Study Group (Not)
Somewhere in Chile, they say, there is a single word that can be summed up as, “Anyone want to be group leader?”
It has been so long that I no longer remember it clearly, but I think it described the look people exchange when everyone knows the job has to be done and yet each person desperately hopes someone else will step forward and do it.
The thought came to me the moment I realized that, of everything that had passed between Anastasiya and me, the thing we had traded the most was simply that look.
Even my carefully prepared killer question had failed, and so the two of us, as if by prior agreement, simply sat in silence and read our books.
To be precise, we pretended to read while waiting for some conversation—any conversation—to begin. I was doing it, so Anastasiya was almost certainly doing the same.
More than once or twice, when I glanced up from the page, our eyes met.
Two hours.
For two full hours we sat there watching each other out of the corners of our eyes, both of us only pretending to read.
…I was the one who had told her to sit down, and now I was putting on this pathetic display.
I tried starting conversations a few times in between. Not once did any of them last longer than ten words.
I asked what perfume she used; she said she did not use any, and silence returned.
I considered talking about swordsmanship and then abandoned the idea. It was not a subject I knew well, nor one that interested me, whereas Anastasiya clearly had real depth in that field. Even the sword she carried was high-grade, and the way she had swung it bore no comparison to my own clumsy form.
More than anything, I hated being the one who only listened to a topic I knew nothing about.
If my guess was right—that she was the same type of person as me—then the moment a subject she actually knew came up she would light up and talk without end.
One of my few virtues is that I can look back on my own behavior. Back in high school, the instant I caught myself rattling on endlessly about games in an attempt to make friends, I simply gave up on making friends. Once I understood I had no usable topics, I felt oddly at peace.
That was then, and this is now.
I still remembered the faces those unfortunate kids had made while forced to listen to me go on and on. I did not want Anastasiya to wear that same expression.
I told myself that if I simply managed my own face it would be fine, yet I lacked confidence. I had never been particularly skilled at hiding my emotions.
“…”
I had been the one to invite her to sit, so standing up first felt awkward, and she showed no sign of wanting to leave either. Or perhaps she wanted to leave but was too conscious of the atmosphere to stand. Either way, the result was the same.
The one who finally broke that punishing silence was Dogeon.
“Ah, Hoyeon!…nim, and Anastasiya-nim as well?”
He had been about to call me casually and then, the moment he spotted Anya beside me, switched instantly to formal speech. The speed of the transition was a little terrifying. Could a person really change gears that freely? I certainly could not do it that fast.
“Ah, so you have arrived.”
“You are… Dogeon, was it?”
“I never imagined Anastasiya-nim would remember me! What an honor. As I mentioned last time, I am Han Dogeon. It is a pleasure to meet you.”
For some reason the look Anastasiya gave Dogeon was not particularly friendly. It was faint, but it was the expression of someone regarding something unpleasant—something almost disgusting.
…What is that about.
“…Yes. Nice to meet you.”
Her tone made it clear the meeting was anything but nice.
Only then did I notice Edan standing naturally at Dogeon’s side. Dogeon could not possibly have failed to notice him, so why was he saying nothing?
“…I am Edan. I heard Dogeon was holding a study group here, so I came to join as well.”
Ah. So Dogeon had brought him. Dirty popular bastard. His friends multiply by mitosis.
I had expected a slouching delinquent, yet he was far more polite than I had imagined—and never mind that this was not a formal study group but just friends studying together.
Why are you even here.
“I do not recall inviting you.”
I slipped the meaning of “get lost” into the words as gently as I could. We were classmates, and he looked a bit intimidating, so I could not quite bring myself to say it outright.
“…I assumed that since Anastasiya-nim was participating it would be all right. Was I wrong?”
Strictly speaking Anastasiya had only come to chat with me and was not “participating,” but I understood exactly what he meant by the remark.
“She gets to, so why not me?”
Hearing it put that way made me feel a little sorry, yet it did not change my mind.
“One additional person would not be a problem, but two is a different story.”
In short, I am not letting you in.
“Hoyeon-nim, would one more person really be so bad? We are all here seeking the same knowledge. If you would help Edan the way you help me, I would be grateful.”
Why is this guy suddenly speaking up after sitting quietly the whole time?!
With Dogeon himself asking, turning them away became harder. Still, I really did not want to include them.
Right. Use Anastasiya. She is the Northern Grand Duchess’s daughter and arrived first; if she simply says she dislikes it, even Dogeon’s request will give me a perfect excuse to refuse…!
“I do not particularly mind.”
Ah, for heaven’s sake.
I had not even spoken, yet the moment our eyes met she answered at once. I no longer had the energy to demand how she knew what I was about to ask.
“…Haa. Fine. One more person should be all right…”
“Thank you for your generosity.”
And somehow Anastasiya was already taking out a notebook as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I now had to teach three people.
…What choice do I have. I let out a sigh and opened the math textbook.
Running into Edan—someone I had figured I would have to contact eventually—was pure coincidence.
After enduring Georg’s class, which was really just thinly veiled abuse, I was on my way to Hoyeon’s lesson when I met him.
We were in the same class, and because I had been glued to Hoyeon his priority had dropped, but he was still an ally I would eventually need.
His looks and speech were pure delinquent, yet I already knew that was merely the disguise he had chosen to hide his identity as an Apostle of the Church.
Fortunately he showed interest first, which made things even easier.
I mentioned I was heading off to study with Hoyeon and asked whether, if he was free, he would like to join the study group.
When he asked who else would be there and I answered “Hoyeon,” he followed without hesitation.
Yet when we arrived, Anya was there as well. For some reason she was giving me a distinctly unwelcoming look.
Hoyeon had not welcomed Edan either.
Maybe the two of them had been having some kind of girls’ talk. There was no way to know.
Just keeping up with Hoyeon’s lesson was already hard enough.
“So exponential functions and logarithmic functions are inverse functions of each other… Anastasiya. Do you understand what I am saying right now?”
“Y-yes? Ah, yes! Of course. So… um… exponential functions and logarithmic functions are inverse functions of each other.”
“…Do you know what an inverse function is?”
“…Something difficult?”
Honestly, I understood none of it either. I had given up on math in the third year of middle school; shoving logarithmic functions at me now was just noise.
Anastasiya, predictably, was not following a single word, while Edan surprisingly was absorbing it all.
“I see. If a to the power of x equals b, then x is the log base a of b.”
Well, an Apostle of the Church would need more than just a strong body; the mind had to be sharp too. Gloria had shown some fairly sharp deductions in the original story, so it tracked.
“Exactly, Edan. And Anastasiya—just one more question. Do you know what a function is?”
“…No.”
Hoyeon kept sighing heavily while patiently explaining functions to Anastasiya, and Edan was quietly vacuuming up knowledge on his own.
“So how do you even read this…”
“You read the small number at the bottom—the base—first, then the large number above it—the argument. Log base 4 of 64. That’s 3.”
Hoyeon caught even that tiny murmur and answered with surgical precision.
I had expected to see Hoyeon struggling to teach, short on knowledge yet still trying her hardest. Instead she looked like a private tutor.
A private tutor who at least never said “You can’t even do that?”
She reminded me of a friend I used to know. Awkward with people, but entertaining all the same.
“…You can at least do the multiplication table, right?”
“What exactly do you take me for…!”
I had no idea how much hope Hoyeon had placed in Anastasiya, but I could guarantee Anya’s knowledge level sat well below that line.
“…Haa. Let’s take a short break.”
“There is a break time? Then by all means, let’s rest.”
Even Edan, for all his delinquent act, quieted down in front of a foreign princess and the Northern Grand Duchess. Then again, he was only playing the part of a thug, not the real thing.
“Dogeon. I distinctly recall calling only you.”
“Ahaha… well, you see, I could hardly turn away someone who wanted to join us.”
I had been stretching and sprawling when Hoyeon approached with a faintly annoyed expression.
“Even so…!”
“Hoyeon-nim, you yourself invited Anastasiya-nim, did you not?”
“That is… true. But I never called anyone except you. She simply showed up of her own accord.”
“Is that so.”
So Anya had really ended up at this gathering by pure chance. What a coincidence.
“It is.”
“Then I apologize.”
Apparently she had truly intended to teach only me. Since I had ruined that, an apology was in order.
“…No, why are you suddenly apologizing. It’s fine. That was never what I meant.”
“Please accept it. I do not feel at ease otherwise.”
It was also an apology for not looking only at her. I was sorry, but I could not afford to look only at her.
As long as any possibility remained, I refused to give up.
“Ugh… if you insist that much…”
For a moment the princess façade dropped and I almost laughed.
It did not last long.
“Pardon the interruption. Hoyeon-nim. There is something I would like to discuss with you alone. Would that be all right?”
Edan had suddenly cut in.