Sell Everything Except Wife and Children (1)
After the banquet ended—or rather, once the atmosphere had fully ripened—Hapsburg von Tersian slipped out of the hall and headed straight for the harbor.
"You've arrived."
"Yes."
Hapsburg leaped lightly onto the ship moored at the harbor and tugged at his necktie.
"Hoo..."
He crossed the deck and entered the captain's cabin, firmly shutting the door behind him.
Thud.
As if exhausted by some deep fatigue, Hapsburg collapsed into the rocking chair.
"Batori."
Suddenly, he spoke. Like chanting a magic spell, or calling someone's name.
"Batori."
At the second call, something stirred in the shadow beneath Hapsburg's feet—a red mist writhing to life.
"Yaaawn. Why'd you call?"
The voice emerging from the mist belonged to a young woman.
"I was sleeping so nicely."
The mist soon took human form: a woman with white hair and red eyes. The only peculiarity was her long, pointed ears.
"Do you understand it?"
"What?"
"The kingdom accepting the proposal."
"Nope."
The woman—Batori Erzebet—giggled as she perched on the edge of the captain's desk.
"The kingdom's idiots don't know the first thing about currency value, do they? So barbaric."
"Even barbarians have limits. And even if the whole kingdom is barbaric, its leader shouldn't be."
Hapsburg pounded his chest, his face flushed red with bottled rage.
"Do they truly not grasp what it means for imperial currency to circulate? Really?"
"And you're the one planning to gobble up the kingdom on that pretext?"
"That's precisely why it's so absurd."
Hapsburg tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling.
"A kingdom that stood unbroken for 500 years, spreading its legs like this just for opening a port and getting a whiff of imperial coin."
"Such crude phrasing from a crown prince? Wasn't an easy conquest exactly what you wanted?"
"I didn't expect it to be this easy."
Hapsburg covered his face with both hands and clawed at his cheeks.
"The empire couldn't surpass a nation like that in 500 years?"
"Hmm..."
"Batori. What do you think?"
"Eh, it's always the same pattern. No thrill in it."
Batori crossed her legs and yawned expansively.
"No matter what idiotic stunt the kingdom pulls, some hero always pops up to cover for it."
"This is different. It's economic subjugation."
"That's what they always say, even for this kind of stunt."
Batori stretched out her hand, and a red aura flowed from it, unfolding like a map.
"You think the kingdom survived because it was some great nation? Hardly. It wasn't the kingdom that was great—it was its heroes."
"Heroes..."
"Currency infiltration? Oh, sure, some merchant hero will show up to devour every taler we throw in like a dragon."
Batori sprang up, planted both feet on the desk, and thrust her arms forward dramatically.
"Oh, great merchant who saved our nation from imperial economic plunder! Nostrum forever!"
"Ha."
"How many times have I heard that crap?"
"I don't want to hear it at all."
Hapsburg bit his lower lip and kept tapping the armrest.
"At least Morgania seems inclined to side with us..."
"They're always like that. They'll squeeze what they can from the empire, then spit it out if it gives them indigestion."
"What if it's sweet?"
"What could be sweet enough to make power-mad fools abandon a 500-year dynasty?"
"......Who knows. This, maybe?"
Hapsburg pulled a glass vial from beside the rocking chair.
"I think this is enough."
"You're really going to use that?"
"It's already spreading. No reason not to."
The vial was filled with white powder—something coarser than flour.
"With Silver Dust, it's possible."
"Sure. Then some hero will invent a drug to neutralize Silver Dust."
"Ha..."
"Don't get mad. It's just facts."
Batori spread her arms and spun in circles on the desk.
"When the plague hit, the kingdom whipped up an antidote."
"There were rumors they'd prepared anti-plague drugs even before it spread."
"When monsters flooded out of the pollution zones, King Charles Geo Nostrum rounded up twelve Sword Masters and swept the plague lands clean."
"From wastrel nobles to orphans, even imperial slaves—everyone he picked turned out to be a master."
"Damn it."
Hapsburg clawed at his face again.
"No matter what the empire does, it can't topple the kingdom? Because we're always scared another hero will show up?"
"Oh? Is that all the grit our crown prince has?"
"...No. Not at all."
Beneath the hand covering his eyes, Hapsburg's lips twisted into a sinister smirk.
"I'm the kind of man who always gives his all. Even if this 'present' is meaningless, perhaps the 'next' me will thrash about just as desperately."
"Heh heh heh..."
"In that sense, do you know who I fear most?"
"Of course. That's why I've avoided contact as much as possible."
Batori clutched her own throat with her hand.
"Saint Geo Nostrum. The Incompetent King."
"Yes. He's the one I'm most afraid of."
To anyone else, it would sound laughable, but Hapsburg meant every word.
"Maybe even this was his doing. Letting me experience how to ruin the kingdom."
"The kingdom will fall, though?"
"Sure, the kingdom as it stands now will fall. But..."
"In the end, the kingdom won't fall."
"...History will boldly record how some hero foiled the crown prince's schemes. Just like it has for 500 years."
No hero will appear.
Expecting that was nothing more than praying to the gods.
"Even so."
Hapsburg rose from the rocking chair.
"Even if this has no meaning, I'll stake my life on the present."
"Yes, that's what makes you the crown prince."
"Batori. I've decided."
Hapsburg placed his hand on the map hanging on the wall.
"We'll minimize talers entering via Seirene Harbor."
"How will you circulate them, then?"
"Once the peace treaty is fully ratified, we'll open our own port."
He pointed to the imperial territory facing Seirene.
"Open Casablanca Harbor and welcome kingdom guests."
"The kingdom monkeys will freak out."
"All the better. When they go home, they'll realize how trapped in their well they've been."
"Understood. So, make them need talers in Casablanca?"
"Yes. Set up exchange offices. Assign guides, lead them to a 'good experience.'"
"Rip them off on rates?"
"No. Treat the ones who'll spread the word to 'full course' hospitality. Start gouging once the big tour groups arrive."
In an instant, imperial policy was set.
"Lay out some gambling tables too—maybe build a new casino. And above all..."
Hapsburg rubbed his thumb and forefinger together.
"Make sure they can get high and have fun. Treat them right."
"Heh heh. As you wish. Shall we proceed with sending to Seirene as planned?"
"When merchants trade with the kingdom, pay in gems instead of talers or gold."
"Oh? Gems?"
For kingdom goods, pay not in talers or gold, but gems.
"Will they even fetch a fair price? Why not dump our junk inventory while we're at it?"
"Gold still has value. Melt it down for commemorative coins. And pass off cheap mana stones cut like gems."
Hapsburg grinned, pointing to his cufflinks beneath his suit.
"The kingdom can't tell cubic zirconia apart yet. At least not in Seirene."
"What if a gem appraiser hero shows up—hahaha, sorry, I'll stop."
Batori bowed with a giggle under Hapsburg's glare.
"If it succeeds, great. If a hero appears, persuade them to defect to the empire."
"Yes. Deploy the Shadows freely. Leave merchant operations to your subordinates."
"Not Erwin's company? Our kids are a bit rough..."
Batori lifted her upper lip in a smile, her fangs gleaming sharply in the moonlight.
"As long as you don't get caught, anything goes."
"Anything, you said? For sure?"
"Yes. Anything."
Hapsburg savored the word, gazing at the ceiling.
"For the empire's aspirations—my aspirations—I'll do anything."
Hapsburg had left.
He'd be thrilled thinking things went too smoothly, then start scheming to line his own pockets.
Focus on Seirene County for now.
If talers circulated in earnest starting from the county, it'd take at least three years—two if fast.
"Grey. Good work. The one we expected didn't show, but your interpreting got us through nicely."
Carmen Queen praised me in comfortable attire. Having been on edge to receive Hapsburg, she looked utterly relaxed now.
"Now we just block imperial capital somehow, or keep it from flooding in recklessly..."
"Even if we leave it, they won't use talers right away. Probably just for pranks."
"Pranks?"
"See, the imperial emperor's face is printed on the back of the taler notes."
I unfolded a bill.
"They'll use it like this."
I flipped it off over the emperor's face.
"...Do you know how much that's worth?"
"The commoners won't. They'll see '10' and think ten gold."
"Ha..."
"Commoners don't matter to us anyway. Shall we talk money-making instead?"
Positive, healthy ways to earn coin.
"The empire will bring talers."
I have no idea.
"Taler ambiguous? Then whatever makes money— their gold coins, gems, imperial silk."
"Instead of cash?"
"Yes. That's what's entering Seirene..."
But if it's dark ways to rake in money.
"I don't like it. Even if markets open first in Seirene, I'd rather Gibraltar absorb the most imperial capital."
"Gibraltar taking in imperial goods?"
"Yes."
"...Can you handle it?"
"By preparing something very valuable we can sell."
"The baby dragon gamble will take time to set up."
Carmen shook her head gravely.
"No matter how plausible it looks, imperial merchants aren't fools. Gamblers gamble; non-gamblers won't touch it with a ten-foot pole."
"Is that so? Then no investment?"
"We'll invest, but building a baby dragon arena takes time. Can you prepare in three months?"
No.
A baby dragon arena is a two-to-three-year concept, not something whipped up overnight.
"Mother. Merchants don't flow funds one way only."
"What else do you have to sell? Wait. You aren't—"
Carmen glared at me, eyes narrowing.
"Not planning to sell your father again? Calling in another woman and telling her 'you're my new stepmom' or some nonsense?"
"If needed, I could... Ow."
Carmen pinched my cheek.
"Insolent brat. Daring to say that to my face?"
"Th-then compensate me accordingly."
"Ha. Investments yielding as much economic gain as not bringing a stepmom? Fine, what're you selling?"
"Father's photobook first."
"......"
Photos, a pictorial.
"I'll send you solo shots of Father separately, Mother. Secret ones taken without him knowing."
This was already half-prepared via Erwin.
"Th-think that'll sway me?"
"Yes."
"It might sway me, but you can't rake in vast sums like that!"
"That's why I'm selling Gibraltar."
I struck a sword-gripping pose and thrust downward.
"Selling titles."
"...Titles mean nothing. You think imperials will buy kingdom titles? Instant treason, heads roll."
"Not kingdom titles. Special ones from Gibraltar."
No material value, but.
"Supply follows demand. If someone wants to buy, we set the price."
If someone's willing to pay, we can sell anything.
"Honorary knight badge from Crimson Gibraltar, Margrave of the Border."
"......"
"Standing proudly before the margrave, beyond kingdom or empire, earning recognition. Experience a kingdom-style title ceremony. From Crimson Gibraltar himself—a 'baptism of the sword.'"
I knelt before an imaginary figure, extending the sword to one shoulder, the other, then the head.
"Beyond gambling, there's plenty to sell, Mother."
We're selling.
A Sword Master's endorsement. With a custom-made badge.