My First Magic Is "The Curse That Causes Kidney Stones"

This is the story from just before those female knights arrived. A very brief moment earlier.

I woke early in the morning and spent the time listening to reports on the tasks I had ordered the previous day. People who had rushed over in a panic upon hearing that a new exclusive merchant would be selected came to meet me. While studying market prices, I listened to their opinions on how to handle the upcoming construction projects and incorporated their suggestions.

Knowing this opportunity might never come again, they clung to it desperately. Thanks to them, I gained a rough understanding of this world's logistics network. I promised the merchants who approached me sincerely that they would receive treatment befitting their efforts. On the other hand, there were those who led with bribes, but I dismissed it as typical behavior and thought little of it.

However, anyone who failed to provide answers no matter how specifically I questioned them about the upcoming construction or maintenance was immediately thrown out. Whether they claimed they handled too many products and needed to investigate further, or they glossed over quality issues, the worst offenders were those who didn't even know the selling points of their own goods.

Because of that, I skipped lunch and remained here. If the discussions had gone more smoothly, I would have eaten and then practiced... Still, magic practice was so entertaining that my hunger vanished quickly.

In a vast field reminiscent of a school playground, countless wooden training dolls stood in rows—perfect for magic drills. It brought back memories of my school days and was genuinely fun. Having a cheerleader here made it even more enjoyable.

"Fighting♡ Fighting♡ Lord Roman, fighting♡"

"Hahahahahaha~! You empty-headed bitch, you're so fucking hilarious! Damn, I tell you to do it and you actually do~!! Hahaha!!"

"Ahahaha~♡ I'm so glad you're pleased♡ Come on, fighting♡ Stupid Nigilia♡ I'll cheer my hardest for you~♡"

Nigilia, of course, was completely naked, adorned with piercings and ornaments that jingled~♡ as she cheered. Her indigo straight hair was tied into twin tails on either side—cute in a way that didn't suit her age. The strings binding her hair dangled with golden ornaments shaped like cocks, making her the very picture of a brainless sow♡.

Thanks to that, my motivation surged. In that moment, I fired the magic I had learned from Lady Perpena.

"Yes~!"

"Magnificent♡ Lord Roman♡"

The black bullet I launched dyed the wooden doll pitch black the instant it struck. It didn't explode in a flashy display of destruction as I'd imagined, but this too was proof the magic had succeeded. Though I'd managed it several times before, this was the first time it truly felt complete.

"How is it? Learning it itself isn't difficult, is it?"

"It's true. It feels strange how naturally I can use it, like my own hands and feet. How should I describe it... perhaps the difficulty of relearning how to use chopsticks~?"

"Haha~! After how thoroughly I explored your body during those five years you slept, there's no way such fundamentals would be missing! The language is perfectly installed, and your aptitude for curse magic is the greatest in this world. Learning comes quickly~!"

"It's genuinely fun to learn something while believing I have talent for it. With a stupid cheerleader rooting for me and a mentor smiling beside me, even the self-esteem I never had comes flooding out, you know?"

"Hehe, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself! What do you think of the curse I taught you? I believe it's ideal for a first attempt, with appropriate power~!"

"It's a cheat. A total cheat. The versatility is excellent, and it feels almost too dangerous to use against people."

"Yet the wooden doll remains undestroyed?"

"The moment I fired it, I got the distinct feeling it would work on humans, but I'm not sure about wooden dolls. I did think of 'the most painful thing I can imagine,' just as Lady Perpena instructed."

"I don't know what delusion or curse you infused it with, but the curse itself appears to be activating... Perhaps the lack of destruction stems from insufficient imagination? I told you it would be more efficient to draw from something you experienced directly."

"I did. And it was something incredibly intense."

"Hmm... Could it be because the target is a doll after all?"

"Lady Perpena, have you never tried casting a curse on a wooden doll before?"

"This body has always faced humans, so this experience is new even to me. Perhaps, my benefactor, it would be more efficient to conduct your magic experiments on humans?"

Lady Perpena shrugged her shoulders with casual grace as she spoke. But experimenting on humans? Who exactly was she suggesting as the target? ...Death row prisoners, perhaps?

While I regarded her with a questioning gaze, Nigilia suddenly shouted.

"Ah, Sigrid~♡ Yeeeet~♡ Fighting, fighting~♡ Do your best~♡"

A group of female knights approached from afar. At their center, the silver-haired amazon glared at me sharply.

"There's a perfect target right there."

"No wonder you kept mentioning humans."

This time Nigilia struck a fighting pose toward the woman called Sigrid. Knowing it was now their turn to work hard, she wore a faintly mocking expression. Meanwhile, the female knights approached without ever moving their hands from their weapons. Especially terrifying was the double-handed axe Sigrid carried.

"Now that I think about it, this is all rather strange, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"Even if the family head is an idiot whose only skill is sexual harassment, for knights to rebel—and in broad daylight within the territory, no less? No matter how I consider it, it only seems like someone is pushing them from behind."

"That is the story."

"The justification that since the knights betrayed us, we can legally strike back. Plus, every one of them is a beauty? How extremely convenient. Did you aim for my tastes by making most of them, including Sigrid, silver-haired?"

"White hair would have overlapped too much with my character and Servilia's, so it was a compromise... Forgive the occasional blondes mixed in. Even for me, outfitting the entire knight order in silver proved too difficult."

"It's more than sufficient. Besides, big-breasted blondes are also one of my favorite desserts."

"Then I am relieved. Look there, in the center... The one you just called Sigrid is their commander. Her personality is quite peculiar. In the past she once bit her own master and nearly faced execution. Nigilia helped her survive by a hair's breadth, and ever since she has upheld that rag as her ideal."

"Why did she bite?"

"She did something similar to my benefactor's original self. With such a beauty as a subordinate, how could saliva not overflow? After various twists and turns she transferred to the Cornelius family, but there was also an idiot named Roman here..."

"Wow, now I really want to take Nigilia's side."

"In that sense, she hates men—for better or worse. She speaks ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of loyalty, but her true heart is likely admiration for Nigilia."

A lesbian. I like that. Stories like "I really loved the same sex, but I couldn't win against a cock" are exactly my type.

While pondering how to cook her in the future, the group arrived. Nigilia moved behind me.

"──Roman Cornelius!! I am Sigrid, Commander of the Valkyria Knight Order! I wish to speak with you!"

"...Valkyria?"

"After that day, that's what they have been calling themselves..."

"Aha."

While considering how to respond, I turned ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠toward Sigrid. Naturally, Nigilia was lovingly grasping my cock. Thanks to that, every female knight's face flushed red—Sigrid's in particular was a sight worth seeing.

"Kuh...?! L-Lady Nigilia...!"

"Yeees~♡ It's been so long. But what business brings you here? I clearly ordered the knight order to remain on house arrest, yet you've come all this way..."

"What do you mean, what business! Are you truly asking because you don't know?!"

"Yes? Yeees... But?"

"House arrest? Who would listen to such an order! The knight order is in complete chaos right now!"

"Eh... But I stamped it with my own name and sent the house arrest directive. I heard Lady Perpena delivered it... I deliberately used my name in case it might inconvenience you, yet if you still refuse to obey, that becomes rather troublesome for my position..."

"It's Roman's order, isn't it! More importantly, what is that appearance?!"

"Ah, does it really not suit me? An old auntie's twin tails really is too much?! But Lord Roman liked it so much~!!"

"No, it suits you. It's so funny I think I'll die laughing. So keep it like that."

"Ahat~♡ What a relief~! Really, Sigrid too!! You always surprise people~!"

"Lady Nigilia... What on earth is..."

To fulfill her duty, she gently wrapped her twin tails around my cock, pressed her cheek against my balls, and hid her face. While making perverted sounds—Hoo♡ Hoo♡ Hoo♡—as she smelled my cock, she completely ignored Sigrid.

Did you not hear the story? The new mother is the murderer who killed Father Marcus. She herself admitted it. Afterward, to preserve her life, she fell to the role of my cock cushion and is effectively treated as a sex slave. The knight order should already know this, correct?

"Do not insult Lady Nigilia! From the beginning, rumors that you were a fake have been circulating as well!!"

"You really only choose the most rude ways of speaking. I am Roman Cornelius. Head of this family and your employer. Is it not chivalry to lower your voice and adopt an appropriate attitude?"

"Don't you dare speak of chivalry! Release Lady Nigilia at once! At the upcoming banquet, before King Remerus, I will prove Lady Nigilia's innocence!!"

That old man who had been coveting Nigilia so fiercely... Real or fake, if Nigilia points at me, the game ends. In a situation where my reputation has yet to fully recover, doing something like that would send both my neck and my credibility flying. There's no way I'd permit such foolishness.

I grabbed the hair-entangled cock and lightly slapped Nigilia's cheek with it.

"Ohe~?"

Pat pat pat♡ Pat pat pat♡ Dick-slapping her cheeks~♡

"Kyaha, kyat, aahn♡ Ehehehehe♡ Ehe, really, Lord Roman too~♡ Is Nigilia's cheek that satisfying to slap~♡"

"It's soft and feels wonderful. Do you apply oil?"

"Yes, I'm diligently caring for my skin♡ Please continue to make generous use of Nigilia's cheeks in the future~♡"

"Good good good~♡"

"Kyat♡ Kyat♡ Kyaaaaa~♡ Kyat♡ Aaaaaahn♡ Ahat♡ Kyahu~♡"

Naturally, Nigilia was delighted. Unless struck with the club buried in her ass, her body—pickled in aphrodisiacs—could feel pleasure through her skin. She had been feeling anxious lately, so every time her cheek was slapped by my cock, she seemed to find relief.

"Stop it right noooooow!!!"

"Whoops."

As thanks for the good show, the double-handed axe came flying. Thanks to Nigilia's presence it wasn't a direct hit, stopping right before my face, but what a volatile woman.

"Y-you, you, you truly endless son of a bitch~?! I told you not to act like a dog!! How many times must I explain that she is not someone who should receive such treatment from a scoundrel like you!!!"

"...You're speaking as you please, but what does the person herself think?"

"I'm a former whore~♡ When I was truly at rock bottom, I did things far worse than this~♡"

Really? That was the first I'd heard of it.

"It's a story from when I was very young~? Back when I wasn't yet accustomed to being a dancer, I broke a very expensive jar... The noble became so enraged that as punishment he shaved my head completely... At that time, I really... cried for days ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠on end...... Hu... Huhuhu... Huhu......"

"...That's rather dark."

The darkness ran so deep it was the kind of story that could snap someone back to sanity in an instant.

"That's why I think a man like Lord Roman is worth serving~♡ He's reliable as a male♡ and handles a bitch like me so very well♡ The day I'm rewarded by having my pussy stirred is something I look forward to so much~♡ Huhuhu♡"

Then she fell back into lust, burying her face in my balls once more and hiding her expression.

"Hoo... Hup... Swhooop~♡"

The breath from her nose and mouth felt incredibly pleasant. My balls were already massive, fitting for my horse-like cock, and quite sweaty... This might become a habit—steaming my balls like this.

"Lady Nigilia..."

"Really, how did it come to this..."

"Uuuuugh~!"

Meanwhile, the others gazed at my cock cushion with pity. Sigrid's face went from deathly pale to blue, then flushed bright red.

"If Nigilia herself says so, what can you possibly do? If you withdraw quietly now, I won't take any special measures. It's not something you can change by stepping forward at this point."

"It must all be your doing...!"

"What now?"

"There's no way a person could change that much in a single day! You people are the same! Stop looking at Lady Nigilia with pity—if you truly feel sorry for her, then get your heads on straight!! Can a person really change like that in such a short time?! No!"

"Th-that's true?!"

"She suddenly became like a madwoman! Just looking at her makes me feel like something's wrong!"

"No matter what dark past she has, until you arrived, Roman, she was perfectly fine! That's the truth!"

"You forced her to say that, didn't you?! There's no way Lady Nigilia killed Lord Marcus!!"

"I won't take her life for now! Return Lady Nigilia to normal immediately!"

"Lady Perpena, the same applies to you!"

"Head Maid! Please listen to us! You're not that kind of woman!"

"Weren't you the colleague who gossiped about Roman behind his back?!"

They screamed and issued their final warning. In this situation, if I grabbed Nigilia by the hair and asked, "You killed him, didn't you?" our sow would probably say "Yes, I killed him~♡" just to please me. Yet no matter what Nigilia said, the other side would give the same response.

"Everything is proceeding as planned. The numbers are a bit short, but most of the ringleaders have arrived."

"Is that so?"

Even though events had unfolded this way, I felt no impatience. Since this was a story orchestrated by Lady Perpena, the moment I stepped back, she immediately took the stage.

"──The legitimate head of the Cornelius family is Lord Roman. None of the artificial matters you speak of ever occurred, and Nigilia is clearly a murderer. While it is true I was once close with all of you, now that things have come to this, I cannot defend her."

Still... I'm not quite used to that way of speaking—the Head Maid Mode.

"Perpena!!"

"Even you?!"

"Madwomen who forgot their duty as knights and bared their fangs at their lord. Verbal abuse might have been overlooked, but since you drew your blades, you will receive punishment accordingly. Especially you, Sigrid. You are a lord-slayer who previously served another house and caused an incident there as well. Do you understand that because of you, the sins of the others become heavier?"

"My resolve is complete! For Lady Nigilia's sake, I can bear any stigma!"

"It is not stigma. Your resolve is useless as well. What you will bear is disgrace. I will thoroughly break you so that the other members who did not come here will never harbor such foolish thoughts again."

After delivering that threat, she withdrew behind me once more. Was this the flow where I had to handle things?

"Naturally. If my benefactor does not handle it, it cannot serve as a proper example. After dealing with those females, I intend to inflate the incident, spread rumors, and use it as a stepping stone to restore your reputation."

"Will I be able to win?"

"I will handle defense, so use them as test subjects. Since you learned it with such effort, it would be no fun if you didn't fire it at people, would it?"

If Lady Perpena was taking charge of defense, this was practically a guaranteed victory. The other side seemed to sense the tense atmosphere; one suddenly leaped forward... Perfect. The first test subject would be you.

"Eeeeeeek!! You scoundrel who laid hands on Lady Nigilia! Prepare yourself!"

"First, I'll seize the initiative──"

The female knight came flying in with her sword raised high. Lady Perpena raised her hand blade to block it. But with that stance, I realized I could hit it too, so I extended my index finger.

"Bang."

The black bullet fired in a gun-like shape from my finger pierced straight through the female knight.

"Oeh? U, a, aaaaa──Kuhohihigihiiiiiiik?!!!"

Upon being hit, she fell without fail. Her head planted into the ground, but instead of clutching her skull, the sow grabbed her crotch and screamed.

"Kuhigigiguk, higiggggguk, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠gihik?! Hig, gi, ogagak, a#@%@&^*%!!! #@^&&&*%^*!!!"

From midway through, her screams turned into sounds beyond human speech as she foamed at the mouth. It was dirty and pitiful even though I had done it.

"""…………"""

"Ah..."

Thanks to that, the atmosphere froze over.

"......My benefactor?"

"I'm sorry. I thought I could hit it with that stance, so I unconsciously..."

"That is not the issue. What did you just fire? Somehow, it feels very different from the curses I know~?"

"Eh... Well, earlier you said to think of 'the most painful thing I can imagine.' You also said that 'something experienced directly' would be most effective."

"I did."

"So I fired it."

"...What?"

"──The curse that causes kidney stones if it hits."

"…………"

"...Lady Perpena?"

"Hii... Hieeeeee......?!"

Ah, was it no good after all? To think even Lady Perpena would make such a fed-up expression. Well, when I first suffered it, I couldn't even move properly after calling emergency services and simply pressed my forehead to the floor. It was truly one of the worst pains of my life.

"Truly, humans deviate from common sense so casually only in this sort of direction! I was genuinely surprised!"

"Clack clack clack clack clack......!! Clack clack clack clack clack......!!!"

"L-look at this... Nigilia is burying her face in the balls and playing castanets with her teeth! Ooooo~! Good good good~! No matter what, my benefactor wouldn't shoot something like that at you, so be at ease! Good good~! Gooood~!"

"Hu... Huo... Huoooo... Hu......?!"

Lady Perpena comforted Nigilia while I watched in blank dismay. Somehow the female knights seemed to have lost their momentum as well as they stared this way.

"Uh, we were going to have a match, right? Don't mind this side—just send out the next one quickly."

"""Hiiiii~?!"""

When I extended my finger, they all screamed. They were the ones who had charged in, yet the atmosphere felt as if I had assaulted them.