Departure Day
"Yeonjae, can't I come with you?"
Han Haram asked, his eyes brimming with tears, voice trembling on the edge of a sob.
It put me in an awkward spot, but my answer was already decided.
"No, because it's not a vacation—it's work. We'll go together next time."
"When's next time?"
"Hmm…"
I gently stroked his hair. At his age, I probably shouldn't just brush him off with a lie. But telling the truth would have hurt too much, so I hesitated, then carefully swept his bangs back from his forehead.
"When you're all grown up. Let's go then."
"But I'm already all grown up…?"
"Sure you are."
At that, Jinbae, standing beside us, clenched his jaw hard. I was no better off myself.
"…Right. You're all grown up, aren't you."
My voice came out trembling with the effort of holding back laughter.
"Yeonjae, are you a bunny? What's wrong?"
Han Haram's innocent, guileless face only made it harder. It took me a long while to collect myself.
"When I say all grown up, ahem, I mean as an adult. Old enough to travel abroad without a guardian's permission."
"I don't get what you mean."
I stroked his sulking face and changed my words into something a child could grasp.
“(Grown up enough to fly on a plane all by yourself, somewhere far away, without Mom. That's when we'll go together.)”
“(…Without Mom?)”
Han Haram echoed it back, looking unsure. I smiled and nodded.
“(Yep. What do you think—can you do it?)”
Han Haram wiggled his fingers, lips pressed together in hesitation. Finally, he gave a small nod.
“(Okay. I have to wait! And you can't change your mind after we're there!)”
The solemn expression he'd clearly practiced to look serious was hilarious.
“(Deal. Now, no more travel talk—let's take a nap.)”
“(Can't we talk just a little longer?)”
“(There's dinner coming up, remember? I'll wake you, so just sleep a little.)”
Thanks to Han Haram, the English came pouring out of me without a hitch. I coaxed and cajoled the boy who refused to sleep until he was tucked into bed, and when he asked for a lullaby, I couldn't bring myself to say no, so I sang for a long while before slipping out.
Leaving the door half open, I stepped into the living room, and Jinbae chuckled.
"You have a real soft spot for kids, don't you, sir."
"Well… he's cute."
I avoided his gaze and sat down beside him. Silently, I started packing the luggage Jinbae had been organizing, and he smiled knowingly, letting it slide.
He is cute, though.
He was adorable in a way that was different from An-gae. Where An-gae had something sly lurking somewhere in him, Han Haram showed only an unspoiled purity.
I knew I was involving myself far too deeply in the boy's life for someone who was, technically, nothing to him. I knew it, truly. It was just that—so what? What exactly was I supposed to do about it?
Puberty will hit soon enough anyway.
There would come a time when he couldn't take his mother's constant pressure anymore and finally exploded. And when that happened, I'd help make sure he could.
All I need to do is get him to that point.
By then, some older brother figure he knew only by name would be easy to forget. That was the extent of the role I'd assigned myself. Surely that much wouldn't count as a bad influence on Han Haram's life?
Having sorted out my thoughts, I finished packing. Before I knew it, we were one day from the flight to Italy.
―So you can't call at all while you're filming? Not even at night?
Noh Bihyeok grumbled through the phone.
"I can call, it's just better if I don't. International calls rack up a fortune."
―Anyone listening would think you were a regular broke student. And here you are raking in money.
His voice was sharp.
―You're not just making excuses because you don't want to talk to me, right?
"Bihyuk."
―…Haa. Sorry.
The apology came instantly, after just the one word.
So the debut preparations really aren't going easy on him.
The kid who used to just laugh things off, smiling vaguely even when something stung, had been snapping at every chance lately.
―Sorry. The vocal coach just chewed me out, and… I wasn't trying to take it out on you, really, I'm sorry.
"It's fine. Did you get it bad?"
―Just, a little? Anyway. Sorry.
Just from the low, muffled voice on the other end, I could picture the exact expression Noh Bihyeok was making right now. Honestly.
How is this any different from Han Haram.
I knew perfectly well Bihyuk was my age, but in moments like this it was impossible not to treat him like a kid.
"You've still got plenty of time before debut, right? Just practice. Don't get so antsy."
―Okay.
Even as he answered calmly, his voice brimmed with anxiety. I thought of him flicking at his fingertips with a dejected look on his face.
If this kid were just a little less earnest, I could've cracked a joke.
When it got this bad, he'd usually throw out some wisecrack—hey, why not just have me debut under your agency instead? But I knew how dead serious Noh Bihyeok was about being an idol. I knew how desperately he threw himself into practice to turn that dream into reality.
"Bihyuk."
―Yeah.
So I didn't offer some hollow joke or meaningless comfort.
"You already know this, so why are you like this."
―…? Like what?
"There's nothing practice can't fix. You know that better than anyone—keep at it and it all comes together."
―…….
"By the time I'm back in Korea, have everything the coach called out fixed and ready. You've got plenty of time. You can do that much, right?"
It's a piece of cake for you anyway.
I tossed it out lightly, like it was the most trivial thing in the world. Noh Bihyeok went quiet for a moment, then let out a hollow laugh.
―Man. Fine, I will.
"Not a joke. Eleven days from now, I'm checking myself."
―Yes, sir, teacher~. Just make sure you get here safely.
The kid snickered. We traded a few more lines like that before hanging up.
"Sir, we'll be arriving shortly."
"Okay."
At Jinbae's words, I looked out the window. Still, having been here once before, the airport felt somewhat familiar.
"There may be reporters, so put your hat on now. I'll keep watch."
I pressed down firmly on the hat Jinbae handed me and stuffed every strand of hair up inside the bucket hat in case even a hint of my color showed. Which, honestly, felt pretty pointless.
"Hyung, aren't I going to get recognized in Italy anyway?"
There was no way someone who traveled surrounded by a swarm of cameras would go unnoticed. There was no way there'd be no Koreans in Italy. And above all—
"Even if nobody knows who I am, I feel like I'm getting photographed."
I gave my reflection in the mirror an awkward once-over. Hair in a color that couldn't decide if it was red or orange, and permed on top of that. Nobody would mistake me for an ordinary civilian.
But even at that, Jinbae had all his attention devoted to one thing only: hiding my hair.
"Hyung, why aren't you listening to me."
"I'm listening, sir. Just tilt your head a moment."
You're literally not.
When I glared at him, only then did Jinbae look up and meet my eyes with a smile.
"That's exactly what the production team wants, sir. A regular person snapping a photo and posting it online themselves works better than any press article."
"Really?"
"Yes. That's why the variety show appearance and the departure itself are all being kept under wraps. I know it's stuffy, but please keep it hidden just until then."
He patted the hat, saying it suited me well, and I couldn't bring myself to argue any further. Unlike the last departure to France, we parked in a field near the airport. The moment the car door opened, the staff came rushing over in a crowd.
"Hello."
I didn't let it show, but it was a little intimidating.
"We'll get your mic on first."
"Okay."
A camera with its red light on swung straight toward me. So it was true what they said—that these days they just start rolling without a proper greeting.
"Seong Ijun is waiting for you inside the café."
"Right."
Well, café first, I supposed. I moved toward the spot the production team pointed out, and a whole crowd of people trailed after me in silence. Looking at the café visible in the distance, I felt like I'd better say something, anything.
"…Sorry for greeting you in a hat. I have my reasons."
"Hm?"
"Ah—I was talking to the camera."
Apparently that had come too far out of nowhere; a staff member had answered instead. I pointed at my hat.
"This is my first greeting to the viewers, and I'm wearing a hat for it. I'll take it off once we land in Italy, and I'll greet you properly then."
I said it looking straight into the lens. This time, no answer came back. In the silence, all sorts of thoughts drifted through my head as I walked to the café.
Well, I am getting paid for this.
Still, this was supposed to be a variety show—wouldn't it be a problem if it were too joyless? Maybe I should've gone crazy and brought Bihyuk along after all.
Yep. Should've known better.
With a faint twinge of regret, I pushed open the café door.
Ring.
The door swung open with a chime, and at the gazes that snapped to me, I lifted my head.
"Yeonjae!"
Seong Ijun came into view. Laughter burst out of me before I could stop it.
"…?"
Seong Ijun, who had been bounding over like a puppy that had just spotted a treat, froze mid-step.
"Yeonjae?"
"Ah, sorry. Heh."
Seeing his bewildered face, I tried to smother the laughter. But a laugh that had already slipped out at a moment of carelessness was not easily put down.
"Why are you laughing? Did I do something wrong?"
"What could you possibly have done wrong, hyung. I'm just laughing because it's funny."
The look on Seong Ijun's face the instant the door opened had been even worse than mine.
The face of a man drowning in regret.
There had been far more cameras than either of us expected. I could see it plain as day—him hovering awkwardly all alone amid the cameras and the crowd. Still grinning, I poked his cheek.
"Hyung, you were regretting it, weren't you. Signing up for a variety show."
"…I wouldn't say all the way to regret."
At least I'd done Mission Clear before; from what I'd heard, this was Seong Ijun's first variety show, period.
Guess it got to him too.
There were faint shadows under his eyes—had he not slept well last night? The way his face lit up the moment he saw me, the relief coming off him in waves—it cracked me up.
Still, having even one comrade makes this easier.
There was no turning back now anyway. In for a penny, in for a pound. I patted Seong Ijun on the back and took my seat.
As soon as I sat down, the PD spoke up.
"To help you loosen up, shall we have you both give a quick greeting to the camera? These days we usually don't include this kind of footage, but just in case, we'll capture it."
"Yes, understood."
"We'll start with you, Ijun-ssi."
"Okay…!"
Seong Ijun swallowed hard. He seemed to gather his breath for a moment, then flashed a quick smile.
"Hello, everyone. I'm Seong Ijun. It's an honor to be joining Starting Today, My House Is. It's my first time on a variety show, so I'm still a bit green, but I'll do my best!"
"……"
I buried my face in my hands without a word. The sound of Seong Ijun's embarrassment settled softly at my ears.
"Yeonjae. Why do you keep laughing…"
"Sorry. Heh."
I hurried to apologize, but the laughter I'd failed to block leaked right back out.
From anyone else's view, that probably looked like an award acceptance speech.
And even in the middle of all that, an actor was still an actor. Watching an adult, polished smile assemble itself on his face in an instant only made it funnier.
"I laughed because you were too good. That's our hyung. Amazing. So reassuring."
"Don't tease me…"
How did he know I was teasing? I thought I'd hidden it. Seong Ijun shot me a sidelong glare, ears going red.
"Your turn now."
His look said, let's see how you do. I met the PD's eyes, sitting directly across from me. The PD, just like me, had laughter brimming in his eyes. We traded a brief conversation in glances, and I smiled sweetly.
"I think it'd be better to save the greetings for Italy, don't you?"
The PD answered with a laugh before I'd even finished.
"Yes. I think that would be for the best."
"What the—since when is this allowed…!"
Since when, you ask? Since right here, right now.
"Hyung, look over there. Looks like that's the question we're supposed to answer."
"No, you're supposed to greet them too…!"
"Mm. We've got a flight to catch. Can't be late. Right, PD-nim?"
The moment I smoothly turned the conversation, the PD received it like a sly old snake.
"Unfortunately, that's right. For now, this interview will focus on your feelings before the trip and what you're looking forward to on it."
"Sure. Should I go first?"
"Go ahead."
The second I rose briskly from my chair, Seong Ijun started spluttering, whipping his head back and forth between me and the PD. He looked exactly like a raccoon that had watched cotton candy dissolve into water. This time, I decided, laughing was off-limits, and I clenched my teeth and held it in.
This is more fun than I expected.
I was suddenly looking forward to this show quite a bit.