The Gate

Students who think of examinations as something boundlessly merciless are not hard to find. And yet, if one looks back across the past, it becomes clear that exams have not always been only that.

Long ago, to those who wore crowns or governed fiefs, talent was a pleasant thing to have and no great loss to lack. In a society that prized connections so highly that even marriage was wielded as a tool, advancement must have been a thoroughly partial business. The examination flung wide a door of possibility for the talented. Geniuses buried by accidents of status, the tirelessly diligent, and all the rest whose ability was more than sufficient and who had nevertheless never seen the light for want of a chance — through the exam, they could seize an opportunity.

But that is nothing more than the view from a comfortable distance.

For the students themselves, an exam was indeed a merciless thing.

The one who told me this was none other than Benjamin. Yes — it must have been when I asked him about education in the Federation.

"Education in the Federation. Set beside teaching yourself, the system is polished past any comparison. That's a fact no one can deny."

"So it really is that way."

"But you always have to face it alongside the exams. Not a method I'm particularly fond of."

Living as Benjamin's disciple, I had never had the least connection to examinations, and so I could not understand why his expression hardened. When I asked him why, this was his answer.

"From ‍‍‌‌⁠⁠‌‍‍‌⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠‌‌‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠an educator's side, it's an absurdly convenient way to judge people. From the student's, the burden is heavy."

"The burden is heavy?"

"Because it judges by results alone. The time and effort you poured in become nothing in front of a score. Well, I've no mind to sort out right from wrong. It's the talk of a disqualified old educator who was demoted inside of two months, so strain it through a sieve."

In its place, Benjamin charged me with one thing.

"When the day comes for you to sit an exam, keep this one thing in mind, if nothing else."

"What is it?"

"Don't set your pencil down until the very end."

At the time I had no idea what his advice meant, and so I left it buried at the back of memory and did not call it up again until relatively recently.

Now that the exam was over, I could at last understand it in full.

"Hoo……."

My hand ached. Had I gripped too hard? The moment the bell rang to end the exam the pencil had slipped from my fingers, and still my hand kept the shape of clutching it. Sensation returned slowly. The blackboard and the lectern, the proctor, the examinees packed in on every side gradually entered my sight, and the murmur they raised began to reach me as well.

Amid that confusion, I lifted my head. In this moment, right answers and wrong ones, passing and failing, lay outside my concern. I smiled faintly.

An untrodden field of snow.

The examination paper, a plain of pure white. The quiet rapture of an explorer who had conquered its farthest edge heated me through.

A short while later, I gathered my things and stepped out of the Grand Hall. Most of the examinees had left early, and I walked a path grown quiet because of it, crossed the square, and turned in at the mouth of a familiar street. At last I arrived before a familiar house. I climbed the steps, opened the door, and parted my lips.

"I'm home."

The results would be posted in a month. All that remained was the waiting.

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

December 4th

Slightly overcast.

An early-winter morning.

Winter in the Empire and winter in the Federation were different things. If the Empire's winter was, for all practical purposes, a rainy season, the Federation's was a season of razor winds and snow. Which was to say that hauling one's body upright in the morning was harder by a good measure.

"……."

A little more than ten minutes had passed since I woke, and I was still lying in bed, blinking. I was a man who would have been offended to place second in diligence. During exam preparation alone I had spent nearly two months living plastered to a desk, never once lying down.

"Ahh……."

It was warm. Winter's chill was leaking into the storeroom now, and the warmth of the blankets and the bed was so precious that I simply could not find the will to rise. I was on the verge of closing my eyes again without a thought.

KWAANG—!

As if someone had kicked it, the storeroom door burst open with a crash. I startled and flung the bedding aside to sit up. A chill slid down my spine — and not from the cold alone.

Who had come in?

Susan was always gentle, and Lena's conduct, at least, tended toward the proper. One thing was certain. Whichever of the two had entered, to open a door that roughly meant she was furious. And wasn't it plain truth that a mild person is most frightening in anger?

Carefully, I turned my head toward the door standing wide. The next instant, I had to drop my gaze lower than I had expected.

"Hehe……."

Blonde hair bound tight at the back of her head, and emerald eyes brimming with mischief. The one who had flung the door open was neither Susan nor Lena, but Ellie, grinning with pure impishness.

She shouted in that big voice of hers.

"Big brother! You awake?"

"……Yeah. Thanks to you."

"Let's eat breakfast!"

"All right."

"And let's go outside!"

"Hm?"

The logic took a flying leap — a declaration the fully grown brain of a nineteen-year-old struggled to parse. I kept my mouth shut, and Ellie, looking for some reason thoroughly put out, began hauling on my hand.

"Out of the room!"

"Uh— wh-whoa?"

In the end I was dragged, exactly as I was fresh out of bed, all the way to the table. Susan was there, smiling softly as she portioned out my share of breakfast; Sally was dozing; and Lena, as ever, had finished dressing to perfection. Leaving Lena behind me — she had turned her head just enough to watch this way from the corner of her eye — I put a question to Susan. Even after I sat down, Ellie kept pummeling my back with her fists.

"Why is Ellie suddenly like this?"

"……I'm sorry. I told her."

"Told her what?"

Only after Susan added an explanation did I finally understand.

December 4th. Today, a month on from the day of the entrance exam, was none other than the day the results came out. They might perfectly well have sent them by letter, and yet Fraussen Federal Magic University had adopted the eccentric method of requiring examinees who lived in Fraussen to come and check in person. To see the results, then, one had to go to the bulletin board on the university grounds where the list of those who passed would be posted.

The hour wasn't restricted, and I had meant to set out at my leisure. A little while ago, Susan had gone and told Ellie that I was going out.

"I want to go too! To the school!"

"So that's why she's like this."

Susan nodded slowly.

"Lena leaves for school early, and I have things to do today myself, so I have to go out. It's a day when Ellie and Sally have to watch the house on their own, and she must have been bored. Give me a moment. I'll soothe her quickly."

"Soothe her?"

"It's an important day, isn't it? This isn't a stroll. You ought to go with a calm heart."

"I'm sure I can be quiet!"

Watching Susan pinch Ellie's cheek, I fell lightly into thought. Since the exam ended I had been working as an auxiliary operator at the Eastern Telegraph Office, and the occasions to talk with Lena about all sorts of things had multiplied. The opposite was true of Ellie and Sally. I had not spent much time with the twins, and the proof of it was that things with Sally still felt more than a little awkward.

"Hmm."

Calling it a check of the results sounded well enough, but in truth it was not so different from a walk across the university grounds. After some thought, I settled it.

"Susan."

"What is it?"

"I think it would be all right to go and check with Ellie and Sally. I'd worry about leaving just the two of them at home, besides."

"……Will that really be all right?"

One bright laugh was answer enough.

Ellie's whole face lit, and she shouted.

"Yay! Big brother! I love you!"

"……."

It was a breakfast during which I learned anew how clumsy I was at answering a child's blunt declarations of love.

A short while later Lena and Susan set out. With clumsy hands I finished getting the twins ready to go, then gathered my own things — a winter coat newly bought with my wages from the telegraph office, a bag against the chance some document or other might be required. I was just about to leave the room when something caught my eye.

Folded neatly in a corner, a black muffler that showed every sign of long use. One of the few belongings I had carried with me when I left the Empire. A soft smile touched my mouth.

Right. It was already winter.

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

"Um. Eugene... b-big brother."

"Hm?"

On the way to the university, I learned a few things about Sally. First, the words big brother seemed thoroughly awkward in ‍‍‌‌⁠⁠‌‍‍‌⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠‌‌‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠her mouth. Second, she was, unexpectedly, sharp-tongued.

"The entrance exam. If you f-failed, wh-what do we do?"

"Urk."

I shut my mouth. To be honest, I had done well. Of everyone who sat that entrance exam, how many could possibly have solved all twenty-one questions? So long as mistakes ‍‍‌‌⁠⁠‌‍‍‌⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠‌‌‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠did not turn up in a heap, there was no need to worry about passing.

"I'm not sure I can take the first-place scholarship, but……."

"Wh-what if you don't come first?"

"Urk."

"Sally! Don't say unlucky things!"

Ellie's protest notwithstanding, I was at a loss for words.

Failing to win the scholarship. Second place, even if it was not a full award, still came with a partial one, so I could aim for that. And if I missed even second, I would have nothing to do but hope the six hundred pounds I had invested with Lena under an anonymous name brought in heartening returns. That was what I told myself.

Even so, I did not want to lose the first-place seat. The scholarship was one thing. I also had to take Werner's brazen pride down a peg.

I had walked the road once already, there and back, and so I reached the university without any fear of losing my way. Not so many as on the day of the exam, but there were still plenty of students trudging along. The glances that ordinarily flicked my way were not to be felt today. I could guess the reason from the pace of my own heart alone. It was only natural that checking the results should wind a person tighter than the day of the exam itself.

Past the main gate, a vast lawn and a landscaping of trees opened out, and midway along the path beyond stood the Gate of Knowledge. I was not using any facility inside the grounds today, so there was no need to go as far as the Gate. Finding the board where the results had been posted was exceedingly easy.

It was wherever the crowd was swarming.

"Ellie. Sally. Could you play on the lawn here for a little while?"

"Okay! Big brother! Sally says she understands too!"

I let go of the twins' hands and walked slowly toward it.

Thump. ‍‍‌‌⁠⁠‌‍‍‌⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠‌‌‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Thump.

I pushed through the crowd to the board. Unlike the day of the exam, sounds of grief rose from every side. Of course they did. The names written there were, at most, two in ten of all who had sat — at the least, one in ten.

"Waaaaah! I passed!"

"Ah."

"……."

Amid reactions of every kind bursting out here and there, I came to a stop directly before the board.