Clubs (1)
I never really understood what people meant when they said their side felt empty.
In my past life, there had never been anyone next to me when I slept. And in this life as Hoyeon, there had never been a single moment without someone at my side.
If someone asked whether rooming together in the military or on school trips counted, I wouldn’t have called that sleeping together either.
No. Those were worse than having no one at all.
Snoring was the least of it. There were the sleep-talking villains who yanked other people’s blankets away or shoved them off; the fake-story villains who never shut their mouths even when it was obvious they were lying; the demon-like smacking-mouth pests who ate without the slightest consideration for people trying to sleep… and so on.
…My thoughts had wandered, so to get back to the point: now I thought I finally understood.
The dawn air that should have been pleasantly cool and moist only felt damp and chill in an unpleasant way. The warm blanket against my skin felt hot and stifling. My side wasn’t literally cold, yet a hollow ache kept lingering there.
My tail was too thin to hug properly, and only made the miserable fact that no one was beside me stand out all the more. The fur stuck to my body was just the bonus.
Looking out the window, the sun still hadn’t risen, but the sky was already the color that comes right before dawn, so going back to sleep felt awkward. Sleep itself refused to come, and if I did manage to drop off again I’d definitely oversleep.
What should I do, then? The thought had barely formed when my eyes fell on the diary lying open on the desk. Honestly, at this point it was pure attachment, but I still switched on the desk lamp just in case something had changed.
And there, written in what was unmistakably Mother’s handwriting, were the following words.
So it works even here, I thought in brief surprise—and then the tip of my nose stung for a moment.
This wasn’t something that deserved to move me so much. It was just the usual daily routine, and yet I could still feel this much relief.
I was late because I had to handle state affairs in place of your father, who has gone running off to the battlefield. If you were waiting, I am sorry.
No, Mother. There’s nothing for you to apologize for. I’m just grateful you looked at all.
I saw clearly what happened. For now I will keep it secret from your father. That man is far too extreme whenever anything involves you. If he learned exactly what happened to you, he would lead the army straight to wherever you are this very moment.
I felt sorry toward Father, but it was a relief. He really was the type to do exactly that.
The worried face he had worn when I said I wanted to go to the academy floated briefly before my eyes and made me smile. He still treated me like a little child. If he ever saw Dogeon, he would probably draw his sword and demand to know what mongrel stray dog dared lay a hand on his daughter.
That aside, this mother of yours feels much more at ease. The image of you boldly declaring you would never keep any man near you except your father and the captain of the guard is still vivid before my eyes—yet it seems you were not completely uninterested after all. A child named Dogeon, is it? I will respect your choice, but do not cross the line. I have no desire to become a grandmother just yet.
Th…at. I couldn’t exactly write that it was because Dogeon was the protagonist. I had already written in the diary that there was truly nothing between us, yet Mother had still taken it that way.
She was already thinking about grandchildren. I felt dizzy trying to decide where to even begin explaining. There really was nothing between us.
A hungry person can share a bit of bread, and a lost person can ask someone who knows the way for directions!
…Going into his room to wake him up and eating together was a little much, granted. But friends can do that sort of thing, right?
No—before that, were Dogeon and I even friends?
“Uuuugh.”
For now I wrote that we were not in that kind of relationship. That much I was certain of. I still didn’t even think of that guy as a man; I just wanted to build a decent relationship and stay nearby.
I had come to the academy because I wanted to watch what he would do and which heroines he would meet, after all.
Dogeon and I are friends.
Even if I wrote that, Mother wouldn’t change her mind—but the words were also meant for myself.
Dogeon and I are friends.
…Regardless of how he saw it.
As for friendships, approach them slowly and take your time. You are a transfer student and it is only the first day, so it is only natural if they find you awkward. If you try too hard to get close, you may only create aversion instead, so there is no need to force it. For now, make your goal simply to melt naturally into their group.
If I made friends slowly, I wouldn’t have a single one by the end of the term—how was I supposed to approach them slowly?
This was one thing I couldn’t quite understand even though Mother had said it.
And more than anything, they had probably stuck tightly together since childhood. I had no idea how to slip naturally into such a close-knit circle.
Should I do what Stephania had done and invite someone for a cup of tea? But that didn’t seem like a particularly good method either.
Perhaps Mother’s intention was that I should figure out the method myself.
A little disappointment lingered, but I still had to be grateful that she had answered at all.
There is nothing I can do right away about your mana. It will not be a fundamental solution, but if it becomes too unbearable, take just a little of what is inside the locker of the child in the room next to yours. That much is fine, so take it with an easy heart and without worry.
Rather than wondering how she knew about that, the first thought that came was, Isn’t that stealing? And don’t lockers usually have locks or something?
Mother said it, so I shouldn’t doubt her. Questioning the words of the gods was blasphemous. Aside from that, there wasn’t really anything else helpful.
Of course, the mere fact that Mother was thinking of me was already more than enough help.
Well then, should I start by rummaging through Dogeon’s locker? I felt a little bad about it, but thinking of it as repayment for the bread made me feel a little less guilty.
Honestly, calling a single name-drop repayment for bread was a total freeloader mindset.
I didn’t know what it was, but I decided not to touch it if it was too expensive. Still, Mother had said I could take a little, so maybe it was something like bread or clay?
Who would be around at this hour, but I still threw on at least a nightgown. The air was cold, and I had no taste for walking the hallway in my underwear.
I worried there might be some security device that would blare an alarm if a stranger touched it, but that was an unnecessary fear.
As if no such thing had ever existed, the locker opened quietly. And from inside, pure, clean mana was flowing out.
I took a moment to steady my breathing in the clarified air, then—because this was still outright theft—resolved to take only a very little.
But I wasn’t even sure I could break a piece off. Both its appearance and its texture were like a green bowling ball; it didn’t look like something I could do anything with by hand.
“…Do not doubt. Have faith.”
I closed my eyes and reached toward the green bowling ball. There was no need to think about how—I would just trust Mother’s words.
When I closed my hand around the green sphere, my fingers sank into it surprisingly softly. I scooped out about a handful’s worth and opened my eyes to find a green ping-pong ball resting in my palm.
The green bowling ball also seemed to have become just a little smaller.
Both the mana it emitted and its size were far inferior to the bowling ball, but it looked like it would at least be enough to let me catch my breath.
How Dogeon had obtained something like this, and how Mother had known about it, I had no idea—but good things were good things, right?
Since what I was doing was ultimately theft, I hurriedly shut the locker and returned to my room.
No one saw me, right? I didn’t feel any gazes, but if there was something like magical CCTV, wouldn’t this be grounds for disciplinary action?
Having done something bad made it hard to calm down. Even if it was Mother’s instruction, a bad deed was still a bad deed.
It was already done, so worrying or regretting was useless.
For now I should just think about this strange ping-pong ball. Breathing no longer made me nauseous the way it used to, but it was still unpleasant.
If I had to compare it, it was like enduring the rainy season of summer and then finally getting one old electric fan.
Of course it was far better than nothing. I just felt a little wistful remembering air conditioning.
…I should sleep a little. I hadn’t planned to, but after rummaging through Dogeon’s locker, fatigue that hadn’t been there before came flooding in.
I was certain nothing major would go wrong, but separately from that I was terrified. What if Dogeon noticed, or if I had ruined something he had been planning to do with that object?
I didn’t even know how to put it back.
Anxious, I burrowed under the blanket and found that breathing was far more comfortable than before.
Then just a little bit…
The next day, Hoyeon entered the classroom right before class began.
Whatever had happened, she looked far better than yesterday. She still seemed a little angry, but the vibe had softened from “I’ll kill you if you talk to me” to “Don’t talk to me.”
When I tried to act like I knew her, she ignored me outright for some reason.
Thinking about why produced nothing, so I stopped trying to greet her further.
Today was the day we would decide something that might be even more important than her mood, after all.
The one element no academy story could do without: clubs.