Cursed as a Vending Machine Onahole
After that, I returned to the room with Aris, and she chewed me out big time.
How could I cause such a disaster in just the one minute she looked away? Even instant noodles have more patience than that, she scolded me royally.
I knelt before Aris and apologized for smashing her precious magic crystal.
That size of a magic crystal has gotta be crazy expensive... ugh. What do I do?
The price of the magic crystal far exceeded my expectations.
The light gold I borrowed from Aris had ballooned into several times—no, dozens of times—that amount.
"Um... I'll figure out some way to get the money..."
"Haa... that's not even the problem right now. Do you have any idea what kind of seal that crystal was holding?"
Status Abnormality: Vending Machine Onahole
"It says [Status Abnormality: Vending Machine Onahole]... but what the hell is a vending machine onahole?"
A vending machine—did she mean like the ones I knew?
"Yeah, you probably wouldn't know. They have them in the capital. Hard to find around here, but the capital's streets are lined with these magic tools. Drop in a coin, and out comes snacks or drinks."
"Oh... uh... s-so, like, it's selling onaholes for a few coins, match girl style?"
Aris shook her head.
"A vending machine that dispenses snacks is a snack vending machine. Snacks from a vending machine are vending machine snacks. So what do you think a vending machine onahole is?"
"Ah..."
"[Status Abnormality: Vending Machine Onahole]. Also known as the whore-ification curse. Until this abnormality lifts, you can't engage in any normal economic activity. You'll have to earn money through sexual acts, succubus-style. Only money earned that way can be used."
"Th-that... no way... that's impossible..."
I was speechless.
A curse like that existed in the world?
"Wh-what about the money I've saved up?"
"Can't use it. Anything not earned through 'legitimate' means—though I hesitate to call that legitimate—will turn to dust the moment it touches your hand. Rent. Food. Clothes. You'll have to earn every bit of it with your body."
"No way..."
My jaw wouldn't close.
I didn't know which mad bastard invented this magic, but... it was... utterly the worst, beyond words.
The great Venom Dragon Maltaris as a vending machine coin onahole?
Like a vending machine that goes clunk! and spits out a drink for a copper coin, I'd go Here you go♡ clunk♡ and dispense my pussy for a single coin?
Just to earn a single meal's worth.
To pay for my inn room.
To replace the clothes that slime ate.
This Venom Dragon shaking her ass for other males, moaning aang♡ while offering up her onahole pussy for a few coins?
Begging males to please use this disposable dragon onahole. Unprecedented humiliation.
Th-that... that's... oh... what an... eek... utterly unacceptable humiliation. Impossible humiliation♡ Eek♡ Dragons are noble beings♡ Powerful, beautiful, intelligent creatures♡ For one to become a human male's onahole vending machine♡ What will the males think♡ That dragons aren't great—they're just perverted masochistic bitch sluts♡
A horrific blow to the honor of all dragons♡
As a fellow dragon, I had to stop this♡
No way the entire race gets mistaken for winged brass-attached perverted onaholes♡
Eek... b-but... still... I have no choice because of this curse... right...?
Making that pathetic excuse to myself soaked my crotch completely.
"S-so... how long will this status last...?"
"No idea."
"Eh...?"
"That crystal wasn't fully deciphered. It only identified the curse type—I don't know the detailed settings. Normal vending machine onahole curses lift after earning a set amount or after a certain time... but this one, I can't tell."
What the hell?
In the worst case, I might be stuck with this curse forever?
If the goal is 10 quadrillion gold or it lifts in 100 billion years, it's as good as permanent.
Dragons are immortal, so I might literally live eternally as a vending machine onahole.
Eternally... forever...
"Ha, haa... haa... haa... ah... eek... aaahhh..."
Seeing my ragged breathing, Aris covered her face with her hand, probably thinking something.
"Haaa... I told you, just lie on the bed and stay still. Why'd you have to touch it?"
"I-it was just curiosity... but a bug came out..."
"Haa... this is a total disaster."
Aris scratched her hair irritably.
"But it's not hopeless. No curse is eternal. There has to be a way to lift it. Lucky for you, Maltaris—the city's top curse mage is right here. Right?"
"Ha, haha... yeah, that's a relief at least..."
"I'll analyze it as fast as I can. Now that I've roughly figured out the high-race magic resistance bypass via the mana route, it won't take long. As for making a living... it's called the whore curse, but there are ways to bypass selling your baby passage for pocket change."
"Huh?"
I wouldn't have to abandon all dragon pride, shake my royal rear, and moan aang♡ begging for cock for a few coins?
Oh, g-good, good. Ung. That's good.
"Curses are strongest when narrow and precise. [Status Abnormality: Vending Machine Onahole] is the opposite—broad and vague. 'Earn money through sexual acts.' That's the core, so there are a few bypasses. And I know a place where it's possible."
Mmm... yeah... well... g-good... think positive. Better to learn this now. Might come in handy somewhere special later?
"But that place is... well... not just a bit, but extremely... very special. It might be so filthy and shameful you'd rather just sell your body. Still okay with that?"
Ah, this is definitely good.
I nodded instead of answering.
Aris wrote me a letter of introduction.
"Bar 'Cheep Pervert'...?"
"Someone with a similar curse worked there once. I found out about it helping him. Let's just say... brace yourself before going."
Aris kept hyping it up, so I headed out with my heart pounding.
And that early evening.
I followed Aris's directions into the back alley to find the bar.
"Map says this is it..."
This was one of Erize's worst alleys for public safety.
Vagrants passed out drunk, and if you listened, you'd hear vigorous pang♡ pang♡ mating sounds from weathered plank buildings or alley corners—cocks slamming into baby rooms.
A damp, dark alley reeking of something fishy somewhere.
Opening a bar here and naming it 'Cheep Pervert'—the owner had to be stark raving mad.
"That it?"
At the alley's end. I spotted the sign reading 'Cheep Pervert'.
"Either there's two perverts crazy enough to name a bar 'Cheep Pervert', or that's the place."
I didn't want to believe there were two, so it had to be there.
Knock knock.
"Hello? Anyone there?"
-Not open for business yet!
"No, uh, Aris sent me."
-...Come in.
I opened the bar door and stepped inside.
It was surprisingly spacious and clean.
Spotless tables without a speck of grease. Polished floors. Old furniture and fixtures, but impeccably maintained.
Only the exterior's weird—the inside's well-kept.
"Welcome. Aris sent you? Got the letter?"
"Ah, here."
I handed the letter of introduction to the owner.
The owner... well, he looked like every prejudice come to life.
A bulging gut. Body twice the size of most men.
Like the kind of uncle who'd hold a hypnosis app and say, "Look here, coo coo ca choo."
"Hmm. Whore-ification curse, eh. Tough one you've got. Alright, you're hired. Name's Mac. I'm the owner. Nice to meet ya."
"Eh... really? That easy? Th-thank you...?"
"Thank you...? Ah, you haven't heard what this place is? Doesn't matter. With [Status Abnormality: Vending Machine Onahole], you've got no choices anyway. No other place in town as cheap and low-class to bypass the curse. You don't wanna be a full whore, right?"
Status Abnormality: Vending Machine Onahole
Mac went through a door in the corner labeled Staff Changing Room.
He came back with an envelope.
"Here. Our uniform. Instructions inside too, so start tonight."
"Eh...? Uniform...? This? You mean... wear this to work?"
"Obviously. Why question it."
"You can even wear this?"
The uniform Mac brought.
Cow ear headband.
Heart-shaped stickers.
Cow tail anal plug.
And so on.
That was it.
Before uniforms or whatever, this doesn't even qualify as clothing...?
At my words, Mac lit a cigarette like it was no big deal.
"Everyone reacts like that at first. But what can ya do? Gotta eat. You'll get used to it. Tough abnormality you've got, right? Don't wanna starve. Enjoy what you can't avoid, yeah? Heh heh heh."
He blew smoke at me.
This guy—did he even see people as people? Treating his staff like decorations or come-hither flyers?
"U, ueek...♡ Y-yeah...? Gotta eat to live... ung... have to...♡"
My trembling hand reached for the uniform.
"By the way, pure performance-based here. No base pay. So hustle that body for tips if you don't wanna starve. Oh, and no fucking. Counts as brothel work—taxes are killer. So anything but raw pussy pounding for tips."
What?
Wear this sleazy getup—not even clothes, just attachments—and work all night with no base pay?
Parade my tits among drunk males, staggering around doing work and flirting shamefully for tips?
Just to not starve?
What is that... really... eek♡ ueek♡ ugh♡ The absolute worst♡
"Oh, horns on your head—you a beastkin? What kind?"
"Eek... H-Holstein beastkin... yeah."
Couldn't admit dragon, so I lied as cow beastkin.
"Hmm... figures, can't imagine otherwise. Perfect for the uniform. I've got an eye for these things."
Mac glanced at my massive milkers and nodded approvingly.
Similar size to Holstein beastkin—no suspicion.
"Beastkin'll fit right in with our staff. Only other employee's an elf. Elves and beastkin both live in the woods, yeah?"
Like saying goblins and orcs are similar 'cause they're green. Discriminatory as hell.
...Well, from the pussy-pounding angle, maybe.
"Speak of the devil, here she comes. You two figure it out."
As Mac stood, the bar door opened.
And the elf who entered...
"High-race...?"
"...Could it be you're here because of the Trial Grimoire too?"