Cry Me a River

"So you thought of me, Bihyuk, at that all-important moment? I'm genuinely moved…."

"Yeah. Sure."

You can't be tamed, I'm telling you~! What are you going to do, wearing it on your sleeve like that?

Wearing what on my sleeve, exactly?

But my mouth kept firing off "Yeah. Sure." like some kind of automated robot.

It was only after a dozen-odd identical responses that anything resembling an actual conversation finally began.

"Park Ha lost her mind too, by the way. She spent all of yesterday calling up every single relative throwing a fit about it — 'That Park Haeun? Me! We're close!'"

"Really?"

Good thing I heard about it when I did — that could have gotten ugly. If the MC hadn't brought it up on stage, I probably never would have gotten around to mentioning either of their names. Embarrassed, I scratched at my eyebrow.

After a bout of pointless laughter, the call turned to the subject of Oh Seunghyun wanting to apologize to me.

"You've got to be kidding me. Apologize, my ass. You're not seriously thinking of accepting, are you? Because if you actually do, then you—"

"Not a chance. Calm down."

Why was he this worked up? His voice coming through the phone sounded rougher by the minute, and I found it strange.

"You don't need to be angry on my behalf. I already told him an apology isn't necessary, so drop it."

"How am I supposed to drop it? Fine, then — you're not planning on seeing him again, right?"

"Huh? No, that's not…."

A building I didn't recognize came into view.

The car slowed to a halt, and soon even the last of its idle tremor died away. I gave a nod to Manager Ahn Jinbae, who shut off the engine and looked back at me.

"I'm supposed to meet them in ten minutes."

"……What?"

"Bihyuk, I'll call you back in a bit. I'm a little busy right now."

"Hey—! At least explain what…."

I hung up before he could finish. I knew it wasn't the most courteous move, but I really was too busy to explain anything further.

"Actor-nim. Before you get out — you know the drill, right? If anything happens—"

"I'll call you right away. Though honestly, you'll be at the next table anyway, so you don't need to worry this much."

"How could I not worry? This is the kid who shoved someone into traffic. Please don't let your guard down either, Actor-nim. People like that don't think the way we do."

He wasn't wrong. I hadn't come into this unprepared either.

But I had a decent guess as to what he was really trying to say, so I nodded along earnestly.

I got out of the car with Manager Ahn Jinbae, who still wore an expression of unconvinced unease, and we arrived at a café.

When we pushed open the door, nothing greeted us but a lonely chime. The place had been rented out on the condition that every employee go home for the day, so there was nobody left to wander in —

except for the people flinching at the doorbell's chime, staring our way.

"Hello."

"Oh? …Uh, yeah. Hello."

I walked up to Oh Seunghyun, who sat coiled tight with tension, but greeted the grown man beside him first. A full-grown man bearing a striking resemblance to Oh Seunghyun visibly startled, then accepted the greeting awkwardly — and promptly shuffled off to the table where Manager Ahn Jinbae had taken a seat.

"It's been a while. To be honest, I'm not curious how you've been, so let's skip straight to the point."

"……Yeah."

The moment I sat down across from Oh Seunghyun, I got right to it. His mumbled reply crept out of him in a voice that had all but crawled into hiding — the fight in him had clearly died on the spot long before I arrived.

Not that it was any concern of mine.

As long as we kept our voices down across the gap between tables, the conversation shouldn't carry over to the next one. I glanced briefly at Manager Ahn Jinbae, who was watching me with wide, unblinking eyes, then spoke slowly.

"When you shoved me into the road — was it planned, or did you do it on the spot?"

"……"

"Let me say this up front: I already know what you told the police. Set that aside and give me the truth. I'm asking because I actually want to know."

I hadn't thought my tone was all that fierce, but Oh Seunghyun's whole body shuddered every time a word left my mouth. It was frustrating watching him stall instead of answering, but I dredged up every last scrap of patience I had and waited.

A minute or so later, what I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠finally heard was not the answer I'd been hoping for. It opened with the utterly predictable my impulsive behavior caused you harm, and so on — so formulaic I could practically picture the shape of the words scrawled out on a sheet of paper. It was tedious to the point of boredom, but the way he recited it suggested he'd rehearsed the whole thing in advance, so I held my tongue and listened to the end.

"Fine. So — was it spontaneous, or was it premeditated?" And the moment I asked, the answer that came back, absurdly, was a fresh round of sniffling.

Why on earth was he the one crying?

"Seunghyun-ah. Is what I'm saying that hard to understand? You don't get it?"

"Hk… hhhk… no, sorry, it's just—"

"Did you walk up to me planning to shove me? Or did it just happen, out of nowhere, with no thought behind it?"

They say a man can endure being wronged three times before he commits murder.

But the third question I asked, after biting it back twice already, was answered with a deluge of sobbing.

I was speechless with disbelief. The person who wanted to cry here was me, so what exactly was he so aggrieved about, bawling away like that? I shot a quick glance at the next table, where Oh Seunghyun's father looked ready to vault over the seats in his desperation to come over.

Ugh, my head hurts.

Whether Oh Seunghyun had shoved me into the road as part of some premeditated plan mattered enormously — because of An-gae, who absolutely refused to open his mouth about that 'sticky something' that had appeared out of nowhere.

Whether that push had been one hundred percent Oh Seunghyun's own will, or something born of being swept ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠along by fate — it was information I needed in order to sort that out. I had no intention of treating him any differently either way, but surely I was entitled to at least know.

And yet here he was, bawling like the world had wronged him. My head throbbed.

I'd held it in this long because getting an answer came first, but I'd finally hit my limit. I tossed aside the calm expression I'd maintained the entire time and threw the words out roughly.

"Hey. Cut the act."

"…? Hk, what?"

"I said stop pretending to cry."

"Hk, I'm, I'm not pretending to—"

"I know you muttered to yourself last night, right before bed: 'The second I meet Lee Yeonjae tomorrow, I'm turning on the waterworks.'"

The crying stopped dead.

The sight of him frozen solid, unable even to manage his expression anymore, was honestly worth the price of admission.

"……You went through my room—"

"I didn't install a camera. Or a listening device."

I cut him off and supplied the answer he was about to predict, and his face hardened one degree further. The question then how did you know? was written plainly across his stiff features.

It wasn't like I'd been on the phone with anyone — how else would I know what he muttered to himself alone? An-gae told me.

"Th-then…."

"You answer first, and I'll tell you how I knew."

"……"

"I'm asking one last time. Was it planned?"

Silence settled over the table. I counted the seconds in my head.

Thankfully, Oh Seunghyun stopped short of crossing the final line.

"It wasn't planned. I mean — I'd actually mapped out a few things to mess with you that day, but every single one fell apart, and… I was so furious I just wanted to hit you."

"……"

"I swear! I know it's hard to believe, but throwing a few punches was all I had in mind — shoving you, I genuinely never thought about that. For a second it was like something had taken hold of me…."

Perhaps the excuses sounded flimsy even to his own ears, because his voice trailed off into a mumble.

I turned the words over carefully in my mind, then gave an honest nod. There didn't appear to be anything left worth extracting from him.

When I made as if to rise straight from my seat, Oh Seunghyun blurted out in a panic.

"I-I told you mine, so you tell me yours. How did you know?"

His face was drawn tight with fear.

Who knows. That could be acting too.

I was tired. Watching a boy who lied every time he opened his mouth made me miss An-gae all the more — with Seunghyun, the very act of hiding something showed all over his face, every single time.

"Oh Seunghyun. I've been thinking it over."

"Huh?"

"The reason you hate me — I don't think it's entirely because of Haeun."

"Where is this coming from all of a—"

"I think what you hate is that I became a more 'useful' person than you. Am I wrong?"

Being useful means being of use. Every time a person acts, they have to prove their own worth — whether they're trying to get close to someone they like, or holding court in front of their friends. Nobody needs to pay attention to the words or behavior of someone who's useless.

"You think, 'I'm still better than that kid, at least.' And then you find out you're not. Anyone would be furious. I understand — inferiority is an emotion anyone can feel."

"Hey, what kind of way is that to talk to me?"

Oh Seunghyun's face twisted into an ugly scowl, as though he hadn't been weeping pitifully not two minutes ago — and I couldn't help the smirk that tugged at my mouth.

"You were dying to know how I knew. That's why I told you. The answer is that I'm more useful than you are."

"Quit playing word games—"

"Oh! Right, I almost forgot. Be careful with your knee tomorrow. At three o'clock."

"What?"

Oh Seunghyun glared at me with his brow knotted, and I made a show of grinning at him.

Truthfully, it wasn't all that funny. But from what I'd seen, that was exactly how every detestable character grinned, so.

"Explaining the details is a chore, so I'll just say this: your knee is going to be absolutely wrecked tomorrow."

"What are you even—"

"Oh, and! There was one more at five o'clock, wasn't there? Let's see… at five it was… your head? Your forehead? I can't remember. Haha!"

By now Oh Seunghyun was staring at me like I'd gone completely insane.

That was the moment it actually became funny.

I let out a light laugh — exaggerated, deliberately — and pushed back my chair.

"You'll find out tomorrow when it happens. You know my number, don't you? You pay plenty of attention ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to me, after all."

"……"

"Call me tomorrow night. Eh — maybe I'll pick up if I'm bored."

I wanted to needle him a little longer, but I held back and turned away. As I walked out with Manager Ahn Jinbae, shouts laced with curses rang out behind us.

My mood was, unexpectedly, rather pleasant.