When She Asks

She asks.

I look up at the sky.

There is no brilliant sun, no vast open firmament. Only a boulder so immense I cannot even begin to measure it, hanging there in defiance of all natural law, blotting out the heavens themselves.

…No. That form was the law itself. To stand immovable as if eternal, then twist and crawl at a single word from a god — that was providence.

I had been prepared to die from the moment we rose in revolt, refusing to remain the gods' playthings. But I never imagined they would answer on so grand a scale.

I felt no regret. Only regret of a quieter kind. The simple fact that this was where it ended — the ability to think and act for myself, the freedom to laugh and shout with my comrades as much as I pleased — was almost too bitter to bear.

My comrades. Those who had, even for an instant, rejected the mandate of heaven and sworn to live by their own minds. They were more than I deserved. What were they thinking ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠now?

Were they in despair? Did they resent me? I was certain some of them must. I had almost expected it as only natural.

But even straining every sense, I found no one who had lost their nerve or their will to fight. No one had sunk into despair, no one had given up and sat down.

On the contrary — they gripped their weapons afresh as if steeling themselves, held their stances, and stared at the woman before them with killing intent rolling off them in waves.

As I thought. They were far too good for me. Far too good for someone who had defied the heavens simply because he could not bear to offer up his own daughter as a sacrifice.

…But this was the end. The love of family, the hope for a tomorrow different from today, the dream of a future carved out with one's own hands — all of it ended here.

Before us stood a woman who looked as though she had cut a piece from the night sky and put it on. Was the expression on her face contempt for insects, or mere curiosity?

She resembled us and yet did not. For the form of a god, she looked small and shabby. She was not vast enough to coil around a mountain. She wore no halo like the sun. No crown of light, not even a scrap of ornate finery.

She did not even have ears that could catch distant sounds, nor a tail to keep her balance.

And yet that form alone announced exactly who she was.

By numbers alone, our side held an overwhelming advantage. Still, not one person stepped forward. Everyone knew that a single step would mean being torn to shreds.

"…On Byeolbi."

Her lips never moved, yet the words seemed carved straight into our minds. Everyone present must have heard her voice.

I looked around. No one had released their weapon. No sound of anyone kneeling, confessing, pleading for mercy.

"…That will not happen."

I spoke for everyone present. She neither sneered in contempt nor raged that we would not repent. She only wore the expression of one who had known it would be so.

"We will not become your slaves again. Even if we must die, we will die as people. Even you who created all things — we will not bend our will."

In that moment, every one of us shared the same thought. I knew it. No matter what happened, we would never again live day after day as livestock without thought.

"It is."

"I can."

The woman gestured, and heaven and earth began to tremble. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠The boulder that had hung motionless began to fall.

One brave man charged toward her — and vanished without a trace, leaving only his battle cry behind. An instant later, she too disappeared from sight.

Even if that rock crushed her, it would not leave so much as a scratch. Was she dodging simply because she disliked dust on her clothes? That such a thought could occupy me at the very threshold of death was almost funny.

At the very least, I would not look away from death.

Birdsong from outside opened my eyes.

Opened them — not that I had woken from sleep. Between that unidentifiable sound and the strange pulling sensation in my stomach, sleep had been impossible.

I rubbed my eyes and my mind came back online. My head felt far clearer than yesterday.

Well, a heat cycle only lasts about a day anyway.

What do you know — heat wasn't nearly as dramatic as I'd thought. Nothing like those lewd comics where you end up staring at every guy's crotch.

……Though I did make contact. That was my own fault, though. He'd apologized to me for it too, so I didn't feel like holding it against him.

It had been embarrassing, sure, but for a guy it was only natural. I'd been a man once myself, so I could understand.

As for walking around holding hands…

Ah.

Come to think of it, we'd held hands the entire afternoon yesterday.

I'd been the one to say out loud that I didn't want anyone finding out, carefully switching my speech patterns — and then what did I do? Walked around holding hands whether people were there or not?

Was I an actual idiot?

"Ugh…"

If I'd had even a shred of sense, I never would have done that. Just how stupid had yesterday-me been? I wanted to bury my face in the pillow from sheer secondhand shame.

But it hadn't been all bad.

Dogeon and I had grown closer. Not just ordinary friends — friends who shared a secret.

Simply having something I was hiding from my parents put a little ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠triangle spinning in my chest.

Even so… for some reason, I didn't hate it. I wouldn't have called this life boring, but nothing before had ever given me that kind of illicit thrill.

And the fact that, across both my previous life and this one, I had never formed a bond this deep with anyone played a part too.

That twisted guy from before — we'd gamed together, even slept in the same place sometimes — but calling it an intimate relationship felt a little off.

I hadn't realized it then, but looking back now, "using each other" was probably the more accurate description.

At the very least, I had never once felt from him the sense that he was looking out for me the way Dogeon did.

I still didn't fully understand why he'd called my name in his room yesterday, but wasn't that proof he thought of me as someone special?

He'd probably just been lonely for a friend, and my name slipped out.

Thinking that made me feel good. In my previous life, no one had ever missed me as a person.

There wouldn't even be anyone who knew I'd disappeared. I'd been working remotely for months before it happened, and my parents had died while I was still in university.

I saw them so rarely that even adding up every day in a year didn't make a full week — so it hadn't hurt as much as it might have.

I'd lost contact with that so-called friend a long time ago too. The only people looking for me were probably my landlord and the tax office.

Alright. Enough depressing thoughts. Right now I had a friend who was looking for me so hard it hurt.

I had no desire to repeat yesterday's mistakes, so I showered with my ears closed. Dogeon hadn't minded, but he'd mentioned the shampoo smell, so I was careful not to overdo the amount either.

Bonus unpleasant information: women take forever drying their hair. I was sure it was dry, and then water kept coming from somewhere.

I put back on the clothes I'd draped over the chair and was about to head out when the diary caught my eye.

I'd written in it last night, so Mother would have seen it by now.

I had never lied to Mother before. Yesterday was the first time, and it left me strangely tense.

The triangle in my chest spun furiously.

Ah, right. That had been the condition.

Can humans live without gods?

So how was I supposed to answer that? Mother would occasionally toss out philosophical questions like that.

As a child I could escape by radiating a heavy aura of babies don't know about that, but this time there was no getting away.

Mother had readily allowed me to go to the Academy. In exchange, she told me to find an answer to her question. That, she said, was the condition for sending me there.

She'd said any answer was fine, which somehow made the pressure a hundred times worse. I'd been through so much in such a short time that I'd temporarily forgotten.

I'd have to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠set aside a day and really think this through.

Which meant: today was not that day. I had a full four-year grace period, so there was no need to start agonizing over humans and gods starting this morning.

And more than anything — humans just had to obey the gods, didn't they? Do that, and you could live a peaceful life.

I checked the clock. Plenty of time. From the next room came the busy sounds of someone getting ready, so he'd be out soon.

I'd heard shower noises a little earlier, so I decided to wait by the door. If he missed me enough to call my name, the least I could do was meet him halfway.

With people still moving around, I sadly couldn't talk to him like a friend just yet. Before long, Dogeon stepped out of his room.

We were friends. A little teasing wouldn't hurt.

"I heard everything. You called my name last night."

"…What?"

I have no idea what you're talking about was written all over his face. Heh heh heh. Think playing dumb will get you out of this? Not a chance. I advanced slowly, interrogating him with every step, and watching him edge backward was deeply satisfying.

Especially funny when the guy with a whole head of height on me was the one doing it.

"…That was……well……"

"That………"

He was going pale, and it was starting to look pitiful, so I decided to let him off.

"So. Did you miss me that much?"

"…………Yes. I get a little lonely sometimes…"

A guy talking about loneliness? My inner old man scoffed. Besides, there would come a day when his side never went empty.

…Even if he was a deceiver, a friend was still a friend.

I'd nearly backed Dogeon all the way to the entrance, and I could smell his room from here.

A guy's space — that faintly musty scent, and something else oddly fragrant mixed in.

This felt familiar too…

"Hnn…?"

The heat cycle should have been over. Why was my stomach pulling again?

"Is something wrong…?"

"Ah, no. Let's go."

Just an off day, I told myself, and headed to class with Dogeon.