The Word That Stopped Me
“Han Haram!!!”
He was there.
To be precise, Han Haram was there — Han Haram, staring at me, and the man clamping a hand over his mouth.
“Wh-what—”
The man visibly flinched at my sudden appearance, but my body was already in motion.
Every muscle coiled, I slammed into him with everything I had.
“Ugh!”
We tumbled down the dirt path together.
Soil and grit scattered in every direction, and I heard the man hacking and coughing.
A cough tore out of me too. My throat burned.
“You f—ing—”
I watched the man curse and lunge at me.
And then my reason snapped.
I couldn't think at all.
No — looking back, I suppose I did think something.
I have to kill him.
Right now, with my own two hands.
That one thought filled my head to bursting.
I dodged his kick, caught his leg with my hand, and yanked.
“Argh!”
His skull cracked against the ground, and a scream of pure desperation followed.
I was straddling him, fist raised, when—
“Actor-nim!”
“Let go!!”
“Yeonjae, calm down! Calm—”
People threw themselves at me from every side, holding me back.
I couldn't even process who was tearing me away from the man — all I registered was that I was being obstructed.
I shouted at the person pinning me from behind, demanding they let me go.
Someone kept shouting something at me, the monster flailing in my frenzy, but none of it reached my ears.
I'd been struggling with everything I had to break free when—
“Y-Yeonjae….”
A very small voice.
A voice trembling all over, thick with terror.
And just like that, as if I'd been handed a command, my body went still.
Han Haram.
The single word flashed through my mind, and I whipped my head around.
There he was.
A little boy, eyes brimming with tears, staring at me through his sobs.
“……Han Haram.”
I moved again.
The instant I did, the person restraining me let go immediately.
Too drained to even think of standing, I crawled on my hands toward him.
“Sob — Yeonjae, Yeonjae….”
When I came back to myself, Han Haram was in my arms.
Whether from sheer relief or something else, he broke into loud, heaving sobs.
“It's okay…. It's okay.”
Without even realizing it, I let the tension drain from my hands and pulled him in again.
“Why were you so late? Hic.”
“I'm sorry. It was my fault.”
I held him close and whispered into his ear.
“……I won't be late next time. I'm sorry.”
Han Haram couldn't answer — he just cried and cried.
At the tail end of the child's wailing, I heard the wail of police sirens.
Still holding Han Haram, I looked around in a daze.
Jinbae-hyung had the man fully pinned down and was watching me, while Junghyun-hyung was waving his arms wildly at the approaching police cars.
The sirens swelled louder, and the array of lights mounted on the cruisers washed over us.
Maybe it was because the scene looked like something straight out of a movie.
Or maybe it was because the warmth in my arms felt so impossibly soft.
It still didn't feel real, so I had to hold him tighter still.
The reporters were fast.
Whether they'd tailed the police cruisers or not, the street outside the alley was packed with cars by the time we emerged.
I was still cradling Han Haram, who'd cried himself to sleep, and the moment they spotted me, the reporters' cameras swiveled fast.
The police line hadn't even been set up yet, and the officers holding them back spared me any interview requests.
But with cameras flashing endlessly, I was afraid Han Haram would end up in the shots, so I hastily turned away.
Junghyun-hyung immediately stripped off his shirt and draped it over the boy.
Only once we were back at the police station did I finally release the breath I'd been holding.
“Haram. Are you okay? My baby, I'm so, so sorry.”
“……Mom?”
Han Haram's mother, who'd been waiting at the station, rushed straight over.
Just let him sleep, would you.
She absolutely had to wake him up.
Han Haram blinked his puffed-up eyes, then hurriedly turned his head away.
“Yeonjae, where's Yeonjae?”
The anxiety in her voice — I answered right away.
“He's here.”
The moment his eyes found me, relief spread across his face.
But then the sorrow welled up all over again, and he started to sniffle.
“Yeonjae….”
“Yeah. It's okay.”
He reached out as if asking to be held again, and I pulled him into my arms at once.
“The bad man is gone. You're safe now. The police officers are right there too, see?”
“Yeah….”
He held it together for all of a second before bursting into tears again.
I slowly rubbed his back, and he mumbled into my chest for a long while, switching between English and Korean.
And Han Haram's mother stared at the two of us with a dazed expression on her face.
Paying her no mind, I asked Han Haram a question.
“Haram. While you were with that man, did you eat anything?”
“Eat? Um…. A snack. I ate a snack.”
“Did it taste strange at all?”
“It was strange. It smelled weird….”
I whipped my gaze toward Jinbae-hyung.
Angae had already told me about this — I'd filled the hyungs in on the drive to find Han Haram.
But I hadn't been able to ask Angae whether there'd been poison in that snack, and the worry gnawed at me.
Jinbae-hyung immediately approached a police officer and asked about the snack.
“The snack? We're searching the house right now — I'll radio it in.”
“Please. He said it tasted strange, so I was worried something might be wrong with the food.”
“It was probably just stale. The whole house is pretty run-down.”
The officer said they should get to a hospital first anyway, just in case.
“We'll drive you there in our cruiser. Get checked out and treated at the hospital.”
As he said it, the officer looked at me.
“…?”
Why is he looking at me?
I was puzzled for a moment — then I caught sight of my reflection in the window and understood.
……I look terrifying.
Between the scuffle and the tumble down the dirt path, I was filthy from head to toe.
Anyone seeing me would think I'd been the one kidnapped.
“I'm fine. Nothing's hurt.”
Even as I said it urgently, the officer, without listening to a word, motioned me over and herded me into the cruiser.
No, really — I'm not hurt.
“Seriously, I'm fine. He should go first—”
“Actor-nim.”
At Jinbae-hyung's voice, I shut my mouth fast.
I'd been too out of my mind until now to notice.
The hyungs look terrible.
Jinbae-hyung and Junghyun-hyung both wore expressions far worse than grim.
Only then did the memories of the last few hours slowly come flooding back.
Wow, I actually told them about Angae.
Reason returned to me slowly.
I had moved without a shred of restraint, hadn't I.
It was the reason we'd found Han Haram at all, so I had no regrets — but the road ahead of me looked pitch black.
What am I supposed to say to explain this?
Perhaps noticing the shadow fall over my face, Jinbae-hyung let out a sigh.
“Actor-nim.”
“Yes….”
“I understand how you feel. I'd have done the same. But you outright ignored us when we were screaming at you to stop — that was too much.”
“I'm sorry, what?”
For a moment, I had no idea what he was talking about.
When I looked at him in confusion, Jinbae-hyung furrowed his brow.
“Why? What is it?”
“Oh — that. I thought you were going to ask me about Angae.”
“…….”
Jinbae-hyung looked at me with a face that somehow couldn't decide between a dozen emotions.
“That can wait until later, can't it? You promised you'd tell us. Are you going back on your promise?”
“No, no. I'll keep it.”
“Good. I know you will. Just tell us when you're ready.”
He added that I didn't have to explain anything today.
What a relief.
My head was already a tangled mess; I needed time to sort it out.
The moment I breathed a sigh of relief, Jinbae-hyung sighed right along with me.
“Actor-nim. Please… please don't move so recklessly ever again.”
“I'm sorry.”
“No, you're not.”
“…….”
A sharper retort than Jinbae-hyung usually allowed himself.
My lips parted and closed uselessly.
Then Junghyun-hyung cut in.
“Jinbae, let's get Yeonjae to a hospital first. It's already two in the morning. The kid needs to sleep, too.”
“Haah… fine.”
Jinbae-hyung exhaled a long, troubled breath.
Watching me hovering between them, Junghyun-hyung turned his gaze to me.
“Yeonjae. Now you know what Jinbae and I were so worried about, right?”
“……Yes.”
“I get it. I really do. But what you did was just stupid. What if that man had been holding a knife? Did that thought not cross your mind even once?”
There was no time to think anything….
But it would have sounded like an excuse, so I held my tongue.
Junghyun-hyung opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and finally let out a long sigh.
“Jinbae and I are hurt. It feels like you don't trust us at all.”
“…….”
“Haram is young, but so are you. I'm only saying this because you seem to have forgotten — you're not even in high school yet.”
At the words you can lean on us, I hesitated, then spoke.
“I'm sorry for worrying you. Next time — no, there won't be a next time, I mean, what I'm trying to say is….”
I stumbled over the words.
“I won't act so recklessly…. I'll try not to.”
I couldn't bring myself to swear to it, so I softened the ending.
Junghyun-hyung pressed hard at his temples as if his head ached.
“……Let's just get to the hospital first.”
My own guilt made me shrink under their eyes.
The next morning.
Because of everything that had happened in the small hours, I woke later than usual.
Naturally, the news was wall-to-wall coverage of me, and my phone had died — whether from the night's calls or not, I couldn't tell.
Between getting up to run my acting drills and reassuring person after person that I was fine, I barely had a moment to breathe.
Nearly everyone in my contacts had reached out.
Missed calls had piled up from directors I'd worked with and a whole roster of writers, and by the time I'd returned them all one by one, it was already afternoon.
“Actor-nim. Are you seriously going to the awards ceremony?”
“Yes. There's nothing wrong with me.”
“The CEO even told you to rest, but you're dead set on going anyway.”
“I really am fine, hyung. I'm a nominee, you know. The thought that I might actually win has me excited. I want to be there.”
“Whether you win or not doesn't matter to you at all.”
“…….”
This hyung really had a rough night, huh.
Facing his stiff, frozen expression, I smiled awkwardly.
“It's just… the fans must have gotten quite a shock when they heard the news yesterday. If they see me looking perfectly fine at the ceremony, everyone can breathe easy again.”
“What the fans want more than anything is for you to rest. Can't you just rest at home?”
Jinbae-hyung was relentless.
But I was just as immovable.
I'd finished all my consonant drills, and there wasn't a scratch on me — there was no reason to push back the awards ceremony or the shoot.
And above all, there was something I wanted to do.
If I really do win….
There was something I wanted to say in my acceptance speech, in that moment when everyone would be looking at me.
Granted, that was a speech I could only give if I actually took home an award.
“By the way, maybe it's from sleeping in, but my face looks a little puffy. Will it be okay like this?”
When I changed the subject, Jinbae-hyung sighed.
“It's not puffy at all. Then let's get your hair done first. Three hours until the ceremony starts.”
“Okay. Is Haram still asleep?”
“The sedatives will probably keep him out until evening. I sent a bodyguard to the hospital just in case, and we're getting a photo every hour, so don't worry.”
Just as expected.
When I gave him a thumbs-up, Jinbae-hyung laughed in surrender, as if there was no stopping me.
Afterward came makeup, then changing into the suit I'd picked out days ago.
The stylists — who'd claimed they were going out of their minds with worry all night — needed reassurance from me all over again too.
“Actor-nim. We're ready for you.”
“Yes.”
The moment we arrived at the venue and I stepped out of the limousine for the red carpet shoot—
Whoa.
And I'd even braced myself for this.
Am I about to get a hole bored right through me?
The gazes clinging to me were hotter than usual.
Hiding my embarrassment, I put a smile on my face.
And exactly two seconds later, a shutter storm erupted — loud enough to numb my ears.