Venting Frustrations
The moment I first saw her sitting right in front of me, I knew it intuitively. Or rather, I couldn't not know. Black hair. Black eyes. Brownish skin. —Everything about her was utterly detached from this world. And even more than that striking appearance, what seized my gaze was an overwhelming sense of ephemerality, as if she held no attachment whatsoever to this life. A pitiful figure who had found no meaning in her own existence.
I thought, Ah, this person is just like me.
"...Heehee."
How many times was this for this big sis? This was going to be really fun.
A cool breeze blew through, crisp and a touch chilly, as squirrels gathered fruits to prepare for winter's end—in that autumn when new bonds began to sprout. I had met a kindred spirit.
Oh my goodness, a grown woman crawling around on all fours in front of a kid younger than her? Not just a few years younger—she had to be well over thirty, right?
No way. There's no chance someone like that was groveling on the ground, letting a girl twenty years her junior pet her head!
Hahaha!
Exactly! As if!
Heeheehee!
Right? Right?
...God, for real.
"Huh? Sis? What's wrong?"
"...Nothing. I just want to die."
"Eeeek!?"
I wanted to shove my head in a mouse hole and just die. I had no idea if the little hole in front of me was actually dug by a mouse, but I buried my face in it anyway. Poke.
The soft black soil was colder than I'd expected. Sure, mouse holes must get some sunlight sometimes, but right now, I wished the sun and the wind would just vanish entirely. Right there in front of the kid, in the most pathetic pose imaginable, I buried my face in the dirt mound, praying for my memories to fade away. Disappear... disappear...
But closing my eyes was poison. In the darkness, that recent memory replayed even more vividly, and I kicked my legs wildly, scattering fallen leaves. Arrrghhh!!!
Poke, poke.
"Bunny~ Bunny~ Are you alive or dead?"
"The bunny's dead... so just leave me alone..."
"You're alive!"
Suicidal bunny here. Do not engage.
But despite my silent plea for no one to touch me, the kid just kept poking my side, giggling like it was the best game ever.
Poke poke.
Her innocence coaxed a faint smile from me, but the tragedy of that earlier scene flickering in my mind dragged me right back into gloom. I want to kill myself...
Ten painless ways to end it all for aspiring suicides flashed through my head. But I couldn't stay buried forever; it wouldn't solve anything. Feeling the dirt jab at my eyeballs, I had no choice but to lift my head. Drip drip. Clumps of soil tumbled from my greasy hair.
Ah, it got in my mouth too.
"Ptooey... Ugh, so bitter..."
"Whoa! Sis, you're up?"
Like a wet puppy shaking itself dry, I whipped my head around, flinging dirt from my hair. The kid dodged the shower with squeals of delight, treating it like a game.
That brief playtime cleared my head wonderfully. With fresh eyes, I took in the child beaming brightly before me.
"Heeheehee!"
"......"
A face I'd never seen around these parts. Honestly, a kid with features like that would be the talk of the village—no, the whole country. She was that striking. Was she a traveler from afar?
She wore oversized white clothes, like she'd borrowed an adult's outfit—sleeves so long they draped past her hands, fluttering in the breeze. Completely mismatched for her age. Yet one small hand poking out, clutching a single flower, somehow transcended the oddity with pure cuteness. It was deliberate, almost.
Yes. It was all dreamlike, breathtakingly beautiful. This child with such an otherworldly look, spinning in circles with arms outstretched right in front of me. And not showing me disgust or fear—playing together, her eyes sparkling at me. All of it...
"......"
I couldn't believe it. This world’s people mostly despised me. Because of my exotic hair, my ominous dark tones, their prejudices. Of course. They worshipped natural phenomena as gods and believed in fairy-tale monsters as real. Humans reject what they can't understand, what's different. What happens when a child is born without her parents' or ancestors' colors—dusky hair and eyes instead? —I was abandoned by the roadside as soon as I could barely walk.
Was it because I left my parents' side so young, or because no loving memories lingered? Either way, I'd forgotten my birth parents' faces, scraping by day by day.
If I'd been a normal kid, my heart would've shattered. Or maybe that's what they wanted from the start—for me to lose all hope, wander off alone, and get devoured by wild beasts. It didn't go their way, but their efforts scarred me deeply. Every day was a wish to die.
Fortunately—or unfortunately—I already had the soul of an ordinary high schooler budding inside. Pity? Not wanting to create a wandering corpse? Or aversion to outright murder? Who knows. But by helping with chores for scraps of food, I eked out a fragile life.
Still, the loathing stares. The villagers' cold refusal to even chat. My own weakness—not wanting to drag down the few who spoke to me. It all cornered me, step by step.
"You... you don't hate me."
"...Huh?"
Words I never meant to voice slipped out—maybe inevitable. The kid's stunned face at my sudden outburst. But once my mouth opened, it wouldn't stop. Pent-up rage, resentment, injustice flooded out like a dam breaking. The verbal daggers that had stabbed me now flew from my own lips.
"Everyone hates me. Says I'm filthy, dirty, freakish."
"...Whoa?"
"A monster—deep down, that's what you think too, right?"
Not fair to say to her. Just venting on an innocent kid who knew nothing, who'd shown me kindness. Ugly adult thrashing, nothing more or less.
But seeing her smile so brightly every day, so effortlessly happy, stirred unworthy anger. Or jealousy, maybe. I didn't choose to be reborn. Didn't ask for these colors. They're just colors—their ignorance is the problem. With this second chance, a life overflowing with fortune, I never dreamed of happiness. But at least... I wanted to live humanely.
"Not even knowing your name. You hate me too, don't you?"
I wanted no answer. Expected nothing. Betrayed by everything but that brief rebirth moment, I'd stopped hoping. Another betrayal would've broken me beyond endurance.
"........."
"........."
Of course, no reply. Just a blank stare. Self-loathing crashed over me—I couldn't control it. What the hell am I doing to a random kid? I'm trash. Back home, sleep it off, get my head straight.
"Sorry. Sis must be really worn out."
"........."
"So... really, sorry... I'm sorry..."
I bowed my head. A small apology. With that, I turned slowly. No asking her name, no bonding. We'd never meet again. Even if we did, seeing how they treat me in the village, she'd flee too. Even Remi, who I thought was close, just stayed silent in crowds.
So, unavoidable. Unavoidable.
—That's what I thought, so I couldn't accept the fact that she grabbed me.
"......!!"
Squeeze. Tiny hand clutching my clothes. So fragile, yet I couldn't shake it off.
"........."
"Why...?"
To escape? To demand reasons? I'd stopped biting my lip unnoticed, and now my voice trembled as I asked her. After I'd pushed so coldly, why hold on?
That's what I wanted to scream. But my words came out pathetic, curt—I shut my mouth.
She spoke first.
"You've been through a lot, huh."
"...!!"
"Sis hurts... and, um... gets hurt, really been hurting, huh."
Whoosh. Hair whipping as I whipped around in shock. She stood with head bowed, flower in one hand—my clothes long released. But my feet wouldn't move. I just gaped blankly, unable to process.
Reverse of before. Her pink lips curved wide.
"I'll always be here, sis."
"......!!"
"So when it's hard, come here."
I'll be with you.
With that, she vanished into the deepening shadows of the forest.
Where she'd stood, a single unidentified white flower bloomed. As if to prove it wasn't a dream. Flaunting her existence to me.
"...What the heck."
I held the flower, standing dazed. Until the sun dipped low.
Snap.