First Kiss
Fuck. I should push her away...
Valentina's lips suddenly hit mine, leaving my mind blank. Was it because I drank? But no one was restraining my body, and if I pushed Valentina away with my hand, it was clear that she wouldn't keep doing this because of her personality.
But pushing her away wasn't easy.
After all, things had already happened, and if I pushed her away here, it would definitely make things more awkward between us.
Actually, it was just an excuse.
The woman's lips I tasted for the first time in a long time were quite sweet.
...I didn't want to push her away.
Yeah, I didn't hate Valentina enough to push her away. In fact, I liked her.
I don't know if this is love, but if it's just a crush, I was falling for Valentina badly.
But when did Valentina start liking me? ...Actually, I kind of knew. Valentina was the type who might be rough with words but always took care of me. Like when we were in the car earlier, and from childhood, it's been Valentina who took care of me.
But it was just an excuse: friend, known since childhood, focusing on football, that's why I was pushing her away.
My head gets complicated.
But since Valentina is taking the initiative to kiss, I shouldn't be thinking about other things, so I focused on the emotions from her lips.
I see Valentina's eyes tightly closed. I close my eyes too, following her. With eyes closed, my sensitive senses fully feel her soft lips. This is the first time I've kissed a tall woman, so lifting my head to kiss was also somewhat new.
And unexpectedly, in this situation, my mind thought: if I use my tongue, will Valentina hate me? Even if Europe is lenient, experienced men probably make women hate it, and the younger you are, the more so.
'...Should I insert it?'
Internal conflict about using tongue hits hard. And in that moment, Valentina, gaining confidence, hugs my body.
So our bodies press close, and a huge weight is felt from the upper chest. Soft, like mother's embrace.
And below, it starts to harden slowly. Since our bodies were stuck, Valentina must have felt it, but even then, she wasn't thinking of opening her mouth.
'Fuck, frustrating.'
I slowly open my lips. But Valentina's lips are still tightly closed.
Tuk, tuk.
Gently probing her lips with my tongue like knocking. Did she feel the wish for me to quickly meet my tongue?
...Unfortunately, it didn't seem to transmit.
'Fuck, this is annoying.'
I put strength into my tongue and open Valentina's lips. Valentina flinched but soon our tongues met. The kiss after a long time made my body tingle like static electricity. And probably the same for Valentina, her legs seemed to loosen a bit.
Well, she quickly composed herself. But this was definitely her first kiss.
'If I've come this far, I should lead a bit more...'
I didn't want to be remembered by Valentina as someone who only moves their tongue from the first kiss, so I hugged her waist tighter. Our bodies closer, all curves felt. And gaining confidence from my action, Valentina started moving her tongue and intertwining with mine.
Valentina's warm and soft tongue licked my tongue, and I gently stroked hers in response. From the close bodies, hot warmth from below. Probably Valentina's panties are soaked too, like mine.
I think it's fortunate I drank wine. The sweet wine aroma lingered in my mouth. If it was soju or vodka, only alcohol smell would be there.
I want to put my hand inside Valentina's clothes. Up or down. It was a park, but I didn't care, I wanted to enjoy the moment. The problem was Valentina's reaction.
Would Valentina like that? I recall if I liked a woman who would grope my body from the first kiss. In my 20s, kiss meant sex, and since I was meeting women to have sex anyway, it didn't matter much, but with Valentina now on her first kiss, it might be different.
Because my first love was like that too.
...Thinking about my first love makes me feel a bit sorry for Valentina. Because while kissing her, I was thinking of another woman.
Since I've already done many things to make Valentina sorry today, I decided to erase all these thoughts and give myself to Valentina. Thinking that if she wants, I'll give it to her anywhere on my body.
But,
"Ha-neul..."
...Valentina grabs my shoulder with her hand and pushes me away, distancing our connection. The silver thread connecting our lips sparkles in the streetlight.
Looking up at Valentina's beautiful eyes, I want to kiss again.
"Sorry..."
But the words that come from Valentina's lips, which had felt warmth until just now, stop my movement.
"I didn't want to do it this way... I'm sorry."
"...What?"
"I didn't want to force someone who's drunk."
'Haa...'
A sigh comes out internally. But if I let it out, it might break this annoying girl's heart, so I hold back the breath.
Valentina looks at me with serious eyes. From those eyes, I feel how much she thinks of me. Probably, like before, she wants to take care of me.
In this state, if I approach, Valentina will push me away. Because she thinks I'm drunk.
I find it vexing that Valentina is teasing me with excitement and then pushing me away.
"But..., my heart is sincere. I like you. Ha-neul."
And I hate Valentina for making me like this and pushing me away, then confessing cowardly.
My mind gets complicated with Valentina's confession.
If I accept her confession here, I can drive the car and enjoy my first experience of this life with Valentina.
But I didn't want to feign my heart to Valentina in this moment of momentary desire.
It would be an example to the precious Valentina I've known for over 10 years.
If it was me from the previous life, I would have just taken Valentina to the hotel, but the me now is different from the previous me. Until now, I've tried to ignore this fact, but I didn't want to live like the previous life.
After I succeeded, there were no family who only bragged about money and evaded taxes with my money in this world, and me who, when born, only thought of trash and resented parents, loved as is by mother and father, and a younger brother who likes me even though we don't spend much time together.
No Ryu Ha-neul who wandered as a foreigner in Europe without making proper friends and causing trouble, and Ryu Ha-neul who is liked by teammates, friends, and fans and journalists is here.
Yeah, I like this life.
I didn't want to end up hating people without attaching love to anyone, like in the previous life, and dying lonely. If I die, I hope my favorite people come to my funeral.
So I didn't want to make up lies to hurt the heart of a friend who might like me.
"I like you too, Tina. But..."
"Hup..."
When I say I like you, Valentina, who was about to clench her fist and shout, stops at the word 'but'.
"I don't know if I like you as a man and woman or as friends. I don't know what I should do. I want to do as I please, but I don't want to do as I please. I want to date you, but if I date you and then break up, I don't have the courage to handle it."
"...Yeah."
"So I'm confused. Whether you approaching like this or distancing from you."
"Ha-neul..."
"I know I'm a shitty person. Sorry, Tina."
"No. I understand. Me too. But..."
"But?"
"If I approach more, don't push me away. I'll try to gain confidence. And if you gain confidence, approach me. I've always been walking towards you."
"...Yeah."
Valentina's sincere words make me feel like tears might well up. I'm glad Valentina is taller than me. If I lower my head, Valentina couldn't see my face.
"Let's go back."
"...Yeah."
Was it because of the alcohol? Or because I've been wearing the 'man' mask for too long? Or because of the hormones flowing in the bodies of men in this world?
Watching the back of Valentina walking ahead, I shed a few tears. Originally I wasn't like this, but I guess I've adapted too much to this world.
'Fool, fool, fool.'
Even while walking like that, feeling that the hardened part is hindering my steps, I feel like I'm too much of a fool.
But, it's better to be a fool than to hurt a friend's heart.
"......"
"......"
The car returning to the dormitory is quiet. When entering the dormitory, for some reason, Camila who was wandering in the lobby approaches.
"Ha-neul! Why is your face so red? Hey! The coach said he ate and came!"
"The coach gave some alcohol, and Ha-neul's body doesn't seem to take wine."
"Ah, what? Don't hug me too."
"Hey, how are you going to fit into the MVP meeting? If you hate it, you should have played better in the game."
"Aigoo..."
Valentina and Camila bickering as usual. And seeing Camila like that, I feel like Camila is the only person who can consult my current worries.
Yu-ri had a record of liking me, so it would be burdensome to consult these worries with her, and Bruna, who only knows about football, wouldn't be helpful at all.
But Camila was different. If it's Camila, she could solve my worries.
...And I wanted to gain confidence.
"Camila..."
"Yeah?"
"No, let's talk later. I'm a bit tired right now. I'll go up first."
But right now, I'm a bit tired. And the warmth of the lips I felt earlier seems to remain on my lips, so I want to feel this aftertaste a little more.
'I'll have to catch her later and talk once.'
So I head to my room while promising to do it later.