The First Fansign
“Whew….”
I took a deep breath, forcing myself to stay calm.
“Actor-nim, you must be pretty nervous. Would you like a Chungsimhwan?”
“……I think you're the one who should take it, hyung.”
“Sorry? I don't need one.”
He was sweating buckets and too out of it to even argue, so I just popped the pill into his mouth myself.
Jinbae hyung obediently swallowed the Chungsimhwan and sat down beside me.
“Don't worry too much, Actor-nim. Nothing's going to go wrong.”
“I know. You're the one who needs to calm down.”
His face was rigid with tension, exactly the way it had been on the day of my very first shoot. Staring at those frozen eyebrows, I found myself thinking, what are we even doing right now—and somehow, the tension drained right out of me.
“I could understand being nervous myself, but why on earth are you nervous?”
“It's my first time taking part in an event this big.”
His sheepish answer made me snort with laughter. It was the kind of thing I couldn't really tease him about—I was half-paralyzed by the sheer scale of the place myself.
Are fansign venues always this enormous?
I'd assumed we'd be walking into something like an ordinary office building. Instead, the fansign was being held in what looked like an actual stadium. There were so many entrances I couldn't keep them straight, and the glimpse I'd caught of the crowd outside—a sea of people packed shoulder to shoulder—only made the whole thing feel more like a dream.
The unreality kept creeping up on me, so I shook my head hard.
Focus. Don't mess this up.
I'd heard all the warnings I could need. Three days ago, I'd personally asked the singer Kang Sehyun for help, and he'd put me through a proper briefing.
“Listen carefully. First off, I'm an idol, so my situation might be a little different from an actor's. But the fundamentals should be the same.”
“Yes, sir.”
“To a celebrity, fans are precious beyond words. Loving and supporting someone for no reason at all is an incredibly hard thing to do. That's why we have to keep working so we never betray that trust.”
Kang Sehyun's face had been dead serious as he said it.
“Fans cheer for us anytime, anywhere, but we rarely get to actually feel it. A fansign is one of the few precious chances we get. You look someone in the eye, you talk to them, and you start wondering—do I even deserve this kind of love?”
“…….”
“So the taboos I'm about to tell you—never break them. Never!”
The fansign taboos Kang Sehyun taught me were surprisingly simple. Stay focused on what the fans are saying. Unless a request is unreasonable, say yes whenever you can. No matter how exhausted you get, never let it show. And so on.
Beyond that, he walked me through every little detail where a rookie could easily slip up.
Right—he said if you just avoid going “Oh, really?” you're already halfway there.
I went over his most emphatic point one more time. Don't let the fans do all the talking. Speak first, and make the conversation feel like a genuine exchange rather than something one-sided.
I muttered it under my breath so I wouldn't forget, and when Jinbae hyung patted my back and told me it was time to head up, my heart dropped straight through the floor. I clenched my fists, doing my best not to let any of it show on the outside, and followed the staff down the corridor.
I'd walked this exact path during yesterday's rehearsal, but it felt like I was setting foot here for the very first time.
“And now, please welcome actor Lee Yeonjae!”
The announcer's voice came through from beyond the curtain. I took one long, deep breath and closed my eyes.
Let's do this right.
Feeling the sweat soaking my palms, I slowly drew back the curtain.
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“You can sit here. Shall I bring you some water?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
Guided by a staff member, I sank into the chair as if in a trance. My head was spinning. Even through the daze, I could feel it clearly—dozens upon dozens of gazes fixed on my face. Hundreds of eyes latched onto me every time I blinked. I'm managing my expression okay, right?
Did I just make a mistake?
Everything after the curtain opened was a blur, as if my brain had been dunked in bleach. The moment I'd stepped out, there'd been a beat of silence—then cheers and screams had come pouring down like a wave. All I'd managed to do was recite the lines from my script like a robot. I thought I'd smiled. I thought I'd bowed. But I honestly couldn't remember.
I wanted to ask Jinbae hyung whether I'd looked awkward, but where on earth was he? I couldn't exactly whine where's my hyung like a kid in front of all these people, so I just kept my fists clenched.
Pull yourself together. People are still watching.
After a brief round of stage greetings, I'd moved to the table set up for the signing itself. The first fan would be coming up any moment now. I consciously smoothed my expression into place.
“There are stairs, so please watch your step coming up.”
The guide called out to the person climbing toward us. I watched the figure draw closer and closer and squeezed my fists tight.
I have to speak first.
The plan was for the fansign to run with the table between us, each of us in our own seat, about a minute of conversation per person. I swallowed as I watched a very large hand grip the chair across from mine. Do this well.
I lifted my head with a smile.
“Hello, I'm—”
And then I froze solid.
“I'm really a fan, Actor-nim.”
“……What.”
“Aren't you going to sign for me?”
Standing across the table was a face I knew far too well. The tension that had been wound so tight in my face melted away before I could stop it.
“What is this.”
“I thought you might want a rehearsal. Ah—though the fan part is completely sincere.”
Watching him grin, I couldn't help laughing too. Shaking my head, I wrote the signature I'd practiced for days onto the paper.
“May I have your name?”
“Ahn Jinbae.”
“That's a very unusual name.”
“I hear that a lot.”
Chatting away like we'd never met before was oddly delightful. The countless stares still pressing against my face felt strange, but I wasn't anxious anymore. I wasn't alone.
“It's easy to catch a cold these days, so bundle up when you're out.”
“I will. You take care on set too, Actor-nim.”
My first fan—Jinbae hyung—made it through without a hitch. He was rising obediently at the guide's signal when he let out an ah and hurriedly sat back down.
“Could you put this on for me? You can take it off if it gets stuffy.”
Oh—this. The thing Kang Sehyun had told me about. I accepted the headband with deer antlers on it and carefully put it on.
“AHHH!! SO CUTE!!”
“What is wrong with your face right now.”
“Yeonjae! Look over here!!”
Maybe because we were closer now, the shouts from the crowd that had been a muffled blur earlier came through surprisingly clearly. It was a little embarrassing, but remembering Kang Sehyun's advice, I consciously lifted my head. I was turning this way and that, looking for whoever had asked me to look over—when a groan sounded right beside me.
“Oh my god, he's too cute….”
My second fan. I hurried to greet her.
“Hello. May I ask your name?”
“Kim Yuri…. Could you maybe write it as 'To Yuri-nuna'?”
“Of course.”
I checked only that the fan's name was written correctly on the signing page, then immediately looked up. Kang Sehyun had said to meet the fans' eyes whenever possible. Three days of practice paid off—while my eyes met hers and I spoke, my hand drew the signature all on its own. I poured every ounce of my attention into the person sitting in front of me.
“Was it cold coming here?”
“No, I was fine!”
“Dress warmer, then. It's the season for catching colds.”
The conversation was neither as awkward nor as extraordinary as I'd imagined. It was just an ordinary chat. And yet the eyes of the person looking at me were sparkling.
“Your eyes….”
“Sorry?”
“Your eyes are so pretty. They sparkle.”
By then I was already on my fifteenth fan. Strangely enough, every single person's eyes had been beautiful. They all looked like glittering jewels. I'd been marveling at it the whole time, and eventually I couldn't hold it in—the words just slipped out.
At my words, the woman—she looked to be in her late twenties—welled up.
“You're the pretty one, Bambi….”
“Thank you.”
“I've loved you since your Zelkova Tree days! And I joined your fan club just recently!”
“Oh, really?”
Gasp. I'd said it—and startled by my own words, I clapped a hand over my mouth and apologized in a rush.
“I'm so sorry.”
“Huh? For what??”
“What I just said. I was told not to do that.”
I'd been on guard the entire time, but the moment my guard slipped, out it came. If I could have, I would have turned back five seconds. I searched her face, worried I'd offended her—and she frowned like she couldn't understand at all.
“What you just said…? Don't tell me it was the 'Oh, really?'”
“Yes. I'm sorry. Did it upset you?”
“…….”
The fan bit her lip hard, like someone desperately holding something back. She must have been really upset. As I fumbled for what to do, she shook her head with visible effort.
“No. You're perfect. You're flawless. Never let anyone make you feel small….”
And with that, she wobbled her way back down the stairs.
I really, truly need to be more careful from now on.
I steeled myself all over again as the next fan came up. And yet, strangely, my heart kept softening. Everything that came out of the mouths of the people facing me was warm—warm to the point of burning. Their eyes sparkled, and their flushed faces were lovely. Sitting perfectly still, my body kept flinching with the feeling of floating, weightless, somewhere above the ground. I could feel the corners of my mouth going slack like an idiot's.
“I even set my phone wallpaper to you. Every time work gets rough, that's what I look at.”
“What is it at work that's so hard on you?”
“Um…. All of it?”
Her eyes rolled around as she answered, and it was so cute that a laugh slipped out of me.
“I hope at least one thing gets better. I hope work isn't wearing you down too much.”
“……Yes! I'll keep at it, nuna!”
Every conversation was a joy. Even though it had been announced in advance that I wouldn't be accepting gifts, the fans climbing up to my seat all came with their arms full. I looked—and it was all props: headbands, bouquets, hair ties. I took the props they offered so carefully and put them on without a moment's hesitation, and as the event went on, the items got more and more creative. One headband with ears drooping all the way to the shoulders was adorable, but the ears covered my hearing and kept getting in the way of conversation. Since I couldn't make out what the fan was saying, I held one ear up with a hand.
“I'm sorry—what was your name again?”
“Han Jiwoon! Um, Actor-nim, I'm… I'm really your fan. Thank you so much for acting.”
Most of the fans were women, but men came up now and then too. A boy who looked like a high schooler spoke shyly.
“Watching your acting gave me a dream, Actor-nim. I just changed my intended major to Theater and Film.”
If I'd heard that a few days ago, it would have felt like a weight on my shoulders. But maybe it was the effect of looking someone in the face—the warm words felt like nothing but a gift.
“I hope there's a day when we get to act together. When that happens, I'll work hard to remember you and greet you first.”
“Oh—thank you! You don't have to remember me! I'll just tell you who I am!”
This fan had a remarkably loud voice. When I complimented his projection, he stamped his feet in place, giddy. That misty, drifting look of his made me laugh without meaning to.
“See you next time, Jiwoon-hyung.”
“…!”
The fan covered his mouth with both hands. Even so, the cheeks rising above them were impossible to miss.
I lost all track of time, absorbed in the fans. When I finished signing for the last one, my hand was tingling and I wondered why—then was stunned to hear that two whole hours had already passed. Even when Jinbae hyung said it was time to go down, my feet wouldn't move. To the fans crying out for me not to leave, I bowed again and again in apology before finally stepping behind the curtain.
“How are you feeling, Actor-nim?”
“…….”
My head was so full of things to say that no words came out at all. Jinbae hyung just patted my back and told me to go home and rest well.
In a daze, I made it home and washed up. Then, to Jinbae hyung, who'd stopped by my room to tell me to have good dreams, I whispered softly:
That I felt like I was already dreaming.
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At the very moment Lee Yeonjae was murmuring with Ahn Jinbae, the internet was erupting into a night of pure frenzy.