From Forum Rage to Guard Selection
Writing bad comments and getting isekai'd is so cliché. But actually getting isekai'd after writing bad comments? That's predictably worn-out. Regret always comes too late, just like the saying goes. I shouldn't have done that back then. But who in their right mind worries that writing bad comments will get you isekai'd? It was all just for fun.
My life flashed before my eyes like a montage. Right before the possession. The moment I hammered the keyboard in rage. After that, it's a blur. Fell asleep? Passed out? When I came to, I'd possessed 'Anyway, the Failed Fantasy World', that godforsaken game.
...I'm screwed.
A world where people drop dead left and right isn't the issue. It is, but not right now. I slowly lowered my head and checked my body. Ragged beggar rags. My viewpoint's way down low. My original adult body? Gone. This is a kid's. Kids my age—or whatever age this is—lined up in a row, waiting for someone. No clue which character I possessed. But I know this situation.
Elijah's Guard Knight Candidate Selection...
Elijah di Bebel—one of the characters. Not the main villain, not pivotal to the plot. No real impact on the player. That's why she's weird. Can't romance her, can't kill her. In this open-world game with high freedom to kill any NPC, she's the one you can't touch. Attacking her is straight-up forbidden. Cross her, and she burns you alive. Literally.
True to her epithet Mad Fire Queen, she's a mage wielding bizarre fire. Nasty personality too. Half-familiar, ice-cold disdain, loves killing—total psycho. The scar slashing across her face proves it. Minor character loaded with all these seemingly important backstory bits. Some say: Who'd threaten you with a knife to meet her? No one. But as a gamer, how do you resist?
Anyway, she's the villainess type. And now I've possessed someone at her guard selection.
The psycho bitch famous for killing guards on a whim and swapping them out...
No time to tell if this is a dream or reality. Mess up, and my head rolls here. Become her guard? Instant death. What advantages does an isekai'd nobody have to get picked? Still, you never know.
Wonder which character I am?
The game starts randomly as various characters—a sort of ensemble drama. No clear protagonist. I've played every starter, but not this one.
Needed info, so I rummaged my pockets. Felt something hard and sharp.
What the hell?
A broken glass shard.
Oof, shit. Scary.
Quickly ditched it on the ground, covered it with dirt. They'll check pockets soon. In this world, nobles can legally lop your head off for that.
My look screams beggar or slave.
Glass shard and some crumpled paper fell out too. What trash does this guy carry? Or just a hard, impoverished life. Yeah, fits. Lower-class life here's brutally harsh—beyond words.
Slum quests were all depressing sewers.
Suddenly, someone stepped before the kids. Middle-aged man in crisp uniform. Epaulets on shoulders, ramrod posture, broad build—knight for sure. Armored knights flanked him. High-ranking ones.
Face rings a bell.
I know most characters, but not every background NPC. Minor ones slip the mind.
"Greetings, candidates."
The middle-aged man spoke. Voice as stiff as his stance.
"I am Gawain, captain of the knight order at Lady Elijah's mansion."
Gawain. Name clicked. One of the world's top powerhouses. Nicknamed "the orthodoxy of swordsmanship," I think.
Bebel family knight?
Not in my memory. Means current timeline differs from the game I knew.
Wait. How old is Elijah now?
"Some of you came of your own will. Others were dragged here."
Gawain scanned the candidates. Spot on. Ragged kids like me mixed with fancy noble brats.
"But before the lady, remember you're all equal guard knight trainees. Understood?"
"Yes, sir!"
Noble kids shouted crisply. Beggars hung their heads.
"Good. The lady will inspect you shortly. It's just a greeting, so no need to overtense—but mind your manners."
"Yes, sir!"
"We'll now check your belongings."
Gawain nodded. A knight stepped forward, patting down the kids. Noble boys grimaced at the touch but didn't resist. Not all nobles are equal. Bebel duchy towers over them.
My turn. Rough hands groped everywhere. Gauntlets hurt. Kid body made it worse.
Good thing I ditched that glass.
Sigh of relief—then a snicker nearby. Glanced over. Chubby noble boy with bowtie, slicked-back oily hair.
What?
Something to mock? Maybe a cough. But his face annoyed me.
His turn next. Knight pulled clinking metal from his pocket.
"What's this?"
"Uh... for Lady Elijah..."
"Insolent. Dare speak the lady's name."
"S-sorry! A gift for the lady..."
Stuffy voice.
"Um, a wristwatch handcrafted by a master clockmaker from top-grade tin mined in the Balkan Mountains and premium magic stones..."
"Unneeded."
Thud. Knight tossed it to the dirt, crushed it under steel boot. Pricy gift pulverized. Boy's face drained blue. About to cry.
"Dare bring bribes here? We announced they're strictly forbidden."
"Ah, uh, I, th-that..."
No mercy, even for kids. This world's like that—no child rights. Historical accuracy?
"Crying over this? Pathetic."
"Sorry..."
Boy bowed deep. Knight moved on indifferently. More kids caught with gifts. Some bawled watching valuables trashed. Kids gonna kid. Knights didn't care. Gawain eyed criers with open contempt.
"Not fit to be mercenaries, let alone the lady's guards..."
Tsk—even clicked his tongue.
Chaotic search ended quick.
"Now, attend the lady. All, attention!"
Body snapped to perfect at-ease instinctively. Scary what PE training does—muscle memory.
Now what...
Goal: fail here. Easy way: curse Elijah out or punch her. Guaranteed rejection—and decapitation. Too guaranteed.
Offend just enough to fail without mortal insult.
How? Tricky as hell.
Gawain turned left, dropped to one knee. I followed his gaze. A girl approached. Kid-height like mine. Ankle-length skirt flared like an umbrella. Red-black lace dress, antique and doll-like. Maid held ornate parasol; another rolled out red carpet.
She strode regally over blood-red weave. Pitch-black hair like her vibe. Arrogant chin tilt. Cold red eyes looking down. Upticked cat eyes, teardrop mole under right. Exact Elijah I knew—but way younger. Small, chubby-cheeked. My body's age, roughly.
No scar as a kid.
"Lady Elijah."
Gawain knelt first. Kids mimicked clumsily as she passed.
"L-Lady Elijah..."
Whatever. She strolled slow, scanning candidates. Ignoring greetings. Wide gap between line and her—like uncrossable red carpet wall. She loomed from atop it.
"Lady, Elijah..."
They averted eyes, mumbling. Natural—meet her gaze wrong, you're hated.
So, eye contact = fail?
Staring down at superiors is rude. But not execution-level.
Perfect for 'annoying, rejected.'
"E-Eli, Eli-jah, La-dy..."
Chubby boy trembled beside me, sweating buckets, head down.
My turn. I stared straight into Elijah's eyes. No kneel. Her passing step halted. Bored gaze locked on. I held firm—even challengingly. Her face dredged up every game frustration. Eyes hardened unconsciously.
"......"
She turned fully to face me. Gawain, knights, kids—all stared, baffled. Tension rose, but I played cool. Gotta fail here.
Thud, thud. She approached. Glossy shoes left carpet for filthy dirt. Unbridgeable gap bridged. Knights flustered but didn't stop her.
She stood before me—slightly shorter. Still tilted chin down. Small lips parted.
"Kneel."
Command. I froze. Not from a world where you kneel on order. But... kneel now or execution? No need to deliberate.
"You insolent brat!"
Knight charged, kicked my calf, slammed shoulders. Grunt. Knees hit dirt, face smashed ground. Hand crushed my neck.
Hurt, but endured. Fail like this? Fine. Survive first.
"Head up."
Elijah ordered. Knight yanked hair, lifted. I met her eyes again.
She tilted head slow, studying. Reached out. Lacy gloves, long sleeves to wrists—red mark peeked? Tiny hand gripped chin.
"L-Lady...!"
Knight startled.
"Shh."
She silenced. Held chin, faced me, tilted head. Turned my face side to side. Observing eyes curved like crescent moon.
She's smiling.
"Interesting."
Released chin. Unreadable emotion gleamed in smiling eyes.
"Clear everyone but him."
"......"
We all gaped. Elijah strode off coldly with maids. I stared blankly at her back. Long after she vanished, reality hit.
...Huh?
Something's wrong. Terribly wrong.
Then, a familiar phrase popped in my head.
Tutorial completed.