Orange Bambi
"The internet's going crazy."
In the pitch-dark room, a staff member checked his phone.
"Why? Did someone spot us?"
"Sighting posts are old news. There are articles out now too — apparently it's total chaos. It's two in the afternoon in Korea, remember?"
"Oh, right. The time difference…"
Another staff member flopped onto the bed. Part of him felt a flicker of pride at the news that the internet was in an uproar, but honestly, the exhaustion weighed heavier. The youngest crew members, saddled with all the grunt work, were always the ones who suffered.
"I just want one more hour of sleep…"
"Me too."
The staff in charge of the morning camera setup groaned in unison. They lay sprawled around, half-asleep, until someone flipped on the light and they had no choice but to drag themselves up.
"Let's set up fast, then crash."
"Yeah."
But the moment they stepped out of the room, they flinched. The corridor, which they'd expected to be pitch black, was already lit.
And in the kitchen stood someone they never could have imagined.
"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"
"…Ah. Yes."
It was Lee Yeonjae.
The kid is literally glowing even at this hour. He really was a celebrity through and through — not a trace of puffiness on his face at this ungodly hour, and it left them oddly unsettled. Then again, why had he woken up so early?
"Was the room uncomfortable for sleeping?"
"No, I slept fine."
Then why on earth was he up so early? When a staffer asked as much, the answer came back in a voice that made it sound like nothing.
"I have a habit of practicing whenever I wake up in the morning. I just finished."
"Oh. Right…"
And apparently he's diligent on top of everything else.
While the staff busied themselves switching on cameras and arranging equipment, Yeonjae moved briskly about as well. Glancing over at whatever he was doing, they saw him portioning out supplements.
"What's all this?"
"Vitamin D. Have one."
The staff tried to decline, but Yeonjae silently pressed the supplements into their hands anyway. Watching him press a pill into the palm of each staffer as they trickled out of their rooms, everyone gaped in horror.
"Hey — if you hand them out to all of us, what are you going to eat, Yeonjae?"
"That's why I packed plenty."
"…"
The answer was as solid and impenetrable as a acorn squash, and no one had a comeback.
Yeonjae even popped one into the mouth of Seong Ijun, who emerged bleary-faced, and only then did he finally lie down on his bed. He was even quieter than he'd been the day before.
Everyone sensed it without a word being spoken. He's not in good shape.
Seong Ijun sidled up to him.
"Yeonjae-ya. You feeling sick anywhere?"
"…Why? Does my face look bad?"
The boy, who had been slumped bonelessly across the bed, shot upright in an instant. Watching him bolt straight for a mirror, Seong Ijun waved his hands frantically.
"No, no. I was just asking to be safe."
"Really? Does my face look okay? Will it show on camera? Should I not bother with makeup?"
The rapid-fire questions only flustered Seong Ijun instead. While he hesitated, a low voice cut in.
"Actor-nim."
Yeonjae's manager, Ahn Jinbae. No one had noticed him arrive, but he was suddenly there at Yeonjae's side, gently patting his shoulder.
"I asked the PD, and we have more than an hour before filming. How about you sleep until then?"
"What if they suddenly call for the shoot?"
"Then I'll wake you."
Even at the man's dependable tone, Yeonjae still looked distinctly uneasy. The staff all stood around watching, bewildered, but Ahn Jinbae alone was perfectly composed.
"If you're in good condition, the footage will be better, won't it? Looking at the bigger picture, this is the smarter choice."
"…Yes. That's true."
"Think of it as a nap. Just sleep a little longer."
Ahn Jinbae eased him back down with practiced hands. Yeonjae was asleep within the minute.
When Ahn Jinbae closed the bedroom door and came back out, Seong Ijun asked hesitantly.
"Is he unwell?"
"He'll be fine once he sleeps. He's always like this when he gets less than six hours."
Ahn Jinbae answered while glancing at his watch.
"He got up at five to practice, so… he's about an hour short. Once he makes up the time, he'll be completely himself again."
At that, the staff exchanged whispered looks.
Five in the morning? At that hour? Why? And I'm only finding out now?
While the staff reeled at news they'd never heard before, Seong Ijun muttered under his breath.
"That's a relief. He must have been tired after the first day — if only he'd taken a break from practicing today…"
His voice was heavy with regret. And the person most distressed of all, Ahn Jinbae, answered him.
"There's nothing to be done. If he skips even a single day, he gets terribly anxious, so it's better to just let him do it."
"Is that so…"
"The reason he seemed unusually exhausted yesterday was probably because he was rehearsing on the plane. He did the same thing flying to France."
Seong Ijun and the staff all let out a quiet "ahh." Yesterday's strange mood finally made sense.
To the people lost in thought, Ahn Jinbae spoke politely.
"Might I ask one small favor? When the actor wakes up, he'll apologize for not managing his condition properly. Please just tell him one thing."
"That it's no problem?"
"No."
Ahn Jinbae shook his head, then forced a smile.
"Tell him it didn't affect the shoot in the slightest."
"…"
"That's the only way he'll be at ease."
Everyone fell silent. Ahn Jinbae wore a bitter smile, as if that silence was something he knew well.
The moment I woke up, I apologized to everyone.
"I'm sorry. I should have managed my condition better…"
Shedding my Misfortune Factors was my own private affair. But inconveniencing the staff who had flown all this way, to this far-flung country, for the shoot — that was a different matter entirely.
The moment I finished speaking, everyone shook their heads.
"Don't be ridiculous. It's not even nine yet. Overseas shoots normally start around ten anyway."
"Really?"
"Yep. And yesterday's filming was great — we got plenty of good footage. There's not a single problem, so stop worrying."
He spoke as if reading off a script, which struck me as odd, but only after hearing the PD out did I finally relax.
I was still nodding along when Seong Ijun came over.
"Yeonjae-ya, how's the fatigue?"
"I'm fine now. This is my usual amount of sleep. What about you, hyung?"
"I'm fine, obviously…"
Somehow, he looked oddly deflated.
Nothing made sense, but filming came first. We roamed the parts of Rome we'd missed the day before and shot a whole lineup of segments. Time flew by faster than I'd expected.
When we'd first landed in Italy, the exhaustion had been crushing, but as the days passed, the scenery began to truly reach my eyes. Strange landscapes I could never see in Korea, foreign streets alive with color.
"Wow… this is amazing."
"Isn't it?"
Moving from Rome to Florence doubled the sense of otherness. We'd only changed cities, and yet it felt like arriving in an entirely different country.
"Yeonjae-ya, want to try this? I think you'll like it."
"Sure."
Nibbling on street food with Seong Ijun, I felt a strange, unaccustomed sense of freedom. My shoulders loosened without my noticing.
So this is why people travel.
Unlike Korea, where I always had to keep a hat and mask on outdoors, here I was free. Granted, cameras still drew stares even here, but that much was unavoidable.
I sat on a bench, gazing absently at the artworks around us.
"It's already been five days."
"It has. What a shame…"
"Then we'll just have to come back."
"Let's do that…!"
Next time, though, we come without the cameras. It'd be fun to bring Bihyuk and Junghyun hyung too. For some reason, my whole body felt buoyant.
Seong Ijun said, "That sounds nice," and I had no idea what he meant — until I realized, belatedly, that I'd been humming.
Guess I got a little too excited.
I was still feeling sheepish when Seong Ijun laughed.
"I saw your livestream once. You sing really well."
"Thank you."
"Come to think of it, you dance well too. Is there anything you can't do?"
The childlike innocence of the question left the embarrassment all on my side. I told him to stop hyping me up since I had nothing to give him in return, and he frowned.
"I wasn't joking…"
"I know. I just got awkward, that's all."
I patted his back in thanks.
"I bet you'd be good at painting, too."
"Hmm. I've never really tried."
Though I do think I'd manage better than Junghyun hyung. That circle of his — shriveled to a husk, half-dead on the page — has stayed burned into my memory for years.
I hastily turned my attention back to the artwork.
Overwrite it with something good. With masterpieces this beautiful right in front of me, there was no need to summon Junghyun hyung's paintings from memory.
I was admiring the sculptures installed along the streets when I sensed hesitation beside me.
"What is it?"
"Hm?"
"You want to ask me something, don't you."
"How'd you know?"
How could I not know, with your eyebrows scrunched up like that. I waited quietly for the question, and Seong Ijun finally asked it.
"Yeonjae-ya. Have you ever thought about doing something other than acting?"
"Out of nowhere?"
"You sing well, you dance well, you memorize pages of dialogue without breaking a sweat…. I just think you'd have been great at anything."
I couldn't figure out where this sudden question was coming from. When I stared at him, Seong Ijun spoke carefully.
"I know how much you love acting. I love it too. But… sometimes I wish you'd do something else. Something other than acting."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It feels like you're carrying too much of a burden. You never seem to rest, and it worries me…"
His sincerity came out slow and careful, word by word. Watching him glance at me, worried I might take offense, I raised my hand at once and patted his back.
A burden, he says.
How could anyone not feel pressure when their livelihood was on the line? Thinking of the fans who loved me made it doubly true. If I wanted to hold my head high in front of people who cared about me, of course I had to be good at my craft.
It's not like Seong Ijun wouldn't know that.
Which meant the acting he was talking about right now was the acting I did to strip away my Misfortune Factors. And for the person I was today, that was something I simply had to do.
"…"
But I couldn't explain any of that. As I searched for what to say, the silence stretched between us. Then, among the people quietly waiting for my mouth to open, I raised a hand and pointed instead.
"Hyung, what do you think when you look at that?"
I indicated an artwork sculpted with painstaking intricacy. Caught off guard by the unexpected question, Seong Ijun stumbled over his answer.
"Huh? It's… it's impressive?"
I smiled and went on.
"I wonder about the person who made it."
"…"
"What they were thinking while they carved it, what circumstances brought them here, how much it tormented them and how satisfied they were — I wonder about all of that."
That was how it always went. I thought endlessly, filling in the hollow of the sculpture, and before I knew it, a character stood complete. It was work that only became possible after erasing the person called Lee Yeonjae entirely.
That used to be why I loved acting. I disappear? What could be more reassuring than that.
But I knew better now.
"Except it's I who's curious. It's I who has to practice to make it possible."
"…"
"That's why I like it."
Whatever the final result turned out to be, it was me who built the process leading there. If I could carve a statue that finely, the Misfortune Factors wouldn't stand a chance of telling the difference. Thinking that way, I felt quietly proud.
Waking up before dawn is exhausting, sure.
But who anywhere isn't worn down by something? I was too busy looking at the people around me to have the luxury of whining.
I couldn't pour everything out to Seong Ijun — but this much, at least, was the truth.
"I love right now too much. There's no way I could stop acting."
I had to act. Not to survive — for myself.
"…"
Looking at Seong Ijun staring at me blankly, I found myself laughing for some reason.
It was a cheerful feeling.