The Young Cult Leader's Change
"...You say you intend to control the Extreme Yin Qi?"
Suran, watching on, could not hide her astonishment.
The young lady... she truly means it.
She had made up her mind — and it was a change Suran had witnessed with her own eyes of late. The young lady had never been one for many words. A cruel illness had plagued her since childhood, and because of it she had passed most of her days shut away in her inner chamber. Even so, she had always followed the Cult Leader's will. No matter how bitter the medicine, no matter how much her body suffered, she had borne it all in silence at so young an age.
Of course, she was not without a stubborn streak. When something displeased her, she could turn cold as frost, and as the Cult Leader's only daughter she carried an air that kept nearly everyone from approaching her easily. Yet at some point, the young lady had begun to seem like someone who had resigned herself to everything — like a flower never allowed to bloom, at so tender an age, as if she had turned her back on the world all by herself...
Suran held her tongue and carefully studied Cheon Yu-hwa's profile. This was the face of a young lady who, standing before one of the Three Venerables, showed nothing but her own will. The Three Venerables were figures whom no one but the Cult Leader dared treat lightly — yet the young lady had not once averted her gaze. If anything, she was stating her intent plainly: that she wished to control the Extreme Yin Qi with her own hands.
Suran pressed her lips together without realizing it. The sight gladdened her, just a little. It was as if, for the very first time, the young lady had resolved to live — of her own accord.
Bingbaek Jonza said nothing for a long while. She simply watched me with those narrowed ice-blue eyes, and I, meeting her gaze, held my tongue in turn, unable to open my mouth easily.
What am I even supposed to say here?
I had charged ahead and thrown the words out, but now that it came to it, nothing clever came to mind. Only one thing felt certain: whatever I said in this moment would carry enormous weight. After much agonizing, I slowly nodded.
"Is that so strange?"
"Only because it took me by surprise."
"Surprised?"
"Yes. I am surprised to hear the Young Cult Leader say such a thing."
I fell silent. That was not what I had expected to hear at all.
Wait — what was Cheon Yu-hwa like, originally?
Nothing came to mind. In Murim World Records, the Heavenly Demon might have been famous, but his daughter Cheon Yu-hwa had been a figure wrapped entirely in mystery. Even as I turned this over, Bingbaek Jonza's blue eyes remained fixed on me.
"Hmm..."
I laid a hand lightly over my chest and drew a breath.
"The Young Cult Leader I know is not one to say such things. Have you, perhaps, undergone a change of heart?"
Ah. The realization came late. Bingbaek Jonza had known the original Cheon Yu-hwa. From her standpoint, then, a girl barging in out of nowhere and talking like this must have looked more than a little strange.
So I wasn't being paranoid about acting weird. I swept my hair back awkwardly.
"Yes. My thinking has... changed somewhat."
"Might I hear the reason?"
The question was calm, but there was no dodging it, and for an instant my stomach felt like it was burning. "Yes." Looking Bingbaek Jonza in the eye, I steeled myself. There's no going back anyway. Once I've decided to act, I see it through to the end.
"I decided that trying whatever I could was better than lying in bed waiting for the day I die. Looking at the world with that much weight on my heart never did me any good."
I let my head droop, just slightly. Like some ill-fated heroine of a tragedy, I bit my lip, my gaze sinking toward the floor.
Ugh, whatever. I couldn't be sure this little performance would stir anyone's pity, but right now I had to do something. I let my lips waver for a moment, as if gathering courage, then lifted my head again — and met Bingbaek Jonza's eyes, still resting on me.
"Isn't that right?"
For an instant, the eyes watching me widened — just barely.
"...Young Cult Leader."
At the unmistakable shift in her voice, I smiled as naturally as I could manage.
I have to look as pitiable as possible. What mattered now was not flaunting my standing as the Heavenly Demon's daughter, the Young Cult Leader of the cult. I had to play the girl who had battled a chronic illness since childhood and come to see the world in despair — gazing up at her as pathetically as I could.
Bingbaek Jonza watched me in silence for a long moment, and I held her gaze, a faint smile on my lips. Our eyes stayed locked an unusually long time.
"Then it is a good change."
Bingbaek Jonza spoke at last.
"Do you truly think so?"
"Yes, I do. Such is the way of all things under heaven. When you deem a thing difficult, everything becomes difficult; when you deem it light, a great many things grow lighter — that is the lofty principle of this world. That the Young Cult Leader has resolved thus at so young an age is simply admirable."
With that gentle voice, a snow-white flower seemed to bloom, radiant enough to light up the whole world.
...What the hell. Her smile was so beautiful that even I, standing right in front of her, faltered. In that moment of being overwhelmed by her beauty, Bingbaek Jonza began to approach, slowly. Her soft steps made not the faintest sound, and the chill that had clung to her body had vanished as though it had never been.
"But to wish to handle the Extreme Yin Qi is a very dangerous notion."
She stopped no more than a few paces from me, facing me.
"I suppose so. But I don't think it's impossible."
"Even so, it will be more dangerous than you imagine."
Bingbaek Jonza cut me off, firm and final.
"Above all, you have long suffered at the Extreme Yin Qi's hands."
"That's..."
"Not you alone — everyone around you as well. The Cult Leader, and countless masters of the cult, have all devoted themselves to your well-being."
I blinked slowly. I could hardly help it; for a moment I didn't follow her. However hard they had all tried, the plain fact was that Cheon Yu-hwa's condition had never improved. And I believed that effort spent down the wrong path meant nothing at all.
"Have you stopped taking the medicine you were prescribed?"
To the calm question, I nodded slowly.
"So you knew about me."
"Rather curious rumors have been making the rounds. That with the Cult Leader away from the cult for a time, the Young Cult Leader has been treading an unexpected path."
"That's right. I stopped."
I decided to answer brazenly instead. As expected, Bingbaek Jonza's gaze shifted — just a hair.
"Does that mean you no longer trust the physicians' word?"
Behind me, I heard a tiny, sharp intake of breath. Suran. She must have been remembering what happened a few days ago; she sounded guilty for no reason at all. Guilty or not, I carried on as if nothing had happened.
"It's less that I don't trust them, and more that I came to feel this way: swallowing medicine laced with Yang Qi only made the pain worse."
"Even so — suppose it had made things worse. What would you have done then?"
At the almost pressing question, a laugh slipped out of me instead.
"That, too, would have been my choice. A choice made by my own will — one that would leave me no one to resent, no one to blame."
"...Young Cult Leader."
At the worried call, I offered no answer — I simply held her eyes. Bingbaek Jonza said nothing for a while, watching me, and I studied her reaction in turn.
Not bad. At no point did I feel dismissed or scorned. If anything, she seemed genuinely interested in what I was showing her.
A moment later, she spoke, unhurried.
"Let me say this first: to press strong Yin Qi down with Yang Qi is not a wrong principle in itself."
"...It isn't?"
For that one moment, I was the one caught off guard. Her words were the exact opposite of everything Goe-ui had told me.
"If the Extreme Yin Qi runs to excess, then balancing it with its opposing Yang Qi is a perfectly natural prescription."
"For me, the moments after taking the medicine were the more painful ones."
Her eyes curved, gentle and lovely — the soft look of someone watching a young child.
"I am not saying your choice was wrong, or mistaken. It is only that no two bodies are alike."
Her gentle gaze settled squarely on my face.
"It may well be that what you have decided is the right direction after all."
I narrowed my eyes slightly. It wasn't that her words were hard to follow — something just wasn't quite falling into place.
"However, Young Cult Leader, we cannot yet judge that stopping the medicine was the right call."
"I haven't had a single seizure in three days."
"Even so, three days is short."
Her tone was resolute. She wasn't the type to declare certainty lightly — and, oddly enough, that was exactly what I liked about her. She doesn't force her own view on me, but she doesn't simply swallow mine either. Which was precisely why a real conversation with her was possible. That she could be reasoned with — right now, that alone gave me plenty of reason to feel good about this.
Then, without warning, Bingbaek Jonza extended her hand.
"Will you give me your hand?"
"My hand?"
"Let me see."
I looked at her hand for a moment. Slender, snow-white — beautiful even at a glance. Looking at that hand, I soon offered mine. Two of Bingbaek Jonza's fingers came to rest, light and natural, on my wrist.
"...Cold."
The touch was like ice, and I flinched before I could help it.
"Which is why I will take your pulse only briefly."
"Ah — yes."
Then, through our touching hands, her cold seemed to seep into me, slow and steady. Pain began to rise through my whole body, and yet it was strangely not unpleasant.
Why? This was a body that had long suffered the chill of the Nine Yin Severed Meridians. And yet, even as Bingbaek Jonza's cold invaded it, I felt utterly at ease.
A soft, whispering flow... and then, through my wrist, the faintest thread of energy began to move. I flinched at the shoulders each time it passed, but I never once pulled my hand away. And at the same time, dim but unmistakable, I felt it: Bingbaek Jonza's qi was spreading slowly into my body along my wrist. From my fingertips to my arm. From my arm to my chest — and on, into my abdomen and my throat.
Bingbaek Jonza's expression, as she held my hand, was little changed from before. Only her eyes narrowed, bit by tiny bit. A short time passed, and then she carefully withdrew her hand.
"How is it?"
I asked at once. My brow had creased at the dull ache pooling inside me, but it was nothing I couldn't bear. Bingbaek Jonza spoke with a curious expression.
"Your qi and blood are, by my reading, more settled than before."
"...Really?"
"It may be that, as you said, there is a connection between your setting aside the medicine and the seizures ceasing."
The corners of my mouth lifted before I could stop them. Goe-ui had been right after all. Granted, it had only been three days — but at least I could feel that the direction I was walking wasn't the wrong one.
"Then that's good enough for me."
Bingbaek Jonza looked at me without a word.
"What?"
"Nothing."
It was a strange reaction. I tilted my head — and then belatedly realized Suran was staring at me too.
"Suran?"
"Ah — no, my lady."
"What is it?"
"It is nothing."
They answered in perfect unison. What the— Is there something on my face? I touched my cheek absently. Nothing there. Thinking nothing more of it, I turned back to Bingbaek Jonza.
"Then — may I ask one thing of you?"
"A favor, you say?"
"As I said before, I want to handle my Yin Qi myself. By my own will — not leaning on anyone else's help." I paused for a beat. Then, holding her gaze a moment longer, I said it plainly. "And if it's possible, I would like to learn how from you, Venerable Bingbaek."
In an instant, her gaze turned cold and deep.
"From me."
"Yes." I didn't hesitate. "Not that I'd ask you to take me as your disciple, or anything so grand as that." Of course it would be even better if she did. But this was a woman who had refused even the Heavenly Demon's request — I wasn't about to get greedy on my very first ask. "I only want to be taught. Even a little would be enough."
"...Even a little, you say."
Had my words gotten through? Behind the chill of her gaze, a flicker of deliberation showed. In the hush that followed, a thick silence circled us — and when it stretched on longer than I'd expected, I finally broke it myself.
"Is that a no?"
"This is the first favor I have ever asked of you, Venerable."
My plea was transparent as glass, and I gazed up at her as pitifully as I could manage. Just as it seemed a small sigh was about to slip past her lips, Bingbaek Jonza's mouth slowly opened.
"...Young Cult Leader."
"Yes?"
"When you ask so earnestly, I find I cannot cut you off with a single stroke. Come to Seolbingwon before the sun rises tomorrow."
For a moment, I wondered if I had heard her correctly —
"But do not leap to conclusions."
Bingbaek Jonza went on at once.
"This does not mean I have resolved to take you as my disciple. And even were I to wish it, it is not a thing I could decide alone."
Her tone was perfectly flat, perfectly calm. She was looking at me with the same eyes as when I had first arrived — and yet, somehow, they felt entirely different to me.
"Thank you — really, thank you!"
Joy welled up and filled my heart to the brim. I had come to her on nothing more than a gamble, a let's just try it — and by any honest reading, her answer was all but an acceptance.
It happened in a heartbeat. Bingbaek Jonza's slender eyes curved, ever so faintly.
"It is far too early to say that."
Even that curt reply looked, to my eyes, endlessly beautiful.