A Broadcast All My Own
"You want me to do a broadcast by myself?"
A live stream? Without any staff?
At my question, Jinbae gave a small nod.
"If you'd like to, that is. If you'd rather not―"
"No! I want to!"
Even in my dazed state, I blurted it out in a panic.
"Of course I want to. I'd love to. Please, I really want to."
I was so eager I was half a breath away from begging him to let me.
Apparently my desperation came through clearly, because Jinbae chuckled and told me to calm down.
There was no calming down, though.
What is even happening right now.
A V-App live broadcast.
The format tailor-made for real-time interaction with fans.
I'd done one before, on a grand scale even, thanks to Junghyun lending us a whole studio—but I'd never tried filming one like this, with zero preparation.
And all alone, on top of that.
No staff this time. No studio. No script.
Just me, free to devote myself entirely to talking with Biyeon.
This is insane.
For a moment I was so happy my mouth started to curve on its own. I tried to manage my expression, but it was a lost cause. The corners of my lips kept climbing until I finally had to cover my face with both hands.
"Haha, I had no idea you'd be this thrilled. Should've told you ages ago."
"...It's just, it caught me off guard."
His laughter made me sheepish.
"But why a broadcast all of a sudden? The company told me not to do them alone, remember?"
Excitement aside, the puzzle remained. More than once I'd asked if I could do a live stream, only to get shot down.
Not that I couldn't understand why.
Sehyeon of SPACE and Choi Injun had let slip my white-blond hair dye job during their broadcast. My very first live had ended in that mess, so of course the company had been jumpy about it ever since.
"I called Team Leader Woo earlier and got her approval."
Jinbae continued in his steady, dependable voice.
"She figured now that the Lily Sweety music video is out, there are fans curious about the behind-the-scenes."
Ah.
I nodded right away.
"So it's a fan-communication broadcast with a little promo folded in."
"That's the idea."
Then I should get my thoughts on the MV in order, too.
What should I talk about to make them happy?
I was busy sorting out what to say on air when a large hand came to rest on my back.
"Yeonjae."
"Yes?"
"Things have been weighing on you lately because of Haram, haven't they?"
"......"
I froze.
Wearing a look that said he already knew everything, Jinbae patted my back.
"The MV promo angle was just something I said to get the company on board. I don't want you worrying about any of that on air."
"Then..."
"Yes. Just talk with your fans comfortably, Yeonjae. Without a single thought or worry in your head."
Those gentle eyes looked at me.
"That's all I ask."
"......"
"I'll sleep with Haram tonight. There's no set time for the broadcast, so stay on as long as you like before bed."
"Okay. Thank you..."
I answered with a blank face.
All sorts of thoughts were swirling through my head at once.
Jinbae, sensing even that, spoke up first with practiced ease.
"It didn't show, Yeonjae. Don't worry."
"......"
"It didn't affect the shoot either. You didn't put anyone out over the Haram situation, so you can stop fretting about that too."
When he added that no one else probably had any idea, I asked carefully—
then how did he know?
Jinbae went on patting my back, unhurried.
"Because I'm your manager."
Wasn't that reason enough? he murmured, just loud enough for me to hear.
It was the most dependable whisper I'd ever heard in my life.
The broadcast prep turned out to be easier than expected. First the fan cafe was notified of the stream, then I was handed a phone to film with.
And so—thirty minutes before airtime.
"...?"
I came out freshly showered to find an outfit laid out on my bed that I'd never seen before.
What's this?
I stared at the pale sky-blue pajama set with unfamiliar eyes.
"Yeonjae, all washed up?"
"Yes. Hey, what's this?"
"Pajamas."
Yes, I can see that.
I asked, my face falling.
"Did you buy them new? I've never seen them before."
"I did. They seemed like they'd suit you. It's a gift."
"When on earth did you―"
"They weren't expensive, so don't start. It's been a while since I got you anything, and if you nag me again I'm going to sulk."
"That's not what I―"
"There. Sulking has begun. Watch yourself."
He wasn't giving me a single opening.
Every time I tried to speak, Jinbae deflected with some excuse about the broadcast and hustled me along. Left with no choice, I changed into the clothes he'd prepared.
Right, this definitely wasn't cheap.
The plush softness against my skin was telling on its own.
This is really expensive clothing, isn't it.
To sleep in something like this.
It nagged at me endlessly, but I steeled myself thinking of Biyeon. It had been a while since they'd seen my face—I had to look my best.
"Don't be too nervous, Yeonjae. I'll be monitoring from the other room, so if you need anything just call for me."
"Okay. Thank you."
After saying goodnight to Han Haram, I returned to my room and sat on the bed, picking up the filming phone. Thanks to Jinbae's setup, starting the broadcast took a single tap.
Whew.
A short, deep breath—then I pressed the button.
Instantly, my own face appeared on screen, wearing a slightly awkward expression.
"Hello, everyo―"
Before I could think, I bowed at the waist. The problem was that I was holding the phone myself, which meant the phone went down with me.
"Ah, I'm so sorry. Let me greet you properly."
Making an idiot of myself right out of the gate, of all things.
I scrunched my brows for a moment, then smoothed them out fast.
"Hello. This is Lee Yeonjae."
This time, mindful of the phone's position, I bowed properly.
Outwardly I kept a calm expression, but in my imagination I was slamming my forehead into the floor.
The chat window had filled with nothing but lololololol.
Embarrassment sent heat rushing to my face.
I didn't even need to look at the chat—the heat alone told me.
My ears had gone red, hadn't they.
Once I realized it, even the back of my neck felt like it was burning, and I cleared my throat for no reason at all.
"This is my first time broadcasting alone, so I'm a little nervous. I hope that starting with this stream, I'll get a lot more chances like this. I'll work even harder."
"This is the dorm at the filming set. I'm sitting on my bed right now. My manager hyung prepared pajamas for me so we could keep the broadcast cozy."
Wondering if Jinbae was watching too, I murmured quietly,
"Thank you, Jinbae-hyung."
"Ah, I wanted to do the first greeting properly, that's all. I'll lie down soon."
Wasn't it rude to greet someone while lying down, though?
But then, greeting lying down and broadcasting lying down didn't feel all that different. I knew there was even a whole format called the lie-down live...
It just felt unmannerly to sprawl out flat on my back in front of Biyeon.
So I sat and broadcast for a good long while.
Around the time my mouth started feeling dry, a chat came up demanding to know when exactly I planned to lie down.
Hm.
I hesitated a moment, then spoke slowly.
"Everyone, there's something I'd like to ask of you."
"What position is everyone watching in right now? I'm a little shy about being the only one lying down..."
I asked, carefully, whether they might lie down with me if it wasn't too much trouble.
The chat froze for a beat—then suddenly began scrolling at breakneck speed.
What a relief.
With Biyeon so readily granting the request, my heart felt considerably lighter.
"Then I'll lie down too."
I switched on only the bedside lamp and turned off the rest of the lights, then climbed into bed in that dim glow. The whole thing felt strangely novel.
This is an odd feeling.
Part of me felt like I was committing some small sin, and yet the people on the other side of the screen somehow felt much closer than before.
Once I was settled into a comfortable position, the words came even more easily.
We talked about the film I was shooting, Shin Yoo-young, staying just this side of spoilers. I described how it had felt to win the Grand Prize at the awards ceremony a few days ago.
Chats mentioning the Han Haram kidnapping incident cropped up now and then, but before I could so much as address one, the rest of the chat surged over and buried it. When angry messages scolded everyone not to bring it up in front of the baby, I briefly had to fight down a laugh.
So I'm the baby here?
The cooing, fussing atmosphere was strangely soothing.
Around midnight, chats began popping up asking whether I should be getting to sleep soon.
Normally I'd already be in bed by now.
But I didn't want to sleep.
Frankly, it even surprised me—to think something could feel this good.
It's really different from writing posts on the fan cafe.
No matter how long I made my posts, something had always felt lacking. But reading and answering comments in real time, it genuinely felt like a conversation.
And so, without meaning to, I broke into a drowsy smile.
"I'll stay on a little longer. I'm just... having such a good time right now..."
Once again the chat slowed, then piled up at a staggering rate. It was firepower hard to believe for midnight.
Ah, right. The MV.
I'd completely forgotten about that.
Jinbae had told me not to worry about it, but there were such things as manners.
I brought up the music video as naturally as if I'd planned it all along—starting with Mia Brown, who'd played opposite me, and moving on to the small episodes from the set.
"The football uniform was heavier than you'd think."
It was so different from Korean culture that I said I'd struggled with that part the most.
"Lily treated me so well, and the staff took great care of me too. We had a really fun shoot."
"Right? The song is wonderful. I was blown away the first time I heard it, too."
When a chat asked which part I liked best, I mulled it over and picked the climax.
"'Tell Me.' That part—'I dare you to love me.'"
With my body completely relaxed, I hummed the line softly.
Lily's songs had something that hooked straight into your ear. Something special—the kind of thing that made it obvious she hadn't gotten famous by accident.
Ah.
I'd gone and sung the rest of the way through without noticing.
I snapped back to myself and clamped my mouth shut in a hurry.
"Sorry. I zoned out for a second there."
Zoning out mid-broadcast—what was wrong with me.
Chiding myself, I looked at the chat window.
It was full of screaming.
"Uh... Okay. I'll sing it for you."
The reaction caught me off guard for a moment, but it wasn't a difficult request.
I sang Lily's song from beginning to end, and just in case, gave a short rendition of NADE's new single too.
A little embarrassing, that.
Because it was a song by kids I actually knew, the feeling was different from singing Lily's. Flustered, I only did Noh Bihyeok's part before stopping.
And so we talked, and talked, and kept on talking.
At some point, my eyes began to fall shut.
I knew I should turn off the broadcast soon...
Just a little longer.
Reluctance kept me putting it off.
That I'd somehow fallen asleep mid-broadcast—shocking news I would only learn the next morning.
And the shocking news didn't stop there.
It turned out Lily had watched my broadcast the night before—and reached out to me.
"(Want to feature on my song?)"