For Grain
Tasha gripped the edge of the ship, teeth clenched so tightly her jaw ached. The wet grain of the wood dug into her palm.
The moment she put strength into her arm, fresh blood poured hot from her side, but her gaze never left the top of the cliff. A white nun’s habit, torn to shreds and soaked in seawater. The small, fragile hand clutching a pitch-black token. Ria was still standing there.
The greedy pirates crowding the cliff edge raised their gleaming blades and closed in on her from every direction. Ria took one step back. Then another. Behind her lay nothing but sheer cliffs and savage waves; there was barely any space left to retreat.
“……Turn the ship around. Now.”
The instant Tasha tried to push herself up, a nearby pirate grabbed her shoulder in panic.
“Captain, you can’t!”
“Let go.”
She tried to shake him off, but there was no strength in her arm. Her fingertips merely trembled in the air before clawing pathetically at the wet deck. Still, her upper body leaned forward, as if trying to reach Ria no matter what.
It didn’t matter if she fell into the sea. She had to swim back if she had to. That small body was standing alone at the edge of the cliff, trying to protect her. She couldn’t just watch from here.
At that moment, blood gushed from the deep gash in her side. Her breath caught in her throat, and drops of blood pattered onto the deck. Red droplets spread across the wet wood, and Tasha’s knees buckled.
Then, for the briefest instant, Ria’s gaze on the cliff edge dropped toward Tasha’s ship. Just for a moment. A truly fleeting moment.
And Ria, as if relieved, turned her head again to face the pirates with their blades raised.
The strength drained from Tasha’s hands.
“……No.”
The word had barely slipped past her lips when the top of the cliff split open in blinding white.
At first there was no sound. From where Ria stood, a massive light swelled, greedily swallowing the pirates’ shadows. The white nun’s habit, the reaching hands—everything was erased at once. Only then did the deafening roar follow.
KWAAAAAAAAANG—!
The entire ship lurched violently. The edge of the cliff collapsed inward with horrifying force. Shattered rock cascaded into the sea, black dust and white spray exploding upward in a chaotic tangle. The spot where Ria had been standing was swallowed by light and smoke; it was impossible to tell where land ended and sea began.
The pirates caught in the blast let out final, dying screams that were crushed beneath the massive explosion and torn apart like dust.
Tasha couldn’t blink. The white habit that had been there just moments ago, Ria’s small back—they were gone. Every sound in the world receded as if submerged underwater. Her mouth hung open, yet no breath entered her lungs.
“……Ria.”
The name escaped in a whisper so small it was immediately swallowed by the waves. Her voice cracked at the end, but no answer came.
Tasha clutched the ship’s railing and tried to pull herself up. Her palms slipped on the wet wood. Pirates grabbed her shoulders as she tried to rise again.
“Let go of me!”
“Captain, please!”
“She’s there. She’s still right there.”
Tasha muttered without taking her eyes off the collapsed cliff.
“She’s…… still there.”
Even she didn’t believe it. But if she stopped saying the words, she would have to accept what she had just witnessed. So she threw her body forward again. Her wounds could not endure even that single movement.
Blood poured out, and something metallic rose in the back of her throat. Even as her vision darkened and shook, someone grabbed her waist and dragged her back. Her strengthless knees buckled against the deck.
Every breath tore at the inside of her side. Her arms burned as if on fire, and cold sweat ran down her spine. Each time her seawater-soaked clothes stuck to the wound, it felt like her flesh was being ripped away with them.
Because of that pain, Tasha lifted her head again. If this were a dream, it shouldn’t hurt. But it hurt so much—especially inside her chest, a pain so fierce it felt like her heart would tear apart.
Before her eyes was the collapsed cliff. Everything that had remained there just moments ago had vanished into stone dust and sea spray.
Tasha’s lips parted.
“Ah…… aah……”
Something between a breath and a sob scraped out from the back of her throat. She had said she would be a shield. She had said she would spend her whole life repaying the debt. Those words still lingered in her mouth, yet the one she was supposed to protect was no longer by her side.
Tasha could do nothing. It was revolting. Even breathing. The body still left on the ship, the sight of her collapsed and held down by pirates, even the eyes that stupidly stared at the cliff where Ria had disappeared—everything about her was disgusting.
Tasha closed her eyes. The sound of the waves grew distant little by little. The smell of blood, the smell of burning, the voices of the pirates—all of it receded. If she just let go of her strength like this, it would be easier. She wouldn’t have to hold on anymore, wouldn’t have to pretend to smile, wouldn’t have to pretend everything was fine.
Just. Like this.
What she had wished for wasn’t anything grand. A place where Edel sat by the window smiling, where Grain sat beside her chattering about trivial things, where even if someone tripped in the sunlit yard, laughter would reach your ears before the clash of blades. Just that much. Was even that much of a luxury not permitted in her life?
Tasha tried to let out a small, bitter laugh. Out of habit. The way she always had. As if lifting the corners of her mouth and pretending it was nothing would let her get through it somehow.
But her lips wouldn’t move. Instead, tears fell first from her closed eyes with a soft plop. The tears that slid down her chin spread across the bloodstained back of her hand.
Tasha didn’t wipe them away. She had no strength to, and she felt that the moment she did, everything would truly end.
Then Ria’s voice echoed in her mind.
Those five words stabbed straight into the center of her heart. Like a dagger driven deep. She tried to breathe, but the air wouldn’t come. She had thought closing her eyes would make it easier, but those words kept catching inside her.
Tasha quietly opened her eyes.
So make it for me.
Wood grain dug under her fingernails, mixing with blood. Her arms still refused to obey, and her shoulders trembled. The wound tore open again, pushing out hot blood, but Tasha planted her palms on the deck.
She hadn’t been able to protect her. Not the promise to be a shield, not the vow to watch over her. She hadn’t managed even that. But if she closed her eyes here in this state, she wouldn’t be able to face Edel or Ria ever again.
If she let go so meaninglessly of what Ria had entrusted to her by sacrificing her own life, then she would truly become a worthless human being.
Tasha gritted her teeth. The taste of blood filled her mouth, but that no longer mattered. Blood spread across the wet deck, and her fingertips slipped. The pirates tried to grab her again in alarm, but Tasha pushed their hands away. There was no strength left. Her fingertips trembled, and the arm pushing them aside could barely hold itself up. Still, she pushed them away.
“Captain……”
Someone called out in a shaking voice. Tasha didn’t answer. She simply stared at the collapsed cliff. Beyond the stone dust. The place where Ria had been. Nothing remained there.
Tasha swallowed the blood pooling in her mouth. No matter what it took, she had to protect what Ria had entrusted to her. At least the faith that child had passed on with her life.
* * *
The remnants of the shattered barrier scraped against the walls. Black lines crawled across the wet rock, and the shouts of the navy soldiers tangled inside the narrow passage. Grain cut through the chaos.
The direction Ria had disappeared while supporting Tasha. Grain moved that way. She had to follow. The questions she wanted to ask, the answers she could not miss—they were all still waiting ahead.
Beyond the collapsed passage, faint daylight leaked in. Ria was out there. She was sure of it. Until just moments ago.
The instant she slipped through the gap in the rocks, sea wind slapped her face. Grain’s feet stopped in place.
The edge of the cliff. Between the black stone dust, a white nun’s habit was visible. The torn, soaked hem fluttered in the wind, and a small hand clutched a metal token. Pirates were swarming toward that hand.
“……Ria.”
The name caught in the back of her throat. It never became sound, leaking out like a cracked breath.
At that moment, Ria, standing at the cliff’s edge, slowly lifted her head. The distance was considerable. A sheer cliff, churning sea, and crumbling stone dust lay between them. Yet that single instant was strangely, painfully clear.
Wet hair clinging to her cheeks. Blood on her lips. Those small eyes looked at Grain. Just for a moment. A truly fleeting moment.
The corners of Ria’s lips moved faintly, as if trying to smile. Something inside Grain’s chest sank with a dull thud.
“Ria—!!!”
This time the voice burst out. Without time to think, her body lunged forward. But cruelly, the ground beneath her feet shook violently.
Black scars split the floor, and a rock that had fallen from the ceiling embedded itself right in front of her. A staggering soldier blocked the path, and broken stones rolled down, striking her ankles.
Grain tried to shove them aside. Ria was right there. Still. At the very edge of that cliff where their eyes had met.
Right then, the top of the cliff split open in blinding white. The enormous sound reached her eardrums much too late. The light swelled first. From where Ria stood, a pure white light too bright to look at poured out. The hands reaching for the token vanished into that light.
The shadows on the wet rocks were erased all at once. The fluttering white nun’s habit. Ria’s young face that had tried to reassure her. Those pale lips that had struggled to curve into a faint smile just moments ago. Everything was swallowed by the light.
Only then did the massive explosion erupt.
KWAAAAAAAAANG—!!!
The entire cavern and sea seemed to flip over. The floor buckled violently, and rocks falling from the ceiling flew in every direction. Someone screamed. Someone shouted to retreat. Black dust and seawater rushed in together, choking the breath from her lungs.
Grain did not close her eyes. She stared only at the place where the light had vanished. The edge of the cliff had collapsed. From the spot where Ria had stood, stone dust and sea spray surged upward. There was no white anymore. No small hands, no metal token, no bloodstained lips.
The sounds around her grew distant.
“The token is……!”
“We can’t confirm it!”
“The explosion point has collapsed!”
Someone’s voice shattered as if echoing from underwater. Grain did not move. The wind blew. Black stone dust brushed past her empty eyes like a phantom.
Then a sharp piece of stone falling from above grazed her temple. A dull sensation arrived late with a thud. Her right field of vision turned red. Something hot trickled down. It soaked her eyelid, slid past her cheek, and fell from her chin, yet strangely it didn’t hurt.
Grain slowly raised her hand and touched her wet cheek. Only after seeing the red smeared on her fingertips did she realize.
Ah. It’s blood.
Only then did she understand that she was injured.
“Captain!”
Her adjutant came running. Navy soldiers grabbed both of Grain’s arms.
“You must retreat! The cavern is collapsing!”
Grain looked down at the hands holding her arms, then wordlessly shook them off. She wasn’t even sure if she had used any strength. Yet the soldiers’ hands fell away, and the moment the adjutant tried to grab her again, a large rock falling from the ceiling slammed down between Grain and the soldiers.
THUD—!
The floor shook. Black dust exploded upward, and the adjutant’s face blurred beyond it.
“Captain!”
Even at her adjutant’s tearing scream, Grain did not answer. The thought of answering never even occurred to her. Left alone inside the collapsing cavern, she looked toward the cliff once more. The place where Ria had been. The place where nothing remained.
Her lips parted just slightly. It might have sounded like a laugh.
“……Sister Edel.”
A powerless voice flowed from her lips. Grain stared up at the collapsing ceiling without blinking her blood-soaked right eye. Stone dust poured onto her shoulders. Over her uniform. Over her hair.
“I…… really.”
Grain parted her lips slightly, then closed them again. Blood trickled down her eye like tears, dripping steadily. Even as the hot blood slid past her cheek and fell from her chin, strangely it didn’t hurt.
“I tried so hard.”
She didn’t know who she was making excuses to. To Edel? To herself? Or to Ria, who had already disappeared?
“I really…… I tried so very hard.”
Beyond the cracked ceiling, black fissures were opening. The rocks trembled precariously, as if they would pour down at any moment. Strength left Grain’s hands. The fingers that had been gripping her sword slowly loosened.
“……Ria.”
The name came out even lower.
“I’m truly sorry.”
The back of her throat scraped. “If only I had been just a little……”
If only I had been a little faster. A little stronger. If only I had reached out a little sooner. The regrets that never quite became words shattered on the tip of her tongue.
Grain quietly closed her eyes. She had thought that closing them would bring back Ria’s eyes from moments ago, but strangely, what rose first was Edel’s smile.
The face that had smiled with a troubled look while sitting by the window. Her younger self chattering beside her. And a small child in a white nun’s habit overlapped between those memories.
“……I miss you.”
She didn’t know who she was speaking to. To Edel? To Ria? Or perhaps to the self that had disappeared long ago.
The cavern shook violently once more. Rocks pushed out from the cracked ceiling poured downward, and black dust spread toward the entrance. Beyond the rocks, the navy soldiers were shouting something, but Grain did not move. She simply kept her eyes closed and waited quietly.
Tasha saw that sight.
A single rock fell right beside Grain. With a crash, the wet stone shattered and fragments flew. The soldiers screamed, and someone shouted “Captain!” Grain didn’t even lower her head.
Tasha’s fingers dug into the ship’s railing.
“Grain……”
The first sound that came out was far too frail and small. So small it would be easily buried beneath the sound of the waves. This voice, these words—they wouldn’t reach her. And even if they did, that child would not turn around.
Captain Grain isn’t a bad person.
Ria’s voice brushed past briefly. Tasha bit the inside of her lip. I’m sorry. I can’t do that. She didn’t know how to gently lift up a child like that. What Tasha knew was never that kind of thing. The words to cover wounds, the way to softly raise up someone who had collapsed—those were things Edel had done. Things a child like Ria could do.
Tasha swallowed. She couldn’t tell whether what pooled in the back of her throat was blood or tears. She forcibly lifted the corners of her mouth. It didn’t matter if it didn’t become a real smile.
“Grain—!!”
Her voice cracked. Beyond the dust, Grain’s eyelids twitched ever so slightly. Tasha didn’t miss the chance.
“Did you see that?”
Tasha laughed. Her throat was so tight the laugh didn’t come out properly, but she still bared her teeth and forcibly pulled up the corners of her mouth.
“I was the one who set it off.”
Grain’s eyes turned toward Tasha.
“The thing I put in that little brat’s hand.”
Tasha chewed on the blood pooling in her mouth.
“You thought it was the token, didn’t you?”
One beat. Tasha laughed even harder.
“It was a bomb.”
Grain’s fingertips froze.
“I told her never to let go of it. That’s the only way it would go off properly.”
Her voice cracked and her throat tightened. Tasha swallowed the blood on her tongue once and forced the words out.
“I told her if she wanted to live, she had to hold onto it until the end.”
Grain’s pupils shook.
“She really held onto it like an idiot.”
Tasha felt tears sliding down her cheeks but didn’t wipe them away.
“Until the very end.”
Rocks collapsed inside the cavern. Grain did not move. Tasha spoke toward those eyes.
“That child probably thought she was running away.”
Her lips trembled. Still, she smiled.
“Without knowing she was buying me time to escape.”
All warmth vanished from Grain’s face.
“It went off really well, didn’t it?”
Grain’s hand slowly moved. Toward the sword that had fallen. Tasha painfully drew in a ragged breath. The place that hurt most was somewhere else entirely.
“It was the same with Edel.”
The moment she spoke that name, her throat closed up. Tasha chewed the blood in her mouth. She had to smile. She had to smile right now.
“Sister Edel, until the very end, just stared at my face like an idiot.”
Grain’s hand stopped. Tasha lifted the corners of her mouth.
“She had this look like she couldn’t understand.”
Her breath caught in her ribs with a sharp hitch.
“The expression of someone who never figured out why I would do that to her.”
Grain’s red eyes slowly widened.
“It was really easy, you know.”
Tasha clutched her stomach and let out a forced, cackling laugh. Tears dripped from her chin, soaking her leather uniform.
“She couldn’t even try to stop me.”
Her voice cracked. Tasha dug her nails into the ship’s railing.
“Because until the end, she thought there was no way I would do something like that.”
Grain’s corpse-like face finally twisted, freezing over coldly. Tasha looked at that face and drove the blade deeper.
“That short gap was more than enough.”
Rocks collapsed deeper inside the cavern. Still, Grain no longer looked anywhere else. She was only looking at Tasha. Tasha spoke toward those eyes.
“It was the same with Ria.”
Grain’s jaw trembled as if it would shatter.
“She held onto it until the end without knowing the thing in her hand was the fuse that would end her own life.”
Her throat felt like it would burst. Grief and guilt choked her breath. Tasha swallowed blood.
“She must have thought I would come back.”
A laugh caught at the edge of her lips.
“She must have thought I would save her.”
Something inside Grain’s eyes shook. Tasha delivered the final blow.
“Both your sister and that little brat.”
One beat late.
“They believed in me until the very end and died.”
Grain’s jaw trembled finely. The sound of her gritted teeth was chewed up between the noise of collapsing rocks.
“Tasha……”
A low, gloomy, grotesquely cracked voice. Tasha grinned. The laugh shattered inside her throat at once, but she forced the corners of her mouth to hold.
The next moment, Grain’s roar tore through the cavern.
“Tasha Leverne—!!!”
The voice exploded past the cavern and out over the sea. The soldiers’ shouts, the sound of falling rocks, even the waves were pushed back for that instant.
“I will definitely kill you!”
Blood-soaked eyes bored into Tasha. The empty eyes that had given up on everything and waited for death were gone. Now only Tasha was vividly embedded within them.
“No matter where you run!”
Her breath broke roughly. Still, Grain did not stop.
“Even to the ends of the sea!”
Strength entered the hand gripping the sword.
“Even if you hide at the bottom of hell!”
Blood fell from her chin. With a face that didn’t even seem to feel it, Grain screamed until her throat tore.
“I will without fail, without exception, find you and—”
Her voice grew even louder.
“Rip out your windpipe!”
The corners of Tasha’s mouth rose. This time she could smile a little. Grain kept shouting.
“In front of Sister Edel!”
“In front of Ria!”
The blood-soaked eyes bored into Tasha as if they would devour her.
“I will lay your head before them!”
The moment those words ended, strength left Tasha’s legs. A pirate caught her in alarm. Tasha collapsed against the deck, and blood rose in her throat again. Her breath would not continue properly.
Now, even deeper than before, Tasha had embedded herself inside Grain’s chest. Without looking at the collapsing ceiling, the falling rocks, or the pirates trying to drag her away, Grain stared only at Tasha, clutching hatred with all her being.
That was enough.
Tasha let out a small, bitter laugh.
I’m sorry, Edel. I’m sorry, Ria. In the end, this is the only way I can do it. It seems I can’t become someone like you two.
But I will make it. Without fail. The place you spoke of. The place Edel wished for. After I create that place someday, much, much later—when I finally come before you both, I will apologize then. And I will tell you. What kind of place I made.
So until then. Just wait a little longer.