Those Who Cannot Die
The wasteland hell had become was no longer anything new. Cracked earth. Mud caked with blood and ash. Limbs scattered apart, armor and bones fused together and gone cold. The first time I saw it, I thought it was like this because it was hell. Now, I felt like this place had become hell because of the things that couldn't die and lingered on.
"......Raksha."
Tiny footsteps. El called from behind me. I didn't turn around. I just raised a hand once.
Meaning: follow me.
El silently stepped in my footprints. Pretending to avoid the pools of blood, even though she knew her ankles would end up soaked anyway.
What we were looking for weren't the dead. Corpses whose breath had stopped belonged to no one anymore. What we needed now were the living ones. The ones who wanted to die but couldn't just yet.
The first demon was wedged in the gap where the ramparts had crumbled. A crevice piled with stone and metal. Its lower body from the pelvis down was mostly pulverized, only the upper half barely clinging on. A spear blade pierced its side and was embedded in the rock.
"......"
Dying green eyes looked up at me.
"Wanna live?"
It twisted its lips. Blood and spit dripped from the cracked mouth.
"Kuhk......Live for what......?"
I scanned its body. Everything below the pelvis was gone. Bones, flesh, form. If I pulled the spear out, it'd die right there.
"El."
"...Yes."
El approached and knelt in the gap between the rocks. A small hand settled over the wound.
A faint light spread. Torn flesh twisted back together, spilled guts pushed inward. The mangled bones stayed as they were. El's fingertips trembled.
"...This is as far as I can go."
"Enough."
Its face crumpled.
"Live for......what? Can you ask again......?"
"Ask."
Its eyes glared at me. I gripped the spear shaft. Its breath caught in its throat.
"......Kill me. Please."
El gasped. I didn't pull the spear out. Instead, I snapped the shaft and pressed the jagged end deep into the wound. Enough to stop the blood from gushing.
"Kuh-eu-eup─!!!"
Its scream cut off in its throat. Only its fingers twitched faintly.
"Don't wanna."
Its face contorted.
"......What?"
"Dying's easy."
I pressed the shaft a little deeper.
"Just stab a bit harder and it's over."
"This place is full of guys who wanna die."
El looked at me quietly.
"This is hell."
I said.
"Death's a luxury."
It laughed through a tear-streaked face.
"Kuhk......This is......you saving me?"
"Yeah."
The second demon was crawling out from under a half-collapsed building. No left arm, deep gash across its back. Dragging its body with its two legs and remaining arm.
"Ha......haa......"
I stood in front of it and pressed my toe against its shoulder. It bared its teeth and looked up.
"Won't stop, huh."
"If I stop......I'll die right here."
"Wanna live?"
"...Save me."
"El."
El approached and placed her hand on its waist.
The torn back stitched together messily. The blood slowed a bit, its breathing evened out slightly. The arm didn't come back. El looked up at me.
"The arm......is too much."
"Legs are fine."
I grabbed its collar and dragged it to a wider clearing.
"You can drag corpses, right?"
It panted and laughed.
"......Dragging corpses......that's why you're saving me?"
"Yeah."
"......Nice."
The third demon lay completely still. Its body from head to toe looked intact. The problem was its eyes. Both were charred black, pupils gone, only hard crusts remaining.
"......Who......are you."
Its hand groped the air. I sat beside it and watched the hand for a moment.
"A demon."
Its hand froze.
"Angels......"
"Gone."
"......Coming back?"
"They will."
Its lips trembled.
"Then......will you take me......"
I called El.
"El."
El carefully placed her hand.
The burned flesh filled in a little, skin covering over. The eyes didn't return. El shook her head.
"It's okay."
I gripped its wrist.
"Remember the way?"
"......Way?"
"The path you tried to flee when the angels came down. The place you hid."
Its face hardened.
"......There was a sewer......"
In a hoarse voice, how many alleys to turn, where the ceiling was cracked, which way the water flowed. The words spilled out.
"Kids......were there."
"I told them......to hide."
"Said I'd scout ahead......and come back for them......"
Its breath hitched once, then resumed.
"Couldn't make it."
"But......I remember the way."
I didn't let go of its hand.
"Kill me."
It murmured low.
"Don't make me......remember the place I couldn't lead them out of......"
"No."
It held its breath.
"You need that memory. So next time, someone can lead them out."
Survivors across the battlefield let out faint screams. One wailed until its lungs tore, blood and guts half-spilled from its already split belly.
"Aaaahhh!!!"
"...Save me......kill me......just end it."
Pleas to be saved and declarations of not wanting to live anymore burst from the same mouth, then scattered with the blood. Another clutched its broken horn and severed tail in one hand, sobbing as it dragged itself along. One side of its body was crushed flat.
"Baby......my baby......"
"Haha......hahaha!......"
Dry laughter and tears leaked out each time its breath faltered. Another spewed curses at the sky like screams.
"You bastards, saw that? You saw it all!!! Was killing fun!!!"
It raised its bloodied hand, shaking it at the empty air, then dropped its head.
"Just once......just once......kill me too."
No answer came from anywhere. Yet another said nothing. It clawed at its own throat until its nails shattered. Blood gushed, stopped, flowed again, repeating. Wounds sealed, burst open, sealed, burst. Every motion to die became its own punishment.
I looked at their faces. No different from the humans in my past life's memories. Faces crying at death. Faces sorry for surviving. Faces cursing someone to the end before vanishing. Their bodies weren't the only things twisted—their expressions were torn too. They were demons, but right before death, they looked just like the humans I'd seen somewhere. That's why it was so easy to kill them. That's why I didn't want to leave them alive. That's why.
I decided to keep them alive.
More who wanted to die appeared after that. Staring into space before screaming and running mad, then collapsing to beg. One dragging its last wing, sitting in place and refusing to move. As we approached, their first words were always "kill me."
"Raksha."
El asked cautiously.
"What about these ones......?"
I looked at them one by one.
"Has arms."
"Legs too."
"Head's attached, still got strength to curse."
"Strength to say they wanna die."
El bit her lip.
"They wanna die......can't we just leave them?"
"No."
"...Why?"
"This is hell."
I said slowly.
"Hell's job isn't killing and ending it."
"It's......"
I paused.
"Making them keep living."
Dying was just one deep stab. Here, death was a luxury.
The red light of the sky dimmed bit by bit. The demons we'd pulled from the brink gathered in one place. The one with its lower body smashed. The armless one. The one dragging legs. The blind one. The dazed one. The one spewing curses. Even the ones just lying silent. None had a body or mind intact. But all were still breathing. That was what mattered.
"Among these, few said they wanted to live."
I scanned them.
"Some said they wanted to die, some said nothing."
"But they're all alive."
El clenched and unclenched her fingers beside me. Blood and recovery light smeared together.
"Raksha."
"Yeah."
"What do I do now?"
"Patch them."
I said.
"Torn places, burst places, places about to stop breathing. Patch as much as you can."
"And then?"
I looked at the gathered demons once more.
"Whether you wanna live or die, think whatever you want."
The demons' breaths grew a little rougher.
"If your body moves, use it as it moves."
El nodded quietly.
"What if they wanna die......?"
"I'll handle it."
"But not today."
The red sky darkened further. Demons caught their breath in their spots, twitching whatever limbs they could move. Almost none could stand fully. Still, their eyes shifted. They had strength left to curse. That was enough for hell to turn again.
"That's it for today."
I said.
"Tomorrow, we start with clearing corpses."
No one answered. But they were all listening. El came close and stood by my side.
"What......are we doing?"
I thought for a moment.
"Making everything that should die stay alive for now."
"That's......hell?"
"From now on, it's the hell we make."
A place where even those who wanted to die clung to breath. A place where even the chance to die was a luxury. The first day of rebuilding hell began with choosing the worse option over death.