Do Not Forgive Me
“Still haven’t found it?”
“Something like that.”
“Have you met Master Gwak?”
“Master Gwak?”
At the inn boy’s words, Dan Yeop’s heart began to race.
“You asked me back then where Master Gwak’s house was. I gave you directions, and you packed your things and left. Don’t tell me you couldn’t find it even then?”
“Ah, could you explain where Master Gwak’s house is again?”
“You should eat first. And settle the bill for the room……”
As he spoke, the inn boy glanced around and held out his palm.
He wanted payment for the information.
Dan Yeop took out a coin and placed it in the boy’s hand.
“Go out of the inn and follow the left road for a while. You’ll see it on the right.”
“On the right?”
“Yes. There’s a signboard on the gate that says ‘Gwak’s Residence.’ You can read, right?”
The inn boy looked at the youth with a hint of suspicion. He had already given directions once before, and now the man had returned. Something felt off.
“Of course I can. Thanks.”
As Dan Yeop turned to leave, the inn boy hurriedly called after him.
“Young master, aren’t you going to eat?”
“I’m busy right now. I’ll come back later.”
“Hah, people who say they’ll come back later never actually do.”
Dan Yeop left the inn, ignoring the grumbling boy.
Following the directions, his heart pounded with every step.
After walking for some time, he indeed spotted the signboard reading “Gwak’s Residence” on the right side of the road.
Once he confirmed the destination, his mouth went dry. Yet he only circled the residence like a puppy that needed to relieve itself.
It was a far cry from the decisive action the genius Dan Yeop would have taken by knocking on the gate immediately.
While he lingered in front of the imposing gate, someone spoke to him.
“Who’s there? Who dares loiter in front of someone else’s house…… Huh! It’s you!”
Gwak I-do stared at Dan Yeop in shock.
The man had suddenly appeared a month ago and turned the Gwak household upside down. Why had he returned?
“Do you know me?”
For a moment, Gwak I-do thought Dan Yeop was mocking him. The man had stayed overnight and even exchanged names, yet now he asked if Gwak knew him?
“Aren’t you Young Master Dan Yeop? You left as if you’d never return, so what brings you here this time?”
Unlike a month ago, Gwak I-do’s tone was cold. He had tried to mediate between Jin Eun-seol and Dan Yeop, only to be scolded by the youth instead.
“Fifteen years ago—no, fourteen years ago, since the year has changed. A four-year-old boy was lost……”
“That’s enough. After you visited, my wife took to her bed. Have you come back to finish her off?”
“When you say ‘wife,’ you mean……”
“Haa! Who else could it be but your own mother?”
“Did my mother marry the person you’re referring to?”
When Dan Yeop pointed at himself, Gwak I-do exploded.
“Are you mocking me now? Yes! She married me! We even have a son five years younger than you. After learning about your situation, that boy quit his studies. Our family has been in ruins ever since you came. Are you satisfied now?”
78. Do Not Forgive Me
Gwak’s Residence.
Inner Hall.
Gwak I-do looked at Dan Yeop in disbelief. The youth’s story was hard to accept.
He could understand why Dan Yeop had followed Haomun out of fear of his mother.
‘But what? He learned Haomun’s martial arts, fell into qi deviation, and now his mind keeps coming and going?’
The words “Stop talking nonsense” rose to his throat, but after seeing the seriousness in Dan Yeop’s eyes, he swallowed them back.
“So the person who visited a month ago was suffering from heart demons?”
“Yes. His mind drifts in and out every day or two.”
Gwak I-do remained half-convinced but didn’t press further. There was no point in continuing the conversation.
“Do you resent your birth mother?”
“How could I not? She tried to kill me for so long.”
“Your birth mother has been tormented by it as well. After being shocked by your words that you couldn’t forgive her, she collapsed and has remained in that state ever since.”
“……”
Dan Yeop couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud, but he thought it was somewhat karmic retribution.
In that sense, heart demons were truly formidable. Even when his birth mother begged for forgiveness, the other personality had coldly turned away.
If he had been in that situation, he would have hesitated with an “Uh……” and let it slide.
Watching the silent Dan Yeop, Gwak I-do asked,
“Would you like to see your birth mother?”
“……”
Dan Yeop didn’t answer, but Gwak I-do could read the desire in his expression.
“If you just want to see her face, follow me. I won’t tell you to forgive or not forgive anymore.”
After speaking, Gwak I-do stood up, and Dan Yeop followed behind him. Setting forgiveness aside, the reason he had come all this way was to meet his mother.
***
Inner Residence.
Gwak I-do entered the room first, explained to Jin Eun-seol that Dan Yeop had come, and then stepped back out into the corridor.
“Go in.”
Once Dan Yeop entered, Gwak I-do turned and went out to the veranda.
Inside the room, Dan Yeop looked around. There were no decorations, only bookshelves lining every wall. The scent of medicinal decoction filled the air.
Jin Eun-seol, who had been forcing herself upright, parted her lips with difficulty.
“Are you in pain?”
“My body is healthy. It’s only my mind that drifts in and out.”
Silence fell.
Neither Jin Eun-seol nor Dan Yeop could easily find words.
After a long while, Jin Eun-seol muttered as if to herself,
“I was a coward. I wanted to die, but I didn’t have the courage. So I tried to kill you instead, because it was easier.”
“Then you should have killed me.”
“If I killed you…… I would have had to die too. I was afraid of dying.”
She meant she hadn’t been able to kill him in order to survive.
Dan Yeop felt strange. Until now, he had always killed others in order to survive.
Jin Eun-seol continued.
“After giving birth to and raising your younger brother, I realized what I had done. I hoped you were living well.”
Thick tears streamed down Jin Eun-seol’s face.
To think that such a child had gone mad…… The heavens felt cruel.
“I am living well.”
Jin Eun-seol quickly wiped her tears and spoke with a deliberately calm expression.
“Yes. I’m sorry, and I’m proud of you. I won’t shamelessly ask you to forgive me. I only hope you know that I…… am reflecting and regretting.”
Dan Yeop looked at Jin Eun-seol. Though aged, traces of her past face remained.
Shameless.
Indeed.
The person who had repeatedly tried to strangle him to death nineteen years ago was now saying she was reflecting and regretting.
At that moment, Jin Eun-seol suddenly raised her head and looked at Dan Yeop.
The instant their eyes met, Dan Yeop unconsciously lowered his gaze. It was because of the fear imprinted in his mind.
Seeing this, Jin Eun-seol recalled the infant who used to avoid her eyes in the past. The weight of what she had done pressed down on her chest anew.
“……Do not forgive me.”
Dan Yeop replied,
“Understood.”
At those words, Jin Eun-seol felt a sense of relief instead.
Silence descended again, but it was no longer as heavy as before.
Jin Eun-seol’s question broke the silence.
“Have you eaten dinner?”
“No.”
“I’ll have it prepared. Would you like to eat before you go?”
“Yes.”
***
Inner Hall.
Though it was long past dinnertime, food was once again laid out in the inner hall.
While Dan Yeop ate alone, someone hesitantly entered the room.
It was Gwak Jeong-an, the son of Gwak I-do and Jin Eun-seol.
Dan Yeop glanced at his half-brother but said nothing.
Gwak Jeong-an quietly sat across from him.
Then he sipped his tea.
Dan Yeop, who had been tearing into a boiled chicken leg, suddenly asked,
“Do you think you can pass the civil service exam?”
“No.”
“Are you good at fighting?”
“No.”
“Have you ever learned martial arts?”
“No.”
Dan Yeop nodded and focused on his meal again.
“They say our mother tormented you.”
“No.”
“I heard it too. They said she tormented you.”
“It wasn’t torment. She tried to kill me.”
After speaking, Dan Yeop kindly showed the scar on his neck.
“Tsk! Then why did you come again? To extort money?”
“Why? Is that not allowed?”
“You’ve got it wrong. Our mother has no money. It all belongs to Grandfather and Father.”
“Then I can get it from Master Gwak or your father. We’re family anyway.”
“What wrong did Grandfather and Father do to you that they should give you money?”
“We’re family.”
Gwak Jeong-an, who had been gritting his teeth, asked with a bitter expression.
“Did you really come to extort money?”
“Well, what do you think?”
Dan Yeop set down the chicken bone he had been holding and stared at Gwak Jeong-an.
“What do you mean, what? Because of you, our mother has been bedridden for over a month. I understand you feel wronged, but that’s enough.”
“You’re a filial son, aren’t you?”
“It’s not like that!”
His pride inexplicably wounded, Gwak Jeong-an strongly denied it.
“If not, then fine.”
Dan Yeop rinsed his mouth with tea, looking uninterested.
“Are you a martial artist?”
“Why?”
“I’m just asking because you’re carrying a sword.”
“Haomun.”
At those words, Gwak Jeong-an let out a small laugh. To ordinary people, Haomun was only slightly better than street thugs.
“Are you laughing at me?”
“Is it okay for Haomun to openly carry swords like that?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Well, even street thugs carry swords and axes, so I guess it’s fine.”
“Hey, you don’t know this, but those people can’t even meet our eyes.”
“I’ve never seen that, so I can’t really say.”
The two naturally continued their conversation about Haomun.
When it grew late, Dan Yeop slowly rose from his seat.
Watching him, Gwak Jeong-an spoke.
“Why? Are you leaving?”
“I have to.”
“It’s late. Just stay the night and leave in the morning.”
“Why would I stay here when there’s a perfectly good inn?”
“Tsk! Do what you want. Will you come again?”
“I won’t.”
“Why? You should come to extort money.”
“Kid, I make good money too.”
“Your boasting is excessive. How much can you possibly earn in Haomun?”
“I receive five taels of silver a month.”
“Lies……”
Knowing the value of silver, Gwak Jeong-an couldn’t believe it.
“Think what you want. Anyway, I’m going.”
As Dan Yeop was about to turn away, Gwak I-do and Jin Eun-seol entered the inner hall together.
Gwak Jeong-an tattled,
“He says he’s leaving now.”
Gwak I-do glared and scolded him.
“You, what do you mean by ‘he’? He’s your senior!”
“Then what should I call him?”
“Call him Young Master Dan Yeop or Elder Brother Dan Yeop.”
“Good grief, calling someone from Haomun ‘young master’……”
“You, you, still!”
“Tsk.”
Gwak Jeong-an pretended not to hear and looked away.
In place of his son, Gwak I-do apologized to Dan Yeop.
“Young Master Dan, I’m sorry. He’s still young and uneducated. Please understand.”
“It’s fine. It’s not like he said anything wrong. People would laugh if you called someone from Haomun ‘young master.’”
“……”
Gwak I-do had nothing to say in reply and pressed his lips shut.
Jin Eun-seol, supported by her husband, spoke with difficulty.
“You’re leaving now?”
“Yes.”
“Go carefully, and if you ever need help, come find us anytime.”
Dan Yeop didn’t reply. He didn’t think he would ever need help, but he was grateful for the words alone.
At that moment, Gwak Jeong-an cut in.
“Don’t worry. He says he earns five taels of silver a month.”
Gwak I-do and Jin Eun-seol looked at Dan Yeop in surprise.
“It’s true. I’ll only accept the sentiment. Then I’ll be going.”
Dan Yeop bid farewell to the two and left the inner hall.
***
Dan Yeop, who had left Gwak’s residence,