The Three Cases Where the Barbarian Throws the First Punch

1.

Eunha had a gut feeling. Answering wrong here would drag out a long, tedious story. She had no idea what drawn-out backstory it involved, but she didn't want to hear it. Soon enough, Eunha cut off Maria's question sharply.

"I-I don't know. How the hell would I know something like that?"

"...Yeah, I guess so. Sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"Yeah. So shut your mouth. J-just eat quietly and get lost."

"...D-did I do something wrong to you, Eunha?"

"Everything. All of it."

Eunha's tone grew increasingly venomous, and even Maria's perpetual smile stiffened slightly. But it didn't stop there—Eunha's next words left Maria flustered.

"And... don't fawn over Sihoo. No matter how I think about it, I can't accept it. Especially not you."

"...Huh? What do you—"

"I'm back."

Right at that moment, Sihoo returned from the bathroom with perfect timing. The tense air between the two shattered instantly. Neither wanted him hearing what they'd just said. Maria was the first to recover, forcing a bright voice to greet him.

"You're back? We were just about to order. I'll get a variety first—pick whatever you want too, Sihoo."

"Oh? Then I'll just try everything, no need to think."

"The whole menu? That's a lot—sure you're okay with that?"

"No problem. Might not even be enough. Eunha, you pick what you want too."

"A-ah... N-no, yeah..!"

Just like that, they glossed over it as if nothing happened. Afterward, they avoided eye contact as much as possible, pretending everything was normal. So they didn't realize it.

The one acting most naturally here wasn't them.

2.

They'd fought, I could tell the second I sat down. They were trying to hide it, but the lingering tension between them couldn't be concealed that easily.

I didn't call them out on it, though. I'd half-expected something like this anyway. Still, it was a problem. I'd figured Maria's bubbly personality would mesh well with Eunha.

Maybe that's exactly why they clashed. Even now, they subtly avoided looking at each other. And midway through the meat, their subtle power struggle played out.

"Sihoo, h-here...!"

"Sihoo. This one..."

Incredibly, both reached for me with meat at the exact same time. Their eyes, which hadn't met once until now, finally locked.

"S-Sihoo will eat what I give him. Eat what you picked yourself."

"I'm fine, I've got plenty. Want some meat, Eunha?"

"N-no need..."

Even ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠with me right there, neither backed down. It was interesting seeing this unknown side of them. But I couldn't just let them keep fighting.

I shoved both pieces into my mouth at once, then gave each a piece in return to mediate.

"Mm, delicious. Here, one for each of you."

"Th-thanks... hehe.."

"Yeah, thanks."

"...You ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠gave it to me second."

"Eunha was right next to you. And if we're splitting hairs, you grabbed the meat I gave first, right? Hehe."

Yeah, not easy at all.

If this tension lasted through the meal—or longer—it'd mess up my plans to add Maria to my harem. I'd meant to reveal I was a guy right here, but with her mood soured, she'd probably just scold me for joking.

I desperately needed something to break the ice—right then.

"S-sir, I'm truly sorry, but we're fully booked tonight...!"

"So what? You telling me to leave now? Don't you recognize me? I'm Lee Su-hyeok!"

A grating voice echoed from the entrance. I turned to see a short, squat guy raging at a server.

The server bowed repeatedly, voice trembling.

"O-of course I know..! It's an honor for a gentleman—no, Mr. Lee Su-hyeok—to visit our place..! But store policy—we can't cancel reservations for booked guests..! All tables are full..! If tomorrow works, I'll book you right away..!"

"Ha, you're hilarious. You think I'd come back tomorrow? I just saw it hyped on a blog and tried it once. And you treat me like this from the start? Fine, I'll tell all my friends and blast it online—what this place is really like."

"Ah, no..! Please, anything but that..!"

The server's face paled at his absurd threat. Anyone could see the guy was throwing a baseless tantrum, yet no one intervened. I figured out why from the server's words.

Honestly, it was worse than I'd imagined. That's what men looked like in this world? His outfit screamed thug. Face as crumpled as his posture. Short, big-faced, pot-bellied. Seeing that cursed body again hit hard.

It reminded me of first seeing my Targon reflection—mood soured. Was this PTSD?

On the flip side, it really drove home this reversed world. No one stopped his bullshit, just because he was male. Other servers and customers alike pretended not to notice.

Then a woman beside him, looking troubled, tried to calm him.

"S-Su-hyeok. Let's just go somewhere else, okay? No seats... Sis'll take you somewhere nicer and pricier.."

"Hey, Kim Hyunji. Whose side are you on?"

"Uh, y-yours..? Of course I'm on your side, Su-hyeok.."

"Then why're you siding with them over me?"

"N-no..! That's not— Kyaa?!"

"Ugh, this bitch! Sis taking someone else's side over her brother? You've lost it lately, huh?!"

"Hngg..! S-sorry, Su-hyeok..! Sis was wrong..!! Aah..!"

The guy grabbed her hair and shook wildly. She screamed but didn't resist. From the "sis," they seemed siblings. Shocking that even family got treated like this.

"Huff..! Huff..! Fucking bitch, getting cocky..! Huff..!"

Tired of yanking, he shoved her away, panting. Stamina as trash as his body—then his eyes locked on us. He grinned sleazily at me.

What, duel challenge? No reason to refuse.

I stood to accept—

"Ooh... that sis is kinda hot? Not totally my type, but playable. What about you, babe? For someone like you, I might even hold hands."

...This dwarf-shit dwarf lost his mind? What the fuck was that?

Rage surged; I snapped my chopsticks without control. His oily voice was worse than a pig squeal—teeth ground automatically. Wanted to wash my ears.

Oblivious, he waddled over, deluded.

"Hehe, cat got your tongue? Nah, don't need words. You're just too thrilled by my date invite. Cute."

"...Won't say it twice. Get lost. If you wanna live."

"Ooh.. what? That's a girl's voice? A-ma-zing..! First time hearing one this low— Kyaa-!"

Fuck. Fucking disgusting. Made me wanna puke up the good meat. Why suffer this potbelly squealing at my voice?

Wanted to deck him, but held back for Eunha and Maria. Wouldn't forever, though.

"Hurry up, come on out. I'll take you somewhere bett—"

"G-get... lost..!"

"...What?"

"G-get lost..! Sihoo stays with me..!"

Eunha cut in suddenly. Her unexpected intervention shocked even me.

The guy's face twisted; a metallic screech erupted.

"Ha..! Who the fuck are you? Interrupting a man? Who said you could speak? Wait, I wasn't even talking to you. Don't wanna even acknowledge a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠pig like you. What the hell's that body? Tits bigger than watermelons."

"Euk..! Urk...!"

He leered at Eunha's chest like trash, spewing venom. Maria couldn't take it anymore.

"...You're being too rude out of nowhere. Isn't treating people like this improper?"

"Ha, manners my ass. You think that's for trash like you? Birds of a feather—same defects. Horns too? Cow beastkin, huh? Cows eat beef? Cannibal psycho!"

"...Done talking?"

"Nah, not yet. If I were you, I'd cut off those monstrosities. Or suicide? Kuhahaha—?!"

Body moved before brain. My jab nailed his face—thwack!

"Told you, won't say twice."

He flew with an ugly screech. Heavy body, short flight. Regret? None. He'd broken taboo first.

Chieftain, should've split your skull with that axe back then.

Anyway, I have a wife now. More to come. When we meet on the Red Plains, I'll introduce them all. Don't keel over. They'll fill the plains and then some.