Trapped in His Shadow
“Aren’t you a traveler here for the Dra Tum Dra? Buying tickets is practically a war in itself, so you really should have prepared in advance.”
“That’s true, but my other companions are handling it… It’ll be fine. We have a letter of introduction, and if they don’t want to die, they’ll figure out how to get the tickets themselves. Anyway, if the manager returns, could you ask him to look for any related books? I’ll come back later.”
“Of course. You can stop by after the Dra Tum Dra is over.”
The entire city was buzzing with talk of nothing but the Dra Tum Dra.
“Thank you. My name is Jeanie, and I’m staying at the inn just over there. If the manager comes back soon, please let me know.”
“Certainly. Our bookstore is the largest in Helicke. If we don’t carry it, you won’t find it anywhere else either.”
Just to be sure, I stopped by the library as well, but there wasn’t much to show for it. Instead, I found myself drawn into a tiny shop squeezed between the library and the bookstore, its sign proudly declaring it specialized in book repairs and rare volumes.
“Can you repair books that have been soaked in water?”
“Yes, yes. I’d need to examine the condition first, but it’s usually possible.”
“Hmm… How do you do it? Magic? Or reagents?”
“Customer! That’s a trade secret—I can’t possibly reveal that.”
“I see. I’ll come back later, then.”
I needed to fetch the books from the inn. I had no idea how well they could be restored, but anything would be an improvement over their current state.
“Huh? It’s Ash.”
As I stepped out of the repair shop, I spotted Ash emerging from the bookstore at the same moment.
The way he was seriously scanning his surroundings made it obvious he was looking for me.
I had a habit of wandering off alone no matter which city we visited, and it always left Ash anxious.
Why, though? It was strange to worry about the tiger when it was the one prowling among a flock of rabbits.
I opened my mouth to call his name, but he noticed me before I could even form the words and strode straight toward me with long, purposeful steps.
Oh no. His face looked blank, but he was clearly furious.
“Jeanie! If you’re going somewhere, you need to tell me…”
“It’s literally right next door?”
Our lodging was close enough to see from here. I hadn’t gone far, and I had even brought Rai along.
“You didn’t bring Rai either!”
“…Um.”
“I’m right here, though?”
I had completely forgotten he was currently in snake form, hidden inside my clothes.
Ash’s worry sometimes boiled over into frustration that bordered on anger.
This was the only time he ever turned serious and raised his voice at me—whenever I acted defenseless or displayed a complete lack of self-preservation.
“I’ve asked you so many times not to go off alone.”
“But the security here is good, and…”
“That’s exactly how accidents happen! It’s not that you’re weak—it’s that there are plenty of bad people who target someone like you!”
“It’s broad daylight…”
“Jeanie!”
“What’s the big deal? I’m strong, you know!”
“But only you know that! Is it really so hard to just avoid causing any trouble in the first place? Why can’t you understand that being a little cautious isn’t asking for much? No—you know exactly what I’m worried about. You just don’t care! Whether I worry or not makes no difference to you!”
I had been grumbling defensively, but the realization that I was making excuses and getting scolded made irritation surge through me.
This time, I was going to live exactly as I pleased.
That was why I trained my mana like my life depended on it every morning, endured the drowsiness every night to train even more, and had finally earned my freedom through all that effort!
Strength meant freedom. That was the one true law of this world!
“You’re being so annoying! Just stop it! What are you, a dog? Why do you keep following me around like that!”
I knew he was worried, but it was still irritating! I could take care of myself… Okay, maybe that came out too harsh.
I quickly regretted my words because the moment I snapped at him, Ash drew in a sharp breath, bit his lip, and looked like he was about to cry.
It was as if he had heard something utterly heartbreaking.
“Tsk tsk. As expected, Master is way too cold-hearted. Ash has no immunity to harsh words, you know. I’m used to it, though!”
“…It’s not exactly harsh words, is it? It was only this much…”
“Master, there’s no love in the way you speak! You’re not gentle at all! You don’t know the meaning of consideration! You’re cruel! A selfish woman who only thinks about herself! If Ash leaves because of this, you’ll end up crying and regretting everything! I know exactly—Never mind. Please stop having such cruel thoughts… Hic, you’re scaring me…”
My irritation toward Ash vanished instantly, but now I had to deal with the headache of Rai’s complete inability to read the room.
Ash seemed to mistake my scowl for anger directed at him.
“You’re right. I know I have no right to worry about you. It must look ridiculous… You can treat me like a dog if you want. But you… your body isn’t even fully healed, and yet you keep…”
“…”
“Like that…”
Ugh, now I felt guilty.
When Ash got like this, it was impossible to argue with him. If you asked who between us had better judgment, it was obviously him.
I knew I was in the wrong. I just chose to do whatever I wanted anyway.
“Please. Could you at least spare a thought for the people who worry about you?”
I was going to cry. I hadn’t meant to make him look this miserable.
I fumbled for something to say, lips twitching, before I took the dejected Ash by the arm and led him into a nearby alley.
There were too many people on the street, and we were already drawing curious glances.
Only after we had slipped into the dim alley did I stroke his arm and offer an apology that wasn’t really an apology.
I hadn’t done anything wrong, so this wasn’t an apology. I felt bad, but it still wasn’t an apology!
“Sorry. I didn’t realize you were that worried.”
“It’s because you never think about anything that I have to do all the thinking for you.”
“…I didn’t get hurt anywhere, and I’m perfectly fine. I can call Undine now, and I’m capable of handling trouble if it comes up.”
“You said it yourself. You haven’t fully recovered yet and you just want to rest. You told me not to wake you at the inn because you wanted to sleep… and you pushed yourself to come all the way to the capital. You used that much money just to get here. Wasn’t it because you wanted to rest?”
I had wondered why he hadn’t said anything about my spending spree. So he thought I was just tired.
In truth, I had simply been too lazy to deal with it. My physical condition wasn’t that bad.
“You never show it on your face, so I… I can only guess. I can’t help but worry. Whether you’re actually struggling right now, whether you’re in pain, whether you’re truly okay…”
“That’s… I just wanted to lie down as soon as possible… But even when I’m perfectly healthy, I always want to lie down anywhere I can.”
“Miss Akia told me to watch you carefully because you only pretend to take your medicine. Your recovery is faster than expected given your condition, but continuing like this isn’t good. She said your internal injuries have practically become chronic… Just how badly did you push yourself for that to become a habit?”
“When you keep testing your limits… it doesn’t even hurt that much anymore…?”
Did he think contracting with an upper-tier spirit was something you could do while lounging around?
You had to suffer internal injuries, cough up blood, and live like a cripple for a few years before you could finally think, Oh, if I try to contract with an upper-tier spirit, I’ll die first! Only then could you reach that level!
Even as I grumbled internally, I somehow found myself helplessly getting scolded again.
“I thought you were finally resting, but no matter how much I knocked, you didn’t answer. There wasn’t even any sound! I was worried sick wondering where you had gone, and then the innkeeper tells me two young ladies went missing yesterday as well…”
“That’s unfortunate.”
“Jeanie! Sometimes you act like… like someone who has already died once and come back to life.”
Oh. Bullseye.
“I don’t know why, but there are moments when you give off that feeling… Why aren’t you afraid of anything? Why do you act like whatever happens, happens? Killing someone, throwing yourself into danger—you don’t seem to care about any of it…”
“There, there. Were you that worried?”
I tried to change the subject by reaching for his cheek, but it only made him angrier.
“Stop treating me like a child! I’m a man… you know.”
The way he shouted in a burst of emotion only to immediately look like he was about to cry was so adorable I couldn’t help but laugh.
I burst into open laughter while Ash held my right hand.
Ash really was cute.
“Puhahaha!”
Then I was pushed back a step, though it would be more accurate to say I ended up trapped between the wall and Ash’s approaching body.
Completely out of character, Ash closed in on me almost threateningly, bracing one hand against the wall and trapping me inside his shadow.
“Do I really seem that much like a child to you? Why? Jeanie, what part of me is so… I don’t understand.”
Unlike me, who was simply enjoying this, Ash looked genuinely confused on multiple levels.
He didn’t know that I really had died once and come back, just as he said. More than that, the way he worried about me was simply too endearing.
Sandwiched between the cold, hard wall and his warm, solid body, I smiled and stroked the firmer of the two—his shoulder.
It was no wonder he found it strange to be treated like a child when he had such a powerful build.
“Ash, don’t be mad.”
“…If it seemed like I was angry, I apologize.”
“You’re not in the wrong. Neither am I.”
“I don’t know. I can’t figure out what I should do with you…”
It was troubling when he looked at me with such desperate eyes, as if begging to be saved.
“This has never happened before, but I keep acting unlike myself. You have no idea how terrified I am that I might end up obsessing over you.”
“Really?”
“I find myself wanting you to look at me more, to think about me even a little. I end up praying to the gods that I won’t be insignificant to you.”
“The gods aren’t any help at all.”
I reached out to the man who looked like he might fall into despair at any moment.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, rose onto my tiptoes, and brought my face close to his.
I pursed my lips, wondering what I should do with him, then suddenly asked. Come to think of it, the answer was simple.
“Ash, do you want to kiss?”
I had heard it somewhere once.
When a man gets angry or too serious, just do something he likes.
Of course, I was the one who liked kissing more than Ash did.
Everything else was a hassle. This was enough to make me happy.
“Jeanie…”
“Let’s do it, okay? It’ll make you feel better.”
Even as he looked troubled, I whispered low against his throat and slowly stroked the back of his neck. In the end, he melted into me. I loved these moments when Ash couldn’t resist me.
Because it felt like he was completely, utterly mine.
As a Spirit Master, I seemed to have a strong urge to dominate. If I liked something, I had to make it mine before I could be satisfied.
“Ah, wait.”
I pushed his chin away just before our lips met.
With barely any strength behind a single finger, Ash easily stopped his large frame. The eyes looking at me were already a little different from usual.
“I don’t like that face.”
It was his fake one.
I had never kissed him while he wore this face. We had only ever kissed when Ash took off his necklace.
Ash hesitated for the briefest moment, then hurriedly removed the necklace with one hand and leaned in again. For some reason, I ended up speaking as if praising him.
“Oh my, you’re getting good at taking it off.”
“…This is also unlike me. Because of you… I can’t control myself. No matter what I decide, it all becomes meaningless.”
“And I like that.”
Maybe it was because Lox the watcher wasn’t around, or maybe rejecting me had simply become that difficult. Removing the necklace no longer seemed as hard for Ash as before. He simply acted with urgency.
It felt like he was rushing toward me. The sensation of embracing something so large gave me a strange sense of satisfaction as well.
Our lips met and I laughed out loud, but he immediately pulled me closer and I lost myself in the moment. We parted slightly, he tilted his head, and our lips met again, deeper this time. When the tips of our tongues touched… everything else stopped mattering.
That was what was so great about kissing.
In this moment, Ash couldn’t think about anything except the sensation of kissing me. If I read his thoughts through the ring right now, they were always the same.
Always filled with my name.
He called my rather ordinary name until he ran out of breath, over and over, savoring it with desperate longing. How could I not find that adorable?