A Kind Punishment
Lying on the mattress, I stared blankly at the ceiling.
"I miss Seokie hyung…."
No answer came back to my murmur into the empty air.
I knew there was a staff member listening to my words twenty-four hours a day, but I made a point of ignoring that fact.
How has he not come to see me for over a week?
I understood what it meant, Seokie hyung not coming to find me.
It was a kind of punishment.
A gentle punishment designed to teach me: if you want to see me, make the experiment succeed.
I had failed the experiment every single day for the past week, so of course I didn't get to see him. It only followed the rules.
…Still, a whole week is harsh.
The rules were simple. Succeed at the experiment, and you'd be rewarded with a meal with Kang Seok.
Bones might break, flesh might split, blood might fly — but as long as I somehow accomplished the task I was given, I could see Seokie hyung's smiling face.
We would share delicious food, chatter on and on until sleep finally took me. Seokie hyung would stay beside me with a tender smile until I drifted off.
Though of course, whenever I woke the next morning, I was always alone.
As if it had all been a dream.
"Haah…."
The rules hadn't appeared all at once. Seokie hyung had simply, so naturally, whittled away the time he spent with me. This was the same person who had smiled and stayed by my side even when he told me to get lost because I was a bother.
Now the person I'd believed would always be beside me was no longer there.
I know what he's trying to do.
Seokie hyung already knew I wasn't stupid. That was the humans who made me's fault, for stuffing so much data into my head.
He knew I could judge my situation objectively. And that was precisely why he was so certain.
Certain that whatever I knew, whatever I thought, nothing would change.
And he was right.
So what am I supposed to do about it?
Kill myself? I don't even know if that's possible.
Even if I admitted I was being used as a test subject, nothing would change. Seokie hyung knew it, I knew it — everyone knew it.
No matter what happened, I could never be the one to abandon Kang Seok first.
…Still, it leaves a bitter taste.
To spend my whole life trembling on edge, waiting for the day I'd be thrown away. What remained of my life felt wretched, without even knowing how much of it was left.
Just then, a distorted voice crackled from the ceiling speaker.
[ "H. Get up. Agent Jang Yoseok is about to enter." ]
"'Kay~."
At least they sent me a rag to wipe up with. I dragged myself upright, and the moment I took my place, the door opened.
Agent Jang came in with his usual stone face — but he wasn't alone. I swallowed a sigh as I watched the unfamiliar boy trailing at his heels.
Another experiment?
I'd just finished washing up and feeling refreshed. The thought of seeing blood again dimmed my mood, but I held it in, thinking of my meal with Seokie hyung.
"Yoseokie hyung."
"I told you not to call me that."
"Ugh, not letting it slide today either. Fine. Agent Jang."
Smiling, I raised both my empty hands.
"I don't have a gun right now. Left it in the lab earlier — should I go get it?"
"…? Why a gun all of a sudden?"
The stone face melted into an expression of pure bewilderment. So I asked again, all the more puzzled.
"Then how am I supposed to kill him? Is it like last time, when blood on the surface was enough?"
"Hey!! Why would you kill him!!"
"You startled me. Why are you yelling?"
Injured by the unfairness, I raised my voice right back.
Never seen that expression on him before.
He was always so indifferent. This was the first time I'd seen him actually get angry.
Agent Jang spat out his words, face twisted in irritation.
"Kill him, don't kill him — stop talking about it like that. He's my nephew."
Nephew?
I stared hard at the boy standing beside Agent Jang. The boy shifted awkwardly under my gaze.
"You two don't look anything alike, though."
"So what."
"Geez, why are you in such a mood today?"
Agent Jang had never once been kind to me. With Seokie hyung around, it hadn't stung — but today of all days, my mood was my mood, and my irritation flared right along with his.
If I'd actually done something, fine.
A face I'd never seen before, so naturally I'd assumed he was a human for experiments. I stuck out my lip and glared at the pair of them.
He had to have felt my stare, but Agent Jang looked only at the boy, as if I didn't exist.
"Jihoon. If anything happens, shout. I'll come right away. Got it?"
"Yes, Uncle. Don't worry."
The boy answered in a soft, placating voice, sneaking glances at me. Seeing that made me like him even less.
Only after reciting every last precaution to his nephew did Agent Jang finally turn his eyes to me.
"H. Be good to him. And mind your manners."
"…And exactly who's the one without manners here?"
"What was that?"
Agent Jang's brow darkened dangerously. But I refused to lose.
"Then explain first before you drag him in! You bring some stranger out of nowhere without a word, and you're the one getting angry? How is this my fault? You're the one who never learned a shred of courtesy, hyung."
"I told you not to call me—"
"Oh, damn it! The whole title thing, I get it already!"
The instant I shouted, loud enough to feel the blood rise in my throat, Agent Jang froze. So did I.
"…Sorry for swearing."
A whole database of profanity had been loaded into my brain, but this was the first time I'd ever actually used any of it. Shouting this loudly was a first, too. It was my own voice, yet the sheer volume left my ears ringing.
It sounded like a gunshot.
"…."
Agent Jang just stared at me. The boy did too.
Those eyes, like ones watching an animal in a cage, felt more unbearable today than ever.
Stop looking at me….
I didn't understand why I was acting like this either. I clenched my teeth, fighting down the emotion surging up — and then the speaker chimed in.
[ "Agent Jang Yoseok. Report to the main conference room immediately." ]
The repeated announcement broke the silence. Agent Jang let out an exasperated sigh and ruffled the boy's hair.
"I'll be back. Jihoon, just follow the rules I told you about."
He spoke to the boy in a voice gone utterly soft, then walked straight out. Right before the door closed, he glanced at me for a moment — but even that lasted no more than a second or two.
"…."
"…Hi? I'm—"
"Don't act like we're close."
I cut him off before that honeyed voice could finish. Then I turned away and moved toward the mattress, deliberately not looking at the boy, and lay down.
So annoying.
Curled up like a grub, I stared at the wall across from me. A white wall, so familiar it was boring.
"Cut!"
The man's booming voice made my eyes flutter open. The instant I came to, I was sitting bolt upright on the mattress.
"We'll review the take."
While the director checked the footage, a staff member came over and re-styled my tousled hair. The moment she finished, I walked over to Seo Jio.
"Seo Jio."
"Huh??"
Seo Jio, who had been standing there with a strangely dazed look, snapped his eyes wide open. The expression suited him so poorly that it startled me more than it should have.
"Why are you so surprised?"
"Ah… no, I thought you were about to chew me out."
"…? Me?"
Seo Jio's acting hadn't been bad. There was a faint nervousness about it, but it matched the expression his character was meant to wear, so nothing about it grated.
Even if his acting had been terrible, could I even scold him for it?
Did he seriously think I had some kind of authority here?
For all his talk — he sounded like a man desperate to use me for something — his actual moves were hilariously small. The boldest thing he'd done was introduce himself to Kim Seokjun as Lee Yeonjae's close friend.
I knew this was exactly the kind of behavior that would earn me a 'See! I told you that guy is weird!' from Bihyuk. Small-scale or not, it was still, technically, an attempt to use me.
And yet, honestly…
He's like a kid.
It was just funny. All that scheming, and the grand result was getting to call himself 'Lee Yeonjae's close friend.' Like that meant anything. Did it even help?
Anyone watching would think he got in on my recommendation.
He'd auditioned properly on his own merits — why act like this? Understanding other people really was a difficult thing. So I decided to stop thinking about it and patted Seo Jio on the shoulder instead.
"If you'd done something worth scolding, the director would do it. And he won't. You did well."
"…Thanks."
At that one offhand compliment, Seo Jio's face brightened noticeably. It was almost unsettling how childlike he looked.
Is it because Haram's not here?
On a weekday like today, Han Haram had to be at school. Maybe it was the absence I felt where Haram should have been, but for some reason Seo Jio kept catching my attention.
"Yeonjae, your acting is really incredible."
"Thanks."
"Watching you up close, it was just… so good. I don't have any other words. Just — so good."
Right. How could anyone not notice you acting like this?
The guy who usually went around deliberately slackening his facial muscles into an easy grin was gone, replaced by an offline, blank-faced boy mumbling to himself.
He'd shown something similar at the hotel during the Jeonju International Film Festival… but even then he was never this blatant with the praise.
I could feel the staff sneaking glances our way. Afraid he'd keep dispensing compliments forever if I left him be, I shut his mouth for him.
"Mmph."
"I know I did well. I practiced that scene so many times. That's why I have no regrets."
No exaggeration — I'd repeated every single line at least two hundred times. Through all that practice I'd found the optimal tone and expression, and I'd performed just now to my full satisfaction.
I looked into Seo Jio's eyes, my hand still clamped over his mouth.
"You too, right?"
"…."
He nodded slowly, and only then did I let go.
"Yeah. Looked like it."
Seo Jio's acting was the same. However many hours he'd put in, even the briefest glance between the camera carried the marks of that deliberation.
Plenty of actors practice endlessly and still fall apart on camera, sure.
Judged from that angle, though, Seo Jio was a genuinely capable actor.
As if to prove my point, the director called out loudly.
"Okay~! Full shot is the take we just did — moving straight to close-up!"
The staff let out a cheer. Word that the wrap time had just gotten earlier — of course they were happy.
The director pulled off his headphones and came over to us.
"What was your friend's name again? Sorry, it slipped my mind."
"It's Seo Jio."
"Ah, right. Yes, yes. I'll remember. Nice acting."
"…Thank you."
The director gave Seo Jio's back a light slap and was gone. I watched him standing there blankly, lips moving soundlessly, and laughed.
"You're in big trouble."
"Huh? What?"
You're in big trouble.
Seo Jio's stunned face just made me laugh harder. It was the laughter of a fellow sufferer, too — I was in just as much trouble as he was.
"You're never going to be able to live without acting again."
"…."
At my words, his expression grew even more bewildered. It was the face of someone who had no idea what I was talking about. Topping it off with a deeper explanation felt like rubbing it in, so I swallowed the rest.
"We're starting with Seokjun-ssi's close-up! Everyone back to your marks!"
"Yes~!"
"Hey, that lighting rig needs to go over there!"
Leaving the bustle behind, I gave Seo Jio's shoulder a pat.
"Seo Jio. There's a lot of filming left, so hang in there. Let's do well."
"Ah — yeah."
After watching him nod along in a daze, I returned to my mark.
Guess he was fated to be an actor after all.
Seo Jio had said he wanted to become an actor because of the mother who abandoned him. But I was certain of this: mother or no mother, Seo Jio would keep acting.
How did I know?
Because my story is the same.
At first, I learned acting to properly shed the misfortune factors. Then I kept doing it because I liked having Jinbae hyung always by my side. For a while, I acted because I wanted Biyeon to keep loving me.
But now I know.
Even if the misfortune factors stopped having anything to do with acting — even if Jinbae hyung left me — even if Biyeon stopped loving me.
I would go on living while acting. Somewhere along the way, that conviction had taken root.
Of course, I plan to keep Jinbae hyung and Biyeon too.
Call me greedy all you want; I had no intention of changing my mind. Then greedy it is. So what.
Thankfully, the solution was simple.
"Resuming filming! Everyone, gather up!"
At the staff member's call, I lifted my head. Seo Jio still looked half-gone, but he was visibly struggling to pull himself together.
I'll be seeing that face a lot from now on, huh.
I'd assumed our connection would end with running into each other at school. I gazed at him quietly. A kid who'd been nothing more than a classmate at the same school had, without my noticing, stepped boldly inside my boundary.
The problem was that it didn't feel half bad.
What am I supposed to tell Bihyuk?
I could see, plain as day, how much more exhausting my life was about to get — and that was the part that troubled me.