The Silence After the Answer
“Ah, your collar was flipped inside out…!”
Startled by a hand suddenly brushing the back of my neck, I turned around to find Seong Ijun flinching and waving his hands in a fluster.
He looked like he was making an excuse, so I just smiled and thanked him. “It's fine. It was nothing, really. By the way, your hair really suits you today.”
“Yours suits you too, hyung. This is the first time I've seen you in a suit.”
It seemed Seong Ijun had arrived in a matching outfit with actor Jang Inho, who was playing the same role as him. I'd worn a shirt myself, but mine was comparatively casual, and it nagged at me a little. Should I have come in a full suit too?
Only this morning, when I'd visited a clothing shop for the first time in my life, I'd wondered if the whole thing was overkill. Then I looked at the other actors and realized overkill wasn't the problem at all — I felt like a duck squeezed in among cranes. Had I really dressed too simply?
“Thank you…! You too, um, that shirt really suits you.”
It was just an ordinary white shirt.
He must have realized something was off the moment the words left his mouth, because his eyes kept darting back and forth quickly. The distinct mole beneath his left eye seemed to move along with them, though that was probably just my imagination.
“No, the shirt suits you, and the slacks suit you, too. Honestly, even without a suit, you—”
“Right, thank you.”
Watching him quietly, it seemed he was gearing up to praise my fingernails next, so I cut him off in a hurry.
Seong Ijun was a full two years older than me, yet somehow he gave off an overwhelmingly little-brother feeling. Even the way he talked felt impossibly guileless.
It's hard to find boys with that kind of vibe. Was it because he'd debuted so young? Actually, wouldn't an early debut make someone more high-strung? I couldn't say.
“Is everyone ready? We'll be moving now.”
The waiting time turned out longer than I'd expected. It wasn't until I'd heard every trivial detail about how Seong Ijun didn't attend school and was homeschooled instead that a staff member finally came over.
I checked whether my clothes had creased anywhere or my hair had gotten squashed, then stood up.
Following the other actors, we arrived at a place with a truly, truly enormous number of cameras. A single sweeping glance across them was enough to make me dizzy.
“First, we'll take individual photos of each actor. After that, couple shots, followed by group photos.”
Following the staff's instructions, everyone lined up to wait. Naturally, I stood at the very end.
The moment actor Jang Inho stepped onto the stage, the sound of shutters began firing like mad. For an instant it sounded like thousands of insects swarming together, and my eyes went wide without my meaning to.
Lee Seonghye, Kim Seokjun, Seong Ijun, Han Seyeong went up onto the stage one by one, and I waited below for a long while. Thanks to that, my nerves had all but dissolved.
“And next, please welcome Lee Yeonjae, playing the child role of Yu Hyeon.”
I climbed the stairs slowly as the announcer's voice rang out. The word actor attached to my name still felt awkward.
But… was it my imagination? The shutters sounded even louder than a moment ago.
I felt vaguely uneasy, but my face was already locked into a faint, soft smile. It was the optimal expression I'd spent three days workshopping with the agency staff. Based on what criteria, I had no idea.
“Please look to the left first. Yes, and now to the right.”
Like a doll strung up on a line, I changed my pose as the voice directed. I took photos with Han Seyeong and Seong Ijun, then with actor Kim Seokjun, and at the end, everyone together.
It didn't take all that long, but it drained every last drop of my energy. If there hadn't been that brief rest, I might have collapsed outright.
“This isn't your first time, though, right? How are you not nervous at all?”
“Right? When I think about my rookie days — ugh, that pale-faced photo from back then still makes the rounds, you know.”
The moment I stepped into the waiting room, actors Kim Seokjun and Lee Seonghye came straight over.
“That's a relief. I was nervous, but I guess it didn't show.”
“Good heavens, that was you being nervous? You really must have been born for this. You've got the makings of a star.”
Someone else once said that to me, too, as it happens.
I thanked Lee Seonghye for her words as a pair of warm, gentle eyes floated up in my memory.
The short break ended, and I went back up onto the stage.
This was the segment where reporters, having previewed the character introductions and a short edited reel, asked questions of the PD and the actors. I picked up the pen laid out in front of me and straightened my back a little further.
Although, honestly, I doubted any questions would come my way.
“This is Lee Jeongho of Star TV. I have a question for PD Kim Minseok. Is there a casting anecdote you might remember? I'd also like to hear your thoughts on the recently raised controversy over whether actor Lee Yeonjae went through an audition.”
The moment I finished that thought, my name came up.
It was about me, but not directed at me, so I simply and quietly wrote down the question on my notepad.
The PD unhurriedly lifted the microphone.
“Yes. I'll get to the casting anecdotes for the other actors little by later, but actor Lee Yeonjae was cast through a proper audition. To address what you're curious about: at the time, actor Lee Yeonjae did not belong to any agency, and he was never contacted separately by anyone. That's all.”
At the refreshingly clean-cut answer, the reporters' keyboards clattered faster, and follow-up questions came pouring in.
But every single one of them was about me.
“Of course I decided after consulting with screenwriter Han Jihye. Even looking purely at the audition results, actor Lee Yeonjae was overwhelming.”
“The shoot went so smoothly it's hard to believe it was his first time acting. There were almost no NG takes, and his chemistry with the other actors was excellent.”
“Actor Lee Jeonghyeon did visit to show his support. As for whether he filmed a cameo, I'd ask you to confirm that when the episode airs.”
The PD answered it all smoothly, face perfectly calm.
But I had to keep pressing down the discomfort that kept creeping up on me.
Whatever intentions lay behind them, the content of the questions was obviously loaded. That part didn't really matter. But if they wanted to ask, why not ask me directly? Why interrogate everyone else about me instead?
On top of that, the questions were lopsidedly concentrated on me. Maybe that was why the gazes kept drifting my way, one by one.
Even under those prickling stares, I did as I'd been instructed and smiled like I knew nothing about any of it.
This was no ordinary situation, either.
Fortunately, after a few rounds of questions, the topic shifted to the other actors. A playful answer from actor Kim Seokjun thawed the stiffened atmosphere, and the expressions of the answering actors gradually loosened up too.
When asked if there was a memorable filming anecdote, actor Jang Inho said, “Because I had to draw Ijun's little mole under my eye exactly like his, I carried a ruler around with me all the time” — and the room bloomed with laughter.
And then, at long last, the first question came to me.
“I'd like to direct a question to actor Lee Yeonjae. A post claiming you currently live in an orphanage has become a hot topic online. Could you share your thoughts on that?”
I fought desperately to keep one of my eyebrows from shooting up.
Is that even a question? It was vague. What was I supposed to say? What did I think of the post? Or was it asking whether I really did live in an orphanage?
While I bought a little time jotting notes, the announcer quickly stepped in, asking that questions be kept to drama-related topics only, and smoothed the situation over.
Accordingly, I arranged my face into a politely awkward smile.
“How many times have you met actor Lee Jeonghyeon privately?”
“Was the tail-end shoot the first time you met actor Lee Jeonghyeon?”
“You recently became an actor under Wooyeon Entertainment. We'd like to hear how you feel about that.”
The questions that followed all carried the same undertone.
They'd already been flagged in my briefing, so answering them wasn't difficult. If anything, it was dull.
After rattling off the prepared answers one after another, I was just refreshing my expression to make sure no trace of boredom showed when—
“We'll take one final question before moving on to individual interviews. Um… Reporter Kim Yeon-doo?”
“Yes! This is Kim Yeon-doo of PTN. I have a question for actor Lee Yeonjae.”
Among the reporters with raised hands, the announcer had picked the one who looked the youngest of them all.
The rookie reporter looked straight at me and opened her mouth with real force.
“I heard this is the first role you've ever formally attempted. I'd like to hear your impressions — what did it feel like to play Yu Hyeon?”
She must not have gotten a feel for the microphone yet, because she held it far too close, and her voice boomed across the room. She was probably too nervous to notice — her face only slowly turned red after she'd finished speaking, and she hastily sank back down.
Watching that unfold, I took my time picking up the microphone in front of me.
“Yes. Um… When I first received the script to prepare for the audition, Yu Hyeon was the character I understood the least.”
So many people were packed into a space that wasn't all that large, and the atmosphere hummed with restless energy. Still, I figured speaking into the microphone would carry well enough, and went on.
“I simply couldn't understand what he was thinking when he said those things or acted the way he did. I tried my own ways to understand him, put them into practice one by one, but nothing changed.”
There had been a time when Yu Hyeon looked like nothing more than an empty-headed boy to me.
Setting my personal impressions aside, there were endless stretches where I repeated the same lines over and over just for the audition's sake.
“But then, strangely, at some point… I just understood him. Why he did what he did.”
It hadn't taken all that long, looking back. But somewhere along the way, Yu Hyeon stopped feeling distant. That feeling of delivering the exact same lines you'd said countless times yesterday — and having them land differently after just one day. Unless you'd felt it yourself, you could never truly understand it.
“I believe understanding another person is not an easy thing to do. Having been able to experience that was fascinating, and I'm grateful for it. Grateful enough that I'd like to have the same experience again.”
I considered using one of the stock phrases I'd learned in media training — the kind that began with “It was a meaningful time.” — but in the end I just said what I wanted to say.
A reasonable length, neither too short nor too long, with words chosen just moderately enough. I thought I'd answered pretty well.
Having thought exactly that, I lowered the microphone — and felt a silence fill the room in an instant.
“……Yes~! That was a wonderful answer. Moving on to the next part of the program—”
The announcer lifted her microphone a beat too late. The silence that had been hovering around the room vanished just as quickly.
What was that? Did I mess something up? Was there something problematic in what I said?
I was rattled, but I kept my expression exactly where it was and stole a glance toward Manager Ahn Jinbae.
Apparently, our eyes meeting alone was enough for him to catch what I wanted to ask — he immediately smiled and flashed me an okay sign.
Right. Even by my own read, there was nothing strange in what I'd said.
After confirming the pair of eyes watching me as if to say there was nothing to worry about, I turned my gaze back to the front.
“Alright, everyone gather at OO Hanwoo Restaurant by seven on Wednesday! We're watching the first broadcast together!”
“Whoa, we get beef?!”
“I'll grill the pork so it tastes just like beef for you!”
“What… no, we're not buying that.”
Once every schedule was over, I bowed to the noisily milling crowd a few more times before getting into the car. Maybe the tension was only now letting go, because my body went slack and heavy.
“Great work today, Actor-nim! You were really wonderful today. You didn't tremble once, and your answers were so good!”
I was exhausted, but I couldn't exactly feel bad about it. Manager Ahn Jinbae, who had hovered around on the periphery all day as if he barely existed, pounced with urgent praise the moment I got in the car — how could I not laugh?
The contrast between how quiet he'd been the whole time and how his eyes lit up asking whether braised whole chicken would be a good dinner made it even funnier.
“Samgyetang sounds great. Oh… hold on a second, hyung. I need to make a call.”
When I pulled out my phone, nearly fifty messages had piled up. Every single one from the same sender.
Worried something had happened, I jabbed the call button — and the moment it connected, a voice absolutely dripping with mischief burst out of the speaker.
“Oh my GOD, the 'actor who pulls in every gaze in the room' is calling ME!”
Now what is this one on about.
“Haaah. What are you suddenly talking about.”
For a split second there, I'd tensed up thinking something was wrong, and now all that energy drained away uselessly. There really are so many ways to give a person a heart attack.
“Huh? You didn't see what I sent you?”
“What.”
Unfazed by my curt reply, Noh Bihyeok charged on, insisting I check his messages right that second. Half-tuning out his hyped-up voice, I opened the messaging app.
And froze.
“……What is this.”