Money Solves All
After ten days of sleeping rough, our party finally reached the capital, Helicke, without incident. Ironically, the very smoothness of our journey left me feeling strangely uneasy.
Something’s off…… There’s no way my life could ever run this smoothly.
Is this the calm before the storm? Having to distrust peace itself—yeah, I really am hopeless.
Carrying an inexplicable sense of foreboding, I stared at the city gates that had come into view.
The archway, painted in pale green and ornate gold, still looked impossibly far away.
“We made it…… but……”
“……All that rushing was pointless, wasn’t it?”
Between the gates and our carriage stretched a line of people so long it felt endless.
“Are all these people here to watch the Dra Tum Dra?”
“Probably. Whether they’re here to spectate or to sell them something…… either way, we’ll be stuck in this line for at least a day.”
“At the rate it’s moving, I’d say two days minimum.”
“Great. Looks like we’re camping here after all.”
The crowd trying to enter the capital was so massive it was almost terrifying. Enk started counting, then gave up almost immediately.
“We arrived right when the crowds are at their peak. Exactly a week before the event.”
“This is a disaster. We should have come sooner.”
“Rushing only to end up like this—what’s the point?”
“The duel’s in seven days, so we’ll get in eventually…… but……”
Ash glanced at me while speaking. Chad, oblivious as ever, finished the thought and instantly soured my mood.
“At this rate, there won’t be any rooms left.”
“W-well…… there might still be some!”
Gail scrambled to smooth things over, but Chad remained completely tone-deaf.
“Who knows? If we’re lucky, we might get to sleep in a stable. Can this many people even fit inside the city walls?”
“They wouldn’t turn people away at the gate just because it’s not a tourist spot, right?”
“Heidricke is famous as a tourist destination, though.”
“It’ll be…… fine……”
“I heard Helicke even charges foreigners an entry fee disguised as a tourist tax.”
When my eye twitched again, Ash, followed by Enk and Gail, all started sneaking glances at my expression. Even Akia, though she had no idea what was going on, began studying my face.
“……Jeanie?”
“Uh…… um…… What should we do?”
Ash and Enk were practically pleading for mercy, while Gail was clearly trying to get me to sleep so he could avoid the problem altogether.
“It looks like this will take a while. You must be tired—why don’t you take a nap?”
“I already slept.”
“Just a little more……”
“I want to get out of this carriage right now.”
The moment I ground the words out between my teeth, the three men looked like they were facing a tyrant.
Only Chad, blissfully unaware, showed no sense of danger.
Under the weight of my simmering silence, Ash approached the carriage window, visibly anxious.
He knew better than anyone how much I hated wasting time like this.
“Jeanie, there’s nothing we can do about it…… Just be patient……”
“Patient for what?! We haven’t moved an inch in an hour!”
A city where we could rest was right in front of us, yet we were stuck here wasting an entire day. It was nothing short of torture for my patience.
“Look over there. The nobles keep cutting the line, so it’s not moving at all.”
Akia peered ahead and muttered in dismay.
There were two entrances into the city: one for people on foot or horseback, and another for carriages and wagons. During busy times, the carriage line split into two—one reserved exclusively for nobles. Since nobles never walked, that was all it took.
In short, commoners in carriages had no choice but to suffer endless line-cutting from the nobility.
We couldn’t abandon the carriage either. The pedestrian line was even longer.
Noble carriages sped down the wide-open lane to our left, bypassed the queue entirely, underwent a brief inspection, and glided into the city without a care.
[Master, Master! Why don’t we just go up there and announce that I’m the Saint of this district? They’d let us through right away!]
[Oh, Rai, you’re so clever. Yeah, I’ll just say I’m the miracle survivor Saint of this area and—wait, why would that ever work?!]
[Why not?! It sounds like a great idea!]
I kicked the metal-obsessed idiot to the corner of the carriage.
[You’ll get trampled to death by the crowd before you even see the duel! No—forget seeing the duel, you’ll become the spectacle! It won’t be Dra Tum Dra, it’ll be ‘Watch the Saint get mobbed’!]
[Then tell Ash to reveal his identity! Royal free pass!]
[As if he would, you idiot!]
Look at that! Making me wait like this is just making me cranky!
After venting my frustration on Rai to calm myself down, an idea suddenly struck me. I turned to Akia.
“Aki!”
“Eek!”
“Why are you so jumpy?!”
“I-I don’t know…… What is it, Lady Jeanie?”
Akia’s wide, startled eyes made her look exactly like a herbivore. I, of course, was firmly on the carnivore side.
“Do you have any poison in that medicine bag of yours?”
“……What are you planning to do with it?”
“Feed it to Chad so we can pretend he’s a critical patient. How about it?”
“Oh my, you’re joking, right?”
“……”
“……You are joking, aren’t you?”
“I’m serious. Don’t give it to me.”
Tch. Ash just had to interfere. That idea was better than Rai’s.
So we’re doing this the old-fashioned way?
I nudged the heavy pouch at my feet with my toe.
Well, I made it to splurge in the capital anyway. Might as well put it to use.
“Ash? I’ve got a great way to get us through here quickly.”
“No violence.”
“That’s not it.”
“No poisoning anyone or killing people either.”
What does he take me for?
I raised one eyebrow and grumbled.
“What are you talking about? I’m a very practical person. Of course I’ll use a gentlemanly method. Want to see?”
I pulled out a leather money pouch so heavy I could barely lift it myself from under the carriage seat.
Inside the pouch—larger than my face—were countless gold coins.
It was cash I’d had Rai mint in my spare time, just in case I needed to contribute to Heidricke’s economy. Of course, they were expertly forged. But the gold content was identical to the real thing.
So they were fake, yet also real. Fraudulent, yet not quite fraud. Since they were perfectly replicated and undetectable, they were no different from the truth.
Blessed are those who believe!
“Do you know what ‘pay-to-win’ means?”
“Never heard of it……”
“It means throwing cash at the problem. Simple—buying our place in line. It’s cutting, but the kind where everyone’s happy.”
Paying someone to swap places was common enough. Usually it was just a silver or two. I narrowed my eyes at Enk instead of Ash, who clearly disapproved.
“What do you think, Enk? One gold per carriage should make them move aside pretty fast, right?”
“……Per carriage…… you say?”
“Yeah. I only made…… I mean, I only managed to save one-gold coins.”
“Really? Actual gold coins?”
“Is it that hard to understand what I said? Is your head just for decoration?”
“No…… If we offer one gold to yield, they’ll probably say, ‘Oh please, come right ahead, we’ve been keeping the spot warm for you,’ and step aside.”
Making everyone happy—maybe I really am a saint after all. Not just anyone can be a saint, you know.
Feeling rather pleased with myself, I held the money pouch out the carriage window.
“Then go ahead.”
Enk hesitated for a moment, eyeing the heavy pouch dangling in the air.
He seemed to glance at Ash’s expression, but when I growled that it was heavy, he quickly grabbed it with both hands.
“But…… there are over a hundred carriages ahead, just from a rough count……”
“It’ll be enough. That pouch has about a hundred and fifty gold in it. If someone refuses, you can go up to two.”
“……Why do I suddenly feel like we’re committing a crime? I feel like a loan shark doing land speculation.”
“Yeah, it’s just a feeling.”
Nobles wouldn’t budge for that amount, but most of the people in this line were commoners who needed every coin. They’d welcome my offer with open arms.
“I’ll pay you for the errand. If there’s money left after buying spots, buy whatever you want. You can get everyone’s permission in an hour or two, right?”
“That’s impossible……”
I flashed him a bright smile and told him to hurry up and go instead of wasting time talking.
Enk dashed toward the front carriages like he was fleeing, leaving Gail and Chad standing there blankly.
“Next, Gail.”
“Do I have a job too?”
“I’ll give you this. Go to the noble gate and……”
“What? I’ll get arrested! That’s a serious crime!”
“No, it’s not. Slip the guard ten gold and they’ll let you through. I’ve done it before.”
What I handed Gail was a pouch of gemstones. Gold coins were inside too, of course. This is what happens when you have a materialist in the party.
Making your companions commit crimes, normalizing bribery, solving everything with money.
How wonderfully helpful this is for the economy.
I really do contribute a lot to world peace.
“Shut up and run. If the guard asks if you’re a noble, stuff a gold coin in their mouth. If it looks like you’ll get caught, add more. If some high-up comes to kill you, shove coins in their mouth too.”
“……You’re terrifying……”
“There’s no official who hates money! There can’t be! And my hobby is throwing money around!”
“Well, that’s true. Can’t argue with that……”
“If you got it, go secure us the best inn you can find so I can stretch out and rest. Take Chad with you. Chad, use the letter of introduction Lox gave you to get Dra Tum Dra tickets while you’re at it.”
My plan was flawless.
Just like my overflowing wealth and beauty!
Even after I laid out such a perfect plan, Gail and Chad just stood there with stupid looks on their faces.
“Get the best inn you can find, got it?!”
“……Right.”
“Man, you’re really impatient. Can’t you have a little patience……”
“Big Sis is paying for everything!”
“Whoa! Big Sis is the best!”
“Yeah! Hooray! We believe in you!”
Being worshipped so fervently felt pretty good. Even if it was my money they liked, not me.
But since I’m the one with the money, it’s still me, right? I tossed my hair smugly, then turned to Ash with a pleasant smile.
“And you, Ash……”
“I’ll stay here. I can’t leave you behind.”
Turns out there really is one person who can’t be swayed by money.
The Second Prince, Ephiros, standing right in front of me. Not because he’s royalty—because that’s just who he is.
I stared at Ash for a long moment, then shrugged and decided to leave him be. I’d been planning to send him for snacks, but oh well.
“Goodness, Lady Jeanie…… As expected of a noble. Your spending is on another level. But if you’re a noble, couldn’t you just use that other gate?”
“Well…… I’m technically a runaway, so I’m hiding my identity.”
“Ah! I see.”
Akia had a bit of Chad in her too—she was easy to fool and quick to accept things.
How should I put it? She just believed whatever she was told without even considering that people could lie.
“But wasn’t he the party leader? Why is everyone following your orders?”
“Ash is the leader. It’s just that I’m his master.”
Simple, right?
“Jeanie…… Could you please refrain from saying things that could be misunderstood by others?”
Ash gripped the carriage window frame hard enough to dent it, grinding his teeth as he spoke while I beamed in satisfaction.
He was standing outside the carriage. I was sitting inside.
“Why? It’s true. You said you wanted to be my slave.”
“I did say that, but what I meant was—our relationship is ours alone, so……”
“Changed your mind already? You don’t like me anymore? Is that it?”