Bambi in a Deer Costume
I swallowed my bitter reflection and answered with a smile.
"It seems the director has woven the parts I mentioned into the story very well, and for that I'm simply grateful. Whether normal or abnormal… no matter what kind of environment a person grows up in, I wanted this film to say that it doesn't matter."
"……"
"Me, Lee Jin-woo, Kang Tae-il — all of us can become happy someday."
Reporter Kim Yeon-doo, who had been listening quietly, looked startled.
"Do you believe the two of them became happy, then? The ending is… hmm, well, it does allow for multiple interpretations…."
Perhaps because of spoilers, the reporter trailed off vaguely.
I smiled gently at her genuinely puzzled face.
"I believe they'll be happy. After all, it was the first 'choice' they ever made for themselves."
The original ending of Twins had been far darker and more definitive than the final cut.
It was supposed to end on a shot of two pairs of shoes abandoned side by side on the riverbank, with something resembling a human figure floating far out in the river.
But I believed the meaning lay in the fact that they had chosen for themselves — regardless of whether they were satisfied with the outcome.
Director Yoon heard me out and immediately revised the script, and that was how the film arrived at its somewhat more open ending.
"Whether they died that way or lived, it doesn't matter. Either way, it was the first thing they ever chose, and I think that alone would have made them happy."
"So you regard the freedom to choose as one of life's most important values."
Well, what would someone who'd barely lived fifteen years know about life, anyway?
Instead, I'd read what countless philosophers and scientists had written in their books.
That an environment where choice isn't guaranteed breeds helplessness, and that helplessness can only ever drift away from happiness.
For her final question, Reporter Kim Yeon-doo asked me this:
"Then tell me — are you free right now, Actor Lee?"
"……"
I held my smile and rationed my words.
After hesitating for a long while over which answer to choose, the staff signaled that we had to wrap up, and I managed to get out just one line.
"……I'm happy."
I have to act. I live my life imitating someone else.
Only when I mimic a person who isn't me can I finally breathe.
The fact of it does leave me helpless sometimes.
That I can't ask a single question about the Mist, the misfortune factors, or the Black Stone — at times the frustration is enough to make me want to scream.
'But.'
In the end, it's nothing more than petulant whining.
'Because either way, I'm alive.'
As long as I don't want to die right this moment — as long as I want to keep living with Jinbae-hyung, Junghyunie-hyung, and Bihyuk — I have to keep acting.
It's hard to call that something I truly chose. But it's fine.
"I'm happy that I got to be part of such a wonderful film, and happy that I get to face my fans. Right now… that's enough for me."
The moment I finished speaking, I felt the room fall into utter stillness.
Ordinarily that would have struck me as odd, but I had no such composure to spare.
To me, barely managing to breathe, the reporter standing before me said only this:
That she hoped I would stay that way.
***
After Reporter Kim Yeon-doo left, Jinbae-hyung came straight over to me.
He seemed about to say something, but the next team came in right away and the conversation had to wait.
The interviews continued in an endless stream after that.
They were somewhat fun, but I had to keep my mouth moving without a moment's rest, and it was exhausting.
"Just one more team to go."
Finally. I let out the breath I'd been holding and took a sip of water.
Because of a separately scheduled commitment, Director Yoon had been gone for several hours already.
So I'd be handling this interview alone as well.
'Still, it's the last one. Let's finish strong.'
As I was stretching slowly, Jinbae-hyung came close and whispered.
"Yeonjae, are you all right?"
"A little tired, but I can manage."
"I'll give you a massage when we get to the lodging. And the last team is the one I told you about yesterday."
"Ah, right. Thank you."
Yesterday he'd shown me a video of one of their interviews.
It was a web variety program in an interview format that had featured countless celebrities, famous for the extraordinary depth of its pre-interview research.
He'd explained that it wasn't just shop talk about the work — personal questions could come up too.
'Ha, great. I'm hopeless at variety shows.'
Of course, I wasn't a comedian, so I knew I didn't have to be funny.
But it was a paid gig — shouldn't I have some sense of responsibility?
'I'll just do the reactions well.'
Not that I could suddenly become entertaining on command.
The best I could offer was to respond as enthusiastically as possible.
I was steadying myself with that thought when everyone except the MC — the production staff only — filed into the room.
"…?"
Weren't we supposed to greet the MC before filming started?
Even after the cue signal that filming had begun, the seat beside me stayed empty.
As I barely kept my wavering pupils in check, someone finally walked in.
"Hello there! I'm Matdan, your MC! Pleasure to meet you~!"
"Hel…lo."
"Haha, I see I gave you quite a start."
The MC was dressed in a manner that made surprise unavoidable.
I stared at the woman who had appeared with a deer mascot head perched atop her own — a costume head that looked twice the size of her actual head.
'That has to be heavy.'
I'd known the MC always wore eccentric outfits, but I hadn't imagined she'd dress like that even in France.
Corralling my wandering eyes, I offered an awkward smile.
"That deer costume suits you wonderfully."
"It's the outfit from your sports day that went so viral recently! You have no idea how much trouble we went through to get this thing on a plane."
"Isn't it heavy? Maybe you should take it off for a bit…."
"Oh, please. I'm a professional MC — I could sleep in this."
The face saying all this looked utterly miserable.
At the MC's words, the production staff cackled with laughter.
That laughter was going straight into the recording, but apparently no one minded.
"Now then, let's sit down for the inter— whoops."
"Please, please be careful."
My instincts had been right — the MC tipped over trying to sit down, and I just barely caught her.
I didn't take my eyes off her until the laughing MC was safely seated.
"I was planning to ask about your departure footage as my first question anyway, and here it is coming up all on its own. When you left for France, you caught a reporter who was about to fall — just like you did with me — and that clip went absolutely viral, you know."
Did it? It was news to me, and I laughed awkwardly.
"I didn't catch anyone, actually. My manager-hyung did. I didn't do a thing."
"Ah~. While preparing for this interview, your manager kept coming up again and again. There's even talk going around among reporters that you can't shoot a single scene without your manager — a manager-less Lee Yeonjae simply cannot be filmed."
"Oh, is that so."
Ah.
'I'm doomed.'
When I can't be funny, the least I can do is react well — and I couldn't even manage that.
I was trying my utmost to answer with sincerity, but I felt guilty toward the MC, who was valiantly pumping up the energy all by herself.
Perhaps it showed, because the MC gave me a puzzled look.
"Actor Lee, is something the matter?"
"Ah — I'm just not funny… I was worried I'd bore you. I'm sorry."
Before I'd even finished speaking, the MC and the staff were waving their hands frantically.
"Oh no, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Just answer however feels natural."
"Your face is entertaining enough on its own, so you're fine!"
The atmosphere was far freer than any interview I'd done to date.
At one point the staff were cackling among themselves about me even while the MC was mid-sentence, prompting her to snap at them to at least protect her image.
I watched her warm, easygoing manner for a moment, then laughed.
"I heard about you from Sehyunie-hyung, but the atmosphere is even better than I expected."
"Sehyun? As in Kang Sehyun of SPACE?"
"Yes. He told me he'd been on the show before, so I called him yesterday to ask for tips."
"Well, the two of you must be quite close. What did he tell you?"
"He said I could just leave everything to you, Matdan-ssi. And he was right."
The MC radiated an air that put people at ease.
The delicate thoughtfulness peeking through her exaggerated gestures, the soft crinkle of her smiling eyes, a comfort that gently loosened you up.
'No wonder she's popular.'
When the singer Kang Sehyun had told me there was no need to be nervous and I should just answer, I'd thought the advice was useless. It turned out to be exactly right.
Once I shed the pressure of having to react well and simply trusted the MC, the conversation flowed effortlessly.
"In a video you filmed before, you named a watch as your most treasured possession. We looked into it, and it turns out it was a gift from your manager! Is there a story behind it?"
Who knew how thoroughly she'd researched me — her questions came with razor-sharp precision.
I was startled to learn she even knew I'd recently moved into the same apartment building as Seong Ijun.
"How on earth do you have all of that memorized?"
When I asked in genuine seriousness, the MC laughed heartily.
"That's my line! You took on a dual role in Twins, after all — your line memorization must have been enormous."
Wow, so that's how you glide seamlessly into Twins.
While dutifully answering her questions, I marveled at her effortless hosting skills.
'So this is what a real MC looks like.'
I'd heard she was a broadcaster PD, but her presence felt more star-like than my own.
"My, we're running short on time. Shall we try one last segment before we wrap up?"
The moment the MC finished speaking, a staff member hurled what looked like a placard straight at her face.
A split second before it hit her, I found myself bolting upright and snatching it out of the air.
"Are you all right?"
"Whoa — yes, yes, I'm fine!"
Even if it's just paper, who throws that at someone's face?
A flare of anger surged up on the spot, but I figured causing a scene on camera would only breed controversy, so I simply fixed the MC with an unwavering stare.
"Fortunately, it doesn't look like you're hurt."
"……Yes. Although, Actor Lee, could you… back up a little?"
"Ah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"That was a remarkably natural face assault…. Honestly, being hit by the placard might have hurt less…."
I couldn't make sense of the murmur, but at least no one was hurt, and that was what mattered.
The staff member offered a sheepish apology, and amid the flustered commotion, the cameras rolled again.
"The segment we've prepared is the 3 People 3 Colors Q&A! I'll ask a question, and you'll hold up one sign at a time and answer as the person on it."
The signs bore my profile photo, a poster of Lee Jin-woo, and a poster of Kang Tae-il.
She explained that when she asked a question, I was to lift the appropriate sign and answer in character.
'Clever.'
It could lightly showcase the film's content without straying into spoiler territory, while simultaneously highlighting the acting itself.
'I should ask whose idea this was, afterward.'
There had to be an ace on that team.
I doubted I'd gain anything from finding out who it was. Still, no harm in knowing.
'I might poach them for our company later, after all.'
Talent is worth coveting — isn't that just natural?
Even as I churned through schemes in my head, I answered with a gracious smile.
"I'm ready."