The Perils of Answering Nature's Call
The night in the mountains fell swiftly.
As thick darkness settled around us, the carriages soon halted and a bell rang out to signal bedtime.
“It’s already night? Jeanie, I’ll head back to my own carriage now. Elizabeth will be waiting for me.”
I had been half-dozing, worn out by Iruse’s endless chatter. She’s finally leaving? That was the most welcome thing I’d heard in hours.
But Elizabeth? She had a friend sharing her carriage this whole time yet still spent the evening with me?
“Elizabeth? Is there someone by that name?”
“Oh, she’s my personal silk-lace pillow. To be precise, it’s Elizabeth the Third. Sadly, the previous Elizabeths have all passed on to the afterlife.”
“...I see.”
Are all the people around me weirdos? Or am I the weird one?
Every single kid who latched onto me had a personality that was anything but ordinary.
I waved cheerfully as I saw Iruse off the carriage.
Now I understood completely. Chocolate was fine, but what I truly needed was time alone.
I even regretted feeling lonely earlier. The feeling had lasted only a moment, yet here I was, missing it already.
Some people pitched tents outside when bedtime came, but I preferred sleeping inside the carriage.
I wasn’t very tall, so stretching out on the sofa fit me perfectly.
I pulled a pillow and blanket from the luggage compartment and began preparing my bed.
While arranging everything for a comfortable night’s sleep, something I had completely forgotten amid Iruse’s chatter resurfaced.
“I never went to the bathroom...”
If I started listing the inconveniences of this world, I’d never finish, but the toilet unquestionably took first place. Traveling made it even worse.
The very concept of a portable toilet barely existed, so most relief happened roadside. The ideal moment was when the carriages had already stopped.
Otherwise you had to bring the entire line of moving carriages to a halt and make everyone wait while you disappeared to handle your business. Unless I wanted to broadcast my bodily functions to the whole group, the mere thought was horrifying.
If I really couldn’t stand that option, I would have to use that...
“Ugh.”
I glared at the chamber pot supplied in every carriage. Even shoved into the corner, its presence was overwhelming. Personally, I would rather die than use it, no matter how dire the situation.
I had no idea who might have used it before me. After using it the evidence would remain glaringly obvious, and above all, it triggered a deep physiological revulsion.
Maybe it was because I still carried the standards of a far too civilized past life and had become sensitive about hygiene.
There was no helping it. I would have to go outside.
Grumbling about the hassle, I slowly pulled out my coat and put it on.
The coat I liked to wear was the cloak-style uniform issued by the academy. A faint warming spell had been cast on it, making it a genuinely useful garment.
As I stepped down from the carriage I glanced toward the source of the noise.
It was already late, so the thought of calling a teacher to accompany me flickered through my mind, but the adults over there were clearly in the middle of a drinking party.
“I’ll just go by myself.”
I’m not actually a little kid, and it’s only the bathroom.
I trudged toward the forest and called for Adore. The guy was useful at times like this.
“Adore.”
A large orb of light bloomed in the night air. The instant a spirit is summoned, you can witness the exact moment something is born from nothing.
Rai is a special case, so I’ll make an exception for him.
“Kuhaha! Burn it all—huh? Master, what is the matter? Do you require this body’s aid!”
The surroundings brightened at once. The summoned Adore flew around in a frenzy, as if I had interrupted something important.
“Ugh, stay still. You’re too distracting.”
“What can this body do? It is our very essence! Speak—what task would you have this body perform!”
“Staying still is helping.”
“What!”
“Can you light the path properly?”
Adore seemed reluctant to accept that this was all I wanted from him.
He darted here and there before finally realizing there was nothing else to do, then floated obediently above my head.
“Tsk. To be given a task so trivial.”
He appeared deeply dissatisfied that the mission was so humble.
I felt his once-brilliant glow shrink slightly.
“What is it you want to do so badly?”
“Something far grander than this!”
“Something grander… Like what? Shall we go hunt a dragon?”
“That would not be bad at all! This body has grown restless after so long away from the middle realm!”
Suddenly worried I had gone too deep, I glanced back. It felt a little unsettling, but with Adore beside me it should be fine, so I pressed on farther.
I wanted to avoid the embarrassment of running into anyone else who had come out to relieve themselves before bed.
Such encounters happened more often than I liked, and only after venturing quite far did I finally hide myself with satisfaction behind a suitably secluded tree.
“Keep watch and tell me if anyone comes!”
“This is absurd. To make me perform such a menial task…”
“Stop complaining!”
It was rather interesting how distinctly different each spirit’s personality was.
Rai’s loyalty ran deep, yet he could be crooked and willful at times. Undine was loyal but passive and demure.
Adore, on the other hand, was proactive but nowhere near loyal.
Still, he did what he was told.
“This body is not meant for such petty duties. The current master seems to lack understanding. In the past…”
He’s being incredibly loud while I’m trying to pee.
Since he’s just a floating ball of light, I can’t even tell whether he’s facing me or not.
“Adore, let’s go.”
“Where to?”
“Where… the way I came… came… Was it this direction?”
Maybe Adore’s light was too bright. I couldn’t see the camp’s lanterns anymore.
Still, I was fairly sure it was that way. On the way in I definitely remembered seeing a tree shaped like that.
I trusted my instincts and started walking.
But I have a terrible sense of direction.
After walking a short distance I realized it was strange that the carriages still hadn’t appeared. Ahem. Embarrassing as it is, I’ll have to ask for help.
“Doesn’t seem to be this way… Ahem, Adore? Can you find where the people are?”
“Me?”
“…There’s no one else here.”
“That is not my specialty. Detecting presences has nothing to do with a lightning spirit…”
“Rai was good at it.”
“What! This body can do it too! The sounds of living creatures… If I concentrate… Hng! It’s that way!”
See? He can do it when he tries. Because Rai always found the way so easily, I trusted Adore’s words without hesitation.
For about five minutes.
“Are you sure this is the right direction? The carriages still aren’t showing up!”
“It should be correct. I detected heat.”
“Really? Something feels wrong. There’s no way I walked this far…”
I tilted my head, puzzled, then froze where I stood.
For the briefest instant I had heard a sound I recognized—one that absolutely should not be here right now.
A rough… pig-like snort.
“Wait! Adore, stop!”
I halted Adore, who had flown ahead, and cocked my head toward the continuing sound.
I must have misheard. It was probably just leaves rustling, right?
“What is it, Master?”
“I definitely heard something like a pig being slaughtered. It sounded exactly like an orc…”
The moment the words left my mouth, a dark mass burst from the distant underbrush.
An orc—three times my size and reeking of a stench that stole your breath!
“Shriiiiek!”
“Kyaaaaah!”
“Ah, so that was the heat source I detected.”
This is insane. The orc charged straight at me.
Even in the darkness I instantly understood that the creature meant to kill me.
“Human! Delicious human!”
“I don’t taste good!”
Oh god, orcs really do eat people!
The orc that had appeared without warning seemed larger than the ones I had seen before. With no time to think, I sprinted wildly through the forest.
As expected, this world is terrifyingly dangerous!
I somehow avoided tripping through the undergrowth, but the orc was faster than me.
It was strange. I thought orcs were supposed to be slow! Oh no—I must be the incredibly slow one!
Running for my life, I noticed Adore floating lazily along behind me.
“Hey! You traitor! Don’t just watch like an idiot—attack! Attack it!”
I was gasping for breath but couldn’t stop yelling.
“Hm? Without Master’s command, this body cannot use its power!”
“You’re a lightning spirit! Just zap it with something!”
“Zap? There is no such thing. Please be more specific… Hey, Master!”
Damn it! I’m going to die while trying to give orders!
I changed direction and kept running. My only thought was to get back to the carriages.
I came from that side, then turned this way and ran into the orc, so if I head this direction… Wait, was it the opposite!
The problem was I no longer had any confidence I was going the right way.
Even so, I ran. With an orc chasing me there was no time to stop and figure out the correct path.
“Snort! Stand still! Human!”
“Haaah!”
The pressure of the orc thundering after me was overwhelming. Each heavy footfall shook the ground so violently I felt I might fall at any second.
“Master! For a creature like that, a thunderbolt would—ah, but Master cannot use it yet!”
“Are you mocking me!”
“Master is still young. It has been a long time, so this body formed a contract, but truthfully you are still too inexperienced to wield me properly…”
“Shut up! Your master is about to die!”
And it’s all because of you! What kind of idiot leads their master to an orc when they were told to head toward the people!