I ground my teeth.
Don't count it like that. This is the number of deaths.
Recovery surged at my fingertips. I forcibly suppressed the red light rising against my will. Raksha hadn't raised his hand yet.
That was all I could do right now.
Raksha dropped to one knee on the ground. His eyes were still alive. From inside his chest, where everything was shredded, I could sense Reinforcement desperately holding only the heart together, even from afar.
"......How's it feel."
Bell asked, genuinely curious.
Raksha exhaled long and slow. His breath rose and fell only in his lungs, prickling without the heart.
"The whole body says it's 'dead right now.'"
Raksha continued through gasps.
"But if I roughly stitch around the heart, I can hold on for once."
The only words I heard were 'dead.'
A strange taste rose in my mouth.
"...Good, El."
Now it was okay to heal. I couldn't hold back anymore and reached out. Red light fell over Raksha's chest. The shattered heart mended. Flesh filled in. Not smooth flesh, but rough, like burned and scarred. I left the scars on purpose. So the marks of death wouldn't fade. So I wouldn't forget how far you'd gone.
"Second."
Bell didn't give much time. He erased the black spear once, then gathered power in his hand again.
"This time, not just the heart."
"Ribs and lungs too?"
"Do whatever."
Raksha replied. I stepped half a pace closer to his side.
"El."
Raksha turned his head slightly.
"...What."
"Don't move until I raise my hand this time too."
"You've already died once."
The words slipped out before I knew it. Raksha's brows furrowed briefly, then rose again.
"That's why we're checking."
"Checking what."
Raksha's eyes flicked down to his own chest for a split second, then back to me.
"If I can survive two more deaths."
I shut my mouth. Death is a number you can test for you? For me, each one is the end.
The second spear went deeper than the first. This time, I could tell just from watching. The sound of ribs crunching along with it. Raksha's body flew backward. The thud of his back against the rock pillar. Stone cracking. Blood spraying.
And—the heart's silence, arriving a beat late.
"......Two."
Bell said. My breath caught at the number.
Please, stop counting.
Raksha couldn't stand right away this time. His chest had lost its shape, flesh and bone ambiguously mixed. I didn't want to see how Reinforcement was holding on inside. Yet my eyes wouldn't leave.
"Arms..."
Raksha finally opened his mouth.
"This time, strength drains to the fingertips."
Even vomiting blood, his voice was eerily calm.
"Legs... still."
His words cut off. His eyes wandered blankly. Only then did I reach out.
"Enough. This is the limit."
Red light covered the second wound. Shattered ribs clicked back into place. I felt his lungs drawing air again through my palm. Below his chest, the heart jerked back to life once more—like it was dragged unwillingly.
Twice. You'd died twice.
You.
"El."
Raksha called, leaning against the wall.
I crouched in front of him without answering and pressed his chest once. It was warm. Alive. My fingers trembled slightly.
"...We should stop here. We have enough data."
"No."
Raksha cut me off shortly.
"Finish today."
"What."
"Up to the third."
Raksha looked at me quietly.
"If the heart takes one more hit in real combat."
"We need to know if I can survive."
"Raksha."
My hand dug in harder without thinking.
"You've already died twice."
"Exactly."
Raksha closed and opened his eyes.
"If I don't test it here, next time Nova might die instead."
He wasn't wrong. That's why I was angrier. You understand Nova, the battlefield. But you use your own body the most carelessly.
"......You really treat your body too lightly."
I said.
"Because I patch it up, you use it even more recklessly."
Raksha chuckled briefly.
"No."
He shook his head.
"Because you're here, I die less."
"Stopping before death and coming back after are different."
The words sounded considerate, but really, it was no different from saying he'd die more.
Bell gripped the spear once more. This time, the black light gathered deeper.
"Third."
Bell said.
"Aiming to stop it completely."
I stepped forward without thinking.
"Stop."
My voice echoed across the training ground.
"Two is enough."
Bell raised a brow.
"I don't care."
His gaze shifted to Raksha. Raksha stood slowly. On his chest, the flesh I'd just stitched was still red and wet, like a fresh scar.
"El."
Raksha looked at me.
"If I fall this time, you'll patch right away, right?"
I inhaled deeply.
"Yeah, this time I'll do it before you even raise your hand."
The words burst out. I couldn't watch anymore.
Raksha lowered his eyes briefly, then met mine again.
"No."
Short and firm.
"......What do you mean, no."
My voice cracked a little.
"For the third, you have to watch if my Reinforcement moves first."
Raksha said.
"Until I feel the heart restart on its own."
"Don't touch until then."
"...Are you insane?"
It just came out.
"You've died twice already—what if it doesn't come back this time."
"Then that's my limit."
Raksha's eyes didn't waver.
"I need to know that limit exactly here to calculate how long I can hold in battle."
For a moment, only swallowing breaths.
"El."
Raksha added quietly.
"If mine restarts first, you handle the rest."
"If Reinforcement pulls the heart back even once."
"Then it's your turn."
I hated it. Something crumbled inside. My mouth filled with the taste of blood.
No words came.
"......What if it doesn't restart?"
I asked.
Raksha smiled faintly.
"Then break the promise."
"Patch me right away, ignore everything."
I bit the inside of my lip.
"I planned to anyway."
That was my reply.
"If it looks like you're dying, I'll patch first."
Raksha looked straight at me, then nodded ever so slightly.
"Still, watch if mine moves first."
Raksha said.
"Gotta struggle to the end while I'm alive."
The black spear extended long from Bell's hand. The air sank once. I clenched my fists. Nails dug into my palms.
Could I really hear the third number?
Bell lowered his stance. Raksha stepped forward. The red training ground floor stretched between them. I stood there to keep from running, to keep from closing my eyes.
To hear the third heart shatter.
And to mend it again.
Just before the spear entered my vision, I drew a deep breath. Holding Raksha's death was always my part.