The Director's Apology
"Are you all right?"
That was the first thing I asked the moment I came face to face with Director Yoon.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"……You don't look fine at all."
The floor of his studio was littered with chocolate wrappers as far as the eye could see.
Director Yoon tore open a fresh bar of chocolate and crammed it into his mouth.
"I knew exactly what I was doing when I posted it."
His face looked calm enough as he said it.
Though the hands trembling like a leaf made it clear his insides felt otherwise.
Why would he make that choice?
I couldn't understand it. It was a decision that could do nothing but damage his own image.
I had no idea what Director Yoon's real personality was like. He'd shown me all sorts of sides of himself over the time we'd known each other.
Childishness, seriousness, solemnity, anger, and so on.
But in front of the public, he had always, without exception, maintained the image of a "philosophical, high-minded auteur."
And a man like that had posted that statement himself.
Why bother?
However sincerely he was reflecting on it, the content alone guaranteed he'd catch heat for it.
And sure enough, the public backlash against Director Yoon was swift and brutal.
Even I, someone who barely used the internet, could feel it.
I was about to ask him why on earth he'd done it when Director Yoon spoke first.
"I thought I was a pretty decent person."
"…Sorry?"
"I knew I did the occasional crazy thing, but I never thought I was as bad as that. Not until you told me."
His gaze sank to the floor.
"When we first met, I asked you a lot of rude questions. I knew they were rude. But I figured it was fine. There was a purpose — testing you — and I could just apologize afterward. That's how it had gone every single time, and every actor told me it was fine. If you hadn't spoken up back then, I'd probably still believe it was an acceptable thing to do."
"…? And that's exactly why you apologized to me afterward."
And I accepted it. So wasn't the matter over and done with?
When I gave him a puzzled look, Director Yoon shook his head.
"Honestly, the apology I gave you back then was closer to getting out of an awkward situation. It was sincere, sure, but it wasn't a proper apology. Not really."
"……"
"The more we filmed together, the more I edited scenes with you in them… the more ashamed I felt. I only just realized that lines and scenes I'd always regarded as art were, to someone, a lived reality. And that because of that, I should have been far more careful."
His voice, as it trailed on, was steeped in desolation.
"That's why I posted the apology. To sincerely apologize — to you, and to every actor I've worked with until now. And… so I'd never do it again."
His wavering eyes turned slowly toward me.
"I'm sorry, Yeonjae."
"……"
"I'm sorry I hurt you with those cruel words."
Why is he being so serious about this?
Feeling awkward for no reason, I scratched the back of my neck.
"I'm fine, really."
"……"
"Like I said back then, I got something out of the experience too. Anyway, you apologized right away, and you've apologized how many times since. I'm honestly fine, so—"
"Yeonjae."
A firm voice cut me off.
"Stop telling me you're fine."
"…Sorry?"
"What I said back then was the kind of thing that had to hurt. A few apologies don't erase the wound you took."
Director Yoon shot up from the sofa.
Then, paying no mind to the chocolate crumbs raining down from his clothes, he came straight over to me.
"It's okay if you're not okay."
"……"
"You don't have to be in a fine state to finish a job. The wound you received doesn't vanish just because someone apologized for it. Saying 'I'm fine' doesn't actually make it true."
But I'd only said it because I was fine.
At this point it felt like he simply wanted me to not be fine — I almost cracked a joke asking whether he was trying to brainwash me.
But something was off. The moment I met those grave eyes, the words jammed in my throat.
As my mouth flapped uselessly, Director Yoon apologized once more. Said he was sorry.
"……"
"I'm fine" wouldn't come out.
I stood there in silence for a long while.
Director Yoon faced me meekly, like a prisoner awaiting sentencing.
"Okay. I understand, Director. I won't say I'm fine. But… thank you for apologizing."
"……Honestly, I'm worried about you. Why are you thanking me over something so obvious? You keep that up, people are going to treat you like a pushover your whole life."
It wasn't as if I liked being an easy mark either.
But this was just basic courtesy between two human beings, wasn't it?
Expressing gratitude to someone who genuinely thought of me.
If that looked like being a pushover to him, then I had nothing to say. Fine, then — pushover it is.
"Don't worry. I never make a losing deal."
"Right. You'll do fine. Still…."
Director Yoon hesitated.
"If seeing my face ever becomes uncomfortable for you, tell me. From now on, I'll stay out of your way."
"How far are you going to take this, Director? Don't be dramatic."
"You stop taking things so lightly. Don't just accept everyone who latches onto you like that. Do you have any idea how many terrible people are out there? Cut off the ones who need cutting! …Though I suppose I'm hardly one to talk."
"That's enough. I'm not uncomfortable seeing your face, so drop it."
Above all, you were the one person who couldn't be allowed to say such things.
Otherwise I'd have to go hunting for a replacement rook.
"So, about what I asked you to look into — how did it go?"
When I steered the conversation elsewhere, Director Yoon answered right away.
"Oh, that. I've got a rough list drawn up. But why do you need it?"
I shrugged at his puzzled expression.
"Why would anyone need a list of newspapers, Director? I've got something to report."
"Report what?"
Looking at his baffled face, I answered evenly.
"Photos of actor Seol Seungjun doing drugs."
"……Huh?"
"I have photos of actor Seol Seungjun and his little crew doing drugs. Drunk driving photos too."
"Then why are they in your hands— no, wait, couldn't you just report it to the police? Why go to the press??"
Because standing right behind Seol Seungjun was Seonghui Group's youngest daughter, Park Yehee.
If I'd rashly gone to the authorities and Seonghui Group buried the case at the corporate level, everything could have fizzled out into nothing.
By the time I finished explaining, Director Yoon's face had gone blanker still.
"……So that's why you wanted the list? A list of newspapers big enough to go toe-to-toe with Seonghui Group?"
"Yes. You could get dangerous too if you accidentally step on the wrong tail, Director, so please pick the most solid one off the list and hand it over for me. One with a rock-solid record of protecting its sources. You understand, right?"
"Right, I… got it. I got it."
Director Yoon shook his head as if the whole thing defied belief.
I caught the murmur — "What on earth am I dealing with here?" — and ignored it.
It wasn't as if I'd picked this fight because I was born with nerves of steel.
Even now, I was terrified something, anything, might go wrong. That was precisely why I prepared this thoroughly.
Still, at this rate, it should wrap up cleanly.
Director Yoon had made an excellent rook.
Whether it was to protect his own image or whatever else, the man had every journalist's contact info wired into his network.
Through Angae, I had been carefully observing Director Yoon's daily life for some time, and I'd confirmed that whenever Seol Seungjun's name came up, he never once brought up me.
I'd also confirmed he knew how to keep his mouth shut. There was no reason to delay things any further.
I hope he's behind bars soon.
Nobody knew better than I did just how vile Seol Seungjun was.
Was it really fair, for a man who'd tormented that many people, to live out his days in luxury at some villa?
I was picking up chocolate wrappers with those thoughts drifting through my head when Director Yoon raised his voice again.
"No, but if that's what you were planning, you should've reported him then. Why only now?"
"…?"
Why was he asking something so obvious? I answered with a puzzled look of my own.
"Because back then, my brother Ijun's drama hadn't aired yet. What if it stirred up unnecessary noise?"
"……"
Dogs' Leash had ended exactly last week.
Now all that was left was for Seol Seungjun to pay for his sins.
It was a perfectly clear answer, but Director Yoon could only stare at me with an expression that said he understood nothing at all.
"You really are… I can't figure you out no matter how long I try."
"Sorry?"
"Never mind…. I want more chocolate. Buy me brownies."
"Go buy them yourself, Director. I waited an hour in line last time."
"So cruel…."
All traces of the solemn adult gone, I watched Director Yoon revert once more to a whining little child.
Fascinating. Genuinely fascinating.
That was all I seemed to think these days.
People really could be so many different things all at once.
After exchanging a few more words with Director Yoon, I headed back to the company.
When I pressed him about when he was actually going to teach me that image-management stuff, all I got back was that he needed time to prepare himself. Sure.
Not that I was flush with free time either.
I had a next project to choose, after all.
"You can pick from these. Take them home if you want — go through them slowly and let me know…."
The moment I arrived at the office, a half-dead-looking Team Leader Woo pressed a stack of scripts into my hands.
"Are you holding up okay?"
"No, I'm dying…. But what can I do? Raising the youngest Best Actor winner in world history means putting up with at least this much."
Dark circles sagging all the way down to the corners of her mouth, Team Leader Woo smiled with satisfaction.
That was the two-hundred-and-fiftieth time I'd heard the "youngest in the world" line. Did she really enjoy it that much?
After forcing out an empty laugh, I quietly headed home.
And then I chose my next project. In twenty minutes flat.
―You've already picked one?
Team Leader Woo's voice through the phone was dazed.
"Yes. If it's all the same to you, I'd like to go with that one."
―Huh… well, of course it's fine. The terms are the best on the table by far. But I'll admit I didn't expect that one. Didn't seem like your taste.
She'd read me exactly right. It wasn't the kind of script I would normally gravitate toward.
But it didn't matter. Not when the co-star was this person.
―Then I'd better let Junghyun know too. He'll be thrilled.
"Yes. I'll tell him myself right now."
That's right.
My next project would be alongside my brother Junghyun.