A Promise to Keep
The moment the awards ceremony ended, we headed straight for the hospital.
I'd gotten word that Haram had been calling for me ever since he opened his eyes.
"Yeonjae!"
The moment I opened the hospital room door, Haram bolted upright in bed. I waved him down before he could come running to me.
"Shh. You have to be quiet in a hospital."
"Quiet?"
"(It means you have to stay quiet.)"
"(Ahh~.)"
At my explanation in English, the kid nodded his head over and over, looking utterly fascinated.
"Got it. Quiet!!"
Yelling it that loud rather defeats the purpose of being quiet. But the way he pressed his tiny fingers firmly over his own mouth was so adorable that I couldn't help chuckling.
"Your cheeks are puffy. Looks like you slept well."
"Really? They're swollen? That's bad!"
"Why would it be bad? It's fine. You can puff up all you want."
As I stroked his cheek, I asked if he'd had any nightmares.
"……I don't know. I don't remember."
Sure he didn't. One glance at how quickly he averted his eyes, and I could roughly guess what had happened.
Still, I didn't press any further and just gently smoothed his forehead.
"That's a relief, then. We'll go home and get some more sleep."
"Oh! Can I sleep at your place tonight, Yeonjae? My mom already said yes!"
"Did she?"
"Yep!"
Haram's eyes were sparkling. I held back the laugh that threatened to escape and nodded.
"Okay, then. Let's go to our place. First, let's get you changed out of those clothes."
"Yeah. Okay."
Discharge paperwork had already been taken care of, so all that was left was swapping out the hospital gown he was wearing.
"Say hooray."
When I moved to help him take off his clothes, Haram flinched.
"Yeonjae, I'm not a little kid!"
"…?"
I never said he was one. Haram scrunched up his entire face and shouted loud enough to rattle the room.
"I can change all by myself!"
"I know. I was just trying to help."
"……I'll do it. I can do it alone."
Honestly, why. I stared at Haram, puzzled, as he held his mouth shut in stubborn defiance.
*I already saw everything at dawn, you know.*
Who did he think dressed him in that hospital gown he was wearing right now? I wondered why he was acting like this when there was nothing left to see, but I withdrew politely.
"Fine. Then change and come on out."
After saying that to him, I closed the door and stepped out. The corridor was a touch cooler than the hospital room had been. At that moment, as if she'd been waiting, someone approached.
"Um, I was so flustered last night that I couldn't get a word in… Thank you so much for saving Haram."
It was Haram's mother. Since I hadn't been standing there fishing for gratitude, I gave her a perfunctory reply.
*As if there'd be anything to say.*
She kept pacing around beside me instead of going back into the room, so I asked her outright.
"Is there something you wanted to say?"
"……."
Haram's mother hesitated for a moment before speaking.
"Congratulations on your award. Haram and I watched it on TV earlier."
"Thank you."
"……Your acceptance speech was quite striking, too."
I said nothing, just looked at her. She avoided my gaze like someone who'd been caught red-handed.
"I know I made a mistake this time, but… I truly do love Haram. Even if I didn't give birth to him myself, I sincerely think of him as my own child."
"If you say so."
*Who asked?*
At my flat response, the woman's face fell.
"I guess Haram must have told you, then. After I made him promise to keep it a secret. That boy, honestly…."
Her voice was laced with disappointment and betrayal.
Tsk. I clicked my tongue inwardly and answered evenly.
"I think you're misunderstanding something. Haram never said a word to me. I simply looked into it myself."
"What?"
"Haram didn't tell me anything."
I offered no further explanation to the bewildered woman. I had no particular desire to deal with someone who couldn't trust her own son and was quick to assume the worst of him.
*Looks like hyung didn't know.*
I could see Jinbae hyung doing his best to hide a look of bewilderment. I'd assumed he must have looked into it, given how long I'd been close with Haram, so it was a surprise.
*Not me, though. I heard it from Angae.*
I'd learned it ages ago, so it wasn't exactly news. If anything, what astonished me more was the sheer audacity of bringing up such a sensitive topic in a public corridor.
*The kid could walk out any second.*
A sigh escaped me before I knew it. In the middle of all this, the mother fidgeted and continued.
"He's just such a beautiful child…. I only did what I did because I want my child to succeed. It wasn't abuse. I need you to understand that."
I opened my mouth slowly.
"I don't think you need to be telling me any of this."
"I just thought you were under a misunderstanding, that's all."
"If you're looking for someone to justify yourself to, I'm afraid you've picked the wrong person. I have no legal authority over Haram. I'm nothing more than an older brother figure to him. Which makes this all the more strange."
I went on, unhurried.
"Or did you actually want to talk to 'the actor Lee Yeonjae'?"
"……."
The mother's expression hardened in an instant. Watching her squirm like a thief caught mid-heist, I swallowed a sigh.
Even now, her concern was what this might do to my reputation in the industry.
*It's been a while since I've felt this way.*
A wave of disillusionment washed over me — that particular feeling of having run completely dry on goodwill toward humanity.
Just then, with a rustling sound, the door swung open.
"I'm all dressed!"
My expression flipped instantly.
"Nice work. You really did change all by yourself."
"Of course! I told you, didn't I?"
Haram was beaming with pride. A chuckle slipped out of me before I could stop it, and I took his hand.
"We'll text once we get home. Don't worry about Haram."
"……Yes. Please do."
Haram's mother murmured quietly. I forced down a bitter smile and gave a slight bow. A acrid, heavy taste spread across my tongue.
* * *
In the car heading home.
The events of the early morning must have worn him out, because Haram had drifted off to sleep again. As I stroked his forehead, a low voice reached me.
"Actor-nim. What you said earlier — did that also come from this person Angae?"
"Yes. That's right."
At my immediate confirmation, Jinbae hyung gave a small nod. His reaction was measured, but just in case, I added,
"Hyung, would it be all right if I told you more about Angae tomorrow night or so? I can't get it all sorted in my head right now."
"Of course. I'm not trying to rush you. I only wanted to mention that there may be legal avenues available."
Jinbae hyung explained that if we contacted the orphanage Haram had been adopted out of, a lawsuit to terminate parental rights could be pursued.
"I can arrange a consultation with a lawyer for you."
"You know as well as I do how difficult that kind of lawsuit would be. There's no evidence of physical abuse, for one."
"Still, with the kidnapping case drawing as much attention as it did, a victory isn't out of the question."
"I don't know."
I gazed down at the sleeping child.
"It could get very ugly. And there's no telling what kind of wounds Haram might pick up in the process. Most of all…."
I murmured, as if reminding myself.
"It's not my right to decide. It's Haram's life."
"……I understand. I wasn't thinking it through."
"You were being thoughtful. Thank you for bringing it up."
Once my conversation with Jinbae hyung ended, I turned my gaze back to Haram. He was sleeping peacefully, face utterly untroubled, knowing nothing of any of this. It was a good look on him.
*What's the right thing for me to do?*
Parents who abuse their children emotionally, who fail to shield them from harm, shouldn't exist — that much seemed obvious. And yet, was it really so simple? Was having even a parent like that better than having none at all?
Because I'd never experienced any of it myself, the answer felt impossibly far away. It was, after all, the kind of question no one could answer easily.
*It isn't mine to decide for him.*
My heart brimmed with the urge to fix things for him, but I pressed the desire firmly down. As long as it wasn't my own life, I had no right to bend it to my will.
I stared at him quietly.
*But this much, I promise you.*
When you come to me someday asking for help, I'll be there.
Even if you grow up and forget all about me.
* * *
The next day.
"Morning, Haram. Sleep well?"
"Yeah! Seeing your face first thing in the morning is the best! Heehee."
It was a peaceful morning, the first in a long while. I casually ignored the internet, still churning over the awards ceremony and the kidnapping. Haram and I ate a delicious lunch together, and when Seong Ijun dropped by the house, we chatted away about the film.
Up to that point, everything had been perfectly smooth.
The problem lay somewhere else entirely.
"Huh? Where are you going?"
The moment I stood up from the sofa, a voice laden with worry came rushing at me.
"……."
I slowly turned my head. Haram had set down the snack he'd been eating and was staring straight at me.
"The bathroom."
"You'll come right back?"
"Yeah. Right back. Ijun hyung's here too, so don't worry."
"Mm… okay."
I pressed the snack back into Haram's hand, but he kept watching me with a deeply anxious face.
*What am I going to do.*
We had a problem. Haram could be perfectly calm the entire day, but the moment I stepped away from him even briefly, he showed signs of separation anxiety.
*I have to leave for Goseong tomorrow.*
Today was the last day of my break. Filming for the movie Shin Yoo-young was set to resume tomorrow. The production team had suggested I take a little more rest given the kidnapping, but I'd turned them down. Shin Yoo-young was a film where season and atmosphere mattered deeply — let the schedule slip even slightly, and we risked losing its signature color palette. And since I hadn't been hurt at all, I'd judged there was no real problem with filming.
*Never saw this one coming.*
Haram's eyes as he watched me were desperate — and at the same time, somehow fragile. It wasn't an unfamiliar look.
*……Do I look at Angae like that, too?*
Considering what he'd just been through, I understood perfectly well how Haram felt. But I wasn't some being like Angae, and I couldn't let him keep clinging to me like this. Even granting that I'd saved him by sheer luck this time — the older he got, the more good people would come into his life.
"Haram."
"Yeah?"
After much deliberation, I called him over and told him the news: we'd have to part soon. Fear flooded his face in an instant, and he started trembling all over.
"Why? Did I do something wrong?"
"No. You didn't do anything wrong. Remember what I told you? I have to go somewhere else for filming. But we'll see each other again in a week."
"Can't I come with you? I won't be a bother. I can be quiet!"
"Haram."
When I let out a soft sigh, Haram whimpered like a little puppy. Finding the words too hard to express in the Korean he knew, he switched to English.
"(I won't bother you there, I promise. I'll stay right by your side, that's all! I'll get permission from my mom. Oh, and you don't even have to give me snacks! I'll buy my own food!)"
*And how exactly are you going to buy food all by yourself?*
The words came bursting out in a rapid-fire stream, like a rapper on a verse, and they were absolutely overflowing with desperation.
In the end, I called Haram's mother and got her approval for him to stay with me for the coming week.
"This is great! I'll be soooo quiet, so don't worry, Yeonjae!"
"……Right."
Haram was bouncing with excitement. I kept my expression carefully managed, hiding how torn I felt.
*I'll have to find a way within a week.*
There was so much to sort through — a real headache. And as if Haram weren't enough, there was another matter that demanded my attention.
* * *
"Haaah. Now I finally feel alive."
Noh Bihyeok flopped down spread-eagled on my bed. I asked him how long he could stay.
"Two hours, maybe? I have dance practice at dawn. My manager hyung's coming to pick me up then."
Two hours, then. That would be plenty.
*Phew.*
I felt a little nervous — and impatient, too. Oblivious to my mood, Bihyeok chattered away excitedly.
"It's been ages since it was just the two of us."
I'd called him over the moment his schedule ended. Haram had been left in Jinbae hyung's care, and my room held only the two of us now.
"So why'd you tell me to come alone, anyway? Euntaek hyung fought tooth and nail to tag along. I barely managed to stop him climbing out of the car after me."
"Bihyeok."
"……What's with the mood?"
He seemed to finally register my serious face, and froze mid-motion as he sat up. I let out a long, slow breath.
"There's something I need to tell you."
"Yeah."
"Don't be too shocked, okay?"
"Now I'm scared. What's going on? Am I in trouble?"
"It's not that."
Once upon a time, I'd made him a promise.
*Ah, what is it? Am I really that untrustworthy? If you end up telling only Jinbae hyung after keeping me in the dark like this, I'm seriously going to be mad.*
*Jinbae hyung doesn't know either. It's just… hard to talk about. But when I can tell you, you'll be the first to know.*
*Hm~ Fine, I'll let it slide for today.*
After the day Angae had cried out that he wanted a body of his own, and I'd wandered around in a daze, Noh Bihyeok had asked me what was going on. I'd promised that I'd tell him first, when I could.
And today was the day I kept that promise.