Something Stronger
"Good work out there. Class rep, put the balls away before you head in. See you next period."
"Thank you, sir~!"
When the bell rang, the PE teacher was the first to leave. At the same instant, the kids bolted. It was a scramble to reach the cafeteria even a single second sooner. Thanks to the layout of the building, the playground sat closer to the cafeteria than any of the classrooms did, so every day that fourth period meant PE, a race like this broke out. Of course, I wasn't part of it.
"Yeonjae, I'm gonna—"
"Go ahead."
"Yeah! Be right back!"
Because I had to wait for Noh Bihyeok, the class rep. I watched him trot off toward the equipment shed, hauling a basket stuffed full of balls like it weighed nothing, and started stretching. I was working out the slight stiffness in my neck when a group of girls drifted past at a leisurely pace.
Park Ha-eun was among them, which struck me as odd — she was normally the first one sprinting for the cafeteria. Worried she might be coming down with something, I asked if anything was wrong, and she stopped short with a puzzled look of her own before laughing like a balloon deflating.
"Today's menu is braised pollock. So I was just on my way to buy bread instead."
"Oh. And here I thought you were sick."
"Yeonjae. Me not racing to the cafeteria doesn't mean I'm sick..."
Park Ha-eun muttered it bitterly. Feeling awkward, I apologized, and she laughed and said she'd only been teasing. Still, something about her seemed oddly low-energy today.
I was about to tell her to hurry along, since her friends were clearly waiting for her, when I turned my head and blinked at what I saw. Hmm... what am I supposed to do about that.
"Ha-eun."
"Hm?"
As her big round eyes turned toward me, I sorted out my words. I was still deliberating how to say this without mortifying her when I saw the kids pouring out of the building toward the cafeteria, and urgency got the better of me. I stripped off my top then and there.
When I pulled off my gym jacket, leaving just the white short-sleeve tee underneath, her eyes went wide and round with alarm. Imagine standing in front of someone who suddenly starts undressing — of course she'd panic. I understood the sentiment. I just didn't have any other option.
"What—"
"One sec."
I stepped over to her before she could get the word out and quickly tied the jacket around her waist. Watching her bewildered eyes, still struggling to make sense of the situation, I lowered my voice to a whisper.
"Ha-eun, I think you should head to the classroom and change first."
"Huh?"
Her face practically read what on earth are you talking about, and I smiled awkwardly. How am I even supposed to explain this?
Fortunately, Park Ha-eun caught on before long. Her face flared red in an instant, and she mumbled that she'd go on ahead — I made a point of turning my head in the opposite direction as she left.
A short while later, Noh Bihyeok came back empty-handed and gave me a strange look.
"What's with you? Why'd you take your shirt off?"
"I was hot."
"Hot?"
The moment Bihyeok echoed it in disbelief, an icy wind came howling through. I gritted my teeth before I could stop myself. God, that's cold.
"Let's hurry. I'm starving."
"Where are your clothes, then? At least go change back into your uniform first."
"Forget it. Let's just go."
If I went to the classroom now, I risked running straight into Ha-eun. Had stripping off the jacket actually been the right call? I found myself worrying I'd needlessly hurt her feelings.
When I rubbed roughly at the goosebumps rising on my arms and urged him along, Bihyeok trailed after me looking completely lost.
"Hey, at least put this on. I've got a long-sleeve underneath."
"Okay."
He yanked off his top and handed it over, and I snatched it up and pulled it on. It was far too cold to be proud about it.
As I walked into the cafeteria adjusting the sleeves that hung a little loose, I saw a long line had already formed. I was giving light, spoiler-free answers to questions about yesterday's shoot when something I'd been curious about for days suddenly came to mind.
"Mind if I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"You said you'd start going to auditions next year. Couldn't you start now? I was wondering why it has to wait until next year."
When I'd looked it up, plenty of people started trainee life as early as elementary school. Bihyeok was dead serious about the idol thing, even if he pretended otherwise — it seemed pointless to push the timing back. Getting in early would only be better, wouldn't it?
Worried there might be circumstances I didn't know about, I'd asked as delicately as I could. The answer was a face of pure incredulity.
"...? You're asking me this now?"
Even I had to admit it came out of nowhere. Back around the start of the semester, when he'd first told me, I hadn't thought twice about it.
Well. Curiosity does strike out of nowhere sometimes.
"Just got curious all of a sudden. If it's a hard topic, you don't have to answer."
"Hard? It's not hard, it's just so random."
When I answered easily, Bihyeok scratched his head and confessed that he'd actually auditioned two years ago. It had been with one of the big three agencies — he'd received the acceptance notice, and all that remained was signing the trainee contract, when his parents flatly refused. They wouldn't even consider it until he was at least in middle school.
His face was slightly creased as he told the story, so I asked whether his parents had something against idols.
"Nah, they're not even that interested in me. They just think a person can't think properly until they're about fourteen."
"That's unusual of them. Not even twenty — fourteen? Weirdly arbitrary age."
"My dad decided to become a doctor when he was fourteen. Mom's the same."
Bihyeok answered like it was nothing and stretched his back with a creak.
"By their standards, anything I said before fourteen wasn't worth listening to. As far as they're concerned, I don't have a brain yet."
"......"
"They're both too busy to see my face most days anyway. Which makes it great for practicing. Nobody home."
The sarcasm in his voice — so unlike him — left me at a loss for words for a moment. Bihyeok stole a glance at my silence, then immediately smoothed his expression back out and slung an arm around my shoulder.
"So? A boy growing up lonely in neglect — that's attractive, right~? Heh, his backstory's already perfect."
"'Perfect,' my foot. Get in line properly."
"Huh? Why are you going cold on me again. Nothing else you're curious about?"
Oh. Do you have some condition that keeps you from standing without touching somebody? I had plenty of questions — like why he kept draping an arm over my shoulder — but I swallowed them all. Even I had some sense of tact.
Feeling guilty for souring the mood with a needless question, I offered a suitable compliment instead.
"Yeah. What do you even eat to shoot up like that?"
Even at a glance, Bihyeok was enormous compared to just a few months ago. At my question, his briefly blank face melted open and broke into a grin.
"I'm that tall? What do I do, I can't afford to get any more perfect than this~"
"That's right. What a crisis."
"Hey, if you're gonna make that disgusted face, I told you to just swear at me."
We bickered our way through lunch and headed back to the classroom. I'd just checked the schedule for fifth period and reached for my book when I felt someone settle in beside me and turned my head.
"Yeonjae, about the gym uniform... is it okay if I bring it next time? I'll wash it first."
"Sure. Next week's fine."
"It's not dirty or anything! I just felt bad about it, so don't worry."
"I'm not worried. No rush — take your time."
I closed my locker with a smile. And when I murmured a quiet apology in case I'd made her uncomfortable, Park Ha-eun shook her head, flustered.
"Don't apologize. I'm the one who's grateful."
"That's a relief. Oh — want this?"
I held out the chocolate manager Ahn Jinbae had given me a while back. When I added casually that she could pass it on to someone else if she didn't want it, her face lit up at once, and she thanked me and took it.
Wrapped that up pretty cleanly, didn't I? I was swallowing a sigh of relief on my way back to my seat when I suddenly felt a gaze on me.
'What is that?'
I glanced around, but nobody was looking my way. After blinking at nothing for a few moments, I went back to my book.
Whoever it was, they'd say something if they actually needed me. Whatever.
Oh Seung-hyun stared at Lee Yeonjae, who had turned his eyes back to his book.
That quiet, composed face came apart the instant Noh Bihyeok leaned against his back. He would grumble and act put out, but never once pushed the boy off with any real force, and Bihyeok snickered at it. Neither of them was loud enough to make a scene, yet the eyes of the whole class had settled on the pair all the same. When Park Ha-eun came over, a blanket draped around her shoulders, those stares only deepened.
Oh Seung-hyun gazed blankly at the three of them. Park Ha-eun's eyes were sparkling as she looked at Lee Yeonjae. An expression brimming over with fondness and affection.
Call it pathetic and he'd have nothing to say in his own defense — but that creeping feeling of wretchedness wasn't something Oh Seung-hyun could switch off.
When the girl you like has rejected you that mercilessly, what else could you do about it?
Oh Seung-hyun found himself remembering the day, a few months back, when he'd had a huge fight with Lee Yeonjae. He had trailed after Park Ha-eun, dreading what she might say — but what came out of her mouth was nothing he could have imagined.
'Seung-hyun.'
'...Uh, what?'
Stammering like an idiot at a soft tone he'd never once heard from Park Ha-eun before. He was cursing himself out internally, eyes darting around as he scrambled to arrange his face into something kind.
'Do you like me?'
'...Yeah.'
Park Ha-eun held his gaze calmly for a moment, then lowered her eyes and said thank you. And just as Oh Seung-hyun, thrown completely off balance by a conversation he'd never rehearsed for, began to fumble —
'I actually knew you liked me. Sorry for pretending I didn't.'
'...No, it's fine. You couldn't help it.'
'I don't want to date anyone right now. It's not just because you're you — it would be the same with anyone. Noh Bihyeok goes without saying... and Lee Yeonjae too.'
At the name she'd uttered so hesitantly, Oh Seung-hyun's expression had darkened as well.
'I couldn't hear everything earlier, but... the things you've done to Yeonjae all this time — was that because of me?'
'......'
'Please. I really hope it wasn't. We were close back in fourth grade, remember? Can't we go back to how things were then?'
She'd masked it with composure, but the tremor in her voice had sounded desperately earnest.
Oh Seung-hyun hadn't liked that. Not one bit.
Is Lee Yeonjae really worth that much to you?
Something had boiled up inside him then, but his options had been few. So Oh Seung-hyun promised he would never bother Lee Yeonjae again, and that he would apologize to him straight away. If dating her was off the table, being able to talk like before was the better deal.
After that, things with Park Ha-eun had returned to what they used to be — while with Lee Yeonjae, it was as if the two of them had never exchanged a single word in their lives. If anything, it was Noh Bihyeok who glared at him or knocked into him in passing. Lee Yeonjae simply walked by as though nothing had ever happened.
Which made it so much more miserable.
Everything I did to you all this time — and it didn't land at all.
Why are you so untouchable?
You weren't like this before.
The old Lee Yeonjae wasn't like that. He'd never spoken to him directly, but four years in the same class meant Oh Seung-hyun remembered him perfectly well. There had never been a time when that kind of noise and attention gathered around him. So why... on earth...?
He was sinking quietly into the thought when the classroom suddenly erupted around him.
"No way. Yeonjae, you're going on Mission Clear?"
"Shut up, seriously? I've watched that show since season one!"
"How do you even know that?"
"An article just went up!"
Lee Yeonjae's mortified expression was instantly buried under the kids who'd seen the article and lost their minds. The news that a classmate would be appearing on the variety show they all loved sent them into a frenzy.
Feeling the room turn rowdy in a matter of seconds, Oh Seung-hyun slowly clenched his fist.
'...This can't go on.'
He had no resentment left toward Lee Yeonjae. Not anymore.
But there was such a thing as the natural order of things. A change like this could never, ever be good for everyone.
If not for his own sake, then for the sake of the other kids, he had to do something. Petty harassment like before wasn't enough anymore. Something a little more than that —
'Something stronger.'
It wasn't breaking his promise. He wasn't trying to torment anyone.
He was only... trying to set things back the way they were supposed to be.
The corners of the boy's eyes, thinking this, had gone red.