The Reunion I Dread
I knew exactly how much of a fit I’d throw, yet Bright still brought my parents all the way here. Probably because he figured there was a chance I wouldn’t even get to see them, and if I did, he could use them as a shield before I killed him.
The moment we got kicked out of the restaurant, Bright bolted. For a mage, he was surprisingly fast on his feet.
“You stop right there!”
“Wait for me, Jeanie! I’ll bring your parents tomorrow! Meet us at the inn you’re staying at, around lunch!”
“Hey! You crazy mage! How the hell do you even know which inn I’m at?!”
“……I asked earlier, and you told me…… yourself.”
“When the hell did I do that?!”
Ash had grabbed me tight while Bright made his escape, clearly terrified I’d actually murder the guy if he let go. The thought I caught from him at the time was pure panic—he was convinced someone was about to die if he released me.
“I’ll miss you! Jeanie! See you tomorrow!”
“I should’ve killed that bastard……!”
No wonder things had been peaceful for a while. Of course something had to happen. I’d known it was coming, but this was way outside anything I’d prepared for.
Honestly, getting kidnapped by a dragon felt less stressful. Was that just my imagination?
Maybe the mental pressure from back then had faded over time, leaving me with this ridiculous illusion.
[Um…… Master? When you’re stressed, I get stressed too. I feel like I’m dying right now. Can I throw up some diamonds?]
I’d been lying face-down on the inn bed for hours, trying to calm myself. I had no idea how much time had passed until I lifted my head and saw it was already dark outside.
“……No way! It’s already night!”
[What’s wrong with it being night?]
“Because night means morning’s coming, and then tomorrow’s here!”
I wished I could cast a spell to stop time. Of course, that was forbidden magic, and even if it wasn’t, I didn’t know how to use anything that grand. Everything was a problem.
The biggest problem was that I still wasn’t mentally ready.
“Yeah…… should I just run away……?”
I’d overcome every kind of trial and curse thrown at me, but this sudden crisis had me completely stumped. It wasn’t something my usual violence could solve.
I’d rather have a monster horde attack the city or a meteor fall from the sky.
[Master! Running away? That’s not like you at all!]
“What exactly is ‘like me’ supposed to mean?!”
[No matter what crisis comes, you smash through it with force! That’s the Jeanie Crowell way! There’s nothing you can’t break!]
“……Yeah, nothing can stop me…… except I can’t smash them.”
In front of the people I couldn’t even bring myself to call “parents,” my usual violence lost all direction. It was practically part of my identity, yet it abandoned me completely.
So my confusion and anxiety had nowhere to go but up.
Just thinking about them made my shoulders lock up and my breath catch in my throat. It was like an extreme case of hives. A trauma, a chronic illness, and my greatest weakness all rolled into one.
I flopped around on the bed, made sobbing noises like a madwoman, then held my breath and slammed my head against the wall.
“Bright, you little shit…… just you wait. I’ll turn you to ash and scatter you on the wind……”
[Ack, a water spirit master talking about burning someone? That’s so undignified.]
“Drowning him feels too merciful. I’ll start with a weak flame and work up to a strong one until there’s nothing left.”
[But don’t you need him for that crown prince exam thing?]
“I don’t need traitors!”
[Master, you’re really strange. Most humans are overjoyed to see their parents. Killing someone for bringing them here seems weird even to me.]
They were the people who gave birth to me in this world, yet I’d spent nineteen years avoiding them because my body physically rejected the idea.
Now I felt cornered, finally caught by the scruff of my neck.
Meeting their eyes was terrifying and unbearably awkward. Even if I used every suffocating word in existence, I still wouldn’t be able to describe how I felt.
‘When was the last time I saw them?’
They’d come after hearing I’d collapsed from my duel with Robenin, so it must’ve been just under nine years ago.
They’d arrived late, after I’d already mostly recovered, and visited me at the academy. I still remembered their faces when they learned I hadn’t told them I was hurt.
Since I never went home during breaks, they’d scrape together what little money they had and come with my brothers to see me whenever they could.
Back then, already on edge, I’d asked them not to come anymore.
I’d used the excuse that I wanted to focus on training. Part of it was true, but I’d also been relieved to finally say it out loud because their visits always made me uncomfortable and burdened.
“I mean it. You don’t have to come. I’m not a kid anymore, and I’m not lonely even by myself.”
Spirit masters rarely felt lonely. I’d told the truth, yet for some reason I couldn’t meet their eyes.
Still, I couldn’t bring myself to ignore the hurt on their faces as they left.
After that, they never came to see me again.
The number of letters they sent to the academy only increased, so I knew their desire to see me hadn’t changed. But since I never replied, they had no reason to come looking for me again.
Why was it that just thinking about them made me so unbearably restless?
I’d scowl without meaning to, breathe in irritation, and feel like I was doing something wrong. Like I was betraying someone precious.
Rai was right. Even I had parents I was supposed to love just because they were my parents. The fact that they weren’t the ones from my previous life was what tormented me.
I knew I was doing something awful to the parents of this world, but no matter how much I thought about it, I already had parents who’d raised and loved me for seventeen years. Even if I’d lived longer in this world, completely forgetting them was impossible.
If I’d spent more time with the parents of this world, would my feelings have changed by now?
I knew it was cruel, but I’d been able to turn away from them because they had three other children besides me, and because my reincarnated memories made me seem like a genius to everyone else.
Even when I acted strangely, they just thought I was an extraordinary child and let it slide. Even when I wanted to be alone or treated them coldly…… they accepted all my oddities as part of who I was.
They were good people—good enough that the guilt kept creeping back in. If they’d been terrible, I wouldn’t feel this way at all.
No one would ever understand the fear I felt at the thought of growing to love them.
[Master.]
“……Ash?”
[Yes.]
Rai only warned me when someone was coming if it was Ash—probably because his footsteps were completely silent. Soon I heard him deliberately making noise as he approached from down the hallway.
He stopped a few steps before my door, hesitating. I got tired of waiting, climbed off the bed, and opened the door first.
Thud.
“What?”
“……Jeanie, you left the door unlocked again.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re gonna say I have no sense of danger, right? I’ve got backup. Anyone who tries to break in will get mauled by Rai before they even get the door open.”
“That’s true. It’s good you have someone reliable.”
[Friend! Rai is a reliable friend!]
Oh no, Ash!
If you praise Rai, he’ll get way too full of himself! Compliments were strictly forbidden around that attention-seeking spirit.
The moment the words left his mouth, I kicked Rai away as his ears perked up excitedly.
“Why were you just standing outside instead of coming in? That’s more suspicious.”
“You told me to make noise before, so…… I was trying to figure out how not to startle you.”
“Just knock.”
“I was worried I’d be interrupting.”
“Hm? You can tell I’m not sleeping from the noise, can’t you?”
“You looked troubled. I wasn’t sure if it was okay to approach. Jeanie, are you feeling any better?”
I didn’t mind this cautious side of Ash—it was the complete opposite of me.
I was the type to get prickly and oversensitive, so I always noticed right away whether someone was being considerate. And Ash was always the one who could calm me down.
“A little.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“Want to come in? No point standing out there talking.”
“……”
What? Why was he backing away? Did he think I was going to eat him? Now that I thought about it, this guy……
“Wait, what’s that smell…… Did you take a bath? You smell like soap.”
His hair was a little damp too. I took a step closer and sniffed near his exposed collarbone.
Clean water scent! Moist skin!
“That’s unfair! You bathed without me? Where? Is there a nice lake nearby? Let’s go together!”
How could he leave me out of bath time? I grumbled under my breath, but Ash backed away even farther than I’d approached, looking completely flustered.
His face flushed all the way down to his neck. I couldn’t tell if that was normal or if he was just especially embarrassed right now.
Not like I’d ever stripped him and made him embarrassed before.
“This is…… there was a well nearby, so we all washed up together. It was behind the inn, and there were a lot of other men…… It wouldn’t have been to your taste.”
“You know my taste?”
I liked muscular guys.
Preferably with well-developed deltoids over just trapezius.
“You prefer clean lakes over ponds. The bigger and clearer the lake, the happier you are…… and if there are fish or other living things, you like that too.”
“Ah, that kind. Yeah, I do like that.”
“You always look happier after bathing…… ahem, that’s not why I came here.”
“Right. Why did you come? You have something to say, don’t you? So are you coming in or not?”
How long was he going to make me talk in the hallway? I jerked my chin toward the room, and Ash approached slowly with an obviously tense expression.
But he still didn’t seem willing to cross the threshold.
“Jeanie, would you…… like to have a drink with me?”
It wasn’t a difficult request, yet he was strangely tense. I met his eyes and reached out.
To read his thoughts, I needed skin contact, so I moved my hand as if brushing his damp hair out of his eyes.
When my fingertips gently stroked his bare forehead, his thoughts came through.
-She probably doesn’t know this is the nineteenth time I’ve asked her on a date. I’ll probably get rejected again…… but maybe after twenty times it’ll start to feel normal.
Being able to read minds was useful at times like this.
I’d rejected him nineteen times? I only remembered two or three. When had it gotten to that many?
-I like it when she touches me, but this feels like she’s treating me like a child again.
I pulled my hand away before it looked suspicious. Casually touching someone’s bare skin was surprisingly difficult.
“Want to drink?”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep anyway.”
I didn’t particularly enjoy drinking, but if Ash was happy, so was I.
The fact that being with him felt comfortable and joyful, like something good was happening, was already undeniable.