Chapter 75
Chapter 75
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Translator: TrueDetective
Chapter: 75
Chapter Title: 22. The Five Great Families (2)
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Zhuge Liang's ten-year fan, "Zhuge Clan Great Aunt."
Hereafter "Great Aunt," had gotten a notification for his Nutube upload and logged in.
She spotted a suspicious video that had just gone up moments ago.
The thumbnail showed Zhuge Liang in a Hawaiian shirt dancing with two unfamiliar young men.
In the background was a long-haired beauty playing the pipa with an expressionless face.
"...Isn't that the Heavenly Demon from Nine Factions One Clan?"
She had seen the photo with the Heavenly Demon on Insta.
But she couldn't figure out why they were dancing with the Heavenly Demon playing pipa in the background.
And the most baffling part was the round inset in the top right corner: Nine Factions One Clan's Namgung Jun's face.
It was edited in like they'd taken a separate photo because they couldn't get him in the group graduation picture.
And it was in black and white, all by itself.
'I don't get the meaning.'
The title of this shady video was:
[Zhu Ye Qing~ Zhu Ye Qing~ Seducing with Fish-Fragrant Pork Shreds~ feat. The Five Great Families]
It naturally read as GuXba~ GuaX~, so Great Aunt sighed.
'Liang, kids these days won't recognize this as a parody ad jingle...!'
That's why he got mocked as a boomer singer.
Zhuge Liang had debuted at the fresh age of nineteen.
But even as a ten-year veteran singer, he couldn't escape his past glory.
'Featuring The Five Great Families... I have no clue what this means.'
Looking closer at the thumbnail, they all looked way younger than Zhuge Liang.
'This is gonna get him comments about not acting his age...'
With those worries, Great Aunt clicked play.
The video opened with this notice:
-This video was shot using Lion6.
'Lion6 viral...?'
Before she could question the Lion6 notice, the 1-minute-30-second video began.
It was a low-budget music video centered on Zhuge Liang and three unfamiliar young men.
After the Lion6 notice, Zhuge Liang held a pale green cocktail, gazed at the sea, and started singing lyrics that were anything but ordinary.
[Golden-tinged pale green rice wine
Sweet, nutty, thick liquor aroma
Fragrant and sweet tonic brew
Distilled from sorghum
Bamboo leaves, woodsy notes, asarum, angelica, tangerine, gardenia, clove, sugar
And finally, a bouquet of chrysanthemums]
Up to here, Zhuge Liang's god-given beautiful voice made even the convoluted lyrics feel emotional.
But then chaotic camera work kicked in, and the blue-haired young man with a "Dang Sa-cheon" nametag launched straight into a rap at the camera.
[Zhu Ye Qing and Fish-Fragrant Pork Shreds
Makes me wanna call the waiter right now
Zhu Ye Qing and Fish-Fragrant Pork Shreds
Hey, waiter, shred some meat and noodles too]
Hearing those lyrics over the plodding pipa melody made Great Aunt's mind go blank.
For a moment, she thought her fave had switched agencies to Kichi.
The rap flew by, the camera switched, and a baby-faced light brown-haired student appeared.
He held up his smartphone with misty eyes.
Neon text scrolled across the screen: "Hello, I'm idol hopeful Hwang Bo-yoon."
[Thinly sliced red pork
Salty-sweet spicy and sour
Fish-fragrant hot booze snack
Braised in soy sauce
Bamboo shoots, neck meat, ginger, chili, green onion, vinegar, salt, sugar
And finally, a spoonful of starch]
As Hwang Bo-yoon sang, text passed: "I composed this song. It's pretty basic, nothing special. Took me 30 minutes."
'The song's mellow and safe, but composing it in 30 minutes— is he a genius or just okay? Can't tell...!'
Next, the rapping young man popped up again, this time a mushroom-cut guy with a "Paeng Ha-buk" nametag.
[Zhu Ye Qing and Fish-Fragrant Pork Shreds
Makes me wanna call the waiter right now
Zhu Ye Qing and Fish-Fragrant Pork Shreds
Hey, waiter, shred some meat and noodles too]
The last 20 seconds were just repeating the chorus.
The four young men started dancing to the bizarre chorus together.
They seemed to have choreography, but their moves didn't sync at all, which made it hilarious instead.
The hyped-up mushroom-cut guy went to the center, head on the ground, spinning eight times in a row with pro-level moves, and the blue-haired guy suddenly did a backflip in midair.
Great Aunt's jaw dropped watching it, then Zhuge Liang clumsily tried to copy and faceplanted, ending the video.
"...."
When she first played it,
She'd thought maybe Nine Factions One Clan collabed with Lion6, and they collabed with Zhuge Liang.
But the Heavenly Demon never opened his mouth the whole time, just impassively played pipa.
And Namgung Jun from the thumbnail didn't even appear.
Wondering who these crazy kids with Zhuge Liang were, she checked the comments.
Sure enough, top pinned comments listed the three's info.
[Blue hair name: Dang Sa-cheon.]
Dang Sa-cheon was fine as a name.
Her own fave was named Zhuge Liang, after all!
But the next line was hard to swallow.
[Job: Nine Factions One Clan assistant manager.]
'Manager? An assistant manager rapping on Zhuge Liang's Nutube? And that backflip at the end? Do managers do wire work these days?'
Thinking back, she remembered the head manager from the idol training camp fiasco jumping out a window to "shoot hidden cam."
She could sorta buy that.
But the next line was nonsense too.
[Role model: Jeomsa.]
Jeomsa? Typo for waiter?
Did he rap that because he admires waiters?
Great Aunt skimmed the others' info.
-Hwang Bo-yoon is a Kichi idol trainee lol
-He's in high school with Bo-yoon. Sweet kid but a bit nuts. School had a banner celebrating Bo-yoon passing Kichi auditions.
└Why's a banner nuts?
└Bo-yoon paid for it himself and hung it at the school gate lol
└All Kichi trainees like that?
-Mushroom-cut flower boy is our Ha-buk Province crew's Paeng Ha-buk instructor. Dances great but rap's weak lol. No idea why he skipped practice to spin like a top lololol
└Flower boy...?
└He's an idol in the dance scene sorta ㅠㅠ
└Hwang Bo-yoon: Thought he was an idol, turns out a spinner / Paeng Ha-buk: Thought he was a kid spinner, turns out an idol
└Fuck lolololol
-So why's Namgung Jun's pic in the thumbnail?
└Great Namgung Clan can't miss this
└Stuck it in to force the Five Great Families concept lolol
└Everything's good but why black-and-white funeral portrait style ㅠ Killing a kid whose vibe's already dead twice ㅠ
└Dunno if that's fan or hater lolol
-Pipa Heavenly Demon in back stealing the show
└Shot on Lion6 but pipa sounds so crisp?
└Pipa's post-recorded
└Hand movements sync too well for that
└Ah lol that's our baby Heavenly Demon lol infusing inner power makes it louder lol
└Heavenly Demon Inner Power
'Ah, that's why they're The Five Great Families...'
Great Aunt scrolled comments, chuckling.
It was bewildering at first.
But the idea of kids with Five Great Families surnames teaming up for this comic video was kinda cute.
'Song's meh though...'
After looping it a few more times, Great Aunt fell asleep.
The next day, driving, she realized she was humming the brain-dead chorus absentmindedly.
* * *
The Heavenly Demon muttered gravely.
"To discern from footage alone that this seat used sonic arts..."
He still couldn't tell jokes from sincerity.
"Heavenly Demon, you weren't planning to hide your arts anyway."
"True."
Zhuge Liang watched our exchange with tired eyes.
"Wow, Kichi folks must be exhausted keeping the concept 24/7."
"Hmph, gotta do this much to be called murim idols."
Dang Sa-cheon puffed up, and Hwang Bo-yoon looked glum.
"...Sa-cheon hyung, you're a manager—why keep the concept?"
At that, Paeng Ha-buk mumbled sullenly.
"Nah, Bo-yoon. He didn't this time, but Dang Sa-cheon ended up more famous than me."
We'd regrouped in Tongyeong a week after parting from that gathering.
Here's why.
After the [Zhu Ye Qing and Fish-Fragrant Pork Shreds] MV(?) dropped.
Unexpectedly, the background Jangsa Island blew up, drawing tons of tourists.
People hunting Zhu Ye Qing and Fish-Fragrant Pork Shreds surged, so shops put up signs: "Fish-Fragrant Pork Shreds Here," "Zhu Ye Qing for Sale."
Thus, Tongyeong City contacted to appoint "The Five Great Families" as honorary ambassadors.
Appointing the group, not just Zhuge Liang personally, was hugely meaningful.
Lion6 viral leveraged Dang Sa-cheon's fame for overseas fans.
Unlike Hwang Bo-yoon's self-deprecating "basic tune," the chorus went viral, spawning parody ads galore.
'Hey, waiter. Shred me a bowl of iced frappuccino.' hung in every cafe, to Heavenly Demon's great displeasure.
With Nine Factions One Clan already globally huge, the Five Great Families concept caught on easy.
And Nine Factions One Clan were six-year idols.
Normally, juniors would've debuted by now, but their popularity blocked murim idol heirs.
...Lame-ass Green Forest Band didn't count, obviously.
So when Five Great Families dropped a non-overlapping concept with non-idol members,
Fans embraced it with zero pushback, birthing memes like "Feels like Nine Factions One Clan revived / Nine Factions One Clan ain't dead yet."
Thus, no hitches for Five Great Families debut plans.
The problem came from left field.
"But why me too...?"
Namgung Mu, meekly at the dorm then dragged to Tongyeong, looked stunned.
"I didn't do anything..."
Heavenly Demon replied obliviously.
"So what? You're the carryover from Nine Factions One Clan anyway."
"......!"
Namgung Mu drooped hurt, and Dang Sa-cheon threw an arm around his shoulder, barking.
"Violence between members breaks the rules."
"When did this seat use violence?"
"If Heavenly Demon Divine Cult counts as religion, fact violence is violence."
"...That example pisses me off somehow?"
"I don't feel consoled either..."
Namgung Mu mumbled weakly, then Paeng Ha-buk, who'd been staring at him, suddenly butted in with a greeting.
"Hi. So... Namgung Jun from Nine Factions One Clan?"
Namgung Mu hesitantly shook the outstretched hand, like for a handshake.
"Namgung Jun. Nice to meet you."
Paeng Ha-buk gripped his hand, stared hard, then grinned.
"Sorry on first meet, but I'm older, so casual speech okay?"
"Ah, sure. Go ahead."
I blankly watched Paeng Ha-buk and Namgung Mu chat, then belatedly realized something was off.
Paeng Ha-buk was 23 this year.
Namgung Jun was known to be 23 too—Paeng Ha-buk couldn't not know.
By the time I clocked Paeng Ha-buk's weird vibe, his face had hardened.
"...Who the hell are you?"
"Pardon?"
Paeng Ha-buk asked like he'd seen a ghost.
"You're not Namgung Jun, are you?"
Damn.
Were they acquaintances or something?