The Last Kiss Goodbye
Every child took a different amount of time to accept that their parents were never coming back for them.
For some, it took only a few days. For others, years.
Children left at the orphanage gates as infants called the teachers "Mommy." Only later, once they'd grown a little, would they learn that "Mommy" wasn't actually their mother — and the confusion that followed could be devastating.
I, thankfully, had already accepted the truth before I ever arrived at the orphanage.
When my mother pressed her lips to my forehead and swallowed her sobs — when she told me not to go anywhere else, to stay here just a little while — I knew.
Because it was the last time.
She'd wanted to see my face one final time.
But when I tried to lift my head, my mother held me still.
And so, among all those vivid memories, not a single one of her face remained.
"...Yeonjae-ssi? Actor-nim?"
"Ah."
By the time I came back to myself, the car had already come to a complete stop.
"Are you all right? Would you like to sit for a moment before we move?"
"No, I'm fine. I was just lost in thought for a second."
After reassuring Ahn Jinbae, who was watching me with worry, I unbuckled my seatbelt. He got out first and came around to open my door, and I waited — and it was the sheer naturalness of that whole sequence that stunned me.
"...Hyung, I'll open my own door from now on."
"Where did that come from?"
Ahn Jinbae asked back, puzzled by the words I'd blurted out the moment I stepped out of the car. But I was the more baffled one, honestly.
How had I learned to wait for someone to open my door as if it were simply owed to me?
Isn't this exactly that thing... Celebrity Syndrome?
A chill ran down my spine.
It had only been a few days since I signed that contract — how could I have caught Celebrity Syndrome already?
Of course, opening the door was something Ahn Jinbae did of his own accord, and in the beginning I'd politely declined plenty of times. I'd been riding in his car for about two months now, so in a way it was only natural that the routine had grown familiar.
But treating it as expected — that was another matter entirely, wasn't it?
"I've gotten too used to it. I'm worried I'll end up spoiled."
"There's nothing wrong with being spoiled... but if that makes you more comfortable, then of course."
What was going on with him? This was the man who'd dug his heels in every single time I said I'd open the door myself.
Well, "dug his heels in" was probably too coarse a phrase the moment the subject became Ahn Jinbae. He had pleaded so earnestly that he genuinely wanted to do it for me that I'd reluctantly given in.
I didn't add anything else — I was afraid he might take it to mean I'd had lingering doubts after all — so I simply kept quiet.
I'd have to be more careful from now on. The image of myself asking Ahn Jinbae, "I'm sorry — you want me to open the car door? With my own hands?" flashed through my mind, and I felt dizzy.
"The move-in cleaning is completely finished, so all you need to do is unpack. Your room is down that way, Actor-nim — will that be all right?"
"Anywhere is fine for me."
The place we arrived at wasn't as fancy as Ahn Jinbae's own home, but it was more than spacious enough for someone like me — almost embarrassingly so.
I'd told him that if there was anything left to do, we'd do it together, but thanks to Ahn Jinbae stubbornly stocking every household necessity by himself the night before, there was nothing left to do at all.
The most striking thing about Ahn Jinbae's room — the one he'd only partly unpacked — was the wall of shelves crammed full of books.
Having only ever handled books that belonged to someone else, I'd never met a person who kept that many in their own room.
He told me I could take down any book and read it whenever I liked, so I didn't bother refusing.
"I didn't get a single thing done, and the whole day's gone."
"Moving days are always like that."
Between putting this away and arranging that, the day had slipped by before I noticed. After staring blankly out at the night, which had fallen pitch-black outside, I got ready for bed when he told me I should turn in soon.
"There's nothing on the schedule tomorrow either, so sleep in as late as you want. Sweet dreams!"
"Sweet dreams to you too— ah, hold on a second."
Just as we were each heading to our rooms, a sudden thought struck me and I hurriedly stopped Ahn Jinbae in his tracks.
I rushed back into my room and grabbed a wrapped box, and when I returned, there he stood — frozen in exactly the pose I'd caught him in, looking awkwardly uncertain.
"Here. This is for you."
With a puzzled look on his face, Ahn Jinbae took the box I held out. He carefully peeled back the wrapping paper, and the moment he saw what was inside, he went rigid.
His reaction made me feel so sheepish that my hand drifted up to scratch my ear without my meaning to.
"I told you I'd get you something when I started earning money, remember? I bought it with my signing bonus."
"Actor-nim... how could I possibly accept this...?"
"You gave me things too, so why can't you take it? I don't know anything about watches, so I asked Jung-Hyun-hyung for advice. If you don't like it, I can—"
"No! I love it! Thank you! It's just... am I really allowed to have it...?"
"Don't do that. It's not that expensive."
It was, in fact, obscenely expensive.
A few days earlier, I had gone to a department store with Jung-Hyun-hyung for the first time. When I saw the price tags, I briefly wondered if I'd wandered into a different world. He'd laughed out loud at the sight of me holding my breath, then helped me pick out a watch in a more reasonable price range.
The black one was simple enough, though I still couldn't quite see what justified that kind of money.
After choosing the watch, I bought handkerchiefs and hair ties for the Director and the teachers at the orphanage. I handed out all the gifts the night before the move.
It had been a day of spending money I'd never touched before — money I'd never even imagined spending. My trembling eyes took a full day to calm down after looking at the receipt.
Maybe it felt worse because it was someone else's money. Or money that used to be.
From now on, I'm really not spending a single won. I'll save it all up for the Director.
"Thank you so much! I'm going to wear it even when I sleep!"
"Please, please take it off when you sleep."
His bright, shining eyes told me to have good dreams. I wished him goodnight and stepped into my room. It was my room, but it felt unfamiliar.
"Angae."
"...Mmh. Yeonjae."
I opened my eyes and called out to Angae, who was sitting in a chair.
At my voice, the small shoulders flinched, and then — slowly — he turned his head.
"You came...?"
"Yeah."
I answered his cautious question and sat down beside him. Our faces were close, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. Watching him edge his body away from me, little by little, I swallowed a sigh.
It had been two weeks since Angae, who used to come running the moment he saw me, always beaming, started avoiding me.
To be precise — it had started the day I asked if I could touch the Black Stone, just once.
'Angae, could you let me touch the Black Stone tomorrow? Just once?'
'...Huh? Why?'
'The way you explained it, there's no reason for Misfortune Factors to stick to my energy like that. If it's the Black Stone causing it, isn't that amazing? I could even be some kind of mutant. Let's test it together.'
I'd deliberately steered him with words I knew Angae would like, but his reaction was lukewarm at best. His eyes rolled round and round, and then he suddenly flashed a big smile, pretended not to hear me, and changed the subject.
It was exactly the reaction you'd see from a four-year-old confronted with something he didn't want to do.
So I didn't push, and I didn't get angry. I went along with the topic he'd switched to, just like the parenting books said to do.
Then, once the tension in his shoulders had loosened a little, I brought it up again. And again the next day.
After that, he stayed like this. He'd even stopped mimicking Noh Bihyuk — whose antics he'd gleefully copied for months without ever tiring of them — and changed that too.
Among my little orphanage siblings, there was a four-year-old who followed me around more than any of the others.
The kid who cried so hard on my last day there that I'd wiped his tears for him.
His intentions were so transparent I couldn't even laugh. You think you're anything like him?
I'd meant to scoff, but when I actually looked at those chubby, baby-fat cheeks, the words caught in my throat.
And in that moment, the thought that Angae might be smarter than me made me a little gloomy.
'How am I supposed to talk him around?'
I knew he truly didn't want to do it. But there was no other way.
This wasn't a problem I could solve by rifling through the search function, and even Angae didn't know anything for certain.
No matter how I turned it over in my head, in our current situation the only option was to touch the Black Stone at least once to find out what it actually was.
'There has to be something in it for Angae too, or I'll never convince him.'
If we learned why this was happening to me, I'd get to stay with him longer — so surely Angae would want that too, right?
While I was turning all this over, I sensed a restless fidgeting beside me. Sneaking a glance sideways, I caught Angae stealing looks at my face.
Why was he acting like this all of a sudden? Oh — was it guilt?
Angae surely knew how obviously he was avoiding me. It wasn't as if he was actually four.
Until now, I'd always been the one to speak first, scrambling to smooth things over. Maybe his watching me now was because I'd gone quiet today. Should I use that?
"Haaah..."
I sighed on purpose. The small body beside me gave a start.
I was counting seconds in my head when Angae, still hesitating, spoke first.
"Yeonjae... did something happen?"
"Hm? No. Don't worry about it."
"...Mmh."
So that was as far as it went.
He pressed his lips together but didn't ask again — he didn't have the courage to, I could tell, for fear the Black Stone would come up again.
Still, it was working. I'd keep pushing with this approach.
I quietly buried the guilt creeping up on me, sat there in silence staring at nothing, and sighed at intervals.
And whenever Angae finally couldn't bear it and spoke to me, I'd wear an expression heavy with every trial of the world and murmur, vaguely, don't worry about it...
Angae held out for three days.
"Yeonjae! I'll help you! It's because of the Black Stone, right? I'll... I'll touch it! Once! I'll do it!"
On the fourth day, the moment I opened my eyes, Angae came rushing over, his whole face flushed with resolve.
I deliberately counted to five, then spoke carefully.
"No, it's fine. You don't have to force yourself to do something you hate."
"It's okay! It'll be— it'll be fine! I'll try it!"
Got him.
Angae was breathing so hard now he was practically huffing. But the way he kept nodding his head over and over nagged at me, so I took his hand and thanked him.
I told him I wanted to see him for longer. That I didn't want to lean on something so uncertain, with no knowing when it might end. And that to change that, we needed to find out why all of this had happened in the first place.
Angae went quiet for a moment after hearing me out — then broke into a wide, blooming smile. I want to see you longer too, Yeonjae!
Watching his eyes sparkle, I patted his head for the first time in what felt like ages.
Angae purred like a cat and burrowed into my arms.
"Then tomorrow, when you wake up, practice for about two hours. Once the Misfortune Factors are completely drained, we'll try touching it."
"Okay! Got it!"
"...Don't push yourself too hard. Only go as far as you can manage."
"I won't! Don't worry!"
The frightened face had vanished somewhere, and all that remained was a child brimming with determination.
My hand tingled faintly, but I endured it and stroked his head some more.
"See you tomorrow, then, Yeonjae!"
"Yeah. I'm counting on you."
Facing our first test in a long while, we parted with faces full of nervous energy.
"Lee Yeonjae, are you okay?"
"Hm? Why?"
At the question out of nowhere, I turned to look at Noh Bihyuk. I'd assumed it was one of his pointless pranks, but the face that turned toward me was genuinely worried.
"That article about you— no, never mind. Forget it."
"Oh, you mean the comments? I'm fine. That was strategic."
"Strategic?"
Three days earlier, an article had run announcing that I was now an actor under Wooyeon Entertainment. The comment section, warm with congratulations and talk of high expectations, had flipped completely overnight.
One look at Noh Bihyuk's expression told me roughly what had happened — he'd probably gone and read the examples CEO Jang had shown me.
I didn't let it bother me. I'd already been told what was coming.
Every scrap of my attention was pointed somewhere else entirely.
'I wonder if Angae did well.'
After talking it all through with Angae the day before, I'd woken at dawn and gone straight into practice.
Had he actually touched the stone? Was the Black Stone really what the Misfortune Factors were clinging to?
With so little information to go on, I couldn't guess how it would turn out. It might turn out to mean nothing at all.
Either way, I decided, the moment I saw Angae I'd tell him he'd worked hard.
And the next morning, I woke without meeting Angae at all.