No Malice
Finished my conversation with Headquarters Manager Gong Seok-jun, I stepped out of the SSK building.
One week.
Far too short for the promise of borrowing an actor for several months.
But time wasn't what was weighing on my mind.
It was the reason.
Of course, I wanted to use Kim Ra-un.
In some ways, I felt an even greater longing and conviction than when I'd cast Eum Sung-hyun.
Eum Sung-hyun had been a complete novice with no acting experience, but Kim Ra-un was different.
But what about Kim Ra-un?
Did he have a reason?
Why would an actor who thought I'd ruined his career choose me?
I couldn't figure it out.
This had nothing to do with my confidence in our drama's success.
Telling him to join me just because it would succeed was something only someone who didn't understand actors would say.
Actors had to become strangers to themselves, immersing in new worlds and lives.
It wasn't something you could do just because you wanted success.
Sure, there were performers who could pull it off with technique alone, but Kim Ra-un wasn't one of them.
I stared at Kim Ra-un's number on my phone for a long while before opening my contacts.
Sung Tae-chang, Seo Jae-yeon, Team Leader Ko, CEO Yoon…
Scrolling down, my thumb stopped at one name.
[Jae-hyeok hyung]
I dialed, and it connected after just two rings.
"You picked up quick."
-Dude, do you know what time it is?
Oh, right.
Hyung's been in the UK lately.
"Forgot. What time is it there?"
-10.
"AM?"
-Yeah.
"Perfect time for a call, then."
-Nice timing. What's up?
Unbelievable.
Why are all the D.P folks I know missing a few screws?
"Filming wrapping up? Feels like you've been in the UK for almost a year."
-Almost done, but it's frustrating. In Korea, it'd be a two-day shoot, but here it's dragging two weeks.
"Two weeks? That long?"
-Contracts here mean they stop when work hours end. Then next day, they make us wait seven hours for backlighting.
"Seven hours?"
-Yeah. Wouldn't it be better to finish yesterday and rest today? Am I the weird one?
I'd heard about it before.
Overseas production environments were more humane than Korea's.
Koreans were more... expendable.
One reason OTT companies loved K-dramas was the grind-it-out structure.
Same product for way less budget.
Guarantees incomparable to Hollywood stars.
After that, Jae-hyeok hyung and I chatted for a good while.
UK weather sucked, catering was bland, ever seen hooligans set fires—stuff like that.
Nothing profound, but it was kinda fun listening.
Made me think someday I'd shoot a drama abroad too.
-Oh, right, why'd you call?
"Quick to ask."
-Annoyed? Hang up then.
"Your fans need to hear this."
-My fans are smart—they filter the bad, cherish the good.
"Cult leader much?"
After a brief laugh, I got to the point.
"Hyung, got something bugging me. Can you answer super objectively?"
-Sure. Shoot.
"Why don't I hate Ra-un? Should've from the start when he got thrown into my role."
-Seo Jae-yeon stirring shit, right?
"Even after that was trouble. I said it was fine, but he stayed uncomfortable. Wouldn't anyone hold a grudge?"
A short silence on the line, then an out-of-left-field comment.
-Hey, you get hated at SSK too?
"Hated?"
-D.P was full of people who disliked you. SSK the same?
Damn, why hit so hard out of nowhere.
I'd asked about Kim Ra-un, hadn't I?
Couldn't deny it, though.
"Why do haters pop up wherever I go?"
-No middle ground with you.
-You're all-or-nothing: ally or enemy.
-Even without different treatment, non-allies feel the cold shoulder.
Me, ignoring people?
-Flip side: insane loyalty to those inside your circle. Makes outsiders resent you more.
I mulled it over. Not at the company, maybe.
SSK had folks I kept cordial with.
But D.P... yeah, kinda fit.
-Know your ally-enemy line? Malice.
"Malice?"
-Yeah. Ra-un has none. Just desperation. Even followed you a lot.
Malice versus desperation...
A thought flashed by.
-Ra-un avoiding you? Probably hated himself for hurting you more than hating you.
-That's why Seo Jae-yeon stayed close too. Though he periodically lost it.
"Then why does Ra-un crave my approval? Even after blowing past me in fame."
-What? Hilarious. You really don't know?
"No clue."
-Have you ever praised Ra-un's acting directly?
"What? Of course. I think he's great."
-Praised the work, sure. Fits well. Shot great. Will hit big.
-But ever thought Kim Ra-un's performance was irreplaceable?
The front door opened, and a subtle woody scent hit my nose.
First thing I saw: a wide living room corner turned into a sleek bar.
High-end wooden counter, rows of glasses hanging—straight out of a drama, a top star's pad.
But the owner, Kim Ra-un, didn't match.
His face, gaunter than usual, looked cold even under warm lights.
"Have a seat."
I sat on the sofa, debating honorifics, then spoke.
"Came to talk next project."
"Yeah, heard."
"Got the script from Team Leader Ko?"
"Yes."
"Read it?"
"Not yet."
"Quick rundown: 70-minute, 16-episode e-sports industry backdrop. Role I'm asking for is lead Park Sung-hwa, ex-volleyball coach turned director."
Nice words about At Your Fingertips poured from my mouth.
Regardless of our history, it was what a producer rep had to say.
As I wrapped up, Kim Ra-un, who'd just fiddled with his cup, looked up.
"Thinking about it... you're right, hyung. Tit for tat. I stood by when Manager Jang went after you."
Calm voice.
"But separately, I can't take the winner's hand after losing. My heart's not that big."
Very, very calm.
"One thing for sure: happy you're succeeding. Always felt guilty stealing your role and winning... that's gone now. Feels good."
Kim Ra-un met my eyes straight.
"So I'll cheer from afar. For real. But I decline the casting."
Silence hung between us after his words.
I wrestled in that silence.
Not how to persuade him.
More like... I came as director, not senior actor.
But damn.
Couldn't hold back.
"Hey, Kim Ra-un."
"Yeah?"
"I said emotional acting's a bad habit."
"...Yeah?"
"Remember your second project? You went emotional, ended up fully edited out. Final audience 4 million. 4 million. Three precious years gone for not controlling your emotions."
Anger brought back old memories.
Always like this.
Scolded Seo Jae-yeon for no manners, Kim Ra-un for wearing emotions raw.
If anything bugged him at first sight, his mouth fired off.
Rookie actor mouthing off in front of a director?
Not even backed by firm conviction.
(For the record, scolded Jae-hyeok hyung for bad attitude—er, advised.)
"Jae-hyeok hyung said it. Reason I don't hate you: no malice. Just desperate."
"..."
"Thinking back, yeah. If someone else succeeded under Director Ko, might've irked me."
True.
Only fine 'cause it was Kim Ra-un.
"So look at me. Think I had malice toward you? Don't get emotional—look at the situation."
Kim Ra-un subtly averted his eyes.
"Don't blame me for Youngperal's fall. That was PD O Ji-tae fumbling."
"..."
"Don't reject this script because of me. Reject as an actor after reading it. Got it?"
Ah, crap.
Not why I came.
Regret hit late, but Kim Ra-un met my gaze again.
"Then I'll ask the producer: why give this script to me?"
Plenty of nice lines.
You popped into mind reading it.
Kim Ra-un as Park Sung-hwa is irreplaceable.
No backups considered, etc.
But not now.
"You haven't seen Criminal Community yet. Probably skipped trailers too. Turn head on street sightings, swipe past shorts."
"..."
"Watch Criminal Community. Read this script."
If you still don't get why I'm offering it...
Even if you want it, I'll reject.
That was my final line.