The Talent That Terrifies
"Is it really that bad?"
"Yes."
There was nothing more worth saying.
I had read countless scenarios and scripts over the years, and my reactions had ranged far and wide, but this was the first time I'd ever felt like this.
So this is what people mean when they say they wish they could unsee something.
When I rubbed my eyes irritably, Jinbae gently pulled my hand away.
"I've never seen an actor react like this before. You're under no obligation to give feedback, so I'll simply pass along your refusal."
"Thank you."
"And what should we do about this scarf?"
Jinbae held up the scarf that had come bundled with the scenario. It was a brand-new product, wrapping and all — nothing like the one I'd given Director Jang as a gift back then.
I understood what sending it was meant to convey, and under normal circumstances I'd have accepted the scarf alone. But right now, I couldn't stand the sight of that either.
So I asked him to send the scarf back along with everything else. It made my skin crawl.
"Understood. There's nothing left on your schedule — shall we head straight home?"
"Ah, then can we—"
I was about to suggest a drive as Jinbae gathered our things, when the conference room door burst open with a knock.
The person who rushed in wearing an urgent expression was Team Leader Woo.
"Thank goodness, you haven't left yet."
"Is something wrong?"
"The CEO wants to see you."
"……"
She jerked her chin toward the door in a go-on-up gesture, and I swallowed a sigh.
Right. Apparently today was just one of those days.
"……"
"…CEO Jang. Say something. Anything."
It had been quite a while since I'd last seen CEO Jang.
I'd walked into his office feeling something like relief at the reunion, but now I was just annoyed — he sat there in silence, staring fixedly at my face.
I asked him twice why he'd called me up here, but since he only kept looking at me, I gave up and waited.
The person with business here would have to speak first, after all.
Don't tell me staring at my face is the business.
I waited meekly, praying there was something else.
About five minutes passed before CEO Jang finally opened his mouth.
"You…"
"…?"
"How can anyone be like that?"
He wasn't talking to me. It was a mutter to himself.
CEO Jang kept staring holes into my face as he murmured on.
"I've really never seen anyone like you… What am I supposed to do with you."
Why is he being like this?
I looked to Jinbae for help, but his face was just as bewildered.
The muttering went on for a long while after that, until CEO Jang ended it with a deep sigh.
"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I figure if I'm honest, my conscience will feel lighter."
"Yes?"
"Have you ever thought about moving to another agency?"
"…I'm sorry?"
Where on earth did that come from?
"Objectively speaking, we're the best actor's agency out there. But that's only true within this country. That's why I'm bringing it up."
"CEO Jang. May I ask… why you're saying this in the first place?"
I wondered if he was playing some mischievous prank on me, but the man facing me was dead serious.
"I went to meet Director Yoon Kang-yeon this morning. Stopped by his studio while I was at it."
"I didn't know you were acquainted with Director Yoon."
"I'm not. Today was the first time I ever met him."
"…?"
He visited the man's studio after meeting him for the first time today?
My confusion only deepened as he went on.
"While I was there, I watched the final cut of Twins. The editing came out beautifully."
"……"
And the lead actor couldn't even see it? Absurd as it was, I couldn't help but be impressed too.
For all his childlike whimsy, Director Yoon was endlessly strict when it came to his own work.
Did he strong-arm him or something? No — and even if he had, Director Yoon isn't the kind of man who'd cave to that.
I remembered what Jeonghyun had said when he first introduced me to CEO Jang.
'Haah, Yeonjae, say hello. He's a CEO with no manners, but he gets things done.'
So he really does get things done. I found myself curious what on earth he'd pulled to manage it.
Anyway, that's beside the point.
What did watching the final cut of Twins have to do with me changing agencies?
Whether he read the question off my face or not, CEO Jang spoke first.
"I've been in this industry for thirty years now. I've watched dozens of actors perform like they were touched by the gods, and hundreds of ones with faces so handsome it defied belief. But someone like you? You're a first."
"……"
"And of course I want you. Greed comes with the territory. But I'm exactly that much scared of it too. Because I think the support we can offer you is far too shabby to shoulder your talent."
"So that's why you asked if I'm thinking of changing agencies?"
"Yeah. Honestly, I want to swallow this whole conversation back down. It kills me, truly. Tch."
The hand scratching roughly at his head was soaked in irritation — the frustration of things not going the way he wanted.
I watched him quietly for a moment, then asked calmly, "What agency are you talking about, other than Wooyeon?"
"If I stake my career on it, you'll be a great actor within five years, minimum. Once you're an adult, you'll soar. You're getting English lessons right now, aren't you?"
"Yes."
"Right. Once your English comes along, breaking into Hollywood is entirely within reach. Think about that, and moving to a global agency crowded with international actors would be the best thing for you. I've opened doors at a few places myself, so you could pick from those if you like."
CEO Jang's face as he said this looked conflicted. It was a face I'd never seen on him before.
Every now and then he'd seemed careless, or bumbling, or else just plain mercenary.
Jeonghyun and I both had him wrong.
Could a genuine money-grubber say things like that? Within everything I understood about the world, it was impossible.
So I considered it for a moment, then asked, "Do you really think I have that kind of talent?"
"After he finished watching everything, Director Yoon said exactly one thing. That putting you inside his lens will become one of the great achievements of his career. And I think so too."
"……"
"Once the film releases, everyone will think that way. Honestly… haah, honestly, it's nauseating how much of a waste this is, what am I supposed to do. I'll just have to rub it in people's faces later that you were with our agency for even a year."
His face said he wanted a cigarette this instant, so I told him he could go ahead and light one.
CEO Jang hesitated for a moment, glanced at the look on Jinbae's face, then said never mind and tucked the pack back into his pocket.
"Has our agency never sent an actor overseas?"
"It's not like we haven't. With Nexflix these days, it's common for Korean actors to get known abroad. That's why we built a separate global team just last year."
"Then if that team supported me—"
"No. We can't handle you. Well — we could, technically. Ugh, I don't know. I don't want to gamble."
Only then did CEO Jang return to the face I knew, whining like a sulky child.
"An actor unlike anything Korea's produced before is going to be born. The mere thought that I could be the one to ruin that is horrifying. At that point it'd be a crime."
"Then you just have to do better than you are now."
"……"
CEO Jang, who had been bouncing his leg nonstop, froze.
Whatever the label of "money-grubber" might say, he had been startlingly honest with me from start to finish.
And I liked honest people.
"If I'm being honest with you — I don't think I act well enough to deserve that kind of acclaim. I just do the best I can each time, that's all."
"That's exactly what genius is…"
"Thank you for the compliment. Then you do the best you can too, CEO Jang."
I went on in the same calm tone.
"Hire more capable staff, and make the best possible use of your people within what's in your power. Not just me — all your actors. Creating an environment where everyone can act properly is your job, isn't it?"
"…And you believe I can do that?"
No. I don't.
I don't believe in anything.
But if I'm really as good at acting as you just claimed—
"Yes. I believe you can."
"……"
"That's why I want to stay here. I want to keep working with you, too."
And if I say it that way, it'll sound real, won't it.
I faced CEO Jang quietly. And looking at his face, I realized something.
So I really am good at acting.
On the face of CEO Jang, smiling brightly, his dimples sat in clear view.
Of every expression I'd ever seen on him, this was the most vivid — and the most satisfied.
After that day, CEO Jang issued a special directive to Team 1, the team I belonged to.
Something along the lines of: Whatever Lee Yeonjae says he wants to do, review it without rejecting anything, at least as a first pass.
Even that much was a softened version — what he'd originally said was make sure Lee Yeonjae does absolutely everything he wants to do, and I'd talked him out of it.
How could anyone justify crushing the motivation of people who work this hard?
Just as a film doesn't automatically succeed because its lead actor acts well, the people working behind the scenes to support a single celebrity were too numerous to count.
No matter how well I acted, I could never outmatch the seasoned judgment of people who'd spent years in this industry.
Every single word out of Team Leader Woo's mouth reminded me, again and again, of just how much there was to consider.
In other words, on my own, I was nothing but a green kid who couldn't do anything.
Knowing my place, I had to accept every form of help available to me.
That's the only way I can keep seeing those eyes.
I thought back to the starlight I'd seen at the fan meeting.
Lately, outside of practicing my acting and thinking about Angae, I'd been spending my time replaying that fan meeting in my head. I wanted to go back to that moment.
"Yeonjae, shall we move on to the next chapter?"
"Oh — yes. Sorry."
I'd spaced out without realizing it. I quickly turned the page.
I was in the middle of my English lesson with the tutor the agency had hired for me.
The teacher had spent our earlier sessions endlessly lamenting my pronunciation, but when we met for the second time after the fan meeting, her expression had changed completely.
'Your pronunciation suddenly — no, wait, it's only been two weeks. What have you been doing all this time?'
'Practicing?'
'……'
The teacher stared at me with the face of someone encountering a life-form never before seen in human history.
Regardless, the quality of the lessons that followed was better than I'd expected. So this was why kids went to academies.
I'd never been dissatisfied with school classes, but one-on-one lessons clearly moved at a much faster pace.
"Your grammar is perfect now. Next time, we'll focus on words and phrases people actually use on the ground."
"Yes. Thank you for your hard work today. I appreciate it."
"I've taught plenty of celebrities, but I've never seen anyone grow as fast as you, Yeonjae. The thanks should be mine."
I answered the polite niceties with a vague smile.
I already knew there was no great meaning behind words like those.
They were the kind of thing a wedding planner says to a bride in her dress — 'I've never seen a bride this beautiful.'
When I stepped out of the lecture room, Jinbae, who had been sitting on a chair in the hallway, sprang to his feet.
"Are you finished with your lesson, actor-nim?"
"Yes. Thank you for waiting. Let's head home."
There was an exciting new script I'd discovered just yesterday, and I planned to read the rest of it the moment I got home.
That is, if Jinbae hadn't said what he said next with a troubled look on his face.
"Actor-nim. Someone is waiting for you outside."